Today's REAL, HONEST TRUTH
Nouvelle cuisine is the ideal answer when a restaurant becomes too popular. In these cases, the chef is worked off his or her feet trying to keep all those tables supplied with appetising, nutritious food. Increasing the prices may offer a temporary relief from the overpopularity of the eating-place, or it may instead create an atmosphere of quality and exclusiveness, thereby increasing customers further still. Switching from food to Nouvelle Cuisine helpfully reduces the number of customers to manageable proportions, without resorting to such unpopular or illegal measures as salmonella or e-coli.
No one single characteristic describes Nouvelle Cuisine. Rather, a combination of known attributes, when seen together, determine the style to exist.
- Oversize plate: Nouvelle Cuisine dishes are invariably served on a plate at least three times the diameter required to hold the meal itself. Sometimes, the plate is so large that places must be double-spaced. The very large size of plate allows adequate free space, unencumbered with food, for the chef to demonstrate his or her artistic talent. It is also important that the plate is cold, preferably having been deep-frozen until a few minutes before serving. This coldness ensures that the customer has to eat-up quickly, thus freeing the table sooner.
- Dusty eating surfaces: The plate, and any other surfaces carrying food shall be sufficiently dusty to create the impression of a possible hygiene concern. If plates do not remain unused long enough for natural dust to build up, then this may be substituted with flour, or in fact with any powdery material typically found in a kitchen. (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Ad hominem
Ad hominem (derived from Latin; or Ad-ay ominem-Hay in Pig Latin) is an effective technique used to disprove the argument of a stupid person whose ill-conceived ideas are probably reminiscent of a troubled childhood. The opponent is attacked personally rather than responded to based on their daft ideals and even dafter hairstyle. In most cases the point that is attacked is irrelevant and has no reasoning behind it. Those who use ad hominem points to counter ad hominem points are just as silly and are only leading themselves down a route of more sin.
An example of an ad hominem argument is the debate surrounding gays. The gay sinners, who thanks to their high pitched voice can barely be detected by normal human ears, when presenting their argument put forward the point that people who hate gays only hate gays because they're white and vote for the BNP. The gays who mentioned this point all went to states school and learnt geography so are, unfortunately, completely incapable of understanding how stupid their point was.
Abusive ad hominem arguments involve a petty use of verbal or physical violence against the opponent because the opponent is mentally ill and only has one arm and so can't hold up a substantive argument. Verbal abuse can involve comedic lampoons of the opposition with statements such as "You smell", "You're a loser" and "Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker the Honourable Gentleman owns less than me. Pray shut him up my good man." (more...)
You can vote for your favorite ORIGINAL articles to be featured.
More of the best of Uncyclopedia
Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop
God-fearing American anniversaries
October 23: D&D Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played Dungeons & Dragons as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better.
“It says: With this strength or lower I can only be a Magic User. Re-roll!”
- 33 - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later.
- 1966 - International Federation of the Friendless is formed by Gary Gygax and other near-do-wells.
- 1969 - While others are busy engaged in the Summer of Love, Gary Gygax and Friends are busy making their own chainmail armour out of plastic plumbing washers.
- 1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. Later arrested for being a peeping tom. Judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research.
- 1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create "The Fantasy Game." Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for changerooms.
- 1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out.
- 1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a Basilisk.
- 1984 - You realise with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Noob Resistance" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you.
- 1985 - Everyone starts referring to bottles of water as "Potions of Thirst Obviation" and dictionaries as "Tomes of Acquired Word Definition."
- 2003 - The first woman to play D&D is later discovered to be a shemale .
- 2005 - You catch your wife in bed with another man, but later discover she was just earning 50 experience points with a Helmet of Protection +6.
- 2584 - First D&D player in history gets laid thanks to the lucky roll of a natural 20.
- 3000 - Roughly 500 years after the first D&D player got laid his great, great, great, great grandson becomes Supream Dungeon Master of earth.
- 5000 - the world's first jock plays D&D and becomes D&D master of the universe and all that are contained inside it after beating up Supream Dungeon Master of earth
edit Today's TRUE Wørd
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power. Stealing is sin.
Unbiased News for the American Patriot
More Current Events at UnNews News
Hey, America, did you know...
- ...that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
edit Say, Patriot, do you care...
- ...that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
Heroes of the Month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many
months years to come!
If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:
For nonsense related IRC chat, see this instructional video.
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.