User:Scott/United States of America

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“When my Uncle Sam told me about the United States of America he said 'Is a place where you can do what ever you want and live the way the you want to no mater who what you are,man' so I decided to go a trip, after I got off the boat I was froced to leave because of the strict 'No Irish,gay, and catholic allowed' policy...My Uncle won't get a card from me for his brithday
~ Oscar Wilde

America
United States of America
U.S.A
United Statesian Flag USSeal
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: '"U.S.S U.S.A U.S.A!"'
Anthem: Who knows
U.S
Capital Washington D.C.
Largest city Disney World
Official language(s) E.N.G.L.I.S.H
Government FREEDOM!
President George Dubya
Status of fist amendment not good
National Hero(es) George Washington,the tall guy,and some other guys
Established July 4th
Currency $$$
Religion capitalism
Ethnic groups everyone
Major exports Freedom,Soilders,Capitalism,Money
Hours of
 operation
"A visa is requried"

The United States of America is a country of freedom, illegal immigration,obesity, freedom, food that's not good for you, geographic idiocracy, freedom, religious freedom, anti-terrorism, and of cource FREEDOM.

The U.S. is not only free country but it also just happens has a lot of money which makes millions of people living in poor improvised nations want to live in the U.S. In fact their so much money and food in the U.S. that it just happens to be the worlds only nation with poor obese people and skinny rich people.

edit Naming

“What part about United States of America do you not understand?”
~ Lou Dobbs to Illegal Mexican immigrants

The United States of America name is a matter of great debate.There is some debate over the true meaning of the "United States..." is debated among historians,linguist,scholares,and Anti-Americans,who hate the USA so much that they critical with everything about including it's name and phone number. While "United" in English typically means "to come together and get drunk" this may not be the correct as argued by the 20th century scholar Professor Fredrick Quakernuts Ph.d, MD, BS, WMD, XXX, FU, and WTF has explained that "The British Empire was so big that half of the British Government did not realize that they had territory east of Appalachia mountains. So the ...of America part was added to clarify that the Colonist in New England and other colonies close to it had rebelled against them".Thus, "United States" was the name of the New Nation. Quakernuts had suggested that the word "United" is actually derived form the Germanic Saxon word "unnix" meaning "lack of",the Ancient Pan-Gallic Scots word "itit" meaning free, and finally the Anglo-Welsh word "idioted" meaning "the people's culture" so the word United in reality means "the lack of cultural,but free, people". So one says the United States of America one is saying "The lack of cultural,but feee,people's States of America".

edit History

“Learning the mistakes of the past so we don't make them again and again”
~ What every U.S. history teacher says but a majority of Americans fall asleep

edit Pre-Terroism and European colonzation

“This is OUR land”
~ A Puritan on The French
“This is OUR land”
~ A French guy on The Puritans
“THIS IS APACHE”
~ An Appache guy on The Europeans

10 tens of thounsands of years ago Native Americans setteled on the American Conetenients. Life went well for them. They didn't have anything to worry about. They lived in haramony with there enviroment and did not have to worry about money, food, staying warm, small pox, war, or anything elese a capitalist society would; as they lived in peace and harmony with nature and got all they needed from it as long as they didn't expolit their enviroment.

Then came a man with an apparent lack of geography skills. He told all of rich friends his who lived in a land where their resources where being exploited and addicted to money about a land with abduant resources that could easily be conquered by the technological superior Europeans. Spain conquered and begin colonizing parts of America, eventually the French settled what is now Québec, and the Puritans from England because they got tired of everyone making fun of their insane beliefs...and from witches. Which were the first British Colonies now know as New England. The kicked the Native Americans off their land, after they the Puritans realized that they did not have knowledge to survive in this new environment the asked the Native Americans for help. After the Native Americans saved them they called devils and made illegal to kill any Native American, until such a time that Manifest Destiny made it legitimate to do so.

In the French and Indian War, which was named because of the indians mistake of thinking the French could win wars , Britain seized Canada from the French. In 1674, the British took over the dutch colony "New Amsterdam" which they renamed "New York". In 1729 South Carolina thought it was better than north so the Carolinas became North and South Carolina and then in 1732s Georgia the British sent everyone with bad credit to Georgia, the thirteen British colonies that would become the United States of America were established. All had active local and colonial governments with elections open to most free men (except women, negroes, and the majority of the population) thus creating the nightmare we now know as the "American Dream".

edit Independence and Expansion

“NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION”
~ some drunk guy at the Boston "tea" party
WashingtonDelware

George Washington crossing the freezing cold Delaware.

