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242 Day This user has returned from Hell and is now here for revenge

You can give the gift of humour by donating to
Saint Jimmys Retirement Fund!
Tax-deductibility of donations

Coffee sm
This user requires a steady supply of Caffeine.
So hand it over. NOW.
(List of users who NEED caffeine)

Popeeyebeams This user is a complete, irredeemable juice. He/she/it is Bat Fuck Insane, and asks at the juice.

This user is a zombie

Give up your brains, and walk away.

Holy Swiss Cheese, that's Bat Fuck Insane!

edit Saint Jimmy's Pages

News from The Saint

"My name is St. Jimmy I'm a son of a gun

I'm the one that's from the way outside

I'm a teenage assassin executing some fun

In the cult of the life of crime."

-Green Day on Saint Jimmy

“Isn't that guy black?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Saint Jimmy
“No, and isn't that guy up there gay?”
~ The Saint on The Queer above this quote
“Gentlemen... BEHOLD!!!! SAINT JIMMY!!!!”
~ Dr. Weird on Saint Jimmy

edit And now a word from our sponsors

To find The Saint and have a quick chat, go to the The London Dungeon and become a user. He needs more members anyway.


And now back to your scheduled programming.

edit Who Is Saint Jimmy?

He is a gringo. He is The Eternal Lord of Random Easter Eggs. He hath but one bunghole. He is that random guy in your nightmares who is eating the flesh of a guy in a Grue suit. HE'LL EAT YOUR FACE!!! He is incofuckingherent and therefore should be approached with caution. He is exremely random and is in danger of imploding upon himself.
Steve carrel

This isn't Saint Jimmy. But seriously, what the hell?

edit What does Saint Jimmy look like?

No one hath seen the face of Saint Jimmy , Eternal Lord of Random Easter Eggs and lived to tell about it. He does not look like your mom, rest assured.

Yes, this is what Saint Jimmy DOES NOT look like. This is just Tom Cruise on crack.

In fact, he's probably your father. He looks somewhat like a pair of scissors stuck in a potatoe. Well, not really. He kind of looks like a basket of bunnies. Without the bunnies. Or the basket. Let me put it this way. It's kind of like when you eat at a restaraunt, like Applebee's, and there's always those creepy foreigners looking at you. No, that doesn't have anything to do with Saint Jimmy, I was wondering. Although he'd be creepy and looking at you. But he wouldn't be foreign. Or would he?

edit Where is he?

In your closet.

edit First Life

The first time The Saint was brought into this world was the year 777 A.D. He was created by Dr. Weird as the ULTIMATE WEAPON OF RANDOM DESTRUCTION!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! He was created with the three numbers 777 engraved into the back of his neck. This later brought about a great many coincidences and his obsession with the number. He became a very famous necromancer who could PWN yours. His great powers brought about great concern from Jack Thompson and the village people. He then set Jimmy's house on fire. But not before Jimmy cursed the village (which stood upon the modern-day White House) and vowed he would be reincarnated as the most powerful, most random son of a bitch ever.

Saint Jimmy was reincarnated the son of Glenn Danzig. Twice. His foster father was president of the board of Incofuckingherentness and therefore the Saint grew up learning jokes about Horses and Easter Eggs. Beware. At the age of 18, Saint Jimmy left the board and traveled to the magnificent land of Dayton, Ohio, to fulfil his dream of finding the Lost Easter Egg of Madness, which transforms it's carrier into the Ultimate Lord of Easter Eggs (therefore giving the carrier complete control of the FORCES OF MADNESS, led by Christopher Walken).
Chris cow

Christopher Walken, formerly the chief executive of the forces of madness, is now Saint Jimmy's personal advisor. He gets holidays and dental benefits, and even FREE EASTER EGGS!!!

Upon his arrival at the temple of the Beasters, Jimmy discovered that the Easter Egg of Madness was missing.

edit St. Jimmy versus Paris Hilton

He soon learned that Paris Hilton had stolen it and was planning to summon the beasts of madness to take over the world. Jimmy traveled to Easter Island to find Paris. Hilton decided to engage Jimmy in an eyebeam battle. Challenging Saint Jimmy in an eyebeam battle is like challenging Kratos in an arm-wrestling match. You don't do it. Since Jimmy is filled with so much randomness and furry gerbils his eye beams are enough to fry solid rock into a McChicken Fillet sandwich in two seconds. Needless to say, the drunk, washed-up bitch lost, and Saint Jimmy became the Ultimate Lord of Random Easter Eggs. Ever since being fried by The Saint's eye beams, she's been walking around with a dead-expression on her face and drinking and whoring herself to death not unlike Tara Reid. Tis' what happens when you fuck with Jimmy.


