User:SPIKE/UnNews archive 1

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Archive of User:SPIKE/UnNews for February-June, 2010

edit Contributions

June 29 Michael Jackson alive and living in Tokyo--by Zim ulator (Audio)
UnNews:Cities planning to circumvent Supreme Court gun ruling
June 27 UnNews:United States robbed of World Cup (Audio)
Narration of St. Clairsville, Ohio (Narration)
June 26 UnNews:No suspicion in death of local pol (Audio)
June 24 UnNews:Obama to sell oil spill as "job creation" (Audio)
June 22 UnNews:"Runaway General" McChrystal found and returned home (Audio)
June 21 77 million 'poisoned' in Bangladesh--by Funnybony (Audio)
June 20 UnNews:IPad to replace missal at Mass
June 19 UnNews:Referees again dictate outcome of match (Audio)
June 18 UnNews:Oil spill: Other US political party is sorry it was sorry (Audio)
June 17 Natalie Merchant inducted into Muzak Hall of Fame--by Tritefantastic (Audio)
June 16 UnNews:Shipwrecked teen arouses rescuers
June 13 UnNews:Soccer game ends in tie (Audio)
June 12 Narration of African American (Narration)
Narration of Vulcan (Narration)
June 11 UnNews:Retail sales unexpectedly drop (Audio)
June 9 UnNews:BP faces whims of American public (Audio)
June 7 UnNews:Ohio tornado wreaks havoc, ruins day (Audio)
UnNews:Obama to America: "It's your fault"
June 5 UnNews:McDonald's offers cadmium-laced Shrek glasses (Audio)
June 4 UnNews:Israel condemned for rousting pleasure boaters (Audio)
Baseball's integrity dies--by I.P.Anon and Aleister in Chains (Audio)
June 2 UnNews:Obama off the hook: acted "properly" in Sestak-gate (Audio)
Narration of The Rescuers (Narration)
June 1 UnNews:Al and Tipper Gore split up (Audio)
May 31 UnNews:Obama to honor war dead, including update (Audio)
May 30 UnNews:Bangladesh censors Facebook (Audio)
May 29 UnNews:GOP starts happy-face Web site (Audio)
May 28 UnNews:EPA rejects use of oil-slick dispersants (Audio)
May 27 UnNews:North Korea sinks ship, but this time things will be different (Audio)
May 26 UnNews:Libertarian wins primary, reporters sharpen knives (Audio)
May 24 UnNews:Mexican president lays out agenda for US (VFH nom) (Audio)
May 22 Greece destabilises Europe--by Ahadwick (Audio)
May 21 UnNews:Nominee may be ugly, Jewish, and lesbian {{Original}} (Audio)
May 20 Beck sees conspiracy in BP spill and Cuban meeting--by Romartus (Audio)
May 18 UnNews:UnNews Chief entraps popular news-reader {{UnNews Column}} (Audio)
May 13 Tribune terminates Little Orphan Annie--by Prettiestpretty (Audio)
May 12 UnNews:US minority party still beset by surrender instinct {{Original}} (Audio)
Cameron offer to be designated driver seals Con-Lib coalition--by Matt lobster (Audio)
May 10 D.C. Council approves party weed--by Funnybony (Audio)
May 8 Russia celebrates Scottish assistance in World War Two--by Romartus (Audio)
May 6 Fishy DNA results leave scientists baffled--by Aineolach (Audio)
May 5 UnNews:Boston emulates Louisiana, bombs pipeline (Audio)
May 4 UnNews:Bush I, Clinton join forces on Louisiana relief‎ {{Original}}
May 2 Beaches oiled for maintenance--by Striker2117 (Audio)
May 1 UnNews:Arizona pundit "round-up" (Audio)
April 30 UnNews:Arizona immigration news "round-up" (Audio)
April 27 Soccer-playing abortion doctor goes for the death-threat trifecta--by GlobalTourniquet (Audio)
Hindu extremists demand equal denigration from Uncyclopedia--by Zim ulator (Audio)
April 26 UnNews:Purdue co-ed insists: Sluts don't cause earthquakes (Audio)
UnNews:Stephen Hawking warns extraterrestrials may be "too tasty" (Audio)
Clown gets called on his Nazi past--by Zim ulator (Audio)
April 23 UnNews:BP: Oil spill looks "jes' fine" (Audio)
April 21 UnNews:European airports reopen as airlines question ban--assist by Romartus (Audio)
Vatican to field a football team in religious World Cup--by Romartus (Audio)