As the colonies grew to 3 million people to do the abduance of food,high tax rights on trans fat,and immigration from Europe so did tensions between Britain and the colonies. Americans were unhappy by the fact they had to pay taxes when they came to the new world to escape the oppressive tax rates. They also thought it was unfair for them to have to pay taxes when they did not have any representation in the English Parliament.

On May 18, 1775 when the 13 colonies sent delegates to Philadelphia to disuse the Philly Cheesestick storage John Hancock got an idea:

“Why don't we rebel against the British and start our own nation.”
~ John Hancock

And so it began...

...the United States of America...

The war began at the 2nd contential congress when the delegates asked the audience "who wants to risk their lives, potentially losing the colonies everything, leading troops into miserable, destroy any chance of independence and lead our new nation's army to glorious victory and give us our freedom freedom?" Then some noob in the back of the room said "Ok."

After using terrorist tactics, aide from the French, an unsuccessful invasion liberation of Canada(thus, making Canada the ONLY nation to resit an invasion of Americans), Americans won their independence at the Battle of Yorktown.After this Americans decided it was better to have a constitution giving people rights(except women, negroes, and the majority of the population) and instructions on how to run the government,although despite this 99.99999999999999991% of Americans have not read and the rest read but thought it didn't allow people to pay taxes. Also by winning thier independence

A few years Americans decided to begin a process of religious imperialism known as manifest destiny. They began this by providing aide to Napoleon own conquest of Europe in exchange for Louisiana and French territory in America.After a conflict with the Native Americans, the USA made a treaty with the Indians that they will let them have some land(though the Americans would later kick them off that land too). The Americans would use this land for trade,bringing democracy to new lands and expansion of slave labor.

edit Civil War and the Rise of Capitailism

“FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM”
~ A White Slave owner on the civil war

After the U.S. achieving manifest desintiy a concern

edit The World wars,and the beginning of World Domination, and the great depression

“Ich würden über erzwungen die minderwertig Amerikaner Balg erfahren Welt Erdkunde”
~ Hitler on Losing WWII to Americans

edit World Domination,Hippies, Good old JFK, and the Cold War

“Uncle Sam wants you to come here and bond with nature as one in peace and harmony and let us forget humanity's silly struggle with it's self ”
~ your Uncle Sam on The Cold war

edit Geography

“THERE'S ARE COUNTRY THERE??”
~ Americans on Just about every country in the world that's not America,Terrorist live or has oil

The U.S. is made up of many states there many misconceptions that people think of the geography the U.S. due to their apparent lack of geography skills these include:

There is no state in Washington. After what was then Washington lost a copyright dispute with Washington D.C. Microsoft but the state and renamed it StateXp as part of marketing campaign.
  • There is a state of North and South Dakota
there is no North and South Dakota they're just some big field
  • People live in Montana
Nobody lives in Montana
  • There is a state of Idaho
When it was made into a national park it was given the name "Yellow Stone"
The U.S

edit Economy

“The rich spoiled American brats always get more from me then the poor and needy African kids”
~ Santa Claus on Christmas

With abduant resources, educated labor force, the finacle centers of New York, Los Angelos and WalMart, the capitalist in Seattle, money with money everywhere makes the United States of America filthy rich, in fact it's so rich it sometimes gives it's money to chairty organzations all over the world. This abduance make that many people living in poor and impoverished nations want to live in the U.S. as being a poor person in the U.S. is considerd living like a rich person in there own nation. Unfortunately this leads to many problems such as the fact that all this money makes American childern spolied brats, obeseity is common health problem. It makes a target to chairty terroist organzations and of cource an apparent lack of geography skills.

edit Social Security

Tumbleweed01

edit Government

Jimmy:Whew! You sure gotta climb a lot of steps to get to this Capitol Building here in Washington. But I wonder who that sad little scrap of paper is?

Bill:I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill. And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill. Well, it's a long, long journey To the capital city. It's a long, long wait While I'm sitting in committee, But I know I'll be a law some day At least I hope and pray that I will But today I am still just a bill.

