User:Skid 40145/Article about stuff

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This page is a work in progress
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
This page will be re-checked on 24 August 2008

--63.135.134.222 07:18, 17 August 2008 (UTC)Halsoft

Link The Legend of Zelda

Link is a completly nonfictional character and is the main character in games from Sony's The Legend of Zelda series. His parents were both Japannese, Shigeru and Miyamoto. Depending upon who you ask Zelda either sold 4.7 copies or 47 million copies city wide, if you were still wondering the answer is 4.7 copies, and they were all sold to the same person. The first time Link made an appearance was in the Hylian Hospital. His first video game was called The Legend of Zelda, leading to many people naming their character Zelda in confusion. Besides the Legend of Zelda Link has appeared in many other more popular games. His unpopularity led to wide demonstrations where any merchandise having to do with The Legend of Zelda franchise was burned leading to an upswing in net sale income, forcing the parents of Link to think it was because they actually liked him. He later became a celebrity with a drug addiction and placed his signature next to Master Chief and Banjo Kazooie.

During interviews Link likes to describe himself as a young Hylian boy, or Kokiri child depending upon what game he appears in, from the fictional land of Hyrule. His age varies depending on the game he is currently starring in. His personal doctor says that it's a side effect from being dropped on the head and eating magical shrooms. His appearance is known to change drastically whenever he weilds his Master Sword, toothbrush, while holding the item he is a punk ass teenager, and while on the toilet he is a young inocent murderer. He is often known to travel through the land of Hyrule during hulucinations, defeating evil forces and Hyrules townspeople for Ganon. While sober Link defeats Ganon using olny his fairy, Master Sword, Ocarina of Time, Light Arrows, Ice Arrows, Flame Arrows, Hookshots, Iron Boots, Magic Boots, Potatoe sacks of varying colors, elbow greese, blood, sweat & tears, chocalate, Death Note, and several other unmentionable objects. These items are usually obtained after mainy trials and tribulations, just like in Pheonix Wright.

Aside from his strange appearance Link has never before spoken on camera aside from his few yelps and grunts, he usually choses to comunicate by using olny the nod of his head and the hilt of his mighty broadsword. His facial expression was olny visible while on the John. The fact that Link even has a face is under much dispute. Links personality is based upon his childhood experiences like most children, leading most people to wonder exactly what kind of upbringing he had. The Video Game directors wanted the viewers to connect with Link, a psychopathic crazed murder with the ability to shape shift into anything from a young child to a Deku scrub/Zora rockstar/Moron rockeater to a angry confused teenager, kindoff like the kid next door. Although at the end of most games the similarities have ended and Has become vastly powerful and skilled in magical arts and being a bad ass Dungeon Master.

Since the Director became crazed after that one night with Zelda, Links of and on and then on and on girlfriend, and started to muddle up the plotline until it no longer made any since at all. To fix this corporate fat cats paid Bill Gates to come up with a solution to this problem. After three months of not bathing the answer came to him. There would have to be several iterations of Link in the history of Hyrule. Then Bill went even further and made it obvious on many occasions for example, The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, where Link goes Castaway, and the introduction sequence shows that their is another person with Links exact appearance, name, decendance and demeaner of the Link in the said game. But it is stressed that they are not the same person, just really really similar. Bill Gates even goes on to say that Zelda and Link are reincarnations of Zelda and Link. But the Director made the fatal mistake of asking Bill Gates for help with the plot bridging while he was working on Microsoft Word 2000 and accidentally made a chronology chart that was out of order and released it publicly and declared it canon. Some hardcore fans have even went far enough to attempt to construct a coherent Zelda Timeline which usually ends in tears and straight jackets. After creating the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, the Director decided that it would be the first game in the series, hence: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time-The Legend of Zelda-The Legend of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link-The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past-Legend of Zela: Oracle of Ages-Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasoning-The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker-The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass-The Legend of Zelda: Rehab. Turns out this is also wrong and led to many fangirls commiting suicide on Links Birthday, which was two weeks after the day they killed themselves.

