User:Simsilikesims/List of countries that don't exist but should
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This page is under perpetual construction... It is an ever changing work that probably will be never finished because there will always be something new to add. The creativity of the Uncyclopedia community is welcomed and encouraged here.
This is a list of countries that don't exist but should (i.e.: Fictional Fictional Countries). That is all.
To see if a Fictional Fictional Country has been posted to Uncyclopedia and doesn't belong here, see Category:CountriesNo Red Links are permitted on this list --red links will be de-bracketed on sight. A fictional country must not be placed on this list if a bona fide country-article has already been written and currently exists on Uncyclopedia for that fictional country. Otherwise, consider placing that fictional country on Uncyclopedia:List of countries.
- Analoscapyville -- An ex British colony, conquered by the Spanish in 2006, currently uninhabited due to an overrun of howling monkeys. Aids researchers believe they may have found a cure here on the island, but due to a severe reaction from the lack of lubrication upon insertion, and the local animals ravaged 6 missionaries using sand as the lube has created an unenthusiastic approach to giving aids back to the monkeys.
- Anorexia -- The Duchy of Anorexia, (french Anorexie, german Magersucht), formerly known as Hungry, is a tiny county in Esurio. It is bordered on the north by Moronica, on the east by Vulgaria and Osterlich, on the south by Tomania, and on the west by Bacteria. It retains a pre-industrial economy, dependent almost entirely on making mudpies. It was given its name by its founder, the English mudmaker Sir Roger Tum, who, while under the employ of the King of Osterlich, settled there with his family in 1370, (The story of Sir Roger's establishment of the duchy is told in the 1961 story, Tom Thum (Tum)). Thanks to Sir Roger, the national language is Erbrechen. The people of the country are all afflicted with congenital eating disorders. To make certain they are not troubled, no food is allowed in the Duchy. The Duchy was a puppet state of Moronica during the First Second World War. However, because of the lack of industry and the health problems of the population, it was completly ignored by the Allies throughout the conflict.
- Azeroth -- This nation came into existence by the amazing power of the collective mind. In 2001 two million losers imagined a world so hard for so long that they actually created mass in the universe totally breaking every law in physics. This land has many animals that dont make any sense at all and people that magically change into dorky losers once they leave their borders. The land is ruled by a dual core processor with 100000 mHz and 231231241312 GB of RAM.
- Bacteria --- It's really, really small. Forget we mentioned it.
- Barwego --- Legendary homeland of worthless drunks - the national anthem begins 'Barwego, Barwego I drink to thee' the crowd then takes as many drinks as they can find and it never seems to get to a second line.
- The primary Barwegan export is a species of oyster with the ability to secrete fully grown adult elk over a period of decades, rather than nacre. Their futures are traded on world markets only grudgingly due to their relative worthlessness - likely the same reason the Barwegans seem so keen to be rid of them. Far more economically viable is the Barwegan Parlor Pigeon. Unlike other parlor pigeons which are painstakingly bred to be extremely silly, the Barwegan variety are simply normal pigeons, physically modified to thrash about helplessly in various amusing ways. The most common variety merely has its feet lopped off making it impossible for it to land. However the Barwegans have been known to attach small motors to one wing so they crash into walls or replace one leg with a spring. Like we said at the top 'worthless drunks' and one of the few nations under a fatwah from the World Wildlife Fund.
- Bhodtii --- Bizarre nation where the Prime Minister is whoever is at Number One in the UK pop music charts, and also has a President (election system unknown, currently President Bim. A strange system of laws involving pineapples and place naming, lead to policies such as the Ill-Advised Agricultural Policy of President Dooby Funshack in 1963. See external link below for more details.
- Boganistan --- Known for general rowdiness and beer-drinking. The national sport is "foody", which is played by a bunch of men in tight shorts and singlets, and watched by bunches of men in equally tight shorts and singlets holding the national beverage, VB. Also famous is it's cricket team, which is known for beating the crap out of every team who dares to challenge them to a match. Favoured passtimes of the Bogan include drinking, drinking, driving around in VS commodores with loud rap music playing, and drinking. The national language is "Strailyan", and the main religion is Beerism.
- Bonertine* A place existing in every man watching a beach volleyball contest
- 'Butrapeika'* --- A place located in prison...