Jimmy: Gee, Bill, you certainly have a lot of patience and courage.

Bill: Well, I got this far. When I started I wasn't even a bill, I was just an idea. Some big company decided they wanted higher profits that the big government prevented them from getting, so their lobbyist called a Congressman, and said, "Show me the money" Then he sat down and wrote me out and introduced me to his friends at Congress. And I became a bill, and I'll remain a bill until they decide to make me a law.

I'm just a bill Yes I'm only a bill, And I got as far as Capitol Hill. Well, now I'm being lobbied in Committee And I'll sit here and wait While a few key Congressmen discuss and debate Whether they should let me be a law. How I hope and pray that they will be bribed, But today I am still just a bill.

Jimmy: Listen to those Congressmen arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about you?

Bill: Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones. Most bills never even get this far before being rejected from congress by some lobbyist. I hope they decide to report on me favorably, otherwise I may die.

Jimmy: Die?

Bill: Yeah, die in committee,you see Jimmy, the Environmentalist, PETA, and Pro Anti-gay right rights groups also have lobbyist. But Jimmy remember: Corporate America always has more money!

Jimmy: If they vote yes, what happens?

Bill: Then the lobbyist go to the Senate and the whole thing starts all over again.

Jimmy: Oh not again

Bill: Well the Senators need to bribed too or else I might some how benefit the the citizens!

Jimmy: YAAAAY! Wait what?

I'm just a bill Yes, I'm only a bill And if they vote for me on Capitol Hill Well, then I'm off to the White House Where I'll wait in a line With a lot of lobbyist For the president to be bribed And if he accepts the money, then I'll be a law. How I hope and pray that he will be corrupt, But today I am still just a bill.

'Jimmy: You mean even if the Whole Congress says you should be a law, the president can still say no?

Bill: That only happens when the lobbyist don't have enough money

Jimmy: And what happens then

Bill': Well jimmy, I go to congress and if the lobbyist can successfully bribe enough powerful congress then the congress override the Bill But how I hope and pray that I will, But today I am still just a bill.

Jimmy: Then what happens

Bill: Well the Supreme Court can declare me as "unconstitutional" but the lobbyist has influence over the congressmen when they are approving the president's appointment for the job.

Congressmen:3123 Oil Act has passed the <Working on name(which is why this is not in the mainspace)>Elementary School Playground will bulldozed and a oil rig will be placed!

Jimmy:Yaaahh! When I grow up I want to be a lobb-Wait I go to that school

Bill:That's too bad. I AM THE LAW!

edit Politics

*Note:In order to avoid any political anxiety's caused by the constant pressure of fear and mistrust by the News Media the Administrators of Uncyclopedia have developed a multi-Opinionated biased commentary regrading the political views of the United States. Please circle the ones(labled in bold for you convince) that you agree with and disregard any opinion that you do not.Thus the Unencylopedians are not responsible for any diplamatic talks breaking down,wars or diplomatic marriages as a result of this section.*


Tonight on [Howard Gay/Joe Straight] show today we will disuse our Government,Our economy,Our Society,Social Security and Medicare,illegal immigration,the presidential election, the Environment,terrorism and just about everything else that you are afraid of.

Let me begin with our [broken/oversized] government. It has became clear that over the years that [the government needs to expand it resources to include resources such as health care and prevent disasters such as / the widening gap between the public- and private sectors has created a failure in government such as the] 2003 black out, the water shortage and the danger to our national security. You see thanks to our government [the terroist can get into this country at any moment/the "human rights" that made terrorist run free] the goverment has placed us in danger-but more on that later. Also thanks to our failed government [failure to provide social services such as Health care/practice of socializing our health care system and other social services] has lead to the recession that will happen.

Which brings us to our next


Now I would like to bring up something of this year's presidential election that should concern all of my viewers:If [ Barack Obama / John McCain ] is on this year's ballot I am not voting. The problem with this guy is that [his lack of experience/his conservative record] is unacceptable to be the President of the United States of America. Not to mention [he's not black enough/he was endorsed by the New York times ]. But what about the [Rebulican/Democratic] front runner [John McCain/Barrack Obama] well the problem is that [he's too conservtive/he's secretly a radical Islamic extremist]. So Americans if you want democracy I demand you to either make sure he stay's off the ballot or not vote

edit Culture

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