User:SPIKE/UnNews archive 2

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Archive of User:SPIKE/UnNews for July-December, 2010

edit Contributions

December 29 UnNews:Hawaii governor wants to prove Obama was born in the US (Audio)
December 27 UnNews:Man quits job, sues spammers (Audio)
UnNews:US was protected--Uncyclopedia wasn't {{Original}}
December 24 UnNews:Ouattara leading in Ivory Coast votes, bank accounts (Audio)
December 23 UnNews:US repeals "Don't ask, don't tell"--rewrite of Scofield (Audio)
December 22 UnNews:US to be undefended from terrorism next Sunday (Audio)
December 21 UnNews:UnNews selects Greaves as Editor-in-Chief (Audio)
December 20 UnNews:GM turning oil-spill booms into Volts (Audio)
December 18 UnNews:Battered Obama frees the hostages (Audio)
UnNews:Officials warn of holiday attacks; no one cares--rewrite of Funnybony
December 17 UnNews:Wikia lays off 600-700 (Audio)
December 15 UnNews:UnNews names Finkelscheimer "Man of the Year" (Audio)
December 14 UnNews:Man versus machine on "Jeopardy"
December 13 UnNews:"Sarnia" leads at box office (Audio)
December 12 Doll takes the world by storm--by Aleister in Chains (Audio)
December 10 UnNews:Obama, GOP do one final deal (Audio)
December 8 UnNews:US "folding money" is crap (Audio)
December 6 UnNews:US backs "Do Not Rape" list (Audio)
December 5 Charles Manson caught with electric toothbrush in prison--by Funnybony (Audio)
December 4 UnNews:Weight Watchers reforms point system (Audio)
December 3 UnNews:DEA extends drug "war" to nutmeg (Audio)
December 1 UnNews:Welfare time bomb ticking (Audio)
November 30 UnNews:For Ireland, yet another brain drain (Audio)
November 29 Narration of Chat Roulette (Narration)
November 28 5 rare pink elephants found dead in Indonesia--by Funnybony (Audio)
November 27 UnNews:Reality intrudes on Obama's vision (Audio)
North Korea welcomes Sarah Palin's support--by Romartus (Audio)
November 22 UnNews:Tame inflation gives Fed "ammo" (Audio)
November 20 UnNews:Scarborough out; MSNBC is "shocked--shocked!" (Audio)
November 19 UnNews:Murkowski wins in Alaska (Audio)
November 18 UnNews:Maher says "one side makes crap up" (Audio)
November 17 UnNews:Lame ducks wring hands over Rangel penalty (Audio)
November 16 UnNews:Arizona medical pot vote picks up steam
November 15 UnNews:Scientists propose one-way trips to Mars (Audio)
November 12 UnNews:Mountain may sue area businesses
November 11 UnNews:Update: Kanye West doesn't take it back
November 10 UnNews:Kanye West takes it back (Audio)
November 9 UnNews:Warner Bros to acquire Harry Potter
November 8 UnNews:"Mr. Peanut" speaks in new ad campaign (Audio)
November 5 UnNews:Left wing fails in Australian airliner (Audio)
UnNews:MSNBC suspends Olbermann
November 4 UnNews:Saudi "ink-pen nuke" blows up--with Funnybony (Audio)
November 3 UnNews:Election landslide in US newsrooms (Audio)
November 2 UnNews:UnNews's only rival goes bust (Audio)
October 31 UnNews:Republicans warn of dictatorship if Obama wins--rework of concept by Secret Agent
Obama warns of apocalypse if Republicans win--by Funnybony
Double-feature UnNews Audio on both the above stories (Audio)
October 30 Hurricane Shary misses Bermuda, deemed laughing stock--by Funnybony (Audio)
October 27 UnNews:Drug gangs attack Mexican car wash (Audio)
Seventeen US nukes get away--by Funnybony (Audio)
October 24 UnNews:UnNews resolves to outdo WikiLeaks (Audio)
October 21 UnNews:NPR fires Juan Williams for racism (Audio)
Narration of Mr. Sulu (Narration)
October 20 Scotland to be scrapped in UK spending review--by Matt lobster (Audio)
October 19 Narration of Speedy Gonzalez (Narration)
October 17 UnNews:Crack lowered, blacks celebrate (Audio)
October 16 UnNews:Ecuador stages copycat mine collapse (Audio)
October 14 UnNews:Four Chilean miners refuse to come out (Audio)
October 11 Pope still Catholic, but bear does not shit in woods--by Funnybony (Audio)
October 10 UnNews:Chilean mine rescue delayed again (Audio)
October 9 Narration of Dildus (Narration)
October 7 UnNews:Midnight cabbage runs capture economic desperation (Audio)
October 6 UnNews:World cabbage crisis worsens (Audio)
October 5 UnNews:Japan gives away free money (Audio)
October 3 UnNews:CNN fires Rick Sanchez (Audio)
October 1 UnNews:Afghanistan names Peace Council
US Herpes tests in Guatemala...--by Funnybony (Audio)
September 30 UnNews:Suicide bomber triggers "three-strikes" law on morons (Audio)
September 28 Mexican mayor stoned to death--by Funnybony (Audio)
September 26 UnNews:Maxwell House beats Kentucky murder rap (Audio)
September 24 UnNews:Ahmadinejad captures denial triple crown (Audio)
September 22 UnNews:Obama's family ready to abdicate (Audio)
September 16 UnNews:Hurricane Karl slams into Delaware (Audio)
September 15 Narration of Lipocram (Narration)
September 14 UnNews:US Minority Leader reaches deal with CBS (Audio)
September 13 UnNews:Tea Party shocked at new crop of mediocre candidates (Audio)
September 11 UnNews:Korans may have been burned today (Audio)
September 10 Narration of There Isn't Any (Narration)
September 8 UnNews:Bush to be stripped of Heisman trophy (Audio)
September 7 UnNews:US briefly takes lead in war of religious insults (Audio)
September 5 UnNews:Jimbo Wales hopes to cash in on micro-commerce (Audio)
September 3 UnNews:Florida evacuated when suspicious item found (Audio)
Crazed gunman takes hostages at HBO headquarters....--by Guildensternenstein (Audio)
August 31 UnNews:Boston's SCVNGR, a web site with a difference (Audio)
August 30 UnNews:Social Security found to have 310 million tits (Audio)
August 29 UnNews:Uzbek silk spun with child labor (Audio)
August 28 UnNews:Local firebug trips himself up
August 24 UnNews:Update: Sherrod won't rejoin Agriculture
August 23 UnNews:Iran inaugurates first unmanned bomber--started by Happytimes (Audio)
August 22 UnNews:Obama hosts Semite slumber-party (Audio)
August 20 UnNews:Obama Muslim rumors won't die (Audio)
August 18 UnNews:Update: Dr. Laura quits radio
August 17 UnNews:Wikia City named 14th best place to live {{Original}} (Audio)
August 16 UnNews:Extra! Elvis still dead (VFH nom) (Audio)
August 14 UnNews:White person says the N-word on radio (Audio)
August 12 UnNews:All crises end, unfortunately (Audio)
UnNews:New apps support terrorist attacks--Recorded by Mordillo
Alternate version using Mordillo's audio for quotations and finale (Audio)
August 10 UnNews:Texas pols shun Obama (Audio)
Narration of Pencil (Narration)
August 8 UnNews:Beer-warehouse shooter complained of racism (Audio)
August 7 UnNews:Wyclef Jean runs for President of Haiti (Audio)
August 6 UnNews:Bush detainee policy evaded law (Audio)
August 3 UnNews:Celebrity humps "worldwide" breastfeeding law (Audio)
August 2 UnNews:US plans to attack Iran!!! (Audio)
August 1 UnNews:Congressman: Too much dispersant used in oil spill (Audio)
Narration of St. Columbo (Narration)
July 31 Athlete stripped of medal at the European Athletics Championship--by Londonmammoth (Audio)
July 29 UnNews:Breast milk surprise found in health-care law (Audio)
July 28 UnNews:Nebraska city suspends new immigration law (VFH nom) (Audio)
July 27 UnNews:Small-town officials defend outlandish salaries (Audio)
July 25 Larry King is revealed to be nearly 500 years old--by Lordarcadian (Audio)
July 24 Narration of Dianalysis (Narration)
India unveils prototype of $3 iPad--by Funnybony (Audio)
July 23 UnNews:Sherrod reinstated, opposition giddy (Audio)
July 19 UnNews:NY Yankees compared to Nazis
July 18 UnNews:Commentator seeks sainthood for BP (Audio)
July 17 Narration of Rice burners (Narration)
July 16 UnNews:UnNews to acquire Republican Party {{Original}} (Audio)
July 13 Narration of Fantastic Four (Narration)
July 12 UnNews:Basketball star LeBron James freed from slavery (Audio)
July 10 UnNews:Anne Frank story set to launch as comic book (VFH nom) (Audio)
UnNews:UnNews Audio to sign Mel Gibson as anchor (Audio)
July 8 UnNews:Crew of solar airplane in panic as sun sets (Audio)
Scientists to present airliner for blind pilots next year--by Noonshine (Audio)
July 6 UnNews:Postage to go up again (Audio)
Narration of Batroc (Narration)
July 4 UnNews:Independence Day celebrated locally {{Original}} (Audio)
July 3 UnNews:Apple "stunned" to find stats on reception and profit are crap (Audio)
July 1 UnNews:Baseball discards playoff format {{Original}} (Audio)