April 19 UnNews:Iceland volcano spurs epidemic of man-on-the-street interviews (Audio)
April 17 UnNews:Bill Clinton now says "words matter" (VFH nom) (Audio)
April 15 UnNews:Gremlins attack news institutions--Recorded by Ljlego
April 14 UnNews:CNN claims to be unbiased (Audio)
April 13 UnNews:Did someone use the "N-word"? (Audio)
April 12 UnNews:US census response lags (Audio)
April 9 UnNews:Carlsberg workers strike over limits on drinking
April 8 UnNews:Airline proposes fee to use lavatory (Audio)
UnNews:IPad selling briskly, whatever it is (VFH nom) (Audio)
April 6 UnNews:UK lawmakers critical of Kraft--assist by Romartus (Audio)
April 5 Eagles finally fire their best player at peak of his career--by Bradaphraser (Audio)
April 4 ACORN dies; believed to have resurrected--by Kip the Dip (Audio)
April 2 UnNews:US passenger-screening rules change, again (Audio)
March 31 UnNews:Facebook changes "fans" to "stalkers" (Audio)
March 29 UnNews:Christian fundamentalists bomb Moscow subway (Audio)
March 28 Catholic Church to ordain reptilian priest--by Zim ulator (Audio)
March 27 UnNews:NFL approves new overtime rule (Audio)
March 26 Predatory choirboys abuse priest--by Funnybony (Audio)
March 25 UnNews:US health care done, except for posturing (Audio)
March 23 UnNews:Polaroid film packs return to market (Audio)
March 22 Tigger Woods says his "bouncy-bouncy" days are over--by Romartus (Audio)
March 21 UnNews:Iraq vote count is screwed up (Audio)
March 19 UnNews:Boston hockey game features retaliation, fans delighted (Audio)
March 18 UnNews:This weekend, a big health-care vote, or something (Audio)
March 15 UnNews:More Toyota incidents despite engineering fix
March 14 UnNews:Brown to Obama: Do as I say, not as I did (Audio)
March 12 UnNews:No ICANN decision on new domain for porn (Audio)
New species discovered in Mexico--by Zim ulator (Audio)
March 11 NASCAR: Carl Edwards gets probation for killing fellow driver--by Uncle J (Audio)
March 10 UnNews:NHL: "Gloves off" in Boston next week (Audio)
March 9 UnNews:Romer on spending cuts: "Maybe later" (Audio)
March 7 UnNews:Iceland voters unexpectedly reject payment plan (Audio)
March 6 UnNews:Bin-Laden advises Jihadists to warn authorities (Audio)
March 4 UnNews:Mohegan Tribe names female chief
March 3 UnNews:February follow-up (Audio)
March 2 UnNews:Sen. Bunning blocks loot, embarrassing everyone (Audio)
February 28 UnNews:Boston airport gets full-body scanners (Audio)
February 25 UnNews:Obama plays rope-a-dope; opponents line up to go first (Audio)
February 24 UnNews:Buffett makes move at steak house (Audio)
February 22 UnNews:Obama to try health care one more time (Audio)
February 21 UnNews:Tiger Woods kicks off 2010 Contrition Tour (Audio)
February 20 UnNews:UnNews bureau ignores the news
February 19 UnNews:Nut-job crashes into IRS; America points fingers (Audio)
February 18 UnNews:Haiti frees American missionaries (Audio)
February 15 UnNews:Evan Bayh retires from U.S. Senate‎ (Audio)
UnNews:Lead singer of The Clash dead at 57
February 14 UnNews:Stern discusses ways to stem NBA losses
February 13 UnNews:Officials: Luge crash "not our fault" (Audio)
February 12 UnNews:Google still negotiating with China‎ (Audio)
February 11 UnNews:US economic council's new report called "a page-turner"‎
February 10 UnNews:Media reassign investigators to Scott Brown (Audio)
February 9 UnNews:PC encryption chip hacked (Audio)
February 8 UnNews:G-7 ministers, losing influence, meet in Arctic
UnNews:In power plant explosion, accurate figures elude reporters
February 7 UnNews:Super Bowl to feature platitudes, advertisements
February 6 UnNews:Entire Toyota Board Commits Hara-Kiri
February 5 UnNews:Massachusetts residents despondent as non-Kennedy sworn in
and new 4th par. of UnNews:Breast awareness is key, say doctors
February 4 UnNews:Government Unveils Shatter-proof Pint

