User:Simsilikesims/Uncyclopedia:The Caste System

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This is an essay. It is not an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia, so you should ignore it even more and disregard the mad ramblings of its writer. Or you could submit it as an Uncycloversity assignment in lieu of actually doing any work.

Here is the caste system for uncyclopedia.

                              ADMINS <-one day
                               /  \
                        /            \
                   /                     \
                  /   \                   HELPERS <-you might be here
              WINNERS  \
                 /      \
                /      lOSERS/SOLDIERS
               /          \
            /               \
       /                      \
      /                      AVERAGEJOES
 NOOBS<-you are here


edit Information

  • THEFIRST: Were the first people on Uncyclopedia when it was not funny and shaped how it works today. Right now They are retired admins and stuff of legend. The first left about 1 million years ago and may return to shed their light on us. If you see a the first then bow down.
  • Admins: They're cruel, rule with a iron fist, and enjoy cookies. Well they're evil and punish noobs, but will guide us into the infinite beyond. These leaders of Uncyclopedia punish us but they are still are leaders and (don't tell them I said this) they might be fascist. Oops. And they have horrible banning tools that will make any noob cry. In the second generation of Uncyclopedians they could only ban you if you vandalised a article, but now when they find you they could ban you on another wiki.Believe it.
Hitler speaking

No don't worry they won't become dictators like this guy.

  • CHUCKNORRIS/OSCARWILDE: Even though they are gods they still not as good as the adminsand thefirst but we still like them and we worship them, give them quotes, and the ability to huff kittens. These gods are the fabric of Uncyclopedia but the reality is it's just microchips and wires like Robots, Sophia, and wikipedia.
  • COOLEDITORS/CELEBRITIES: You have to know these people as they are life to Uncyclopedia and they fix what needs to be fixed and just hang around just to be known like you! They probably have a entire hall of awards as well as a Hall OF JUSTICE, robot versions of people, dream about killing Tom Cruise, had sex with Lindsey Lohan about 34 times, and are extremely gay.
  • THEBESTEDITORS: Don't get me started on these crackheaded wannabes.
  • HELPERS: These people have probably helped you about a billion times. But lets owe it to them for changing the way Uncyclopedia works.They may rewrite articles for you and not get shit back or a simple thank you.If they help a lot of poeple they become a COOLEDITOR/CELEB.
  • WINNERS: Omg i won teh reward 4 being totaly RetaRTed 4nD 1 goT 4 cul N1nj4 * 4nd 4 PupY yaH. (Thank you very much for this reward, Thanks to all my Fans for suppoting me as well as my family. I could see that its a Ninja Star and it will look cool in my Hall of Rewards and Trophies). (Yes. . Yes. . Yes I won oh thank you god I finally beat Duff at somthing thaaank you). This win this Victory was a major success we finally beat Skynet and loss about 4 billion poeple, but the real win is when we set the internet back up so we can watch are youtube yesssssssssssss!!!
  • LOSERS/SOLDIERS: Well nobody cares about these guys as they lose in competitions and try to protect us from the fascist wikipedia forces. Well they do need respect as they are needed to make us winners feel good and to make us safe from Wikipedia. Losers tend to be forgotten and are "booed" at as soldiers are treated as 'you killed innocents at Wikiridge, and the Governnment spends thousands on you'. Well do you want to join the Army. Well if you wanted to join the UNarmy
  • FARMERS/MERCHANTS:These poeple grow articles for us, and sell them so HELPERS, COOLEDITORS, THEBESTEDITORS can raise them and fix them. cabbage articles are grown weekly as Oscar Wilde quotes are grown monthly. They deserve to be higher then LOSERS/SOLDIERS and are seen in the various fields of Requested Articles.
  • CITIZENS:These people are controlled by admins and pay there undying loyalty to them they would even take a bullet as well as a arrow, rocket, shotgun blast to the face, and Spider-man 3. They tend to think admins care about them but then again who does. They live every where in Uncyclopedia City and work at the local K-mart, Wal★Mart, People's Republic of China, McDonalds, Burger King, and local Strip malls. They're even your dog.
  • GRUES/NEWPEOPLE:Grues are wonderful little critters that will swallow your heat and beat you to death with it. NEWPEOPLE are afraid to ask questions and suck at making articles. And tend to fall down to the NOOB position. And Yes there GREEN AS GRASS (yes, Gears of War reference). Do you know why Grues are so close to the Bottom , because they killed an Administrater and there whole caste system was put below CITIZENs. While NEWPOEPLE are only NEWPOEPLE for ten seconds as they quickly fall to the NOOB position. The most time ever being a NEWPERSOn is 10 frik'en seconds!
  • NOOBOFTHEMONTH: there the best for being a NOOB and deserve recognition for it as they adopt-a-noob and get rewards for it. If there to good at being a NOOB they go up all the way to WINNER.
  • AVERAGEJOE: This caste position is the most retarded and makes a brainless redneck look like frik'en Steven Hawkeye I mean Hawking. They make being a CITIZEN fun. The only thing that separates CITIZEN from AVERAGEJOE is that they lack lives, wifes, guys, lives, and balls. Seriously who puts thisthe mexican wombat drinks tequilla and walks seven miles to get to work. WTF, what the hell was that they make Lindsey Lohan look regular and she's not even a person, Oscar wildes retarded stepbrother look smart. there population number is retarederghs.... see even when describing them it makes you retgbipjved.
  • VANDALS/IP'S: These are the outcasts of Uncyclopedia society. They either registered, and then EPIC FAIL! or else never even bothered to join as an Uncyclopedian at all. The difference between VANDALS and IP's is that VANDALS never learn from their mistakes, and have a lower average IQ than an IP. Like their real-life counterparts, VANDALS delight in spreading Graffiti all over the Uncyclopedia, and replacing content at random with random randomness.
  • NOOBS: NOOBS, they write shitarticles like how to:ride in a car or Oh tay oh wait I wrote that nevermind that and worry when noobs will fall to be a VANDAL/IP but dont worry McGruff The Motherfuck'in crime dawg is on , it bust'in caps in there Bitch asses. They are borned as NEWPOEPLE but then turn into VANDALS/IP'S if they don't survive McGruff the Motherfuck'in crime dawg in tha hood son (ok thats getting old), or they become Citizens and NOOBOFTHEMOTH I mean MONTH. To Become a NOOb write a Shitarticle called The Caste system. This whole article is created by a NOOB. One day NOOBs will take over the world but not today.
  • SOCKPUPPETS: These pretend to be NEWPEOPLE but they are usually just VANDALS in disguise, or users under the BAN of Shame who think that this disguise will cover their dirty deeds, and redeem them in some way. They are usually found out by the ADMINS and given the infiniBAN.