edit Talk page for UnNews and UnNews Audio

edit Columns, letters, editorials and ATBF section

Have you seen the latest letter to me? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:06, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Who is doing the whoring now??? Yes, you surely gave him a piece of my mind. But your link to the entire change history will be cryptic to readers. Instead, I've created a section head for your letter to point to. In fact, I've edited the Letters section myself to change Footnote 1. PS--He and I also mixed it up this week at the end of Talk:Barack Obama. Spıke Ѧ 02:43 9-Jul-10

edit UnPodcast

We (emc, Skully, and I) need you and Zim to get on Skype to discuss the podcast. Here's the link to the Skype channel. Oh, and you have to download Skype. It's free. And here's a bit of what we intend to do already here. You may have to have an account to read it. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 21:46, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

I'll be happy to read scripts for you. Am not inclined to download Skype. Spıke Ѧ 22:16 10-Jul-10

You're not? Fine... We intend to have emc do it this week, but we wanna use an UnNews audio of yours. Got any particular one you want us to use? MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 23:21, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Take your pick. Of this month's audios, UnNews:Postage to go up again (6-Jul) least requires a person to have read the real news. Likewise UnNews:Baseball discards playoff format (1-Jul), as there wasn't real news. One of its subplots, the Boston Red Sox disabled list being a tournament team, has only gotten truer since I wrote it.
PS--I am still narrating and, unless you are too, I'd be pleased to get another nomination when I hit 3 for July. I like streaks. Spıke Ѧ 23:38 10-Jul-10
I like File:UnNews--Crew_of_solar_airplane_in_panic.mp3 quite a lot. I think we'll use this if it's okay with you!  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 00:52 Jul 11, 2010
Sure! It's actually better that a third party pick the best one; ask the author and you might get a pick based on things that aren't important to the listener. Good luck! Spıke Ѧ 01:02 11-Jul-10
Thanks! And if you ever want to host an UnCast, just let us know. The invitation is open. Or whatever the phrase is.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 01:09 Jul 11, 2010
Again, I'll be happy to read a script for you.
PPS--I'm still narrating. Spıke Ѧ 00:30 14-Jul-10
PPPS--And still narrating. Time to nominate me. Spıke Ѧ 02:47 18-Jul-10
SPIKE, you've had a lot of balls, calling me a whore. Even if it is true. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:49, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
Ah! you're up and about. Why don't you give me a Narrator nomination? Spıke Ѧ 14:54 18-Jul-10
Point me in the direction, oh great Unnews prodigy. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:17, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
It's at UN:ANOTM, where you might cite the narrations for Batroc, Fantastic Four, and now Rice burners. Or even listen to them! I'd put it in and sign your name but that might be frowned on. Spıke Ѧ 15:40 18-Jul-10
Done. Can't listen now, though. Headphones broke. I need to resolve this so I can give you some audio competition. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:07, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

edit Why?:Not hire Reverend Zim_ulator

As usual, I came out of a self-induced seizure today with an idea, which became a Reverend Zim_ulator quote.

“I am continually in awe. Makes it hard to keep a job.”
~ Reverend Zim_ulator on Why:Not hire Reverend Zim_ulator?

Then, after showing it to Sister Zim_ulatrix, I had the idea that an article titled, "Why:Not hire Reverend Zim_ulator?" must be written. She suggested I offer you an invitation to give it a shot. She said, "Oh, I'll bet he'd have a wonderful time writing that, and it would be funny as hell." So, out of fear of my wife, I extend an invitation. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:42, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

It is a continuing wonder, and risk, of working here in the basement of One Wikia Centre, that the Chief continues begging key employees to pick a fight with him--in this case, documenting his complete unsuitability for employment. It took me months to figure out how to tackle artfully the assignment to start a fake flame war. Besides, my consistent opinion is that UnNews already has enough articles on the Reverend Zim. Spıke Ѧ 20:55 14-Jul-10

Excellent answer! The fact that you've cleverly avoided my trap (about which, I was apparently unaware until just a minute ago) just supports my hypothesis (which I just now am making up) that you're a Vegan Christmas-hater. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:17, July 14, 2010 (UTC) add 14 points for using the word "just" three times in the same paragraph

edit Baseball

My son took his family to see a Spinners game tonight, and they had a great time. I told them you might just be there. He and my daughter in law saw your pic and recognise you. They also mourn the loss of Nashua's team. I used to have a cat named Spike. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:45, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

I don't frequent the Spinners (always sold-out, but I am at their ballpark in the springtime for UMass/Lowell games) but the All-Americans, the college-summer league team out by 495 where the Spinners used to play. Otherwise: what a small world. Spıke Ѧ 03:58 20-Jul-10
Do you like beer? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 02:12, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

edit Help preparing narrations

spike i have listened to your news recordings. I was looking for help for Titanic the article has a play by play section. i was looking for a recorded version. if it differed from the writen part it would be ok as it could be adjusted to fit the audio. Or some pointers on what programs to use to do it myself if your are too busy. Lordarcadian 01:08, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for volunteering to overhaul that article. Preparing narrations is an unheralded art. As a starting point, you could read the following:

Oh, I see what you want. No, I am not enthused about recording this article, much less a monologue inside it. However, I have recorded your UnNews story of today. You are now listed at UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Other writers whose stuff got broadcast. Add your national flag, if you care. Spıke Ѧ 11:51 25-Jul-10

Great Larry King recording. Lordarcadian 01:23, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

edit What's with the TeleType?

