User:Simsilikesims/Ice Cream Flavors Not in the Top 100
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Some flavors oddly seem to commonly, consecutively, consistently, and constantly miss the top 100 flavors offered in any frozen dihydrogen monoxide cream parlor. Despite their lack of unanimous favoritism, these flavors are still enjoyed by many thrill-seekers. Remember, despite encouraging words, this is not an ad campaign. Okay, okay, maybe a little. But seriously, they're better than they sound. Well, sort of.
Fruit & Vegetable flavors
Everybody knows how detrimental fruits & vegetables (and their high content of vitamins) are to your health. But we also know what is not healthy for you tastes great!
- Broccoli Swirl - Vanilla soy ice cream with delicious swirls of pureed broccoli stems.
Date Rape Surprise- Dark chocolate ice cream mouth-wateringly churned with ground Rohypnol. 22% chloroform by volume.This flavor was officially promoted to the Top 100 in July 2009, and is the fastest growing in popularity among ice cream flavors since Haagen-Dazs Appeasing Algae was introduced in 1873.
- Spinach Supreme - M, m, m, m, m green! This concoction is sure to stick between your front teeth. A favorite of Popeye.
- Three Bean Delight – This one sets you free. This multi-bean cream is whipped with air to produce popping sounds when you spoon it into a dish, which entertains senior citizens endlessly. There is still extensive research being done to determine why this is.
- Canned Pea Soufflé - This dream cream has that special tinny, mushy taste that can't be beet.
- Beet Fantasia - You just can't stop saying, "Made with shredded and pureed pickled beets, it's guaranteed to stain your teeth and tongue a perfect purplish pink!"
- Brussel Sprout Surprise - Your mom's favorite ice cream.
- Squash Sherbet - A favorite succulent sorbet of Squash players. Contains steroids.
- Wasabi White Chocolate - The perfect 5-alarm dessert for a stunning sushi meal.
- Carrot Cranberry Fruitcake - Served only around the winter holidays, it's the regift that keeps on giving.
- Tofu Custard - Guaranteed to make you the luckiest person at the potluck. Sub-varieties include tofurkey, mashed potofu, and tofato paste, among others.
- Ravishing Radish - Made with only strong and fierce radishes, this iconic dessert inspired Viking and pirate raids in medieval and colonial times. Contains Viagra. Contact your doctor if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours.
- Rutabaga-Turnip-Parsnip Crunch - Made with diced, sliced, chopped and julienned winter root vegetables and roots. Mmmmm... toasty!
- Grapefruit - Wear goggles when eating this ice cream because when you jam a spoon into the ice cream it will squirt you in the eye.
- Durian fruit - Smells like a dead corpse and tastes not much better. They say it’s an "acquired taste". Banned from fancy hotels and upscale bars due to the strong scent.
- Mossnificent – Not to be confused with Haagen-Dazs Appetizing Algae, which is the delicacy of the seas, Mossnificent is the delicacy of the trees. A popular flavor in Canada, the frozen moss sperm gives this ice cream an unforgettable cookie dough texture.
- Lichen Candy - fresh, top-of-the-line lichen is soaked 24 hours in the sugar solution, then buried for a week to harden the texture. It is consequently dug up, powdered, and added to the frozen cream to make this delectable treat.
- Toad-drool - Dissected frogs legs and grated toadstools are blended with curdled milk and the saliva of toads to create this wondrous mixture of flavors.
- Mush Rumen - Created by laxative-treated cats (See also Kopi Luwak) and stored in one of the stomachs of a disemboweled cow. The cats defecate in a room with ideal conditions for the growth of mushrooms. The high-end mushrooms are cultivated from the scat, and subsequently sautéed and blended with Metropolitan ice cream.
- Molderberry - peppermint ice cream with 3 bushels of moldy berries per quart(there may or may not be any berry left under the mold so every bite is a new taste sensation).
- Delicious diamond - This ice cream is a girl's best friend. Present it to your girlfriend for a reaction you will never forget. Guaranteed to break all your teeth while eating.
- Pearlescent Pearl - With whole and crushed pearls for a shiny tongue and cracked teeth.
- Crunchy gravel - Preferred by SUV drivers with a crunch you'll never forget. Known to provoke road rage.
- Luscious Lead - "If it doesn't kill you, then you're Chuck Norris (formerly Carlos Ray)!" Disclaimer: If you somehow survive, it was more than likely because you are a freak and haven't received medical attention (or any attention, for that matter), and are not in fact God. After all, there can be only one Carlos Ray
- Vanilla Copper - Made out of half vanilla ice cream and 2/3 a bounty of copper wiring. It’s a favorite of electricians. See also PVC Pecan and Conduit Confection.
- Lickable Lithium - This flavor is a favorite of Prius drivers, and is blamed for the fact that when you drive past a Prius, you hear a whining "...:::::iiiiiiIII'm gay!" from the engine. Or maybe it's the driver. Nobody bothers to ask, due to a rational fear of discrimination charges. A favorite of Tom Cruise.
