User:Simsilikesims/The Caste System

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This is an essay. It is not an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia, so you should ignore it even more and disregard the mad ramblings of its writer. Or you could submit it as an Uncycloversity assignment in lieu of actually doing any work.

Here is the caste system for uncyclopedia.

                              ADMINS <-some day you might be here
                               /  \
                        /            \
                   /                     \
                  /   \                   HELPERS <-you might be here
              WINNERS  \
                 /      \
                /      LOSERS/SOLDIERS
               /          \
            /               \
          /                    \
     IPs<-you are here       N00Bs <-you should be here

edit Information

  • THEFIRST: Were the first poeple on Uncyclopedia when it was not funny and shaped how it works today. Right now They probably Admins now (thats a myth) and if there not its stuff of legend. The first left about 1 million years ago and may return to shed there light on us. If you see a the first then bow down.
  • Admins: There cruel, rule with a iron fist, and enjoy cookies. Well there evil and punish noobs, but will guide us into the infinte beyond. These leaders of Uncyclopedia punish us but they are still are leaders and (dont tell them I said this) they might be facist. Oops. And they have horrible banning tools that will make any noob cry.
  • CHUCKNORRIS/OSCARWILDE: Even though there are gods they still not as good as the adminsand thefirst but we still like them and we worship them, give them quotes, and the ability to huff kittens. These gods are the fabric of Uncyclopedia but the reallly its just microchips and wires like Robots, Sophia, and wikipedia.
  • COOLEDITORS/CELEBRITIES: You have to know these poeple as they are life to Uncyclpedia and they fix what needs to be fixed and just hang around just to be known like you! They probably have a entire hall of awards as well as a Hall OF JUSTICE, robot versions of people, dream about killing Tom Cruise, had sex with Lindsey Lohan about 34 times, and are extremely gay.
  • THEBESTEDITORS: Dont get me started on these crackheaded wannabes.
  • HELPERS: These poeple have probably helped you about a billion times, for example your witting a article about monkies and you put monkies are live south of the border, so that makes them mexican and they put Rosie O'Donnell or Monkies tend to live in jungles of Mexico or South America and thats why there so drunk on Tequilla. and you look at yours and say what the hell did I write. then you say Who the hell changed my sentence... well its okay they hang around various Chat Rooms around Uncyclopedia City on 69th street.
  • WINNERS: Omg i won teh reward 4 being totaly RetaRTed 4nD 1 goT 4 cul N1nj4 * 4nd 4 PupY yaH. (Thank you very much for this reward, Thanks to all my Fans for suppoting me as well as my family. I could see that its a Ninja Star and it will look cool in my Hall of Rewards and Trophies). (Yes. . Yes. . Yes I won oh thank you god I finally beat Duff at somthing thaaank you). This win this Victory was a major success we finally beat Skynet and loss about 4 billion poeple, but the real win is when we set the internet back up so we can watch are youtube yesssssssssssss!!!
  • LOSERS/SOILDIERS: Well nobody cares about these guys as they lose in commetitions and try to protect us from the facist wikipedia forces. Well they do need respect as they are needed to make us winners feel good and to make us safe from Wikipedia. Losers tend to be forgotten and are "booed" at as soildiers are treated as 'you killied innocents at Wikiridge, and the Goverment spends thousands on you'. Well do you want to join the Army. Well if you wanted to join the UNarmy
  • FARMERS/MERCHANTS:These poeple grow articles for us, and sell them so HELPERS, COOLEDITORS, THEBESTEDITORS can raise them and fix them. cabbage articles are grown weekly as Oscar Wilde quotes are grown monthly. They deserve to be higher then LOSERS/SOILDIERS and by higher I mean weed. work in the fields of requested articules.
  • CITIZENS:These poeple are cintrolled by admins and pay there undyng loyalty to them they would even take a bullet as well as a arrow, rocket, shotgun blast to the face, and Spider-man 3. They tend to think admins care about them but then again who does. They live every where in Uncyclopedia City and work at the local K-mart, Wal★Mart, People's Republic of China, McDonalds, Burger King, and local Strip malls. There even your dog.
  • [[GRUES}}/NEWPOEPLE:Grues are wonderful litle critters that will swallow your heat and beat you to death with it. NEWPOEPLE are afraid to ask questions and suck at making articles. And tend to fall down to the NOOB positution (position). And Yes there GREEN AS GRASS (yes, Gears of War reference). Do you know why Grues are so close to the Bottom , because they killed an Administrater and there whole caste system was put below CITIZENs. While NEWPOEPLE are only NEWPOEPLE for ten seconds as they quickly fall to the NOOB position. The most time ever being a NEWPERSOn is 10 frik'en seconds!
  • NOOBOFTHEMONTH: there the best for being a NOOB and derserve regonition for it as they adopt-a-noob and get rewards for it. If there to good at being a NOOB they go up all the way to WINNER.
  • AVERAGEJOE: This caste posistion is the most retarded and makes a brainless redneck look like frik'en Steven Hawkeye I mean Hawking. They make being a CITIZEN fun. The only thing that separates CITIZEN from AVERAGEJOE is that they lack lives, wifes, guys, thys, lies, and a balls. Serously who puts thisthe mexican wombat drinks tequilla and walks seven miles to get to work. WTF, what the hell was that they make Lindsey Lohan look regular and she's not even a person, Oscar wildes retarded stepbrother look smart. there population number is retarederghs.... see even when describing them it makes you retgbipjved.
  • VANDALS/GANGS: "Remeber kids stay away from gangters or you will end up like a crackheaded-weedsmoking-fagot like your DAD". says Mcgruff the crime dog whos the bestes. "Hey Kids remeber writing dickhead on a article is stupid and do you want to end up stupid, remeber writing shitarticles is a no-no and beieng stupid and not funny is a Fuck-up the only Cool Gansters were the Mafia who kill with nice suits and Tommy Guns". Said McGruff the Best damn Crime Dawg in da Hood. "Hey cids w'anT 2 c Ma ArTi'cal on BatMan well DO yA". says User:ShitfacewhousescrackandneverhadaDAD. "thats stupid, see what happens when you mess with Mcgruff the Freak'en cime dawg punk-ass MOfo"says Mcgruff tha Motherfuck' crime Dawg in da hood.
  • NOOBS: And finally the NOOBS the worst pople on Mother earth they writhe shitarticles like how to:ride in a car or Oh tay oh wait I wrote that nevermind that and worry when noobs will climb to be a VANDAL/GANG but dont worry McGruff The Motherfuck'in crime dawg is on , it bust'in caps in there Bitch asses. They are borned as NEWPOEPLE but then turn into VANDALS/GANGS if they survive McGruff the Motherfuck'in crime dawg in tha hood son (ok thats getting old), they become Citizens and NOOBOFTHEMOTH I mean MONTH. To Become a NOOb write a Shitarticle called The Caste system.

