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Puzzlepotato aqua Nominated Writer of the Month
This user has been nominated for Writer of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month.
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Sir ScottPat
My Articles
My Articles with dates
Articles I have edited well
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My current and previous Signatures
Projects I Run
UnNews:Ask Hal 9000
Article Projects
UKPolitics Campaign
Elements Campaign
Articles I need to improve
General Pages
Comedy Page
Overflow car park
Recent Changes
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Commander of the Order
British flag This user is a total UKer
and knows how to spell.
(British Uncyclopedians)
Barr Irn-Bru 6 X 330 Ml Pack This user is fae Bonnie Scotland
Clock This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
2 years, 10 months and 13 days.

52 This user has written 52 articles because they like to keep busy while shirking real life responsibilities.

Answer to Life My edits: 12,469

DogNewspaper This person is an UnSignpost Editor. He knows nothing of the outside world.
uk-N This user is a native speaker of Correct English.
sco-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Scots.
us-0 This user does not understand American English and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
es-3 This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of Español.
WAR This user is a war mongerer, so he or she dances a war dance.
Angrygod This user hates religion and is a sinner through and through!
3dspork This user is a conspirator in the Grand Conspiracy.
British Royal Family This user is a monarch, or a megalomaniac.

Lord Sutch This user is a Raving Loony Uncyclopedian and he/she's insane about it.
This user is a member of the Uncyclopedian Army.
And is pwning vandals for our nation!
US flag

This user is not American
...and unabashedly proud of it.
(But he's not saying where he is from
in case y'all come and bomb the hell out of it.

(List of NonAmerican Uncyclopedians)

4 This user thinks BBC Radio 4 is worth the licence fee alone.
A,B and C This user prefers not to use the serial comma as it is a waste of time.
The British Army This user is a member of the modern British Army.

Noobaward Noob of the Moment April 2013

“Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!”
~ Monty Python on the Killer Joke translated into German for safety measures.
“We're not just going to visit it, we're going to put Yorkshire on the Moon.”
~ The Now Show on British 21st Century colonisation.
“It's one small step for a chap. An awfully big leap for chapkind.”
~ The Now Show on The British Moon Landings.


Hello, welcome to ScottPat's User Page. ScottPat joined as a user on 31st March 2013. ScottPat is currently Chief editor of UnSignpost so please talk to ScottPat about UnSignpost on ScottPat's talk page. ScottPat is English, Scottish and Manx. To sum up ScottPat in six phrases ScottPat would say:

  • Patriotic/Royalist
  • Athiest
  • Has knowledge and writes articles about History, Politics and Science
  • Part of the Grand Conspiracy
  • Monster Raving Loony Party supporter
  • Comedian (well ScottPat thinks so anyway)

I try to come on uncyclopedia every week and when I am on uncyclopedia I spend most of my time writing articles. I've hung out round the Pee Review area trying to review people's work (mainly so that someone may bother to review mine). I also hang around the VFH page which I like doing and the VFD page which I don't enjoy as much.

Please scroll down to see my articles. Example of my type of humour: Spanish Lighthouse takes on US Navy fleet and other comedy stuff

If you click here you will realise the saviour has returned and died and therefore judgement day has passed.

Probability of meeting my article if you click "Random Page": 0.066%. But you can still try.

Requested article: Holy Water (refresh for another article)


If you are in need of any help or just want to ask a question then please ask here.

Articles I Have Written

Main Articles

UnNews Articles

List or choice articles

UnPoetia Articles

UnScripts Articles

HowTo Articles

UnTunes Articles

Thumbs up2

This user created The Last King of Scotland, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created The Great Dictator, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created Schlieffen Plan, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Vogon Poet Lowrate
This person is the winner of the Poo Lit Surprise, which they won for their article: Cossacks
Vogon Poet Lowrate
This person is the winner of the Poo Lit Surprise, which they won for their article: Checkpoint Charlie

Quotes that will help you get through life (from my articles)

