User:SPIKE/Wikia site visit

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March30palace
Google Maps shows that Wikia Inc. headquarters is close enough to AT&T Stadium that one could jump out the upper windows of the former into the general-admission seating of the latter.

Following a curious announcement in the Site Notice with absolutely nothing to click on, details are finally leaking out that, during the week of July 22-26, Wikia Inc. invited active Admins to evil corporate headquarters for a chalk talk on future directions. (Your correspondent declined the offer, as the dog-and-pony show occurred in the stretch drive of the local baseball season, and he had already pencilled in a week of stretching. Also of yawning, which would not have played well in Wikia conference rooms.)

Admins Romartus and Simsilikesims accepted the invitation and got all-expense-paid trips to Wikia City (pictured) with door prizes including the newest "wearable Internet appliance," with which future Uncyclopedia readers will be able to use the site, sans keyboard, to view hilarious pages, one word at a time; also to signal their reactions in binary by either pressing the tiny screen with their thumb or not doing so. Like most corporations, Wikia also has a surfeit of imprinted coffee cups and T-shirts and these were offered as further inducements to put the corporation first.

Before the fact, Romartus had said there would be a choice between a trip to Alcatraz or a Major League Baseball game, and this writer was eager to help him interpret America's repair of the game of Cricket. But afterward, Simsie wrote only of a romantic dinner cruise, surely using Dramamine to "sweeten" her signature coffee.

Whatever the extracurricular activities, Romartus, who has been promising for two months to file a trip report in the Village Dump, was so moved he has been unable to bang out anything but an email a month ago about the experience. But we are now able to offer a sneak peek about the time spent in the belly of the corporate beast:

  • Wikia is studying developments at Wikipedia, such as their edit-box-free interface that was called What-You-See-Is-What-You-Get editing when MS-DOS got one in the 'Eighties; also technical improvements by which we might better imitate Wikipedia.
  • Wikia is also working on better renderings on iPads and phones, although the only current result of their efforts was the entertaining side-effect of rendering PuppyOnTheRadio incommunicado, something secretive organizations of the past used to do with the Cone of Silence. Wikia stated that 30% of traffic to Uncyclopedia is now on the mobile platform.
  • As some of Uncyclopedia's more sensitive artists have noticed, the beloved Content Warning, over which we conducted three cordial rounds of debate, is a casualty. In exchange, Wikia will continue policing obscenity on the site. But it will judge each case in context and will make notorious mistakes involving Featured Articles on a regular basis just to be sure we are paying attention.
  • There might be new writing competitions, with prizes of actual value to the recipients, provided we help the corporation launder the money. Wikia had other ideas to attract new writers for whom simple instant, global publication of their chicken-scratchings is somehow not enough.

Our two scruffy Uncyclopedians also met with real-live suits, who talked about advertising clients interested in associating themselves with "edgy" content involving only the gentlest additional censorship. Our delegation was, shall we say, not sold, not even by gestures from American football suggesting they would each be penalized ten yards.

Wikia assured our guys that it values the heritage and the name-recognition of the Uncyclopedia brand (which is presumably why it reacted with such vigor when another website grabbed it) and is looking for new ways to, as marketeers say, "grow" it. The irony was not lost on our guys that, if Wikia had extended such an invitation in 2012, the divisive events of 2013 would not have happened. Indeed, in the great modern world of time travel, they might yet do so; in which case, the reader should please ignore all of the above.

"I saw inside the Belly of the Beast," said Romartus, his hair turned white by the experience. "I still have a full set of spoons to prove it."

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