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Puzzlepotato aqua Nominated Noob of the Moment
This user has been nominated for Noob of the Moment — you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Moment.  
Lord Sutch This user is a Raving Loony Uncyclopedian and he/she's insane about it.
Commander of the Order
British Royal Family This user is a monarch, or a megalomaniac.



DogNewspaper This person is an UnSignpost Editor. He knows nothing of the outside world.
34 This user has written 34 articles because they like to keep busy while shirking real life responsibilities.

MontyPythonFootLeftSmall This user is from Camelot,
and eats ham and jam and spamalot!
Wiki This user uses Uncyclopedia as his or her primary point of reference.
This user is a member of the Uncyclopedian Army.
And is pwning vandals for our nation!
Clock This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
2 years, 10 months and 12 days.

Hello, welcome to ScottPat's User Page. ScottPat joined as a user on 31st March 2013. ScottPat is currently Chief editor of UnSignpost so please talk to ScottPat about UnSignpost on ScottPat's talk page. ScottPat is English, Scottish and Manx. To sum up ScottPat in six phrases ScottPat would say:

  • Patriotic/Royalist
  • Athiest
  • Has knowledge and writes articles about History, Politics and Science
  • Part of the Grand Conspiracy
  • Monster Raving Loony Party supporter
  • Comedian (well ScottPat thinks so anyway)

If you click here you will realise the saviour has returned and died and therefore judgement day has passed.

Probability of meeting my article if you click "Random Page": 0.066%. But you can still try.

Requested article: Irish Democratic Army (IDA) (refresh for another article)

Articles I Have Written

(I have put Pee Review Scores in Brackets).

  1. BP oil spill (31st March 2013)
  2. Panzer divisions of WW2 (1st April 2013)
  3. Other War of 1812 (1st April 2013)
  4. Lord Sutch (2nd April 2013) (32.5)
  5. The Theory of the Cosmos (2nd April 2013)
  6. Capitalism: in grammar (3rd April 2013) (25.5) FEATURED:8/1
  7. Commanism: in grammar (3rd April 2013)
  8. UnPoetia:I Am American and I'm Really Pissed Off (3rd April 2013)
  9. UnScripts:Our Town (4th April 2013)
  10. Belgian Mountain Troops (4th April 2013) (42)
  11. The Last King of Scotland (4th April 2013)
  12. List of elite military units (5th April 2013)
  13. Emu War (5th April 2013)
  14. The Great Dictator (5th April 2013)
  15. List of military disasters (5th April 2013)
  16. Schlieffen Plan (5th April 2013)
  17. Flemish (5th April 2013) (39)
  18. UnPoetia:The Twelve Days of Blitzkrieg (7th April 2013)
  19. UnPoetia:The Glorious War of Independence (8th April 2013)
  20. UnSignpost/20130408 (8th April 2013)
  21. The Contents in Marmite (9th April 2013)
  22. UnPoetia:Putingrad (10th April 2013)
  23. Ukraine (10th April 2013) (Collaboration with User:Anton199) (In Construction)
  24. UnSignpost/20130504 (10th April 2013) (In Construction)
  25. Italian Tanks (12th April 2013)
  26. EU (16th April 2013)
  27. Remi Gaillard (17th April 2013)
  28. User:ScottPat/American Revolution (19th April 2013) (In Construction)
  29. UnNews:Boston terrorists believed to be British‎‎ (19th April 2013)
  30. HowTo:Walk on Saturn without falling over (22nd April 2013)
  31. Democratic Oligarchy (23rd April 2013)
  32. Magrathea (27th April 2013) (In Construction)
  33. User:ScottPat/UnNews:Scientist prove that George Lucas' theory was correct (27th April 2013) (In Construction)
  34. North African Campaign (28th April 2013) (In Construction)
  35. User:ScottPat/Principality of Sealand (Idea)
  36. Sherman Tank (Idea)
  37. Space Hotel (Idea)
  38. Soyuz Rocket (Idea)
  39. Marlborough (Idea)
  40. Philipe Starck (Idea)
  41. Aberdeen (Idea)
  42. Building (Idea)
  43. HowTo:Drive an AT-AT (Idea)
  44. User:ScottPat/Napoleonic Wars (Idea for re-write)
  45. User:ScottPat/Odyssey (Idea)

Thumbs up2

This user created The Last King of Scotland, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created The Great Dictator, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created Schlieffen Plan, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

My Edit to the Alternative legal systems article

The British Legal System

This legal system is based mainly on hereditary background and tradition than on proper evidence. More time is spent on working out what connections you have to royalty and how valid they are and less time spent on hearing witnesses.