I like that you're making audio files of UnNews articles for the blind who are still able to click on links, but there's one thing that's been bugging me: what's with that typewriter-ish sound in the background? Like your work a lot.--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag

Thanks for the compliment. The best explanation of the background sound--other than that it makes it effortless to crop out mistakes and have the result seem perfect--is in the caption on this page's first photo. Spıke Ѧ 09:38 31-Jul-10
You might like my narration of mainspace (encyclopedia) articles too. Spıke Ѧ 10:07 31-Jul-10

edit Yet another remake of the UnNews Front Page

You may want to see this, so you can prepare the reception. imnho you and Zim have spent hundreds of hours creating a really nice looking and extremely accessible main page, and when I look at this "new" one I don't see a single improvement, let alone a wholesale change. To me in looks like a jumbled mess. Just another example among thousands that shows that each of our minds see things differently, some people like one thing, others another. But I don't see anything on your talk page or Zims that indicate anyone talking this over with you. Well, I don't know why people have to now create new drama, this time at UnNews, to add to all the recent drama, but that may be the case. Aleister 5:24 31 7

I appreciate the heads-up, as I don't cruise the Forum regularly. It would be real nice if we could focus on content, without various Uncyclopedians from the past landing for a cup of coffee and a drive-by redesign of the newspaper. However, I have no criteria on which to compare front-page designs; and, in view of the recent drama, am inclined not to act as though I did. Your opinion should be welcome. It was a marvelous idea that Olipro and Gert5 engage in a duel to the death. It could be like a vintage Republican primary election where the winner is doomed. Spıke Ѧ 09:45 31-Jul-10
Debate is engaged in the newsroom. Spıke Ѧ 16:56 31-Jul-10

edit Reverting an admin's edit (on Template:RecentUnNewsAudio)? Really?

The hosers YOU'VE BEEN HOZED!!!

The hosers
Rev_zim has performed a Hozing on your soul; apparently you've done wrong in the eyes of doG. Take off, eh?!.

Yup, as explained in the Change Summary. The clip is an interesting performance but, as you wrote, "This audio DOES NOT BELONG IN UnNews", any more than my narrations of mainspace articles, even though they are also audio. If you agree, the item should not be in {{RecentUnNewsAudio}}. If instead this is a reverse-psychology ad, that doesn't belong in the template. Indexes of items should be indexes, and without recommendations or critique--whether done by an Admin or not. If you think this item really is both UnNews and particularly gifted, the red banner at the top of the page would be a better place to hump it. Spıke Ѧ 20:27 5-Jul-10

As always, rational, eloquent, clear, concise yet comprehensive, technically correct, but this time, wrong. Well, OK, not wrong. When an admin, any admin, makes changes, it's best to consult before you revert. It's kind of an unwritten law here, it's just not done in our polite society, so to speak. Fortunately, for you and the greater good of Uncyclopedia, I can't be bothered to ban you. Many other admins would. Don't do it again.
I've been following the banter between you and Mordillo. You have a talent for getting under his skin, it seems. Take it from me as friendly advice, that you should try and avoid doing that. I wasn't going to say anything because I'm lazy, and I always opt to hope a problem does not develop, or will go away, all by itself.
I hoped the "joke template" was not so subtle as to escape your understanding, as I really hate doing this sort of adminny stuff. Consider yourself having been admonished, then. Now, go back to doing all the cool shit you do like no other. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:58, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
PS Consider it a compliment that I spent time and worried over writing this. That's because I've got a huge guy-crush on you.
PPS The reason I made that edit is that this is UnNews. The Un part means that things happen here that you probably would never see at some reputable news site, nor at the object of your desire, The Onion. Putting that blurb in, like using awful grammar and using pics completely unrelated to the story, is a device to keep the readership slightly off balanced.

The drama with Mordillo seems to have died down, although the immediately preceding section provides a fine example of what I was talking about, though Aleister disagrees. Anyway, I will be in your city again Tuesday evening, the usual place just off Exit 38. Bring a lawn chair and it won't be that uncomfortable. Hell, or bring pistols and your Second. Spıke Ѧ 03:05 6-Jul-10

I thought of it more like pre-drama. Jesus, no pistols! I'm scared to death of firearms. Going to be in town for a baseball game? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:47, July 6, 2010 (UTC)

Several times in the next week, in fact. It's only cheers if you ditch the bad-back line and make an appearance! The old guy in the press box will be able to point out Spike to you. Spıke Ѧ 12:43 6-Jul-10

Dude, you have no idea. Calling what I've got a "bad back" is like... well, it's like calling something something else, so... that's that. My kids are really busy from May through July with family stuff every weekend, but I'm thinking about pinning them down at some point for steaks and whatever on the grill. To judge whether you'd care for my kids, they think I'm somewhat daft. They're closer to normal than I, at any rate. Any chance you'd be interested in coming by? (Tentative) cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:45, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit Ozymandiaz says reverting admins is cool

Who cares if he reverted an admin, I revert admins all the time. This is Uncyclopedia, not Nazi Germany. --Ozymandiaz 15:30, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

You also get banned all the time Ozy. ~Jewriken.GIF 05:59, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks for the idea for a letter to the editor, OzBag. Oh, and by definition, you lost. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:03, July 8, 2010 (UTC)

It ain't easy being a freedom figher, Mordillo. For the record, who is this Zim ulator person? I've never heard of him/she/it. --Ozymandiaz 17:16, July 8, 2010 (UTC)

Chiming in on someone else's talk page is a trend of which I too am guilty. Asking who the hell the person is whom you interrupted is outrageous. Regarding your change summary, "Sorry, I just have this effect. People get obsessed....Is it the capacity to laugh at myself?...."--Are you really sure of the effect you are having on minds other than your own? Spıke Ѧ 17:29 8-Jul-10

edit Ozymandiaz returns after a ban and picks up where he left off

(Former section title: That wasn't exactly fair was it) I defend you against some admin who's in one a tiff because you reverted them and you gang up on me with the rest of the cowards? Rest assured, you won't have my help again. --Ozymandiaz 22:55, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

I have completely forgotten what drama ensued that resulted in your banning, Ozy, and I'd like to keep it that way. Shall we all behave like adults? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:52, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
By all means, Zim. But cross me again and you really will be the dirt under my rollers. --Ozymandiaz 19:20, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
Ozy, you're making it really hard for me not to infiniban you. ~Jewriken.GIF 19:24, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
I don't know who any of you are, but would anyone like a free hug? I'm giving them out today. --ChiefjusticeXBox 19:26, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
Can I have a steak & kidney pie with that? ~Jewriken.GIF 19:27, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
Last time I had a hug from ChiefjusticeDS I ended up with Impetigo, although in retrospect, we probably shouldn't have hugged naked. -- Prof. Olipro Icons-flag-gb KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 19:29, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
OK, I just had to run this through a google translate, still didn't make sense, ran through Hebrew wikipedia, saw the pictures. Thank you Oli. ~Jewriken.GIF 19:31, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
We Took a Vote

Ozy: Your "defense" of me against Rev. Zim was not requested, was not relevant, and was not helpful, except to let Rev. Zim turn you into a fake Letter to the Editor with which to start a new UnNews feature. (My only real beef with you was over a Category with a uselessly long name I tried to delete.)

