User:Simsilikesims/The huge washing machine of the cosmos
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edit Fundamental Principles
The huge washing machine of the cosmos is a natural manifestation of the common garden washing machine and operates on similar principles. While the ancients discovered the washing machine well before other useful inventions (most notably fire) the basis on which the washing machine works was not discovered until more recently.
In 1987, the US government introduced a new law on cleanliness that lead to a major crack down on the hordes of unwashed academics and hackers filling up valuable governmental and educational institutions. The army was mobilized to uphold order and social stability as the angry academics resisted nationwide. One particular research group managed to barricade themselves into their MIT lab using 25,200 beakers and 40,000 test tubes filled with an explosive mixture of Dihydrogen Monoxide and ethanol. None of them survived.
As the social chaos persisted, a new law was passed that authorized the military to wash the rebels out at any cost. The result was many thousands of academics were simply thrown into the 50 foot washing machines and left to spin dry. Financially, many academics will argue that nothing has changed.
As fate had it, one highly respected group of dirty theoretical physicists were also thrown into the great drum. Among them was a young, now famous physicist, Mrs. Wishy-Washy, who had graduated from the University of East Anglia in the United Kingdom. Her lifelong ambition was to understand the laws of special relativity at the heart of white holes and toroidal Universes, as well as her pursuits in the long forgotten art of finding lost-in-wash socks.
As final spin was initiated, our young genius made her greatest realization and luckily for us managed to leave her legacy on the inside of the drum written in blood. It took a team of forensic experts to decipher the bloody stains but eventually a Lorentz transformation matrix was recognized. The long standing problem had been solved.
Modern physicists now know that washing machines don't work because of soapy water filling with dissolved washing powder. Instead during final spin, the edge of the drum spins at incredibly high speeds and by breaking the laws of normal physics, the outer clothes exceed the speed of light and so go back in time. Clothes get cleaner because they get newer.
This hypothesis was tested in 1990 by a German laboratory who put a couple of woolly jumpers in the wash and after 2 days high spin produced a flock of very wet sheep.