It pits the might of the jury and the prosecution against the defendant. The final decision is made by a select panel of 12 juries all from middle class backgrounds living in the South-East of England as they are the only people able to afford missing a few days off work. The jury can decide whether the defendant is guilty or not guilty or they can make an inconclusive decision and stall for time so that the defendant has to pay even more to his lawyer.

The Judge is incharge of the precedings at court and he chooses the sentence to be given to the defendant. The maximum sentence he can give is a £1000 fine as if he demanded more money it would have to be taxed and there are no prison spaces left to accomadate any more defendants criminals. Although the maxim fine is reserved for genocide en masse and human rights atrocities. A normal murderer would expect to be fined £800.

After the opening traditional ceremonies the court begins its fourth day in session where the defendant swears that he/she will tell, "most of the truth and exagerate the truth to the point at which it becomes a lie," in the name of the crown and the country. After swearing this oath the defendant is released on bail allowing enough time for him/her to escape out of the country (or to an Ethiopian embassy) until the police escort finally bothers to turn up at his/her residency and find the defendant missing. UK border agency is then alerted that a criminal is on the lose before their computer systems "have a failure" and can't track him. A politician will then stand up and make a speech about how regretful it is that the criminal got away and then make a comment such as, "Well at least he won't be helping overcrowding in prisons."

It is a mistake to believe that the British Judicial System has no death penalty. The penalty for treason or for being Julian Assange is still the traditional "hang, draw and quarter" however with recent government cuts this has been changed to "hang, draw and halve."


  • Solves prison overcrowding problems.
  • Its cheap.
  • Keeps the poor lawyers rich and well-fed.
  • Retains a British over-bureaucratic style where nothing gets done and there's a lot of blame and apolagising.
  • Not that many people are punished by death.


  • None. It may upset innocent, poor people who can't afford bail and escape the country but apart from that the system is flawless.


  • Lords, barons, Prince Harry, Prince Andrew.
  • Middle class tax-avoiders.
  • Good old British criminals that everybody likes like Robin Hood and the Italian Job gang.
  • Tony Blair and other war criminals.
  • Upstanding, well-spoken gentlemen.
  • The Falkland Islanders.
  • The Anglican Church.

Lets Down:

  • Julian Assange.
  • Immigrants.
  • Poor people (60% of population).
  • Gordon Brown (when we finally catch him).
  • The Welsh, the Scots, the Irish and any colonial natives.
  • The Catholic Church.
  • Republicans.
  • Disabled people, who can't run to escape out of the country.

My Favourite Quotes from My Articles

  • “You'll no be King of Scotland, if not King of Aberdeen”
    ~ Robert Bruce of Scotland
  • “All words are equal. But some are more equal than others.”
    ~ George Orwell on Commanism: in grammar.
  • “There's a King of Scotland? I didn't know there were Kings of continents.”
    ~ George Bush on Scotland
  • “Why do they call it the English language if it was invented in America?”
  • “Panzer Division is easy - just cut panzer in half with chain saw”
    ~ Polish Proverb.
  • “We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Western Australia, we shall fight on the Great Barrier Reef and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength on Aires Rock, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight in the desert, we shall fight on the Emu nesting grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving to the evil Emu cause, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the Australian Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, all the bloody Emus will die.”
    ~ Winston Churchill's famous speech on the Emu War.
  • “How the hell did those Canadians invade. There's a sea between Canadia and America.”
    ~ George Bush speaking on the War of 1812.
  • “I told you Iraq had secret weapons of mass destruction.”
    ~ Tony Blair's first remark on the BP oil Spill.
  • “Well, Iraq's still basically part of Britain.”
    ~ Tony Blair's second remark on the BP oil spill after being told that BP was a British company.
  • Stage Manager: This is the graveyard in the Mormon cemetary on Bunker's hill. We got ancient graves here, going right back to the fifteenth Century. Up there's the Patriots' graves of 1776. They're coated with gold and topped with a giant cross. A few loyalist bodies were found kicking around the bottom of that ditch down there. So we dug 'em up and gave 'em a proper burial - in the Catholic graveyard. Hahahaha. Made us boys laugh for weeks.”
    ~ Thornton Wilder
  • George Gibbs: But you don't actual believe in this whole marriage affair, do you Mr. Webb?

