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This image of a leaf was taken today, not today, but what was today when it was taken

Any day other than today, is a day which is not today, or to make it less clear, there are many non-today days, but there is only one non-other than today day, which is commonly known by people as today. Today is also yesterday and tomorrow for some people though that is not entirely true. Today is solely the current day and no other day even though yesterday and tomorrow was and will be today back then and in the future. Only today is really today in its strictest most defined and clarified meaning. Always think: today. Think: today, today, today!

Today is an abstract idea which lacks any connection to the impersonal physical realm. Try and find an example today within the particles of physics and the dna of creatures and you'll be awfuly dissapointed. There is no today written in any of it nor suggested in it's absence. It is a man made concept and today will dissapear once humans blow each other and civilisation into tiny tiny bits of radio active dust.

The "day" as we call it "23.434242345647582934787 hours" is only meaning ful in the context of temporal existence mixed with cultural and linear biases and scalable physical measurements with a pinch of empirical idealism sprinkled ontop of formulas and digits. The idea of today exists because our planet earth spins at least a little on its axis before circling its star. Even if our planet spined only once on its axis per year, the word today would still be a useful term as length of a day is not important to what constitutes the today but the fact that we can divide days in a meaningful way. Just imagine if the terran day lasted 365 of our actual days. Coming up with a calendar would be tricky and children would have to wait an awful long time for their Christmas presents.


This nice scene was taken a different day which was still today

Today can be quite proud of itself as at any given moment, the current day will be called today by anyone who is existing on that day and thus there are a lot of todays indeed. Today then, will exist for quite a while and people do who keep track of it all will always be confronted with the idea of today. Today is also quite modest and allows tonight to enjoy a part of the day, even though technically at night time it is still today. Today is considered vital for people who do important things on the current day. Today is considered vital when people decide if they will do something that day or postpone it to another day in the future. Most importantly, today saves lives. If one couldnt keep track of today, one would forget to take their vitamin pills or angina medicine, and would either get very pimply skin or die from internal bleeding, and so, the American Heart and Stroke foundation considers today as an essential day for the prevention of ruptured arteries, and the American dermatological society considers today as a somewhat important day for the maintenance of hydrated and blemish free skin.

The jealous and vengeful yesterday and tomorrow have always plotted against today. While they constantly remain a possibility, that is to say, the next day will always be tomorrow and yesterday will always be a day which is not now, both tomorrow and yesterday are always a reality just like today granting these two non-today days a perpetual existence. However, these days never realise what today always does, that is, its actual realisation. The problem goes that the moment a day passes on to the next day, that day is considered today and tomorrow is now the following day. Today wins once again and tomorrow coughs up the dust that today inadvertently kicks in its face. Yesterday on the other hand is the third place sore loser, which cannot even aspire to exist one day, as its existence is always over, always something that happened before and always something that will remain passed, and slowly forgotten. Yesterday would sabotage either tomorrow or today if it could. Yesterday would park a truck filled with tnt next to today if it could and sacrifice itself in an attempt to end the eternal first prize that today is awarded, however yesterday cannot do anything in the now, as it is strictly confined to the past. Yesterday does however serve some purposes, which are to remember ones sunny childhood and to tear open the wounds from awful memories of broken hearts, and yesterday does its best to make both as real seeming as possible. Yesterday is therefore considered an object of melancholy and rainbows for typical people who are more or less normal. Yesterday is known as "nightmares in my brain" by those with a clinical depression and those super awsome times in our 20s for people who had a life when they were young. Yesterday just never gets a break.


Nothing says today like a picture taken today

The etymology of today is as chipper filled with historical excitement and an almost sexy history from the beginning of the indo european language family along with unexpected twists and delightful surprises. Today is a combination of sounds shifting from one spectrum to the next, century by century, and with a move from prepositions to case endings to prepositions to compound word adverbial phrases to even its own special verb tense. Today is loved by grammar itself and is prized as an incredible example of inter related syntactical shift modding along with a bi syllable plosive stop in some accents, most likely those English accents which people consider the most beautiful. Today is not just a particle to serve in adverbial phrases, but is also a particle which can serve as every known function of grammar itself. It can be a subject, it simply adores being a direct object, it fits quite nicely as an indirect object. As a possessive adjective it simply shines exuberance and warms up sun rays. As a locative, it takes on an almost beyond super natural feeling, like that of Disney cartoons only with even far more colourful drawings and more seamless animation. Today is one of those words that cannot fail in any way, even if one tried to do so, for whatever reason it would be for a disturbed person to try such a thing. And it all happens without today even trying to do anything. Its as though today takes on a feeling of existence in a world where today is not nor could ever be tangent. Except, when today is written or takes the form of large block letters for corporate logos, which usually accompanies corporate greed and world wide bank merger bonus bail-outs. Today almost cries when that happens. Today makes up one of multiple words that give corporations their identity with such names as "Today Inc", "Today Co." "Today and sons", "Today Today Today" and "Today hyper integrated mass merger corp conglomerate industries systems solutions co. inc." That final one makes today cry for hours on end. But outside of this distrubing corner of our world, today is the word which reins over the glorious "now" and the perpetual "currentness".


This was not taken today, though it is lovely...isnt it?

German philosopher Emanuel Kant wrote one of his massive treatise on the subject of today by methodically documenting the perception of time, its relation to space, and how humans both perceive them both and their own experiences. After 800 pages of Kant thoroughly analysing every possible question or possible negation to his ideas, he ultimately builds up to the bold and strikingly original theory that today is indeed what we experience as today and not anything which we experience outside of today. It was considered a breakthrough in the transcendental gerrymandering of continental philosophy and a firm statement spelling out to all in no unclear manner that today is today and more radically that today is never "not-today", and he does so elegantly over those 800 pages of brilliant analysis, though he gives this all away in the introduction meaning one doesnt really need to read the other 799 pages. The book is useful for all sorts of problem solving situations such as ajared doors, lack of kindling and small back shelf libraries that need filling. While today is quite modest, it is also proud that someone wrote a 800 page book about it. Tomorrow and yesterday are relegated to novels and awful spirituality books that never analyse in any way the real concept of yesterday or tomorrow. Post modern writers attempt to undermine the idealist conceptualisation of today by explaining that today is meaningless and unconfirmable, to which the oceans of people who ignore their writings miss out on quite happily and laugh at them and their party pooping. Most mothers tell their daughters, never seriously date any man who doesn't appreciate what today is, and most fathers tell their sons to tell their girlfriends to stop waiting for tomorrow and get it all over with now in the today.

Different cultures have different words for today, and many Americans are quite shocked that today could be called a different word and not today. In all cases however, today means today and never anything else. Bhuddists have attempted many times to dispell the so called myths of today, however even they need to schedule things so they can get their free flights and meals paid for by their western leaders who hope to create an image of spirituality. Today is ultimately today and no philosophical debate will ever change that. As Kant said, dont forget, today is today... and eat your green beans up if you want dessert.

Today quietly and modestly continues being what it is best at being, which is today. The following is a list of quotes which are considered worthy of listing on a uncyclopedia article and are not designed to make people laugh:

  • Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
  • Seize the day.
  • I promise I will do it today(or some time soon)
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