edit Cancelled positions

Much like Infinity Ward there was some cancelled caste positions such as:

  • Scientist: Cancelled because there was no point in science as this site is retarded. (jk) They left because they're athiests and don't believe in Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, and I forgot this guys name he's the creator of the world and Built Human Kind in his image. I forgot his Name but is Dog spelled backwards nevermind.
  • Redneck: They would paint there necks read as a form of a mating ritual left because we painted red square and where out of red paint at home depot.
  • Citizen: OH wait they never left.
  • Brains: Left for vacation to Cancun.

edit How to know your position

Is it doggy style or regular? First check to see if your patting yourself if you arse good job, asre you really reading this, are you laughing at this if your not kill yourself well you can, check your Chatroom, peereview, military position, and Overlord position and it should be on there.

edit How to climb the ladder

The Caste system is much like Capitalism in fact it is. First you must give your superior a blowjob whether its male or female while skateboarding and juggling your balls even if your female and you got e-mail. Next relax and and smell the ashes as your waffle is burning. After just go to the Bank and pull out a dollar and go buy the admins a pack of cookies and they will happily raise you up. If you want to get even further to step one just be wearing a batman costume and make a statement about does this make sense. If you don't get higher then a VANDAL/GANG your dead because McGruff the goddamn crime dawg in da hood is going to get you even if you hide because here he's Jesus.

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