Mr. Webb: Well to be honest with you George I do but you see in our Jedi way we believe that marriage is the interconnection of two masters to produce a suitable padiwan so that one day we must find the chosen one.

Mitt Romney: Speaking from the Mormon point of view, Mr. Webb if you don't mind, I always say it ain't natural to go through life bein' lonely. People are born to go through life four by four, or is it six by six?”
~ Thornton Wilder
  • “If we were to take the number of every piece of sand on every beach on Earth and multiply it by the number of every star in every galaxy in every cluster in every super cluster of our universe, then that number. That golden ratio of numbers would not be enough to equal the probability that this theory is correct.”
  • “Oh, my name, oh, is Gordon, oh, Brown. I am stepping, oh, in after Tony, oh, Blair to become the new, oh, Labour leader, oh, and primeminister despite the, oh, fact that no one voted for me.”
    ~ The opening speech from the film, "Oh, What a Crap Primeminister" in which Gordon Brown played the Great Dictator.

Quotes I have Edited

The bit I added is in bold.

  • “You wouldn't catch me on that death trap - the safety net's too small.
    ~ Thorpe Park's ride inspector on Colossus
    Catch - safety net. (Get it!)

Articles I Recommend

HowTo:Get back to London if you suddenly find yourself in France


Monopoly (game)

UnTunes:I Am The Very Model of a Crazy Fundamentalist

Little Adolf's School Report

Liberal Fascism

Bear Grylls

Hitler Has Only Got One Ball

Conquest of Liechtenstein

National Try To Assassinate The President Day/MPMock

Rubik's Cube

Drive by shooting (I like this article mainly for the concept and less for the content)

Uncyclopedia:Imaginary Admin Guidelines

HowTo:Write An Article That Stands No Chance Of Featuring On Uncyclopedia

Horatio Hornblower


FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives

List of one letter words starting with A

British Moon-landing

UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange

Star Wars

Unidentified man in green firing turret

Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament

UnNews:Nazi leader cleared of nazism

The True Story To Lord of the Rings

This is not mine but it's great:


True Lord of the Rings story in all its CGI glory.

About me and how I Use Uncyclopedia

I try to come on uncyclopedia every week and when I am on uncyclopedia I spend most of my time writing articles. I've hung out round the Pee Review area trying to review people's work (mainly so that someone may bother to review mine). I also hang around the VFH page which I like doing and the VFD page which I don't enjoy as much.

British flag This user is a total UKer
...jolly good, wot?!
(British Uncyclopedians)
Barr Irn-Bru 6 X 330 Ml Pack This user is fae Bonnie Scotland
Angrygod This user hates religion and is a sinner through and through!
uk-N This user is a native speaker of Correct English.
sco-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Scots.
us-G This user does not speak American English and furthermore believes American English to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of American English.
es-3 This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of Español.
sa-N This user is a native speaker of Sarcasm.
bl-N This user is a native speaker of Blasphemy.
fig-4 This user speaks Fight at a near-native level.
gbs-A Yah meeht nawt beh abble tew undersvand zis usehr behkuz zey zpeek Galactic Basic Standard whif und estreemleh theuck akzent.
Eu!naz1 This user supports the European Reich.

Heil Hitler!

US flag

This user is not American
...and unabashedly proud of it.
(But he's not saying where he is from
in case y'all come and bomb the hell out of it.

(List of NonAmerican Uncyclopedians)

3dspork This user is a conspirator in the Grand Conspiracy.
WAR This user is a war mongerer, so he or she doesn't care about ethics.

The type of Article I Like

British/Scottish/English humour. Historical, geographical and political jokes. Parodies. Satire about bad people. Well written/ knowlegeble. If I like an article then I most probably would write it down on my user page.

Type of Article I Hate

Not funny. Rude - Swearing. Stupid, overly made-up and ridiculous facts. If I hate an article I may get angry.

Useful Links Here


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User:Reverend P. Pennyfeather


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Uncyclopedia:Awards, Decorations and Honours

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User:Flutter/Funpages/Color page

User:Capercorn/CLAN UN

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