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In order to know the true danger of a Drain-O Bomb (and to know how to make one), a person must know what a Drain-O bomb is. Drain-O bombs are one of the first bombs students, anarchists, terrorists, pianists, and unenviromentalists learn to make in chemistry (101). There are many different covert names for Drain-O Bombs such as: Drain-O Bombs, Works Bombs, D- Bombs (not to be confused with the popular Ebonics phrase pronounced ‘Da Bomb'), Acid Bombs, drain-o bombs, Ramb-O Bombs, Pressure Bombs, and DRAIN-O BOMBS.
The art of Drain-O bomb making is believed to be one of the most ancient bomb-making practices. Even though this theory was disproved by the artist, formally known as Prince, many philosophers still believe that these very bombs are responsible for the Big Bang that wiped out the Lizardious Giaganticus species back in -1,000,000 A.D.
Drain-O Bombs are composed of Common Readily Available Products (CRAP). A plastic bottle, aluminum foil, toilet bowl cleaner, and used kittens are the normal CRAP used in the creation of these devices. Great caution must be used when combining the CRAP. If the CRAP is mixed improperly it makes a Bong instead of a Bomb.
- Scientific Method for Drain-O Bomb: X ≠ √C+Ra(p) ≥ ∏
- Scientific Method For Bong: X ≈ Crⁿ - a ∞ P⅝ⁿ
- Teenager's Method for Drain-o Bomb: B|µ∑ sTuFf + £0¡| = A $pIo.d. E
- Teenager's Method for Bong: Soo-DUH + £0¡| + (KiTTi)² + ∏= I♥JUSTINBIEBER!!!
- Stoner's Method for Drain-O Bomb: (did someone say pie a second ago?)
- Stoner's Method for Bong: (Hells yeah, light it up!)
Is That It?
What do you mean is that it? Didn't you read the very complex procedures and formulas I just listed? Do you think that you can just take a bunch of CRAP, throw it together, put a lid on in, shake it up real hard, throw it in a mailbox and expect it to explode?! Not everything is about you!
Boom or Just Boo?
Drain-O Bombs would make great bombs if they were not so flawed. These flaws are the reason why 99.997% of teenagers still put bags of cupcakes on porches as pranks on neighbors' – old fashioned, yet effective. When compared to A-Bombs, Grenades, Missiles, B-Bombs, Pipe Bombs, Dynamite, C-Bombs, and Flame Throwers; these "D-Bombs" - as they are called in the underground tunnels of K-Pax - are at the bottom of Schindlers list of Big Booms along with M-80's, Blackcats, Barney, Cherry Bombs, Sparklers, Pop Rocks (mixed with cola of course), and Richard Simmons - not the Richard Simmons who slaps people at the airport; the nice one who dances around clapping to the oldies while doing a two-step-now-turn-and-wiggle dance.
The primary flaw in the Drain-O bomb is its instability. Its' explosion time is estimated to being between 35 seconds and 1 minute (or 35/60 - 60/60 or 3.5/6 – 6/6 or 1.25/3 – 3/3 or 7/12 – 12/12), but unproven tests prove that there is no way to get more accurate calculations.
Despite the hundred or so (above mentioned) flaws, there are still many advantages to using a Drain-O Bomb over, say, a nuclear bomb. It causes severe blindness if you are too close to the impact. This is a wonderful tactic if you have recently seen your mom naked, or have a reading test in school (the last situation only applies to people with the ability to read, not you ). It also has been known to cause dismemberment of certain limbs, which is ideal for cannibalism, racism, affectionism, and plagiarism.
Name Brand Drain-O Bombs
For some people, your ordinary CRAP just isn't good enough. That's why Drain-O Bomb and CRAP sexpert, Du. Paris Hilton, has worked for endless minutes (with only one mocha-latte break) on the first ever, self-named line of Drain-O Bombs. She calls it "Paris Hilton." Ironically the bomb smells just like her first perfume, also called "Paris Hilton." Even more ironically, her perfume "Paris Hilton" smells just like "Draino."
During some early testing stages of the "Paris Hilton Drain-O Bomb," one of Hiltons' pocket pets (also named Paris Hilton) got a little too close to the test lab and was severely burned. When the press questioned Hilton about this mishap and the degree of the burns, she diligently replied, "That's Hot!"
- Ninjas (because they are cool)
- Religion (because Jesus loves you)
- Prison (because that's where your going)
- Mentos (because you need one)