User:Simdawgmillionaire/UnNews:Upstart master race of whales set to take over the oceans?
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
31 May 2012
off the dark coast of, Mother Russia -- On Monday Scientists led by Erich Hoyt, co-director of the Far East Russia Orca Project discovered what they think to be next in line to be rulers of the seas. The new whale has been dubbed the “Iceberg Orca” due to their stark white colour and aggressive nature. “Iceberg Orcas are a symbol of all that is pure, wild and extraordinarily exciting about what is out there in the ocean waiting to be discovered,” Hoyt said in a press conference. Iceberg Orcas have been tracked all the way from the northern Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic.
Iceberg whales have become notorious in the scientific community for their aggressiveness to their fellow orcas. There have already been many extreme cases of Iceberg Orcas committing hate crimes against the coloured orcas. Most scientists aren’t very optimistic about the situation
“By the end of this decade expect all of the coloured orcas to be oppressed by the cold flipper of the white devil whale (Iceberg Orca) said one scientist.
The Whale community is already feeling the heat from the new kid on the block. Since discovery, poverty levels within common black orca communities (better known as hoodz) have increased by 20%. On Friday world leaders will hold a summit to decide the fate of this upstart species threatening the survival and safety of the aquatic world.
The process of deciding the fate of a species is going to be a long and slow one. “We can’t come to a decision too fast because one unpopular move could potentially ruin our careers” said one politician who wished to remain unnamed.
The common consensus is that that there will be a mass extermination of this species but another solution is quickly gaining support. A small but steadily growing amount of scientists, economists and civilians are supporting the belief that these Iceberg Orcas should be sold into captivity at SeaWorld San Diego. “It would solve this problem and potentially save the economy, that’s like killing two birds with one stone.” Said environmentalist Kyle Empringham “This could be a blessing in disguise”
Regardless of the outcome, humans will have a huge hand in resolving the situation; so maybe before we make any rash decisions on the fate of another species we should consider all the consequences and make an intelligent decision based on fact with the best interests of the planet in mind. Or let’s just sell them to SeaWorld and be done with it.