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The Bible, Book review. (Unfinished)
1: Good evening, tonight on critic’s corner we look at the Bible currently the best-selling non-fiction, book of absolute truths, containing hundreds of absolutely, possibly non-fictional stories. I’ve been reading this recently. I think you’ll like it. Although I must warn you at times it does get a bit far fetched, a bit tiresome. I suppose you could class it as children’s fiction.
1: As you know I don’t normally read fantasy novels. Think Lord of The Rings, but with fewer pigmies, and no violent gnome people.
It’s not particularly original; the Old Testament section is basically Anne Frank in the desert.
2: I’ve already read that book. To be honest it’s not really my cup of tea. Too much tits and violence. I prefer Rupert the bear There’s so many plot holes, you can tell Dan Brown wrote it.
1: Are there any parts that you like?
2: Well, I really identify with Satan. We’ve got a lot in common. We both talk about hell, we both wear black. To be honest I think that God character’s a bit pompous, bit of a bastard really. Don’t like him at all. I’ve absolutely nothing in common with people like that.
1: I know. At least Satan will have a drink with you
2: Yeah he seems a nice bloke Satan.
1: I mean ok, after this ‘pleasant drink’ he’s going to send you to hell. And it’s probably your own blood you’re drinking, but it’s still a nice gesture.
2: I found Satan to be a lot more down to earth than God.
1: Yeah I mean ok he devours souls, but at least he’s polite. At least Satan will say “good morning I’m Satan, I’m here to take your soul” whereas God just smites people with lighting bolts, or cancer, it depends what he’s been drinking.
2: Satan’s a lot more straight foreword. He doesn’t play any of these fucked up mind games that god seems to enjoy.
1: He may be totally evil but at least when he steals souls he’s out there engaging with the community. When was the last time god took at interest
2: At least he’s giving something back.
1: I know. You get a receipt from Satan when he takes your soul. With god you don’t even get a Christmas card.
2: God can’t even be arsed to meet you in person when you arrive he just has some bloke with a clipboard standing there. At least Satan devours your soul in person.
God’s more elitist than Satan he has unrealistically high standards. He wants no drinking, no murder, no prostitutes. What does he expect you to do with your life?