Your last episode got you a one-month ban, which has now ended; since then, you seem to have done nothing but politick: suck up to some users and pick fights with others. I didn't ban you, but clearly you learned nothing from it, regarding working as a team.

Okay, I won't have your help again. I never asked for it--and I don't "gang up" nor conspire. You, in contrast, are here to poke and play with other users (versus writing content), probably because no one at grade school plays with you any more. The Forum suggests there has been an epidemic of this in the last month. So go away. Spıke Ѧ 20:43 9-Aug-10

He's gone away for a bit. I gave him a vacation, and am considering a permaban. He seems to like targeting admins for juvenile outbursts. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:06, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit Kudos and awards from Zim ulator

edit Another *yawn* token award

edit Thanks, and yes, I am of French-Canadian descent

The title is a response to my speculation, on Zim's talk page, about his selection of theme colors for his UnNews sections

Thanks for rotating headlines in my brief foray into no things bat fuck. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:11, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit Salaam!

Thanks for doing the Ramadan edition notice and scut work. I've been thinking about a Muslim-related story recently, so it's good timing for me. Allah must be smiling upon me, blessed be Propjet Moe Hamed (I hope I have opportunity to use that some day...). If we get a few articles, perhaps a Section for the Holy month? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:04, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

Sounds like a job for Specialty Index. (Mel Gibson has had no news since we promoted his section.) Don't forget Larry Hamed and Curly Joe Hamed. A photo shoop is obvious. Spıke Ѧ 19:36 12-Aug-10
I only wish I had the skills. I suppose I should play around with images if only to gain some basic competence. If we're talking jihad here, we'll may have to call on Shemp Hamed and the other Joe Hamed. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:06, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit InlineMedia

I added a {{{start}}} variable. Now if the audio file has no UnNews--, just type in something like {{InlineMedia|Name of Article or something|start=}} --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 18:08, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks--Now in place in {{Third Lead}} (third featured article on UnNews Front Page). Be sure to document this usage as this "example" will be overwritten within a day. Spıke Ѧ 18:24 13-Aug-10

edit Romartus on turmoil at UnNews

Hi Spike. Sorry to see you have resigned as De Facto Deputy Editor-in-Chief of UnNews. Are you going to stick around? I hope you don't leave! --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 08:10, 08:25, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

Hi, and happy birthday and welcome to my decade. I assumed your message meant you had written another article that needed Front Page featuring! but the Top Three have recently been rotated and Zim seems to be back in the chair, a change I attribute to world-class American pain medication, also the fact that it wears off. To restate from the Forum, I am not excited about careers in management (Acting or Deputy) in a subsidiary where Headquarters overrides us on local matters. This is not unknown in the real world, and the politics is also too similar to reality for this vacation spot.
But our mainspace collaborations have been excellent, because of our different education and the different roles we take in editing an article, they are noted on my user page (though in small print), and I look forward to doing more of them. Spıke Ѧ 10:04 31-Aug-10

No problem Spike regards working on future articles with you - and also your invaluable turn-a-around role with stuff down in the VFD basement. I would wait and see what happens to UnNews now that the Olipro design has come out on top. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:43, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

My service on VFD (a chore I do only to pay admission to this salvage yard) has recently been a casualty of following the Forum--though Aleister is chief rescuer these days. However, not only did Hyperbole take a step back on the UnNews vote, as you as peacemaker noted above, he gave me the save on Pierre Boulez. Spıke Ѧ 13:29 31-Aug-10

edit In the Ban Club

I see the Chief Justice has given you a 24 hour session in the cooler. I trust you brought along your baseball and glove, it can get hot inside there. Seriously, I hope you don't lose interest here because of that though I can recommend as a place to hang out instead. It can be a bit quiet in there but no one will disturb you! --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 06:17, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

A delayed call, but unavoidable, for name-calling after a direct warning not to by the same admin on the same page. Explained though not excused by the fact that guys seemed to have just forced Zim to quit Uncyclopedia and to have taken his place at UnNews. In any case, thanks again for the support.
I did not see a ban coming but, happily, finished UnNews:Boston's SCVNGR, a web site with a difference and the Audio in the morning. I had a mind to give UnNews a short rest after the drama, but the papers keep publishing stories that beg for satire versions. Spıke Ѧ 19:08 1-Sep-10

Glad you are staying Spike. I am also minded to give UnNews a rest too, depends on Zim for me and if he gets more involved again. Perhaps I want to see what the 'new management' of UnNews have in mind and what they encourage. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:39, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

No, that is not what I said and I don't endorse a boycott; again, I have filed dispatches since the drama started, and will again the moment Obama and whatever that opposition party is both approach an issue ridiculously. Zim is already back, rotating the leads, and supporting his dray horses, for example defending my UnNews:Local firebug trips himself up from a charge it was too short. Today, however, I'm snatching Spanish away from the Anons. Spıke Ѧ 20:02 2-Sep-10

edit You're double winner!

Bling moved to User:SPIKE/UnNews

I'll take your congratulations like I take my steaks: Well done! --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 01:55, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

edit New UnNews format

Hi Spike! Is it the new unnews you were talking about? Cool! Any new rules I should know? I gladly stopped highlighting words. Cheers! Stay well.--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 20:24, Sep 10

As I understand it: Bolding only for the dateline (at least, stop bolding persons and institutions); other highlighting at your option. The other bolding is still listed in From the Chief as Zim's preference. His last word on these preferences in the Forum was that they were a deliberate effort to make UnNews proudly ugly by way of being different; even I dissented on that. Spıke Ѧ 21:16 10-Sep-10

edit UnNews:Archive

I don't know if you ever bother(ed) with maintaining the UnNews Archive, however, since I've just done away with the previously very onerous process, here's the low-down:

  1. Go to the edit page for the month's archive... such as UnNews:Archive/October 2010
  2. Simply add {{UnNews:ArchiveGenesis|October|2010}} to the page's content (where October is the appropriate month and 2010 is the appropriate year) and save it.
  3. Update UnNews:Archive to link to the newly created page.
  4. Profit.

Do note that I've done away with title links to specific dates in the archive because they are, for all intents and purposes, useless. -- Prof. Olipro Icons-flag-gb KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 13:42, September 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit Are you the new UnNews Editor?