Saint Jimmy's Royal appointed Keeper of the Stapler, Milton Waddams.

edit The Accidents of St. Jimmy

Shortly after this, Saint Jimmy was bit by a radioactive grue (while tending to his grue farm), and was hospitalized. He was suffering from radiation and, of course, the grue bite. Doctors gave him a 0.777% chance of living. Strangely enough, The Saint somehow pulled through, and remains radioactive to this day. After this occured, another accident (similar, too) happened while The Saint was exploring the various zombie dungeons under his mansion. He was, of course, bit again, this time by a zombie. He was hospitalized, but after the virus settled, his brain somehow retained it's original form, therefore making him undead, yet still human.

edit St. Jimmy versus Satan

After this, God played a joke on Jimmy by sending him to Hell for a day. It was all funny and both laughed about it until the first plane hit the first Trade Center Tower, and God was needed elsewhere. This left The Saint in Hell. When Satan tried to take his soul, Jimmy engaged him in an eyebeam battle (this happened roughly around the same time Doom took place), and of course, he won.

Jimmy doctor

This is what happens when you take Jimmy's stapler. Bitch.

edit DE-FUCKING-STRUCTION of Chuck Norris

Every thinks that Chuck Norris is invincible. But that is simply not true. He was beaten down on two occasions. When Glenn Danzig battled hiom for control of Hell, and when Saint Jimmy beat him on "Hangar 18" by Megadeth on Guitar Hero 2. Norris was devastated, and his ego was FUCKED. After this, all he was useful for was watching the Hallmark channel and doing exercise commercials.

edit Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)

“The Devil went down to georgia and he was looking for a soul to steal”
~ That neat metal band on Guitar Hero 3 on The Devil
Meanwhile, the Devil was still pissed about Jimmy's victory in the DOOM: HELL WARS campaign. So he transformed into his alter-ego (Beelzeboss) and challenged Saint Jimmy to a rock off. He would show you footage, but the rock-off was so awesome that you would asplode if you even so much
Golden strat

The prize that Saintjimmy won for beating Satan. Afterwards, The Saint was the jolliest asshole around.

as heard a decibel of it. After ripping through Master of Puppets, Hangar 18 and Cemetary Gates, Saint Jimmy finished Beelzeboss off with The Devil Went down to Georgia. The Devil was immediatley thrown back down to Hell. Not only that, but Saint Jimmy won the Golden Strat.

“The Devil bowed his head, because he knew that he'd been beat. And he laid that golden strat on the ground at Jimmy's feet. And Jimmy said, Devil just come back if you ever wanna try again. I told you once you Son-of-a-bitch I'M THE BEST THERE'S EVER BEEN!!!”
~ Jimmy on Beating the Devil

edit Saint Jimmy on the Run

Currently, Saint Jimmy is on the run from the FBI and Hilary Clinton for violating obscenity laws and feeding Paris Hilton to his pirahnas.

  • If you'd like to help The Saint out, DON'T FUCKING VOTE FOR HILARY!!!!!

edit The Prophecy

Saint Jimmy was recently flipping through a stack of Fangorias and Penthouses when he stumbled upon 777, the bible of Saint Jimmy written by a madman in Austria who made zombie fairies and meatball machines. The book prophecises that since the day 7/7/07 has already come and gone (last year), this July 7th, The Saint will fall into a coma for 777 days. During this time period, gas prices will be outrageous, Amy Winehouse will die, and a new president will be chosen. Less obvious events include the disapearence of cinnamon toast eggo waffles (due to a recall by the great Xenon lords of Planet X-138), an invasion of level 100 Gorgazoids with arcane missiles, and Nocturnal Hippie Zombies in Long Beach. Jesus Reese's!!! More to come.

edit What's Saint Jimmy doing now? (The Aftermath)

After these increasingly unbelievable incidents, it is believed that Saint Jimmy has returned to the board of Incofuckingherentness and Randomness somewhere in the heart of central PA. He frequently haunts Uncyclopedia. Don't try to find him, he'll find you...

