User:Scofield/UnScripts:9/11, how it happened

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The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.


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Scene 1

The World Trade Center

A douchebag shouts at his co-worker for some reason and the co-worker walks away in shame out of the office. Just then, a plane crashes through the window, and passes right through the douchebag. The co-worker, who is spared, looks at the douchebag's mangled, bloodied corpse with sadistic glee. Similar incidents happen all over the two buildings, which eventually collapse, resulting in one of the biggest man-made disasters in US history.

Scene 2

2 hours earlier

A plane is boarding some passengers. A cool dude and his cool chick girlfriend walk into the plane. The dude is carrying a 9mm automatic, but since 9/11 hasn't happened yet, nobody cares. Once seated, the dude and chick passionately make out, even as the rest of the passengers either look away in disgust, or pretend to do so.

Captain's voice- Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is flight 707 from New York to Hawaii. Please fasten your seat belts, and do not light any cigarettes, because if you do.....oh well, nevermind.
Scientist- If you do light up a cigarette, it may interfere with the atmospheric pressure so carefully maintained inside the plane. Also-
Co-passenger- We don't need your geeky explanations to understand why we should follow rules, stupid! I mean, rules are rules, you gotta follow them. (plane takes off)
Evil voice- I don't think so.
Co-passenger- What? (looks behind him, and sees the cool dude pointing his 9mm at him)
Evil dude- Listen up, everybody! You're all at my mercy now. My girlfriend's already inside the cockpit, so the pilot is at her mercy! Now, unless you all cooperate, you shall die!
Co-passenger about to die- Seriously, man? Come on! (Evil Dude shoots him dead. Other passengers gasp in horror and freeze)
Evil dude- That's right, people! This plane has just been JACK'D!
Captain's voice- Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that we've been hijacked by this very adorable young lady sitting next to me, and her boyfriend. We must now crash the plane right into the World Trade Center if we want to live.
(Inside the cockpit)
Pilot- But, dear lady, won't we die anyway if we crash our plane into the World Trade Center?
Evil chick- Yeah, you will. It's only a question of me shooting you right now, or you staring at my boobs for a little longer.
Pilot- I guess I'll choose the latter.
(On the main deck)
Co-passenger- Why? Why do this?
Evil dude- What do you care? You're gonna die in a little while anyways.
Scientist- Maybe, if we know about your cause, we'll be able to support you once you go to heaven and become one with God.
Evil dude- (thoroughly emotional after hearing the scientist) Well, we're doing this because you Jewish motherfuckers raped our wives and children in Jerusalem, when Allah clearly told the entire world that Islam Rulezz!
Everybody- What?!!!! (the plane crashes into the World Trade Center, and everybody dies)
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