Hi Spike. Are you the new editor? If Zim's not around that makes you in charge I always figured. Thanks for putting my silly "Taliban Drone" news up. So now they rotate? With more slots you can feature more stories, although it looks a bit cluttered and, uh, kinda, you know. It doesn't look clean now. It looks dirty (for lack of better terms). Top and bottom look too empty, and the middle looks too full. I won 1996 Benjamin Franklin Award award in USA for book design, so I know the subject. Just a mention. I suppose you haven't really finished the layout. But skinny on top and bottom makes a FAT BITCH, but vise versa makes a HOT BITCH. Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 18:45, Sep 14

I am not the new editor. I am still a contributor, and I know how to flip front-page Features. The perception of the UnNews Front Page may depend on your hardware, as I set out in Forum:UnNews and screen resolution. Olipro did the redesign; of the top four UnNews writers, you did not get involved and the rest opposed the change. I argued it should have been decided in the Newsroom and not Uncyclopedia-wide.

Gad, that Palin is impossible to look at, when will it disappear? Ugh!

Do you have a problem with the article, the book cover, or the Republican celebrity herself? Don't answer. When will it disappear? Um, whenever you author a replacement. With a really funny photo and lead paragraph (funnier than my latest story on Boehner).

Anyway, if you're in charge now, that's to be expected. So rock the casbah, bro! And, maybe do an audio of the drone strike. Cheers

I can see you are doing a man-bites-dog of the real news story, but it isn't a side-splitter. Ask again soon. Spıke Ѧ 19:13 14-Sep-10

edit News Recordings

I haven't kept track, have you made the required recordings to be nommed for News Broadcaster this month?? Has anyone else done better? Just interested, no reason. Aleister 15:22 21 9

Thank you for asking! I've done 9 UnNews Audios in September (click on the microphone) and no one else has done any. Also two narrations that I would stack up against those of Mrthejazz. Unfortunately, it may be a day or two more before the voice is back in shape to do more. Spıke Ѧ 15:41 21-Sep-10

edit Mass Dentistry

Hello, and how go all things? It seemed like Weapons of Mass Dessertion covered cavities (by use of the term dessert), a pun on the mass desert that covers the most common use of the WMD term, Iraq, and at a stretch the desertion rate of soldiers (mostly by suicide because they have no place to actually escape to) fighting in the mideast. Maybe an a.k.a. , Weapons of Mass Dentistry (a.k.a. Weapons of Mass Dessertion)? Nice work on the page, it makes me want to fight with candy and lose gracefully. Aleister 11:49 26 9

Maybe a footnote.
Re above, I'm up to 11 for September--although today's dispatch hardly merits a 12th. Spıke Ѧ 12:56 26-Sep-10

edit Edits

Spike! Hey there! I loved the audio of stoned to death. Its funny to hear the absurd stated so dead pan. Bravo. And I'm always happy when you edit any of my stuff. Thanks for the improvements. And thanks for the Foolitzer Nom. I wonder where that stands? Stay well. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 11:58, Oct 2

Thanks--I've just gone in and edited the Guatemala story, as explained in the Change Summary--mostly small stuff, but I did delete one entire paragraph that seemed like filler and not humor. I presume someone will poopsmith the awards this weekend or next Monday by the latest. As, in my case, there were no other nominations, votes, or qualifying contributions, I surely won the Manny and have updated my page in anticipation. I still don't like to participate in the popularity contests--I think they generally measure the size of one's clique rather than the quality of an article. But the September Foolitzer demanded it: even if we concede that Ape had the single best article of the month, it didn't keep the page alive, and one week, you did. Spıke Ѧ 12:14 2-Oct-10

edit Purple Rabbit's feet

Ha!ha! I saw the news about Chinese fortune tellers, then thought what's the most extreme absurd of that, and "rabbit's foot" was the extreme. And purple rabbit's foot? Absurd. Obviously Made in China. Hehe!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 12:37, Oct 7

edit UnNews:Scotland to be scrapped in UK spending review=

And thanks for the copy-editing. Most welcome. I feel guilty for all my bad grammar. mAttlobster. (hello) 21:15, October 20, 2010 (UTC)

No problem. Imagine how your grammar teacher feels. Spıke Ѧ 21:18 20-Oct-10

edit UnNews:Area gay man has Gay-Area man-sex on QVFD

I'd like you to speak to Mrthejazz before requesting an admin look over his article for deletion. Mrthejazz is a former Writer of the Month and I'm sure a compromise from both of you would serve the site infinitely better than a deletion. --ChiefjusticeXBox 12:01, November 12, 2010 (UTC)

My two cents. Please give me a penny change. The article seems fine to me, as if these two guys just invented gay sex, which is news. And the fact that they've tried over 2000 kamasutra position plus 125 more that they've made up, that's news. Got to remember, UnNews doesn't have to be based on real news. I think that's the point you get stuck on sometimes, a hurdle in your worldview of UnNews. Just knock that hurdle off the track and what you are left with is the best of both worlds, real-based news and made up well-written crazy stuff. Aleister 12:11 12 11 (check out that timing!)
Thank you for your second and third opinions. I retract my request--though I will massage the headline. Spıke Ѧ 12:37 12-Nov-10
Aleister, I understand that non-real-life news has a place in UnNews, and is commemorated with our {{Original}} tag. This one simply falls short of the standard that it has to appear to be notable. All are welcome, but their contributions have to maintain our little con and support the facade. (PF4Eva, this means you.) Spıke Ѧ 12:44 12-Nov-10
How about just a change to simplify the headline "UnNews:Area Gay Men Invent Gay Sex" which then makes it news? Aleister 12:54 12 11
Okay, look. I know this isn't my best work, but QVFD, really? The thing is satire, you know. The joke I was going for was to milk the "Area Man" thing. (Gay area man having gay area man sex). I also didn't really finish it because I was starting to fall asleep writing it. I'll fix it up. Seriously though, it's not QVFD because QVFD means there as positively nothing good or funny about it, just crap. I don't think that's the case. :( Also, you're right. Gay guys having gay sex isn't really news. It's UNnews. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 13:00, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
Hmm. Except for the excess capital letters, that's interesting (but problematic; how could they be described as gay men if they just invented it?). "UnNews: Locals invent gay sex" would be news, but abandons the clever gay-area area-gay conundrum. I mentioned this discussion on author Mrthejazz's talk page and will leave it to him to see if he wants to massage it further. As it were.
Chief, your opinion is wise as always; except that author's awards and rank should not be a factor. Jazz, thanks for your reply. My QVFD said, "Spike requesting second opinion from Admin," not a simple delete. Spıke Ѧ 13:04 12-Nov-10 post-edited

edit UnNews:FDA “Mandate” actually ruse of big tobacco

I apologize for my continued neglect in supplying a snappy introductory paragraph. I am striving to remember for my next article. My system is pretty slip shod. An idea sits in my head for a while, and I pound it bout, usually one draft. I've learned if I over edit my stuff, it becomes less readable. I've been out of school for so long, I forget the old rule, "say what you're going to say" "say it" "remind your readers what you said" the latter not for UnNews but was good for grad school papers. Also one drafts, btw LOL