When asked about the shitty shell shading in the Wind Waker the director said that he was trying to find a look for a young boy that would appear to be a young boy that would be like a young energetic boy and would have the right style that would create the character of a young boy. But he also needed a voice actor for the young boy. Even though he never speaks he has at least a four actor minimum for each game. Their names are unimportant the olny thing that you need to know is that they usually olny record phrases for people that are not Link, grunts, battle cries, and other sounds that are not normal for anyhuman regardless if its just fantasy. Link has been heard saying the phrase, "Come on!". This is in no way intended to be sexual at all for sure. Voice acting in the series has been deliberately limited as to not "contradict players' individual interpretations of the character". We think that its just a bunch of Bullshit and that we should buy a thesaurus or something.

Link, like Harry Potter, is self indulged and claims to be "humble", but still somehow manages to posses large quantities of drugs and bravery, which is an attribute not usually given out consistently with his role as the rightful bearer of arms or Triforce of Courage. The character is known in later games as the hero of time again a contradiction to and of itself. He is often presented as a heroic vocally retarded lovesick teenager that is a polite well manered smart alec with a witty charm unlike that of roadkill.

He likes to callhimself the rightful bearer of the Master Sword/Toothbrush, which is a powerful and battery powered light up multipurpose cavity stick which he weilds to defeat the forces of evil. He often shows rare and unique moments of high boldness and bravery dailly. He challenged Ganondorf to protect his stash from border patrol right before he accidently walked up to border patrol and said he had weed but was going to hide it in his socks. This caused damage and he basically handed Ganon the Triforce and said here you go sir, now I'm going to take a nap.

Now onto a completly unrelated topic, the NPCs in Zelda. Link can often be seen swinging his sword at unsuspecting innocents. The fact that he can still Z' target the NPCs and not injure them in any way pisses him of greatly. Link can often be seen swinging his sword and having it bounce of walls while the NPCs taunt him with unblinking stares, in fact, just writing this makes me want to kill them. The Director likes to claim that all interactions with such characters are freindly but we all know what happens in the bedroom, It turns out Link doesn't need one to go to sleep at night. In fact Link has never been seen sleeping.

Back onto a subject actually related to Link. He has many claimed fathers and mothers, including a uncle that would most likely raped him if not for the fact that he had been killed by Ganon. His mother who was never seen is thought to be a ploy created by the Deku tree to taunt Link and ultimately force him to leave the forest. He also has a Grandmother who raises him in his parents unexplained absence after their untimely death, he has a grandfather in the Midget Cap. The largest, not fatest, of his relatives is his sister Aryll, she plays a critical role in the plot of their afternoon at the park, providing the plot twist, spoiler warning: She eats a hotdog!!1! However his parents have never been shown ever. For unknown reasons. Whats that smell coming from the ventalation duct.

Besides being known for being consistently inconsistent, he is known for his bubble gum chewing skill, sumo wrestling, MCing at Dogfights with Mike Tyson, and boomerang accuracy. His skill with the boomerang has led some fans to believe that he may even be Australian. Another fact is that in the video game The Adventure of Link he is celebrating his sixteenth birthday but is considered non-canon because he doesn't have a car. Every Link, because he has clones, always wears a green patatoe sack, a belly shirt (usually white, red, brown, or green. The shirts all started out white when he bought them.), he also like to ware long floppy green caps on his head, it is common sight to see him wearing tights to show his love for ballerinas. He has long pointed ears just like an elf cleric. After a while Link became so assumingly popular he even appeared in the New York Times best selling card Game Pu-Gay-emon, his description said that the pointed ears were from that time in Mexico, and frankly he doesn't want to talk about it. The older version of Link usually wears large red Diamond Triangle earings, as is the Mongolion fashion. He has a Triforce mark on his left hand, which is actually the result of an odd bong accident.


This page is a work in progress
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
This page will be re-checked on 24 August 2008
Personal tools
projects