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|Motto: "THIS is Russia."|
Russian map of Ukraine. "Where is this Ukraine, then?"
|Official language(s)||Gibberish (Russian name for Ukranian)|
|‑ Supreme President||Viktor Yanukovin|
|Currency||Euro (now they must let us join the EU)|
|Ethnic groups||100% Russians|
|0900-1800 (Closed at 1200 on Wednesdays, Closed all day on 2nd Friday of the Month for Stocktake)|
|Drives on||squashed USSR peasants|
“I am going to name a Russian city after me. From now on Kiev shall be called Putingrad.”
“It will be soon!”
“In Ukraine, Russia is Ukraine”
The Ukraine also written as You Crane, is a country located West of the Russian Federation and East of the failing EU economies. Ukraine used to be part of Russia as the province of Kiev since Russia was formed as a country but it declared its independence in 1991. Ukraine is also the birth place of the Russian civilisation and holds the true Russian descendents. Therefore in Ukraine, Ukraine is refered to as Russia and Russia is simply refered to as the USSR. It borders Belarus, literally meaning Red Russia as it contained Lenin's home town, Moldava, a small country that no one has heard of and the Ubadashini Republic of Tigrestutzkitan, a major asian country.
edit Formation and Independence
In 1991 after a failed attempt to remove the evil Communist leader Gorbachev from power a group of oringinal, true Russians decided to set up a new Russia that would replace the old one. Hence they secured the independence of the territory where Ukraine now occupies from the USSR as that is where Russians came from oringinally and called it Russia. Unfortunately the USSR, ironically, had used a dirty capitalist trick and copywrited the Russia brand. So the leaders where pressed into choosing another word to name the country before the Soviet troops could invade in the name of copywrite laws (the US were to support the Soviets in this action). So the Presdient of new Russia thought of the most ridiculous, non-sensicle name that you wouldn't name a country and came up with the word Ukraine.
Shortly afterwards the Soviets were forced into allowing the new nations of liberal new Russia Ukraine and extremist Communist Belarus become independant. To do this all three countries formed the Commonwealth of Independant States or CIS. The CIS coincidently later built huge factories where robot soldiers called droids could take over the territory of Naboo to the South-West and eliminate the Western
jedi ambassadors in that region.
edit Culture and Tradition
Ukraine is well known for their most famous dish Chicken Kiev, which is now refered to a lot as Chicken because under new laws only chickens cooked in Kiev are allowed to be sold under the name Chicken Kiev. Chicken Kiev is commonly eaten with a side dish of salad however most of the true population of Kiev (known as Kevins) tend to eat the Chicken Kiev more traditionally with so called Hannibal's Blood smeared all over the chicken. Hannibal's Blood is made from Soviet blood mixed with urea taken from the kidney of an ox.
There is only one sport in the Ukraine and that is football. For this reason Ukraine has to put all its effort into focusing on being good at football and especially being better than the USSR. There is a law in Ukraine which enforces that every man and woman over the age of 16 must do at least six hours of football training every week so that when a football match is declared against the USSR, the whole Ukranian civilisation forms one massive militia football team and in that way can overpower and defeat the USSR.
edit Ukraine Reversal
Ukraine is the only country that has been able to influence Russian culture. The pride of Mother Russia, the Russian Reversal was developed in Ukraine before any Russian had ever conceived of it.
The Ukraine Reversal was invented in the year 882. Normal countries had their own capitals, which became capitals normally after the country was founded. However, the Ukrainians, naturally thinking backwards (a trait now called "out-of-the-box"), founded Kiev centuries before anyone imagined it becoming the capital of Ukraine. In fact, Ukraine loaned Kiev to Russia for a long time to serve as the latter's capital city. When Ukraine attained nationhood, it adopted the national motto, "In Ukraine, republic founds you!!!"
Some believe that Ukraine has stolen many of Russia's secrets; mainly, that Ukraine misappropriated and "weaponized" the secret of Russian road-building (pictured). This led to a huge increase in the number of deaths per year on Russia's roads, a victory for the Ukraine.
The history of the Ukraine is divided into four main ages: Ancient history, Early Middle Ages, Late Middle Ages and The Reformation.
edit Ancient History (1991-1997)
Ukraine is as old a country as many of its Eastern European neighbours who were all created in 1991. Some people in Ukraine today can still remember the Ancient times of Ukraine which is quite unusual for most countries. Nothing much is known about this period of time as not many records were kept. However the result of this period of unstability and turmoil was to produce the life-long presidency of Yanukovin who reigns still today.
edit Early Middle Ages (1997-2001)
In this period the Ukraine went into an economic boom which helped as Ukraine's only industry, the agricultural sector had bumper harvests. This was due to the fact that the climate is so harsh that only very tolerant plants grow there and to be able to grow these tolerant plants the atmospheric radiation level has to increase to twenty two parts per million. Recently the Ukranian government had detonated its first nuclear bomb found on a path, in a suitcase where a Russian had dropped it in a hurry. The nuclear capabilities of the Ukraine are still unknown to the World today as no radiation escaped Ukraine thanks to the crops absorbing it all.
edit Late Middle Ages (2001-2006)
The Uzbek-Ukraine War of 2006:
Following a bold invasion by Uzbekistan which resulted in the capturing of all of Ukraine's rich turnip deposits, war was declared. Fellow allies, the Great Republic of Georgia helped draw up plans to regain this precious fatty bacon substance. However, problems arose when Uzbekistan could not be located on a map. The two countries signed a peace agreement in June, which stipulated a favorable balance of trade in turnips for both countries. Uzbekistan was greatly interested in how this "turnip" was made; Ukraine told them they needed nuclear capabilities to grow turnips as ripe as that, first.
edit The Reformation (2006-Present Day)
On January 1, 2009, after a long and painful night of absolute wastedness, the Ukranian government found out that there might be no more gas in country's reserves due to all of it having been spent to brew horilka for the New Year. The Ukranian president then sent spies to Russia in order to find out the biggest source of natural gas and steal it. The spies brought back home an oxygen tank with "Lenin's gases" written on it. It was opened on January 2, 2009, causing the greatest mass murder crime ever commited in the Ukraine to this date.
At the same time, Russian President Vladimir Putin sent a nuclear threat letter to Ukraine, to ask for their country's independence to be placed in the hands of the USSR. The Ukranian government responded with their own nuclear threat letter. The cold Winter, that only Russians and Belarussians could bear made itself apparent in small housings deprived of gas. The whole gas dispute ended when the Ukraine realised it could use the nuclear power they had to supply electricity to homes and went around building lots of nuclear power stations with a guide they bought from Russia called, "How to build a Chernoble-type power station."