edit Saint Jimmy Facts

  • Saint Jimmy is a citizen of the United States of America. He realizes that his country loves to kill for oil and needs not be reminded of it everyday on C-SPAN.
  • If Saint Jimmy were president, he would institute a national Iron Maiden day, as well as hide random fireworks all over the U.S. to be fired by buttons in his office. Fucking genius.
  • Saint Jimmy plays poker every Saturday with Cthulhu, Abe Lincoln, Glenn Danzig and Christopher Walken.
  • Saint Jimmy has a Grue farm in his backyard.
  • Saint Jimmy fed Chuck Norris to his pirahna tank.
  • Saint Jimmy likes fire
  • Fire
  • Saint Jimmy is knowledgeble is the ways of humor and humour.
  • Saint Jimmy is watching you right now.
  • Saint Jimmy eats communists for breakfast, and democrats for snacks.
  • Saint Jimmy is regular commentator for the Running of the Jew.
  • Saint Jimmy beat Chuck Norris at Guitar Hero.
  • Twice.
  • Saint Jimmy knows where you keep your kittens.

edit Heroes

edit Likes

  • The Russian Women (But in Soviet Russia, Russian women like me!)
  • Easter Eggs
  • Humor and Humour
  • Cowbell
  • Kittens
  • Zombies
  • Randomness
  • Not knowing a damn thing about football yet somehow enjoying watching it. weird.
  • Iron Maiden (So much cowbell)
  • Grues (the Saint breeds them in his personal zoo out back)
  • My dear little stapler (if they take it again, I'll set the building on fire)
  • The holy hand grenade
  • My hordes of cults that I control that people don't know about
  • Money
  • More Cowbell
  • My pirahna pit (Eat, my darlings...)

edit Dislikes

  • Jack Thompson
  • Hilary Clinton
  • Tipper "Communazi" Gore (Fuck you, Tipper! Suck my ass.)
  • Rap Music
  • Rednecks
  • People taking my stapler
  • Things without cowbell
  • cowbell haters (BURN IN HELL, ASS WIPES!!!)
  • this
  • The fact that the world is being taken over by the foreigners. RUN AWAY!!!
  • The Killer Rabbit (Almost defeated me, ALMOST!)
  • You (unless you have cowbell, or money)
  • People who tap on the glass of the piranha pit (YOU ASSHOLES! I'LL SLAUGHTER YOU!!!!)
  • My pent-up rage and aggression that will explode anytime like diarrhea.
  • diarrhea
  • conservative bastards
  • vegetarians (aren't cow farmers destroying the Amazon? Well, I'm eating the cows, goddammit!)

edit The Saint's Creations

“The Saint giveth, the Saint taketh away”
~ Saint Jimmy on Givingeth and takingeth?

edit Articles created by The Saint

edit Huffed Articles by The Saint

edit Articles in Progress

edit Article Ideas by The Saint

edit Articles edited by The Saint


edit Pictures by The Saint

This is a bunch of stupid bull shit text that is here so I can put pictures on the left and
Abe fighting zombies

Abraham Lincoln is seen here defending his intern from the hordes of the damned.

right so they aren't fucking huge do you like seinfeld that one about the stapler is on tonight fucking awesome My Name Is Earl is a great show holy shit it definitley is grurururururururururururues blahahahahahahahahhaha isn't it a nice day for a white wedding it's a great day to start a band and holy shit Raining Blood by Slayer is awesome mwahahahahahaha
Cave monster

Yep, we should be totally safe in here.

because in Soviet Russia blood reigns in YOU!! damn I put an ending punctuation mark

LithiYum! will make you feel like, at least twenty bucks.

that really pisses me off that damn football player guy mike vick or something needs to stop

Sweet Jesus!!! Kittens attack an unsuspecting n00b in Halo 8: Halo Kitty.

dog fighting it's fucking sick and messed up add 3 cups of milk 2 teaspoons of sugar and huffing gasoline is not fucking good for you don't do it you fucking dick head you little shit-eating turd I'll kick your ass if they take my stapler i'll have to set the

Oh, shit. You made him angry. God help us...

building on fire and i was told I could listen to my radio at a reasonable volume jonathan put

An old man being attacked by a duck.

down that binder from 9 to 11 and settle down beavis and PC LOAD LETTER?!?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!?!? sorry I used ending punctuations again but it was so I could emphasize the GO SUCK A DAMMIT point of saying what the fuck does that mean what does it mean anyway weird where was I actually SUITCASE PENIS where I was is of no use to me now so where AM I very good

Your grandfather after you "CLOGGED UP THE DAMN COMMODE!!!

and very
Tianemen highway

A rare photo of a competition. God speed, my friends.

niiice so let us rest here around the camp fire and sing old irish drinking songs well here we are glad you've been listening to my advice I'm just here for the oyster crackers


Safety Sam says, "Tell your parents to stop chugging vodka and fly through the school zone doing eighty!"






HEY!!!! here I go again on my own and leave the spinach alone

Usuario:Coma mis cagadas brillantes

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