- Tin (foil) Roof - Vanilla ice cream with chocolate covered peanuts, swirls of foil, and pop can chips.
- Silver Lining - Mica Rattan ice cream with tiny barbed silver caltrops that will melt in your stomach and line it with silver.
- Cavialanche - Fertilized fish eggs anyone? This delightful snack developed, sponsored, and advertised by the planet's 12th most intelligent life form: ALGAE!!!
- Spamtastic - this flavor once won the award for Most Likely to be Sculpted Rather Than Eaten. Also inspired a number of email viri.
- Infidel Fried Chicken - Why settle for baked or boiled when you can have FRIED infidels? Inspired several jihads and those who participated are said to have subsisted on nothing but this ice cream, which has an unexplainable property that keeps it from melting in extreme heat; a feat which has baffled 21st century chemists for epochs.
- Escargot Ecstasy - This delicious flavor will make your insides crawl at a snail’s pace. Offered only in France, Bosnia, Ethiopia, and your local automobile dealership. Yes, only yours. Which one? Ask him.
- Sluggish Surprise - These slugs didn't see us coming and were very surprised to find themselves dumped in a vat of ice cream. The next French taste craze.
- Seymour's Hickory Smoked Semen - Who is Seymour? Not me, not you, and nobody that anyone knows but the guy who stuck it in. It is rumored to be some guy with a last name of Butts. Related flavor: Apple Smoked Menstruation Sensation.
- Termite Cookie Crumble - At least 12 legs guaranteed in every bite! Ice cream blended with crispy termites obtained from a high-rise office building that a mob of the affectionate pests 9/11ed. Unfortunately for the termites all of the employees were smoking, and the building went up in flames, killing all of the critters inside. This however made our job easier- no cooking required! Warning: Do not eat wooden buildings. Limited time only.
- Angelic Arachnid - frozen spiders - the next great taste sensation! This flavor is already a delicacy in Siberia and Poland.
- Lutefisk - A Scandinavian favorite
- Monkey Tracks - Banana Ice cream with peanuts and honey roasted monkey toenails.
- Rocky Roadkill: Kitty Custard - Cocaine flavored ice cream with chocolate covered kittens and bits of assorted dried fruit. The most huffed ice cream in the world (brain freeze here I come). If you would rather not experience a brain freeze, we recommend also trying the Tempered Fiberglass Pink Insulation Sensation (see below).
- Scrumptious Shrimp Sorbet- An allegedly mouth watering blend of shrimp and smooth ice cream!
- Micecream Supreme- Mice found in only the finest knotholes are skinned and ground up in a blender, spun in a centrifuge, then tossed in Tilt-a-whirl, and finally stirred into an already flavorful ice cream. The bones make for a great "rocky road" texture, as well as exhilaratingly excruciating constipation!
- Fresh Mowed Dandelion- With Grass Clippings!!! - The complementary, complimentary grass clippings add just the right mulch of flavor when mixed with the dandelion roots, stems, leaves, seeds, petals, stamens, pistils, pollen, and flowers. Side effects: has been known to cause jaundice, an obsession with highlighters, and over-protectiveness of the troublesome weed.
- Vomit Comet - a refreshing blend of regurgitation, ice cream, and cyanide. Lactose-free orange sorbet also available.
- Exciting Excrement - a delightful blend of Number 2 and Number 3 from a variety of species, including lemmings, lemurs, and lemons. Shaken vigorously in a frenzy of excitement, and then frozen for private consumption.
- Kitty Litter Crunch - makes the perfect appetizer for kitten huffing.
- Pee Nut Butter Deluxe - Only the choicest nuts were permitted to urinate in this rich, buttery ice cream.
- Plywood Platitudes - Plywood splinters add just the right touch of sharpness to this deliciously banal ice cream. Melted and dried, it makes good particle board. It's as cliché as Oscar Wilde quotes and Russian reversals, which can be found adorning the pint, quart, and half-gallon containers of this inane ice cream.
- Hemp Hemp Hooray - Warning: do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery after eating. Do not perform tasks that require an attention span larger than that of a flea and do not perform in public after eating this ice cream; may cause failure of random urine tests and subsequent loss of job.
- Clag 'n' Slag - Clag flavored ice cream! Consists of flour, an adhesive solution, and children's tears double-churned with molten titanium; an unforgettable sensation!
- Tempered Fiberglass Pink Insulation Sensation - You think that's a mouthful? Wait until you spoon that into your mouth. It makes cottonmouth look like waterboarding. Black cherry ice cream with swirls of pink fiberglass. The fiberglass not only adds texture, but prevents brain freeze. Looks like cotton candy, tastes like asphyxiation.
- Nitrous Oxide - Hollow spheres of chocolate hold the nitrous until bitten into. The nitrous is then inhaled and you get that dentist office high. Recommended by 11 out of 10 dentists!