User:Shmood3000/UnNews:Obama removes mentions of God from Bible, Romney restores mentions

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Shmood3000/UnNews:Obama removes mentions of God from Bible, Romney restores mentions

Straight talk, from straight faces

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Sunday, February 14, 2016, 04:32:59 (UTC)

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17 September 2012


Senator Romney bought McDonald's, converted Ronald McDonald and friends, and took horse meat out of the recipe.

AFRICA, Texas -- America was in total shock yesterday when Senator Barack Obama accidentally revealed a covert operation. According to Obama, the Bible was scheduled to be edited so that all mentions of God would be omitted. Shortly afterward, Senator Mitt Romney heard of this, and rushed over to Obama's campaign van. In protest of the mission, Romney stole the van and drove it off of a cliff. Romney was severely injured in the fall, and as he burned in the van, he threw an unedited Bible out of the window. His bodyguards saved Romney from the fire and made copies of the unedited Bible using a printing press and stem cells. Finally, Obama sent a giraffe to kill Romney by stomping on his heart. Romney was assassinated like Obama wanted, but in his death throes, he purchased the McDonald's franchise and converted Ronald McDonald and friends by squirting them with his blood. According to Romney's bodyguards, there are enough stem cells left from the copying of the unedited Bible to resurrect Romney.


Close inspection of this photograph reveals that Romney was wearing a wig when he was assassinated, one of the classic signs of a coked-up Republican.

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