User:Siddhartha-Wolf/Michael Haneke

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Haneke

The HANEKE Device, observing and assimilating your every weakness into his databank for his next cinematic product.

Michael Haneke - or Der Haneke Vorrichtung, The Haneke Device - (created March 23, 1942 in Munich, Germany) is a Nazi doomsday device designed in the latter years of World War II as an instrument of psychological torture. Ostensibly a last ditch attempt to bring down the Western allies posthumously - assuming the Nazi military campaign failed - Haneke was created in such a manner that he would cause civilisation to crumble by calculating to an infinite degree all of its most mundane, depressive, and life-negating aspects, and processing bitesize chunks in the form of visual media for the consumption, and eventual suicide, of the previously well-balanced and high-spirited consumer.

edit Origins

Haneke was originally conceived of during a period of steady decline for the Nazis, in response to which Axis powers had turned their attentions to researching other form of warfare. Noting the effectiveness of Allied propaganda as a means of organising resistance with Nazi-occupied France, as well as the popularity of their own pre-war mind-control device, Lang, Nazi officials endeavoured to work on a new project, which they termed HANEKE - or <insert Nazi acronym> - to "(insert Goebbels spiel here)", as Goebbels own notes tell us. Finally the moniker "Michael" was chosen as a reference to the Archangel.

In April 1945, 2 months before the official end of the Second World War and 3 years after the HANEKE project had begun, the finishing touches were put to Michael in an underground bunker in Munich and the Second World War would unofficially continue to this very day.

==The Austrian Campaign==

The Seventh Continent (1989) - Clever marketing that. No, this is not a movie about Columbus' discovery of the New World of equal opportunity for all, as I myself thought. more here

Benny's Video (1992) - Again, clever marketing, this is no conventional home movie. more here

71 Fragmente einer Chronologie des Zufalls (1994) - The German title really should be a give away, but the combination of numbers and what seems easily translatable words is really just a sinister ploy. No, this is not a selection of hilarious gaffes and slip-ups by domesticated animals. more here

Funny Games (1997) - Again, Haneke continues to use one of the oldest tricks in the book. This is not a scrabble-themed rom com as the title would suggest to any bright, young Hollywood enthusiast. more here

edit The French Campaign

Code inconnu: Récit incomplet de divers voyages (2000) - The foreign language thing again eh? You'd think the audience would learn. Well, they did, except this time the liberal media-savvy middle class audience were wooed by the appearance of Juliette Binoche in Paris. more here

La pianiste (2002) - Too easy - pianists? The height of Western sophistication? Plus some saucy teacher-student action? Just too easy.

Le temps du loup (2003) - Isabelle Huppert + dystopian setting + guns and explosions = kerching! more here

Caché (2005) - Only one word to translate here - "oooooh it's hiddeeeennnn! what's hidden? where's it hidden?". more here

edit The Final Stage - The American Campaign, or One Final Kick to the Nuts of Love, Joy, Hope, Happiness and Kittens

Funny Games (2008) - Why change a working formula, eh? Why not just replicate the entire thing but change the language from German to English, and the action from Austria to America? Ausgezeichnet! I mean, excellent! See, you feel better already!

The White Band (2009) - more here

edit The HANEKE Effect

Haneke-effect-before

Life before contact with The HANEKE Device

Haneke-effect-after

Life after contact with The HANEKE Device

edit See also

In progress

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