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Commander of the Order
Hello, welcome to ScottPat's User Page. ScottPat joined as a user on 31st March 2013. ScottPat is currently Chief editor of UnSignpost so please talk to ScottPat about UnSignpost on ScottPat's talk page. ScottPat is English, Scottish and Manx. To sum up ScottPat in six phrases ScottPat would say:
- Has knowledge and writes articles about History, Politics and Science
- Part of the Grand Conspiracy
- Monster Raving Loony Party supporter
- Comedian (well ScottPat thinks so anyway)
Probability of meeting my article if you click "Random Page": 0.066%. But you can still try.
Requested article: Egyptology (refresh for another article)
Articles I Have Written
(I have put Pee Review Scores in Brackets).
| Featured Article: Capitalism: in grammar|
This person wrote an article which became one of the
Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.
My Edit to the Alternative legal systems article
The British Legal System
This legal system is based mainly on hereditary background and tradition than on proper evidence. More time is spent on working out what connections you have to royalty and how valid they are and less time spent on hearing witnesses.
It pits the might of the jury and the prosecution against the defendant. The final decision is made by a select panel of 12 juries all from middle class backgrounds living in the South-East of England as they are the only people able to afford missing a few days off work. The jury can decide whether the defendant is guilty or not guilty or they can make an inconclusive decision and stall for time so that the defendant has to pay even more to his lawyer.
The Judge is incharge of the precedings at court and he chooses the sentence to be given to the defendant. The maximum sentence he can give is a £1000 fine as if he demanded more money it would have to be taxed and there are no prison spaces left to accomadate any more
defendants criminals. Although the maxim fine is reserved for genocide en masse and human rights atrocities. A normal murderer would expect to be fined £800.
After the opening traditional ceremonies the court begins its fourth day in session where the defendant swears that he/she will tell, "most of the truth and exagerate the truth to the point at which it becomes a lie," in the name of the crown and the country. After swearing this oath the defendant is released on bail allowing enough time for him/her to escape out of the country (or to an Ethiopian embassy) until the police escort finally bothers to turn up at his/her residency and find the defendant missing. UK border agency is then alerted that a criminal is on the lose before their computer systems "have a failure" and can't track him. A politician will then stand up and make a speech about how regretful it is that the criminal got away and then make a comment such as, "Well at least he won't be helping overcrowding in prisons."
It is a mistake to believe that the British Judicial System has no death penalty. The penalty for treason or for being Julian Assange is still the traditional "hang, draw and quarter" however with recent government cuts this has been changed to "hang, draw and halve."
- Solves prison overcrowding problems.
- Its cheap.
- Keeps the poor lawyers rich and well-fed.
- Retains a British over-bureaucratic style where nothing gets done and there's a lot of blame and apolagising.
- Not that many people are punished by death.
- None. It may upset innocent, poor people who can't afford bail and escape the country but apart from that the system is flawless.
- Lords, barons, Prince Harry, Prince Andrew.
- Middle class tax-avoiders.
- Good old British criminals that everybody likes like Robin Hood and the Italian Job gang.
- Tony Blair and other war criminals.
- Upstanding, well-spoken gentlemen.
- The Falkland Islanders.
- The Anglican Church.
- Julian Assange.
- Poor people (60% of population).
- Gordon Brown (when we finally catch him).
- The Welsh, the Scots, the Irish and any colonial natives.
- The Catholic Church.
- Disabled people, who can't run to escape out of the country.
My Favourite Quotes from My Articles
Articles I Recommend
Drive by shooting (I like this article mainly for the concept and less for the content)
The True Story To Lord of the Rings
This is not mine but it's great:
About me and how I Use Uncyclopedia
I try to come on uncyclopedia every week and when I am on uncyclopedia I spend most of my time writing articles. I've hung out round the Pee Review area trying to review people's work (mainly so that someone may bother to review mine). I also hang around the VFH page which I like doing and the VFD page which I don't enjoy as much.
| This user is a total UKer|
and knows how to queue.
|This user is fae Bonnie Scotland|
|uk-N||This user is a native speaker of Correct English.|
|sco-1||This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Scots.|
|es-3||This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of Español.|
|sa-N||This user is a native speaker of Sarcasm.|
|bl-N||This user is a native speaker of Blasphemy.|
|fig-4||This user speaks Fight at a near-native level.|
|gbs-A||Yah meeht nawt beh abble tew undersvand zis usehr behkuz zey zpeek Galactic Basic Standard whif und estreemleh theuck akzent.|
The type of Article I Like
British/Scottish/English humour. Historical, geographical and political jokes. Parodies. Satire about bad people. Well written/ knowlegeble. If I like an article then I most probably would write it down on my user page.
Type of Article I Hate
Not funny. Rude - Swearing. Stupid, overly made-up and ridiculous facts. If I hate an article I may get angry.
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