--K3vin-Yak-Bak MUN,CM,NS
As you can see, I've been pulling together leads for the Front Page if at all possible. The problem I had with your Tobacco story--and the reason I didn't feature it until today, when the entire Front Page was getting old and Rush Limbaugh was talking about one-way Mars trips, for which we had a story, is quite different. It doesn't read like news. "Big Tobacco" is a character in a partisan political conspiracy theory. A news story should have interviews with individuals (such as the Marketing R&D Director for one of the companies). I'm not saying you can't make it damned easy for the reader to reach his own conspiracy conclusions, which might coincidentally be the same as your own!
I also wasn't bowled over by the image of kitten-huffing. Though plenty revolting, kitten-huffing is a meme that the crowd on Votes for Deletion thinks is increasingly trite. I'd like to see something more topical: Shoop Frank Zappa or Dick Cheney onto a Marlboro cover?
Ah, but grad school, is it? Say no more! Spıke Ѧ 18:42 15-Nov-10

Grad School 17 years ago, but am still recovering from pseudointellectual smartypantiasis. Thanks for insights. I can embellish if your think it would be relevant. I've got another in prewrite status, that I will juice up, using your insights. I admit I was trying to pander with the kitten huffing, it was a big deal years ago. My intent was something non horrific, I may switch it out for a constellation of cancer . --K3vin-Yak-Bak MUN,CM,NS

Thing about UnNews, is that we are the drive-by media that they always call the other media. Your dateline is two days ago, and we move on; rewriting it to leave the conspiracy theories to the easily-led-by-the-nose reader would require a renaming. But I welcome a snappier photo (unless you see a way to make it work, the constellation idea is way too subtle). If you change the photo, please also update it in {{Lead article 4}} on the Front Page. PS--If you haven't already, please see UnNews:Style about "making UnNews read like news"--and about alternatives we have, when you don't want it to. Spıke Ѧ 19:07 15-Nov-10

I just noticed your Time Travel good job --K3vin-Yak-Bak MUN,CM,NS

I like the new image. It's enough to make you not want to smoke a whole pack. But Time Travel is not one of mine. Spıke Ѧ 02:10 16-Nov-10

Actually my dumb ass was referring to your time stamp format the 2 digit year made me read it as Nov 10. --K3vin-Yak-Bak MUN,CM,NS 03:28, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

edit Lyrithya on Illogicopedia/IllogiNews

I thought I should tell you. I wrote an IllogiNews article. That's the Illogicopedia version of the news... anyway, it really sucks. Well, the one I wrote, anyway. Some of the Illoginews is actually pretty damn good, actually.

And why am I telling you? Hell if I know. Maybe so you can be ready to chase me away from UnNews, if need be? Meh, doubt that'll happen. Cheers. ~ Pointy *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101118 - 01:48 (UTC)

It is definitely you. On UnNews, you would get a scolding from me to reread UnNews:Style, which you hadn't read anyway, Section 3, keep yourself out of the article. Not that it would matter. You have that frying pan, and I have only this ink-stained diadem. Spıke Ѧ 03:13 18-Nov-10
What, you actually tracked it down and read it? Oh, blimey... did you read any of Zim's while you were there? Now those are funny. At least the bats aren't eating my legs... I supposed I actually would have to avoid the bats if I did try to write an UnNews, though? Meh, that'd ruin everything. ~ Pointy *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101118 - 15:35 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Swedish province declares independence

Begun on his talk page

Welcome to UnNews! I've modified your headline (page name) as shown above. Obviously a province that declares independence is a rogue province, so I struck that word; and no extra capitals is our style.

This obscure fact is in our Style Guide, UnNews:Style, which will also tell you how to correctly code your Sources.

I have one problem with the concept. You seem to be relying on the fact that Swedes will find absurd the concept of this province seceding. For non-Swedes, however, I wish the article would provide more background on what makes it so absurd. The first time I read it, it seemed more as though someone were writing some personal fantasy history than writing humor.

You might also reconsider the paragraphs that merely explain why we don't know what is going on. Although it is absurd for a "news source" not to know what is going on, it may also harm the surface impression that this is a news article.

Your illustration is excellent and I'll prepare a graphic to highlight it on the UnNews Front Page, first giving you a few hours to make any changes you see fit. Spıke Ѧ 19:53 2-Dec-10

Do forgive me for being a total and obscurly unpleasant noob.
I've added some, though vague, background to the story. (There really is'nt any apprehendable connection to reality for any non-Swede) I've deleted some irrelavant text, even though some might have been left behind.
Sources, sources, sources... I know, you told me. And I've tried, I really have. I'll suppose that's something I'll have to learn eventually, right? That and general structure, anyway.
Since it's my first time doing more for the greater good than eating my vegetables, I'll hope and pray for your forgiveness. And that of everyone else I might confuse. Though hopefully not sexually.
In order to lick a litte more butt, I feel obliged to add:
I'm very, very impressed and humbled by the way you've greeted me here. Believe me, I thougt everyone here was raving maniacs. To actually be reviewed, sincerely greeted and feedbacked with civilized and understanding words within the time it took me to take a walk in the snow, is something a newbie, let alone I, would possibly dream of.
With hopes of many future encounters, Dcimiffo

Snow...brr...It's coming this way.

You are obscure but it wasn't unpleasant. Since I wrote you, an esteemed officer has indeed visited your talk page with the "official" welcome; and I've done a light edit of your page and added {{Original}}, the usual apology for the Sources section when you've pulled a story out of a bodily orifice. And your story has the 1-spot on the Front Page on the strength of the mooose [sic] tank. Indeed, I too look forward to future encounters! Spıke Ѧ 22:16 2-Dec-10

edit UnNews:WikiLeaks reveals I was an accident

Thanks for correcting my UnNews article; I really should read through my articles more carefully. mAttlobster. (hello) 16:17, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

Just part of the job. But--yes, you should. Spıke Ѧ 16:34 2-Dec-10

edit UnNews:FIFA hand 2022 World Cup to the planet Mars

I removed the sentence you added as I felt it took away from Blatter's reliance on 'the future' for transport to Mars. If you think it's better in, I wont revert again. mAttlobster. (hello) 19:18, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

Your call. That sentence is not necessary, but is a cute lead-in to the next paragraph. The concern that the place is deserted is not quite the same as the concern over getting back and forth. Either way, the article is now in the 2-spot. Am wrestling with whether the Sweden article is an UnNews or just goofy, but I think the illustration wins it the 3-spot. Spıke Ѧ 19:27 2-Dec-10

edit UnNews:Doll takes the world by storm

Thanks for the clean-up and the lead placement of the Doll page. That was fun to write, and almost makes me want to become a semi-annual regular of the newsroom. On my user page, I'll revert some of the spacing, as the page is meant as a journey and not as a quick trip, much as life itself. Thanks again! Aleister 15:38 12 12

edit Implicit deletion of consecutive hard returns

You're welcome. On your user page: That is remarkable. I see from the page history that my edit pulled out many of your hard returns. I did not intend to do this--with Mozilla 3.0.8 with the stock text editor--and certainly did not sit there leaning on the Delete key. It would be helpful to know how to avoid this in the future. Spıke Ѧ 16:00 12-Dec-10
Damn it! I just went back into your user page, added the single word "test"--the hard returns had not been removed when I clicked Show changes but had when I saved. But before I could revert, you had made another change! Obviously, I am not able to restore the text that you want there. Spıke Ѧ 16:05 12-Dec-10

I didn't understand a word you said. But yeah, what you think is helpful, on the mozzoli thing. Aleister with no programming experience 16:06 12 12