  • “To think outside the box is to realise the box is too small for you to put everything in.”
    ~ Professional boxer Leon Spinks on boxes
  • “Before Alamein we never won a bloody thing. Well apart from the battle of the River Plate, the Madagascan War, sinking the Bismark, the Battle of Britain and the attack on Mers Al Kebir. After Alamein we never had a defeat, apart from Operation Epsom, Antwerp, the Burmese Campaign...forget it I'll write a shorter speech.”
  • “I am going to name a Russian city after me. From now on Kiev shall be called Putingrad.”
    ~ Vladimir Putin making sensible political decisions.
  • “It will be soon!”
    ~ Putin's response after an advisor told him that Kiev was not owned by Russia.
  • “You'll no be King of Scotland, if not King of Aberdeen”
    ~ Robert Bruce of Scotland
  • “All words are equal. But some are more equal than others.”
    ~ George Orwell on Commanism: in grammar.
  • “There's a King of Scotland? I didn't know there were Kings of continents.”
    ~ George Bush on Scotland
  • “Why do they call it the English language if it was invented in America?”
  • “Panzer Division is easy - just cut panzer in half with chain saw”
    ~ Polish Proverb.
  • “We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Western Australia, we shall fight on the Great Barrier Reef and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength on Aires Rock, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight in the desert, we shall fight on the Emu nesting grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving to the evil Emu cause, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the Australian Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, all the bloody Emus will die.”
    ~ Winston Churchill's famous speech on the Emu War.
  • “How the hell did those Canadians invade. There's a sea between Canadia and America.”
    ~ George Bush speaking on the War of 1812.
  • “I told you Iraq had secret weapons of mass destruction.”
    ~ Tony Blair's first remark on the BP oil Spill.
  • “Well, Iraq's still basically part of Britain.”
    ~ Tony Blair's second remark on the BP oil spill after being told that BP was a British company.
  • Stage Manager: This is the graveyard in the Mormon cemetary on Bunker's hill. We got ancient graves here, going right back to the fifteenth Century. Up there's the Patriots' graves of 1776. They're coated with gold and topped with a giant cross. A few loyalist bodies were found kicking around the bottom of that ditch down there. So we dug 'em up and gave 'em a proper burial - in the Catholic graveyard. Hahahaha. Made us boys laugh for weeks.”
    ~ Thornton Wilder
  • George Gibbs: But you don't actual believe in this whole marriage affair, do you Mr. Webb?

Mr. Webb: Well to be honest with you George I do but you see in our Jedi way we believe that marriage is the interconnection of two masters to produce a suitable padiwan so that one day we must find the chosen one.

Mitt Romney: Speaking from the Mormon point of view, Mr. Webb if you don't mind, I always say it ain't natural to go through life bein' lonely. People are born to go through life four by four, or is it six by six?”
~ Thornton Wilder
  • “If we were to take the number of every piece of sand on every beach on Earth and multiply it by the number of every star in every galaxy in every cluster in every super cluster of our universe, then that number. That golden ratio of numbers would not be enough to equal the probability that this theory is correct.”
  • “Oh, my name, oh, is Gordon, oh, Brown. I am stepping, oh, in after Tony, oh, Blair to become the new, oh, Labour leader, oh, and primeminister despite the, oh, fact that no one voted for me.”
    ~ The opening speech from the film, "Oh, What a Crap Primeminister" in which Gordon Brown played the Great Dictator.

Quotes I have Edited

The bit I added is in bold.

  • “You wouldn't catch me on that death trap - the safety net's too small.
    ~ Thorpe Park's ride inspector on Colossus
    Catch - safety net. (Get it!)

Articles I Recommend

HowTo:Get back to London if you suddenly find yourself in France


Monopoly (game)

UnTunes:I Am The Very Model of a Crazy Fundamentalist

Little Adolf's School Report

Liberal Fascism

Bear Grylls

Hitler Has Only Got One Ball

Conquest of Liechtenstein

National Try To Assassinate The President Day/MPMock

Rubik's Cube

Drive by shooting (I like this article mainly for the concept and less for the content)

Uncyclopedia:Imaginary Admin Guidelines

HowTo:Write An Article That Stands No Chance Of Featuring On Uncyclopedia

Horatio Hornblower


FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives

List of one letter words starting with A

British Moon-landing

UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange

Star Wars

Unidentified man in green firing turret

Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament

UnNews:Nazi leader cleared of nazism

UnNews:Last spot in heaven taken; hundreds waitlisted

The Duke of Edinburgh Award

Un-British Activities


HowTo:Choose your car insurance

Game:Word Search



The True Story To Lord of the Rings

This is not mine but it's great:


True Lord of the Rings story in all its CGI glory.

The type of Article I Like

British/Scottish/English humour. Historical, geographical and political jokes. Parodies. Satire about bad people. Well written/ knowlegeble. If I like an article then I most probably would write it down on my user page.

Type of Article I Hate

Not funny. Rude - Swearing. Stupid, overly made-up and ridiculous facts. If I hate an article I may get angry.

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Uncyclopedia:Awards, Decorations and Honours

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