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Welcome to Six Flag Great America!
The home of Raunchy, the paint-eater! What color will he have next?
That one Simpsons episode where...Yes, it's true. I am one of those unfavorable people with no knowledge of their favorite TV show's episode names, so I apoligize in advance if I say something like the title during my time here.
Well, my life story goes like this: Dood, it is WAY scary inside that womb. Finally after 9 months with no cable TV, I got to enjoy those Baby Mozart videos that was supposed to make me smarter, but instead gave me the impression I was on drugs, which is evident because I'm a member of Uncyclopedia. [laughs] Anyways, things didn't pick up until I got my first record contract when I was seven. I was drafted into a boy band with Chewbacca's Grover Cleveland (a president), and Grover from Sesame Street. Our first album was called Ultimate Fudge Snooze and was a flop because no one understood out lyrics. It wasn't out fault. Out record company, Microsoft, was to lazy and stupid to afford a real lyricist, so we got stuck with Linsey Lohan. Then, when I was 17, I won the lottery for $450 million, and I was loving life. Sadly, as I was carry a big bag with a "$" sign on it, a pigeon flwe overhead and snatched it from me. Now that pigeon, her new name Elenor Roosevelt, got rich. After 17, nothing of importance happened until I died. I don't know how it happened, all I know is that after Dora and Swiper tied me up, I was seated next to a kidnapped Boots and then it was all over. I am mad that my CD collection went to my Aunt, when little Roger clearly deserved it. Anyways, that's my life. Wanna chocolate?
My Alter Egos
While I do like my current personlaity, sometime other take over, and thye take turns of one a week. So on Tuesday, you'd better look out because that's Benito Mussilini's turn. Do you want to know why Antarctica is melting? No, not global wamring... My Mussilini ego, that's who. A complete list of alter egos are below. Beware!
And remember: Keep watching the skies!
Congradulations! You actually had enough determination and bravery to read past my first 2 sections which were elaborately constructed to stop you from reading this sinister section.
I warn you, because in this section I reveal a startling secret that could potentially scar any born-again Christians as well as Wallabees, so if you realize this section is too intense, click here for reassurance.
Reading the third line, huh? Well that means you didn't chicken out, so I guess my deathly, global, sometimes comfortable secret will be displayed.If you weren't too distracted by my image to the left, you would've been reading this sentence, which didn't really need to be here. Anyways, I've had one of my trademark changes of heart, and I've decided not to tell you my secret, but you can guess... I will give you some hints, though:
Enough, Sherlock Holmes?
"My favorite movie is Pearl Harbor. Those Japanese jerks didn't know what they were getting into. In America!"
Did you know...
Thanks for visiting Six Flags Great America. Do you want your hand stamped so you can get back in?
17 of them!
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