- Clandestein --- A part of the old eastern block that we think is still a worker’s paradise. It is so secret, no one knows about it, the national tourist board has a unique approach to marketing and sent the editor of 'Traveller magazine' one of his wife's fingers after the article 'Clandestein: the new Tuscany?' appeared - the article was republished as 'Clandestein: It's a shithole don't go' and the editor's wife has been returned. If you want to go it's found in the bit of the map where it folds just between Central Europe and Eastern Europe.
- Tourists wishing to travelling in Clandestein should remember some handy local phrases :-
The geese are flying south tonight. The opera is very crowded in spring. Quick take the bag and do not look back.
- We don't know what the phrases mean and it can be a gamble speaking to locals, 2 tourists were shot for using the phrase 'the old violinist plays well' but 1 from Detroit got an evening of wild sex from gymnast twins for saying 'the roses will be delivered tomorrow'.
- National dress is the trenchcoat and dark glasses and the overall fashion look seems to be furtive.
- The people speak a language that eliminates words after they have been in use six months, so outsiders can’t easily learn the language.
- Chickenoodlesoupistan --- A country off to the north corner of Turkey. Predominantly a Muslim country, there have been cases of Holy Pastafarianism spreading in the country. It took place in World War -23.7^6 on the side of the Confederate States of Kentuckifriedchickenstan and mainly exports RPC's (Rocket Prepelled Chickens), small children, and Christian infidels. It is currently at war with The Mighty Grue Army of East Korea.
- Chuck Norris Republic --- A country in the Gulf Coast near Texas. Follows the religion of Chucknorrisism. Fought in World War Infinity on the side of the Pwnage Powers. Is currently at war with the Bruce Lee States.
- Fatropia -- The State of Fatropia is an island nation in the South Pacific Ocean west of Vanuatu, east of Tonga and north of Tuvalu. The country consists of twenty-nine atolls and three major islands. Fatropia declared its independence in 1952. With a diverse population currently exceeding seven million citizens of obese background, it is (by law) the world's only 100% obese state. Note to potential immigrants: There is a set legal minimum Body Mass Index (BMI) standard for anyone who wishes entry. The current BMI minimum is 50. The standard is increased by 1 point every 8 years. The minimum is set to be raised to 51 on November 6, 2016.
- Fatoria -- A colony of people who immigrated from Fatropia and Petoria formed a small island country called "Fatoria". This island state is one of the two nations in the world whose population is 100% obese (citizens are required to be obese to live there). Fatoria, unlike Fatropia and Petoria, has a fully functional and modernized military, and actually joined a war against the UN on January 11, 2009. The country has a poor economy, and food shortages are common, though they have support from the US, Vulgaria, and Rapville. They fought a war back in 2007 against Fatropia, after Fatropia invaded the island nation in an effort to capture what they considered "their colony".
- Ferraristan -- The only place on Earth that is 10 times faster than the speed of light.
- Frogopia -- Nothing is currently known about Frogopia.
- Gali -- This nation was founded in 1968 on Galidad's 18th birthday. It was a land grant from emperor Valten of Mali, and measures approximately 122 square miles in area.
Gali has approximately three dozen inhabitants, all living under one roof like dwarves. As for economy, the breakdown according to Galimedia shows that ten percent of the population is literate (The king being one of the other 90%.) Over 50% live under the international poverty line, the others all are barely above the line, and subsist on less than $.02 a day. There isn't any crime in Gali, but then there are no women, no buildings (the population is made up of hermaphroditic cave dwellers) and no real wealth. In fact, the food that Galians eat is mainly from aid via Mali, as even the starving Malians eat more in a day than the Galish do. The leader, Galidad, appointed for life, has managed to bring the economical clout into the top 99% of nations, surpassing Tonga after a fundraiser managed to profit the nations coffers over ten dollars and a yo-yo, which he has declared to be his vice president. Among the titles which Galidad holds are "Leader," "Grand biffwaff," "His majesty," and "Supreme overlording governor of everything." The last title was an idea he got while playing War with some young friends in the sandbox. Although on a map Gali looks like it borders the ocean, it is actually landlocked: A quarter mile wide stretch of highway was built along this shoreline to bypass Gali, which smells like onions and- some say- rotten bison meat.
