User:Un-Sgt. Havoc/Rhode Island Driving Laws

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Car crash

Correct posture while driving, if you're a freakin' homicidal maniac!!

Rhode Island Driving Laws are considered far and wide as the safest in the world. As such they have often been given credit for the great driving abilities of people of the Rhode Island faith.

A Brief Understanding of Rhode Island Driving Laws

In a new age of existence, the Rhode Island Council of Elders and the Close to Death (RICE CD) knew that they needed something new and fresh to stay hip and instyle. After browsing the internets for many an hour they finally created their 1337 Killer App what they were looking for. The utter greatness that is the Rhode Island Driving Laws Wiki: The code of laws anyone can edit!

The wiki proved to be a great success with people NOT from Rhode Island, much to RICE_CD's puzzlement. Regardless they were famous now, and honestly couldn't care a flying fuck about the local opinion.

Some Excerpts From the Rhode Island Driving Laws Wiki


Laws surrounding Giraffes are seen as exceptionally serious.

'This list is far from complete'

  • Banked Corners are there to encourage speeds in excess of 500mph.
  • All cars are rated on the metric unit pinto. Acceptable levels of car combustibility are Five Megapintos and up.
  • If someone from New York or Massachusetts cuts you off, you may do anything to run them off the road and cause a horrific fatal crash.
  • If you have a British passenger in the car you may drive on the other side of the road to make him feel comfortable.
  • If you cannot carpool, you must fill up at least one seat with KY jelly.
  • In case someone's being an asshole, all driver are required to have an UZI 9mm or a blowgun in their car.
  • Seat belts are not forbidden.
  • Windshields are not forbidden.
  • It is illegal to spot a motorcycle with a sidecar and NOT ram his/her ass off the road.
  • Women are required to pass a course on receiving roadhead.
  • Paintball wars are encouraged in Providence during rush hour. 500 points if you hit any of the Patriarca family members.
  • When passing the Big Blue Bug, aka Nibbles Woodaway, on I-95 it is customary to offer a comely gay virgin and chant his name to ensure safe passage through his domain.
  • I-295 has a .0000001 drink maximum.
  • No state or local laws apply to any person who is operating a bicycle or a forklift.
  • Up to three vehicles may continue up on a red light, as long as they do so immediately and are tailgating.
  • If one of your windows are missing it is mandatory to replace it with cling wrap.
  • It is an infraction to travel at less than 25 miles per hour over the posted speed limit.
  • Failure to block on-coming traffic when taking a left will not result in a loss of license, but will result in huge explosions. (note: licenses are not required for operation of a motor vehicle in Rhode Island)
  • It is mandatory to swing to the left before before turning right. This keeps the person behind you alert.
  • The proper way to contest a parking ticket is to see "Buckles" outside the Old Canteen Restaurant on Federal Hill, Friday nights between 7:00-12:00PM. Please bring $50- in a plain brown envelope.
  • All driving on the highway must be done any damn way you fucking please.
  • Eating while driving in the car is promoted, bonus points if its hotter/bigger/longer than your head!
  • All vehicles are required by law to have a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee in at least 2 of their cup holders.
  • If someone's giving you a hard time, you may do whatever the fuck you damn well want to do.
  • Use of directionals ain't a felony, it's just plain frowned upon. No driver may acknowledge their use in any way.
  • Collision damage is a popular form of vehicle customization among certain peoples in Rhode Island, especially in Central Falls.
  • If you are driving a tank, you are the king of the road and everyone must get the fuck out of your way!
  • You may do demolition derbies with other people if you want to but only on weekdays between 5:00am and 8:00pm.
  • You may eat cereal with milk and a spoon while driving, but ONLY if you agree to drive with your knees.
  • Drivers over the age of 55 are required to subtract their age from the speed limit sign and drive at that speed. Drivers between 18 and 40 are required to add their parents age to the speed limit sign and then do 10 MPH over that.
  • It is not illegal but frowned upon if you don't hit somebody in the street. Extra points if you hit a police officer directing traffic, however it IS illegal to hit the Dancing Cop!

Daily Themes

Uniquely each day has a particular theme:

  • Sunday is mandatory peal out day!
  • Monday is mounted spikes day!
  • Tuesday is plowing down the elderly day!
  • Wednesday is obstruct a 4 way intersection day!
  • Thursday is overheat the engine day!
  • Friday is personal vengeance day!
  • Saturday is lawless day!
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