edit Cancelled positions

Much like Infinity Ward there was some cancelled caste positions such as:

  • Scientist: Well they didn't technically left they just went on vacation for a long time,just to think about it they never seem to answer our phone calls.
  • Redneck: They would paint there necks read as a form of a mating ritual left because we painted red square and we're out of red paint at home depot.
  • Brains: Left for vacation to Cancun.

edit How to know your position

Is it doggy style or regular? First check to see if your patting yourself if you are good job, check your Chatroom, pee review, military position, and Overlord position and it should be on there. And Remember keep your shades on they make you look cool! How to tell:

  • In the chatroom: If you type 10 lines or more without any response, or if someone asks you who you are, you are a NOOB.
  • In Pee Review: If you get a score of 20 or less combined, you are a NOOB. If you don't know how to use the Pee Review table when doing a Pee Review, you are a NOOB.
  • Military position: Check your user page for the medals you have been awarded for useful military service. If you have not been awarded any medals or ninjastars, you are a NOOB.
  • Overlord position: If you are not an admin and do not have rollbacks, you are probably a NOOB.

edit Let say you're New here

And you found this article by mistake and your saying what the Hell.Well listen here I will give you some advice go visit Uncyclopedia for a while and come back here or you can study this so you won't look like a n00b. Hey your Ok you automatically fall into the NEWPEOPLE category and use this page as some advice like if you want to know what the fuck are Admins look for a while really get a look at this article because humor doesn't go to you and slap you in the face and say laugh bitch,laugh or does it.

edit How to climb the ladder

The Caste system is much like Capitalism in fact it is. First you must join Uncyclopedia if you did good job if you didn't, you're an IP. Next you should either kill the next guy with a gun or buy him a drink and put 70 pounds of sugar in it and bingo instant Diabetes. Later you should defend your title and never drink the coffee some stranger just gave you as well as never take of your bulletproof vest.After you done that sit back and huff a kitten or masterbait or do something you can't never be seen doing nothing.Believe it. Later once you did everything I told you go buy some Cookies for the Admins.Once you did that and you in the position you like relax and smell the Ashes as your waffle is burnt no seriously go.

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