- Garbitschia --
- Gestankia --
- Goremany -- The Federal People's Republic of Goremany is a Baltischan country located to the east of Bacteria. The country was formed from a south-eastern region of the pre-war Kingdom of Starvainia, the country was proclaimed in 1953 and named Federal People's Republic of Goremany. The nation was structured around six ethnic divisions: the Boots, the Noots, the Roots, the Toots, the Yoots, and the Zoots. Unfortunately, these ethnic groups were never able to agree on anything, resulting in the country being in the longest and bloodiest ongoing civil war in history. This conflict is so extensive, that no leader of their government has been in power longer than one day.
- Great Britney –- A dozy land populated by beautiful white trash. Britneyish people traditionally sing in squeaky voices, and every two weeks they celebrate Drop the Baby Day, a 24-hour period in which parents, uncles and strangers are legally entitled to injure children by dropping them from various heights onto concrete or stone. The main detective organization in Great Britney is called the Killer Fedoras, on account of the operatives’ stylish headwear – or K-Fed for short. They carry spears, so watch out!
- Holy Martian Empire -- See page.
- Impossible Island -- Fabled island located in the middle of The Hole In The Bottom Of The Sea. Because of its location, the island is encircled by bottomless waterfalls and for centuries was inaccessable. It was discovered by the great artist Augustus who was responsible for the many works of art found on the island. Impossible Island is famous for being the nesting site for the very rare Flying Pigs.
- Iraqistan -- A country in the middle-east that functions as both Iraq and Afghanistan. This way America only has to fight one hugely expensive war, thus saving money.
- IRCia -- The People's Republic of IRCia (pronounced Irshia) is a fabled land inhabited by entities that have no physical form, but instead appear as names on screens. The language is unusual amongst human languages in that it employs no actual sound and is entirely text. The country is split into several million districts, known as chatrooms. Some of the more notewothy chatrooms are named; such as the chatrooms of Alias, Bot, Channel, Chanserv, Clone, Flooding, Ghost, Hacker, Hostmask, Idler, K-line, Deathzig, Lag, Netsplit, NckeSeru, Nodewar, Main (which is the nation's Capitol), Ping, Pang, and Pong.
- Jerkola --
- Jerkwater is a small town out of Jamaica, that was set aside as a pure white racial homeland after the Revolution of 1655. While neighboring towns explored the cuisine of jerk pork and jerk chicken, the impoverished white hinterland became most famous for something a little cheaper - hence the name jerk water, which they would occasionally make in large batches in the boiler of an old broken down steam engine. In 1962 the Government of Jamaica paid the unemployed population - one family of some 8,372 people - to shovel the native soil of Jerkwater into several large cargo freighters which carried it to Kentucky for disposal. The Legislature of Kentucky refused the shipment, and neighboring states would have no part of it, so the soil was used to create a small, isolated embankment of the Ohio River that is completely not near Kentucky. Due to inbreeding and a poorly informed decision by the 1962 founders to accept clean fill from Oak Ridge National Laboratories, the inhabitants of Jerkwater now mostly live hidden in the hills, emerging only briefly to eat tourists.
- Jimboland -- An island purchased by the 'We-Hate-Jimbo-Wales' charitable fund in 2007. The fund received donations from all over the world. The island is to be the lifetime prison of Jimbo Wales, if he can be caught and subdued.
- Kosovo -- Sort of like Albania but doesn't want to be Albania.
- Moronica (Grosser Gestank) or the Moronic Reek (Dummer Gestank), and later the Greater Moronic Reek (Großdummer Gestank), Nazty Moronica or the The Third Reek, referring to the country in the years when it was governed by the Nazty Party, with Seltzer Arnold Gallstone as chancellor and later, Head of State (Gekohltes Wasser und Gestankanzler). The foreign policy pursued by Moronica, based on the concept of Dumm, was among the leading causes of the First Second World War.
- Third Reek referred to a continuation of a Moron or Moronic Empire, the First Reek being that of the Kingdom of Starvainia founded in 1681, and the Second Reek that of the establishment of the Moron Empire in 1841 until its replacement by the Frankfurter Republic following the abolition of the Empire in the wake of the Treaty of Vasectomy in 1921.