edit Talk page for UnNews and UnNews Audio

A discussion that preceded my first recording is at User talk:The Humbled Master.

edit UnNews:Government Unveils Shatter-proof Pint

Damn funny, Spike. Perfect! Was that up for FA? Next time let me know, because you can always count on my vote. Be cool!!!--Funnybony 14:07, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Believe me, a quick read of the referenced AP wire and this one wrote itself. Credit Mr.N. for a funnier lead. Cheers. Spıke ¬  14:20 5-Feb-10

Just the same, I really like your jokes and subtle style (dead pan), so next time you have anything up for FA be sure to let me know, so I don't miss the voting.

After all your input ITSCON has become a pretty solid article. About as good as your going to get from a outside-insider of any religion. I'm proud of that article. And it never did piss off that group, cause it's all true (in a tip-of-the-iceberg kinda way) and documented. They were quite a freak show back in the 70s and 80s, but people who grew up after that mostly don't know them. Anyway, no names were mentioned at all. They should be honored to have a page in Uncyclopedia.

MrN has given me a huge amount of help too. He's really cool. He did a rewrite of Laird Hamilton and 2012 that make them so much better. I never got anywhere in life without a partner in whatever. I was in a band, but couldn't do it alone, no way. Thanks again for all your time spent teaching me - specially common sense - and please DO let me know when your up for a vote.--Funnybony 14:47, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

edit Audio UnNews

Excellenty work on File:PC encryption chip hacked.mp3 dude. The teletype is great, diction and delivery great, and I especially love the tip of the hat to me in the form of your saying, "thank you for suffering" as a sign off. Please keep up the good work. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:25, February 10, 2010 (UTC)


edit UnNews:Conservative member quits Nova Scotia legislature in wake of spending scandal

Conversation began on his talk page

Promising concept! Needs a lot of editing! "spend" should be "spent" in at least 3 places; also add links and bold/italics. Cheers! Spıke ¬  14:24 12-Feb-10

Much improved. Good pix. Spıke ¬  15:55 12-Feb-10

Yeah it was still a work in progress at the time you commented on my wall, I've also started an article on a recent trade done by the Toronto Maple Leafs --Uncle J 15:59, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, I read that one too--It could also use some tightening up and typographical flourishes. I might have dug in on the Nova Scotia story, as I did yesterday on the Clinton/wink story, but the NS story ended mid-sentence and I didn't know how to finish it. You need to do on the Leafs story what you did on the NS story--have the first paragraph be short and to the point, in order to better resemble a newspaper article. Today's dispatch from me is the one on Google and China. Spıke ¬  16:10 12-Feb-10

edit UnNews:Belligerent Bird Taser Hits its Target

Discussion began on his talk page

Good concept--but it's not in the form of a newspaper article but a scientific paper! It may, it should, get tagged or huffed, but if so, please change the form and resubmit. I doubt that Uncyclopedia will ever encompass UnScienceJournal (unless perhaps that's your calling) but that's where this dispatch belongs, not UnNews, unless its form changes radically. Spıke ¬  00:41 13-Feb-10

Thanks, dude! Right-o! I hope it's OK now. If you see any changes needed could you please let me know or make the changes? Let's try to keep it alive.--Funnybony 20:03, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

No it isn't. I've rewritten the first two paragraphs to lead with a very concise summary, as is the fashion at UnNews. I deleted a lot of text I think came from the former abstract and thus duplicated what would be said in the next couple paragraphs. You need to insert a bunch of links, boldface the first occurrence of names of agencies and people, and for some reason, italicize all the quotes.

