User:Shabidoo/Fox "News"

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Hammer1

Fairness is Fox News' highest aim. You are the judge.

“"Fox News: truthness, realness, credibilityness.”

FOX News is the most respected news source in America, and the most accurate transmition of news that matters in today's information age. No detail of any news story is ever wrong as Fox is America's respected and accurate news station. It is also the most unbiased news agency because that's what Fox News watchers expect. As a digital stream of respected information broadcasted around the world accurately in several languages and respected 24 hours a day, Fox news is the modern equivalent of the Holy Bible only far more unbiased and impartial.


Award Winning Journalistic Style

With Fox you don't have to find the news, Fox brings the news to you. Fox was first to broadcast to its viewers America's victory in Iraq. "Job Done". Fox News was there. And the only network willing to tell the truth. Unbaisedly.

In Addition to 24/7 coverage, Fox will interrupt any regular programming to bring you the news that all Americans expect to hear as it is happening. Season finale of the Simpson? Fox News never hesitates to break through to show you impartial news now and on the spot. Now that is instant fairness.

The truth must be reported as it happens

Fox News even interrupts its own breaking news interruptions if the news is more important. That is how seriously Fox takes news and how important instant news matters to Americans when the news is important and respected.

Other stations may cover a war but Fox news correspondents are there inside the war. Some stations broadcast natural disasters, fox news is there before the natural disasters happen. Fox moves its news desk from the safe television studios in New York to the tanks and battle fields in the Middle East, the tornadoes of the South and the planes that are about to crash. Fair and impartial news could never be as respectable if Fox didn't take news so seriously and so honestly.

Objective impartiality

Not only is Fox News balanced and impartial, Fox reminds its reviewers that it is both impartial and balanced. Americans deserve to know. The more Fox News calls itself balanced and impartial the more impartialy balanced and balancedly impartial it becomes.

Fox News plans to relaunch its "Fair and Balanced" slogan with a far more engaging slogan of "Balanced and fair" which much more accurately represents Fox and its unbiased news.

Jouralisit Intelectuals

FOX's top notch staff includes well known and respected intelectual Bill O'Reilly. All reporters must pass a stringent and exhaustive test of their ability to be journalist who can report journalism respectably and unbiasedly. The world doesn't need more News stations, it needs more honest news.

Commercials

Fox is known for upholding their mantras 24 hours a day. It is just as true when commercials are aired during those unfortunate but necessary two minute breaks. Fox screens all potential advertisers for the fair and balanced quality of their commercials. Fox has been known to drop advertisers as they did with Coca-Cola based solely on the suspicion that its new Diet Coke ad was biased and unfair even though the commercial was balanced and respected. That is Fox news at the height of its integrity.

News

All news is thoroughly screen through Fox's scientific news unobjectivity scanning device. Fox's has spent literally billions of dollars on this device that is designed by science and respectability. Known in the industry as the objectivity-o-tron, it takes proven facts and turn them into real unbiased news. The machine is considered so fool proof and technically balanced, that it can even predict if the next days news will be fair and unbiased, which it always is. Not even Wikipedia can dispute Fox News and the objectivity-o-tron. No one can call any Fox news broadcast unreal or untrue, because we deliver the truth relative to rish of error of plus or minus the facts. Having less facts does not make a story untrue, it makes it untold. If Fox News had 150 hours each day to broadcast, our news would be the truth, plus and never minus credibility and unbiasedness.

Mouth tape

Keith Olberman unable to continue further with is partial and unfair guest "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" CUT HIS MIKE!"

Questions

Balanced1

Even uneven objects can be made to balance when treated with fairness.

Fox teaches us to "ask questions, and get answers." Fox encourages its viewers to find the impartial truth within the "opinions" of experts and the "realness" of sources. Fox goes out into the world and finds the questions Americans want answered. Then Fox answers those questions so that their viewers have the impartial questions they want answered and then the answers to the honest questions asked. Thats how Fox is changing the way Americans want news.

Criticism

Blackwhite2

At Fox News everything is black and white. No grey. Thats impartial news.

Scathing documentaries, vitriolic books, caustic academics are always trying to bring down fairness and acuracy in the reporting of news. Fox never submits to this. No partial unbalanced force can ever tamper with Fox's respected fairness. If Fox doesn't air something then its not fair and respected news. Now thats fairness.

Asdf

The documentary Outfoxed is considered by Fox news as "the most unfair anti-factual piece of dishonesty that has ever been manufactured."

Respecta

Respect begins with image. If we present an image of fairness, then our news is respected.

The future of News and Fox

Who knows what the future holds for news? Fox does. Fox news will always maintain its integrity towards reporting fairness and unbiased impartiality as long is exists. As long as it exists and as long as there is news which needs to be reported fairly and accurately. Until all Americans learn to see the world as impartially and balancedly as Fox news does, we will be here to make sure that your news is as respected as we tell you news should be.

See also

External links

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Shabidoo/Fox "News" is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.
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