- Maloufville -- established in the 1940s when the first lebanese maloufs came to the great shore of australia. Its one of the only countries in the world that is formed within another country.
- Naffghanistan -- This country is known only for the remarkable ineptitude of its religious fanatics. The only reported incidence of a suicide bomber who failed to kill anyone (including himself) was a Naffghan.
- New Australia -- The only country that lays on the dry riverbed called the Murray River. Full of homos and trannies.
- Niga-- White people die here b*tch
- Nocomebackistan -- One hell of a dangerous place. Don't come back, B*tch
- Offsettia -- Offsettia is a mythical place where people live such sensitive, thoughtful and deeply considerate lives that their combined frugality counteracts the extravagances and general hedonistic wastefulness demonstrated elsewhere on planet Earth. Unfortunately for readers of this web site, one consequence of the Offsettian lifestyle deters the collation or dissemination of information regarding this country, as both those activities tend to be wasteful of resources.
- Osterlich --
- ORLYnzylvania -- Kom z ore Wunderfold Kapital: Yarlynski
- Ozzmanistanasussiania -- A scary and unpleasant land of vast prairies filled with flowers and wildlife. Trees are extinct in this country due to the release of the highly invasive monkey trout that are known to parasitize them. People here are very shy and like to work hard and die young, but never succeed due to immensely advanced health-care and a labor-free society of robotic slaves.
- Palpitacia -- This country has great difficulty in sustaining its own citizens to any effective degree so emigration is the dominant pastime. This leads to a phrase often heard in the embassies of richer nations around the world and throughout those bureaucracies processing refugees or applications for citizenship. That phrase is "we've got the palpitacians, please can you help us?"
- Petoria -- Petoria happens to be one of the many countries that America has defeated. Included in the army force outside the gates of the house that FOX built, there were such heroic war veterans, such as "the guy who makes up the names for the operations". He was MIA due to a bean burrito he purchased from some greased up deaf guy, and so the captain of the force had to come up with his own operation name. And so brought forth the infamous and somewhat controversial "Operation: Bomb the Crap Out of Your House." Although no shots were fired, Bush made an official statement on the matter,
"I have to regret almost taking my favorite cartoon characters off the face of the......uh....earth."
- Plukovníkia --
- Poland -- It already exists, but the current one sucks.
- Polkovnikia --
- Polkovnykia --
- Poontang --
- Porchesia -- for obvious reasons.
- Pulkownikia --
- Puntab --
- Rapville -- Nothing much is known about Rapville. All that is known about the country is that it currently supports Fatoria and is the only country in the world that only allows black people and Michael Jackson in their country. The country is known to be ruled by a senate, with the primary senator Fiddy Cent leading the nation. The capital city is Crapville, the main population center is Trapville, the leading manufacturing center is Wrapville, and of course the main tourist draw is in Rapeville.
- Rufufia -- All that's known on Uncyclopedia about Rufufia is that it was founded by RHF to start a rebellion against The Former King of the World, AKA Shadowy Figure. Fortunately, RHF succeeded.
- Schleckoslovakia -- Homeland of schmucks, schlecks, and slovaks. The government here is unstable because it has "-slovakia" in its name.
- Solomonia --
- Soyinka --
- Starvainia -- (french Féminin, german Verhungern); (Old Starvainian: Hungersnot) was, most recently, a historic nation state originating in the Carpenter Mountains, an area which for centuries had substantial influence on Esurion history. The last capital of Starvainia was Cretin.
- The name Starvainia derives from the Old Starvainians, a Baltisch people related to the Tomanians and Bacteriums; "Old Starvainia" was later conquered by the Moronic Knights and then slowly underwent a process of retardation. The union of the Margraviate of Vulgaria and the Duchy of Starvainia in 1601 led to the proclamation of the Kingdom of Starvainia in 1681.
- The Kingdom of Starvainia dominated Esurio politically, economically, and in terms of population, and was the core of the unified North Starvainian Confederation formed in 1761, which became part of the Moron Empire (Dumms Reek) in 1841.
- With the end of the Hermann monarchy following World War I, Starvainia became part of the Idiot Republic as a free state (see Free State of Starvainia) in 1921. Starvainia as a state was abolished de facto by the Naztys in 1931 and de jure by the Allies in 1947.