What I said is: What I just did that you didn't like, I just did it again (to test) and I can't undo it. Spıke Ѧ 16:11 12-Dec-10

I think I fixed it. On the Doll article, I looked in greedy anticipation at the main page, and the news hasn't been updated to include the Morrison article or the wonderfully entertaining Doll article. Possible you can do so, so I can call my interested friends and make it easy for them to find. Thanks, and I best get off this site for awhile and find other worthwhile things to do. Aleister 16:24 12 12

No you didn't fix it, because it's still happening when I try to edit my Sandbox. Excess white space (over two lines) is being deleted for me and I can see it changing in my edit window after clicking Save and before the Save takes effect! Spıke Ѧ 16:27 12-Dec-10
PS--The main page is updated--Funnybony hadn't even humped the Morrison article; wonder if he's feeling all right. Spıke Ѧ 16:34 12-Dec-10

Thanks. When I look at my user page it seems like I want it, maybe you need to refresh (although I don't know what I'm talking about). How about if the summary "Doll that screams "Off With Their Heads!". . . because people will recognize the newly reintroduced meme right off then (I'll change it and hope you like the change, or I'll distract you by pointing up at the sky and saying "Look at that strange thing"). I haven't "spoken" to Funnybony lately, I think he was very surprised when I nommed his page, which seems to be doing well. Thanks again. Aleister 16:40 12 12

You can do anything you like with your user page, I'm staying away now. If you're asking whether the story should be renamed, I think it would be too long. Readers will get it instantly when they bring up either the story or the UnNews Front Page. Rebooting is not a bad idea; bye. Spıke Ѧ 16:44 12-Dec-10

Perfect recording of the news article. Read very seriously while the protest is played and almost drowns out the reading. lol and all. Aleister 19:50 12 12

On re-listening, it is neat how both of my pauses (for want of pre-reading the script) are synchronized with a bottle being thrown or other feature of the protest. Spıke Ѧ 02:52 13-Dec-10

edit Which skin?

Spike, if you want the white space to stay, stop using the wikia skin. If you are not using the wikia skin, what are you using, that I might poke it profusely? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:11, 12 December, 2010

In Preferences/User profile, I have Site Layouts=Uncyclopedia. Plus numerous local standing orders with CSS, none of which could transform a page under edit before sending it back to Uncyc. Spıke Ѧ 18:15 12-Dec-10

Interesting. Are you using wikied? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:18, 12 December, 2010

No add-ons at all. (I just disabled ChatZilla and no change.) Also, I don't recall this happening in the past. However, as the transformation seems to happen during a local edit, I suspect it's some local setting of Mozilla. It will allow two consecutive blank lines, but no more than two. Spıke Ѧ 18:22 12-Dec-10
Most interesting... 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:33, 12 December, 2010

edit Found it

It happens only when I enable Java. I guess it is a Java applet, which comes from Wikia and which is activated on this end when I press Save page. Spıke Ѧ 18:33 12-Dec-10

Okay, now that is just odd. o_O 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:34, 12 December, 2010

The flip side of this problem is that Aleister is using excess presses of the Enter key to space out the text on User:Aleister in Chains to the distance he wants for his photos and movies. As well as not being supported by the above Java code, this is a deprecated way to specify vertical space. It also means his page might not display as intended for someone like me with personal standing orders. (I leave it to you to explain to Al what "deprecated" means.) He should do DIVs and say exactly how many pixels he needs. Spıke Ѧ 18:37 12-Dec-10

PS--Although I haven't had it happen to me before today, I recall seeing, last month, some n00b make changes to someone else's page and removing blank lines (with the attendant drama afterward). Perhaps users should be guided not to use consecutive blank lines, but having them removed automatically is so outlandish that it should at least be switchable. Spıke Ѧ 18:40 12-Dec-10

The problem is, using blank lines is just so much easier... eh. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 19:34, 12 December, 2010

So is using White-out--and that doesn't always achieve the desired effect on all your readers' screens either. Spıke Ѧ 19:40 12-Dec-10

edit UnNews:Wikia lays off 600-700

Hello, long time no speaketh. I was wondering, have you ever thought of providing an audio of the Stub article? The idea just popped into my head a few minutes ago, and it would be kind of a hoot. And I noticed you used a link to my name in your Wikia page without my express written permission or even asking if you could pull me into your hate page which goes out of its way to criticize our overlords for not fixing the largest coding snafu I've seen since I've been here. Wikia hasn't stepped up, and because of this your feature on the main page looks all crookedy, reads like a jumble-puzzle, and reminds one of the time the mice tore up the newpaper to make a very nice and clean nest. But would I criticize Wikia so outright, with anger and dismay at their fucktard actions? Never, sir, that is against my nature, and I would rather hide an iron pipe under my coat and knock on their door just before bedtime. But please allow my name to stay, the damage has been done, although I would never think of exposing your name to the millions of readers thie website attracts daily. Al N. Chains 1:15 17 12


When someone there wakes up, this will look good.

I wrestled with the possibility that you would view the article as a misrepresentation. Then, after a quick pin-down of myself, concluded that your insatiable quest for fame and featuring would smooth over any ill feeling. By the way, Socky has realized that manually coding the thumbnail works, and has been doing that on several pages, ouch! Spıke Ѧ 01:28 17-Dec-10

If that looks good then my Uncle is Mayor of London, or the City of London, one or both. Fame and featuring? I haven't had a feature in as long as I can recall, it's been awhile. Yes, I envy your current feature, as it occupies a spot which could have gone to one of my pages. And if Socky is going to go through the entire catalog of articles on the site and hand-code each pic, I applaud him, wish him well, and will make him sandwiches in a day or two to provide him with protein and strength to complete his honorable task. Aleister 1:37 17 12

Your mayor is who? The colored guy (red, or green, or whatever)?
I'm starting to get to the bottom of this. The offending thumbnails are coded using <figure> and <figcaption>. What does that mean? Only that they are defined by HTML version 5 and I've never seen one before. With Socky's manual coding, they are coded with <div> like the good old days. My Mozilla browser is pretty new--though not the newest one, in which they have rearranged everything--but I'm not surprised that it doesn't know what to do with these thumbnails. Or, if Wikia's people have all-new toys, why they might not be seeing what we are seeing or understand the urgency. Spıke Ѧ 01:48 17-Dec-10

I don't appreciate being used against my will, either. Just so you know. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 01:49, 17 December 2010

Or your frying pan. I knew you wouldn't. Spıke Ѧ 01:51 17-Dec-10

Good. Then you also knew what the follow up would be... remove that from that article this instant, or I will so kick your arse! Or at least format it right. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 01:56, 17 December 2010

Aleister, I don't know if my 18-month-old web browser is supposed to know about the new Wikia pages, but HTML gives Wikia the ability to know what I'm running so it can produce compatible pages.
Lyrithya, dig in and show me what you want, and I will replicate it on the Front Page. Spıke Ѧ 02:01 17-Dec-10

Why can't someone just phone up wikia and tell them? An admin, who has their numbers on speed-dial may help. But if you and Socky can get your page "fixed" before too many hours go by then the feature won't be a total loss, which it is now of course, just like a muddled goo. Aleister 1:59 17 12

