User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2011/Catthecolourful

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Happy Monkey Competition Winter 2011

Pee reviews for: Cat the Colourful

Article: Being a pimp is a big responsibility

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Humo(u)r: 6/10

The article is funny throughout in its tone and there are a few moments I chuckled. At the same time there were no burst out laughing moments. I read the first draft you made and I found the humour better, funnier (even though it wasn't polished). The moments where you insult the audience have to be done really well, to find a balance between offending them and making them feel like they are a part of the audience.

Creativity: 7/10

There is definately creativity in here, ideas, but they need to be expanded beyond the see of the idea into something that one can put their finger on and say, thats it, great, brilliant. You have tons of clever ideas but they all need to be edited (or selected) and expanded on.

Images: 6/10

Im giving you a 6 for images, let me know if you chopped that photo with the nike in which case I will dramaticly increase this number. They are obviously famous people who were arrested, but, were they pimps? If you want them in the article you should incorporate them in a clever way. Show them as pimps in the pictures, or in the text or pick pictures of actual pimps and make them seem famous. Get my drift jack?

Prose, Formatting, Links: 3/5

I like how you used the speach from a gansta talking gansta shit. I found it hard though to tell wether it was an Italian speaking with the wrong tenses or an african american gansta talking street shit. If you pick one and stay consistant, or get someone to help you with that, then this article will triple already in humour and tone. Its a lot of work getting that right, and so in 24 hours its tough.

Concept or whatever you want to put here: 2.5/5

The concept is a ganster from prison talking to kids to motivate them to not be a ganster. Can a story be added to this, a narrative that is dynamic throughout the class. ex. Interaction with the students, him realising something while talking, hearing about his transition from poor person to pimp throughout the story. That framework will help you position the gansta shit talk in a way thats clever and funnier.

Final Score: 24.5/40

The whole tone and humour of your first draft seemed like you were heading in a good, new, creative and funny direction. In my humble opinion if you can uncyclopediafy it (images, a few links, give it a concept) it could be a helarious article.

Comments:

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Pee Review from: Fudgemobile

Humo(u)r: 8/10

(8/10) Being a part time pimp myself, I laughed a few times.

Creativity: 8/10

(8/10) Lots of creativity, but too short an article to fit it all in.

Images: 5/10

(5/10) I know that he didn't think up the idea for the Nike picture, there's like 3 different versions, and I did not recognize the person in other picture.

Prose, Formatting, Links: 4/5

(4/5) Links were fine as far as i could see.

Concept or whatever you want to put here: 3/5

(3/5) The concept could be improved.

Final Score: 28/40

(28/40) Did I add this up properly? Hmm.

Comments:

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Monkeyjudge

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