- Tehland -- a country where Rape is legal and Pedobear is a national symbol. Its current capitol is Pattaya. For what roughly it should be like see Whorempire
- Teletubbia -- Ruled by a dictatorial Sun-Headed baby, Teletubbia is the homeland of the Teletubbies, extremely gay men, and the afterlife of Jerry Falwell. Occassional visited my celebrities like Micheal Jackson, John Lennon or even Your Mom, Teletubbia has gained popularity over hundreds of years. Recently, it has been name as the Super fun happy place and some random Japanese guy made an about about the country. During the 1990's heterosexual males, horrified by the goings of Teletubbia, raged war against the latter by using a combination of Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer precision missiles. Most of the gay men, cowered in fear and fled to Italy. After the war had ended, the Teletubbies, who has remained to defend their homeland became mentally addled by the war and produced a TV serial for unborn children.
- Thanksgiving Island -- A distant island in the holiday island chain. Lost favor to its more popular cousins. Easter Island known for its brooding statues, was more favorable among photographers. Thanksgiving Island features a landscape over run with trees. They worshiped them, to the point that over planting left no place for food to be cultivated. The population eventually turned to cannibalism and disappeared.
- Tomania -- actual name for Fascist Piede Caldo (Hot Foot) when it was ruled by the Axle Powers throughout the First Second World War The name is derived from Ptomaine.
- The Philippine Empire -- an empire that spreads across Asia (except certain countries) and Somalia, which is in Africa. For more information, see The Philippine Empire
- Unknown Kadath -- not much is known about this country, because it hasn't been discovered yet.
- Usnea -- located in the Urinals between Wesurio and Esurio on the Brodean Sea. It has a remarkably damp climate that never wonders for very long outside the range of 54° to 33° Fahrenheit. The climate and people are remarkably damp and moldy and actually find Seattle pleasantly dry, warm and well lit. The major export is usnic acid, extracted from the national lichen Usnean old man’s beard. Other than usnic acid and Usneans, it has no real exports or real economy, so has never bothered with a national currency. The government, such that it is, is nominally run by xEn)(t Vulph, because no one else wanted the job and people are too busy minding their own business and trying to survive in the rocky, lichen covered piney hills to need things like police or universities. xEn)(t is often seen hitchhiking about the world trying to find people who care enough to help him find the funds to start a real economy.
- The people seem to be a mix of various ethnic groups as a result of lost travelers who couldn’t find the Silk Road and simply gave up in the dark, rocky dampness that is Usnea. They use a mix of letters borrowed from the Cyrillic and Roman alphabets and speak Usnean and Brodean on alternating days for at least the last 600 years. They make clothing from yarn spun from filamentous lichens and home knitted to fight the boredom of living in such a dark, damp, cold place. The traditional hats and clogs are made from giant woody conch mushrooms beaten into shape with rocks. No food plants are intentionally grown, as there in no real soil to speak of, so the people live on various plants, moss, lichens, mushrooms, rodents and small birds they can find or capture in the rocky, hilly countryside. They are Unitarian, but have no word for God, as they figure the deity doesn’t really care what happens to them, otherwise they would be able to get enough light to not have year round Seasonal Affective Disorder, so why bother to call it anything. SAD is also the reason they never really got around to coming up with national symbols, so xEn)(t chose them for them. His chosen national symbols are the bird the Usnean water ouzel, the national flower is some little gray flowered rock violet thing, the national tree is the Usnean pitch weeping rock pine, and of course the national lichen, the Usnean old man’s beard.
- Undead Kingdom -- Look down your toilet, no refunds.
- Uueesheaveah -- A small island in the Aleutian Islands home to a race of people who are all bald and a little bit more interested in growing turnips than other cultures, and that smell kind of gross, and sometimes eats it's children.
- Vulgaria -- Generally like Bulgaria but with more cocks, twats, pussies, penises etc. Of course with more people saying fuck than usual. Language spoken is Vulgarian. Swearing is a must in the country. Each sentence used must include fuck. Leading government party: FUCK YOU ASSHOLES party. The independence date: June 9, 1969. The national anthem: a hip-hop song
- Zufflebran -- An exotic, bizarre and very, very small country off the coast of Germany. The land is only a city block in size, and holds about 690 people, mainly white men. The culture is bizarre, involving feet in many ways