My page is not Socky's page. Socky has it fixed on his page (by coding in two different markup languages!). My Wikia page wants to break to illustrate the problem. It's a shame about Saskatchewan. Spıke Ѧ 02:13 17-Dec-10

Just remove the frying pan bit. Or I might be inclined to move a fair bit more... from several pages. *twitch* 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 02:18, 17 December 2010

What??? That is the best part! Something you would type, misinterpreted as only UnNews can do. Spıke Ѧ 02:32 17-Dec-10

I don't care. It's like saying I wrote it's instead of its... one of the few things I find truly offensive. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 02:35, 17 December 2010

Al has a solution. Spıke Ѧ 02:37 17-Dec-10
*twitch* 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 02:40, 17 December 2010
You did a great job on SatchkatchIwan, Lyrithya, you made it look like a real live page again. Nice coding! Aleister 2:45 17 12
That was Socky's coding. I just stole it. He made it actually work. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:04, 17 December 2010
Yay! Go me! :D Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:19, 17 December 2010
Ugly! But effective. It's ugly when the Systems department screws up and the Applications department writes work-around Systems code. I once had a (psychotic) coworker in a project to write a word processor who decided he didn't trust the operating system's memory management and was going to do it himself. If they let him get away with that, he would have spent most of his time for the next year explaining his wizardry (which was not what he was hired for) to the rest of us. Unfortunately, I don't have the said Wikia guys on speed-dial. Spıke Ѧ 03:11 17-Dec-10

edit UnNews:Young girl arrested for hoodwinking the world

On a somewhat related issue, is it okay if I replace "this UnNews reporter" with "we here at UnNews HQ" or would that make it worse? Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:19, 17 December 2010

Worse. A "real journalist" (which Lyrithya is not to get the impression I am) does not call attention to his agency, or worst of all its org-chart or real estate. I mentioned I had problems with that last paragraph but could not resolve them gently. My problem is not with the self-reference but that it is essentially editorial: Speculation on the reader's reaction, mention of the reporter's clairvoyance, and an advertisement for unspecified future UnNews. I would rip the whole thing out.
To replace it, though, you want a zinger. What I like to do is take the theme absurdity and give it a hard tug in a new direction. The last time I did this well was in UnNews:North Korea welcomes Sarah Palin's support, Romartus's story of Sarah Palin getting the two Koreas backwards. The whole article explained how it wasn't really a mistake (though North Korea started an entire propaganda campaign from it). So my zinger in the final paragraph says that perhaps a bigger mistake is when she talked about our alliance with Cuba.... Spıke Ѧ 03:28 17-Dec-10
You know what? Delete that last paragraph, and the preceding paragraph (extrapolating to a check of Lady Gaga) is exactly a zinger. Spıke Ѧ 03:44 17-Dec-10
Love, in the context of Uncyclopedia, you are a journalist. Beyond that, naw. But here, you are, EOF. Cheers. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 04:16, 17 December 2010

edit UnNews:Jon Stewart to play John Stewart in upcoming Green Lantern movie

Hey SPIKE I'm finally finished my article. You'll be happy to note that I shortened the title. I'm pretty sure that the procedure for adding my article to the various UnNews templates has evolved since I last wrote a news story (June 2008). So I was kinda hoping that because you showed so much interest in putting this article all over the Main Page that you could do all that stuff for me. Also if you've got any feedback or anything to add to the story that would be cool too. Cheers, -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 05:37, December 20, 2010 (UTC)

Installed in the 1-spot on the UnNews Front Page, and link to the article, plus the Shoop, installed on the Uncyclopedia main page.
I did some small edits. What is a "short cameo appearance"? Have you ever seen a long cameo appearance? Also, I reversed "nerd and black communities," as the nerd community is the unusual one, and the joke should be at the end of the sentence.
Now let's talk about news writing. Why don't you lead with the lead? The news is what happened, not which official told you and what his title is. All that credibility-building crap should be in the second paragraph.
Minor point, please use the double-hyphen (--) in the dateline. UnNews:Style says the character you used drives our podcast crazy.
Ah, now I've had a little more of the absinthe from the cabinet here in Zim ulator's office and have calmed down. Thank you for your contribution! Spıke Ѧ 13:11 20-Dec-10
Cool thanks man. I reversed "black" and "nerd" again. It's hard to explain why, but I think it looks better that way. Also, for the record, I copied all the style-bits from another UnNews article, so it's not my fault that I didn't use a double-hyphen. Anyway, thanks. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 19:46, December 20, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Animals the size of tanks spotted in large cities

Happy and Merry this day. I won't mainspace it as yet, some tweeks left to do, but can you take a look at an UnNews page I'm prepping and scan it for SPIKE criticisms before it sees the light of daze? Thank ye kind Sir, and here is a Christmas goose for you. Aleister Scrooge 22:20 25 12

/Me says ditch the small-print italics, though part of the second one could survive (and should not mention "the interview") in regular type. The article is not supposed to resemble a reply from Lyrithya but news. Also, needs more links throughout; and the first sentence of the last paragraph is cheerleading. You are not writing an UnScripts or a HowTo but an UnNews. Remember ==Sources== and {{Original}}. Spıke Ѧ 22:29 25-Dec-10
As a heads-up, unless something better and topical comes up, I'm leading tomorrow with the Napolitano/24/7/364 story repackaged with a new headline to taunt Osama. Spıke Ѧ 22:33 25-Dec-10
And another thing. Remember that if you merely move "e" into the UnNews space, depending on when you started working on it, it would not go to the top of Recent News. Better to create a new story and copy-paste your text into it, even though you then have to go to QVFD. Spıke Ѧ 22:37 25-Dec-10
Thanks, and that was my plan, to copypaste it. More on your comments later, must go now. Aleister going to eat cake 22:40 Christmas MMX

edit Shelf life of UnNews source stories

Hey, thanks for the advice. I was also just wondering how long a story has between it being posted as real news, to the time I can find the time to write it out? So pretty much, how long do I have to write out a story after it becomes news? Also, Is there some sort of 'reserve' we must place on a topic or is it like whoever submits is first gets the cookie kind of deal? Thanks!User:Oliphaunte--Guess where I'm from, I'll give you a free pie(restrictions apply) 00:20, December 28, 2010 (UTC)

There's no rule at all on timeliness. The reason to write an UnNews is to amuse fans of current events, and the newer a story is, the more likely it is to be in your reader's mind, which will make your story funnier. The "trapped deer" story we have right now in the 1-Spot is based on nothing (not even what it claims it's based on) and could have run any time. But with that is the problem with {{Original}} stories; your writing had better be funny in itself, because you won't get any laughs over how creative you were with the day's news. (Original writing is discussed more in UnNews:Style, at 2.2.)
There is a semaphore on recording Audios for a given UnNews story (in UnNews:UnNewsAudio) but there is no way to lock a topic for your exclusive use. Happily, we don't care if two writers deal with the same topic, or even if they deal with it with incompatible facts. (More at 1.1.) Uncyclopedia has no "canon" of facts or an "official" alternate reality that everyone must follow. This month, for example, we had UnNews:Israel denies involvement in shark attacks and UnNews:Israel admits involvement in shark attacks. Spıke Ѧ 00:31 28-Dec-10
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