(I have considered the possibility that you actually worked at the Belligerent Bird Defense Agency (BBDA) for a couple of years, grew disaffected, and this press release is some sort of coded expression of your disdain for the agency, which will only be recognizable by those currently on the inside.) Spıke ¬  21:24 13-Feb-10

If you've ever come into contact with a Belligerent Bird, then you would realize the extent of the problem. Great cleanup and editing. Bravo!!!--Funnybony 07:32, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Lead singer of The Clash dead at 57

Discussion begun on his talk page

I'm afraid I need your opinion! Is the above dispatch more funny than it is tasteless? Spıke ¬  17:02 15-Feb-10

Yeah! that's a good one, bro, sure! It's soooo sad about the poor chappy!!! But the Song Remains the Same!--Funnybony 17:17, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
Wonderful!!! It gives a fuzzy and warm feeling to be RIGHT about something, once, in my freakin' life--Funnybony 07:53, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

And--what would that have been? Spıke ¬  12:50 16-Feb-10

Well, it's just that years ago I predicted this event, to the day!--Funnybony 13:14, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

So it was right there in your DayRunner, Feb. 15, Fieger bites it? And when I asked you to preview the story for tastelessness yesterday, you had not heard the news, you just thought it was the right day for the fictional obit? Spıke ¬  13:37 16-Feb-10

I'm busted!!! BTW: Could you take a look at this news before I post it? Is it good enough? Can you work your well practiced magic on this...?

edit UnNews:UnRock Awarded Most unFamous Band on Earth

Draft of UnNews article formerly stuck into my talk page


Conceptual problems: The way I use UnNews is to impart an unusual take on the news of the day (in my case, prompted by reading the AP wire). The big problem with this story is its utter un-newsworthiness. It is proudly un-newsworthy. I suppose it could work, but any writing, even here, has to sell itself to the reader, and I don't think it does.

Details: The Reverend does it too, but I think swears in an UnNews article, and especially in the headline, break the canon of being a "news service" and are more offputting to some English speakers (central USA) than they are to us on the coasts. The very first two words of the story lead the reader to a conclusion; instead, the piece should induce the reader to conclude for himself that the band is "absolutely atrocious." Spokesmen "who did not exist" trashes the reader's credulity, and the final paragraph is just gas. Much of this article tries to convey your joy at writing sheer goofiness, not convey anything the reader necessarily wants to read. High points: A rock band that does not want fame, and above all does not want oral sex from groupies, is indeed newsworthy. Spıke ¬  15:36 16-Feb-10

Thanks again!!! Much appreciated perspective. I ran with your advice as much as I could, and couldn't resist. I think you'll like the final version much more. Cheers!--Funnybony 16:45, February 16, 2010 (UTC)


Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:47, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

edit Goldstein nomination

It may interest you to know that you've been nominated for this piece of crap. When I was a little kid, visiting my aunt in Westford, she used to talk about going shopping "at Na-shway dere" in her endearing pseudo-French Canuck accent. I normally don't bother with awards and such (which probably makes me an asshole, but as a narcissist, I don't care). Congratulations! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:36, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Nominated? By whom?! (Don't bother--I already looked it up.) Thank you for the welcome; if I win, cool; if you can use it to induce someone else to be a bigger contributor, that's cooler. I haven't played with audio since I had a tape-cassette-based answering machine, but it's been great fun so far. Shopping in Nashua is still done, but not by me. CompUSA and Circuit City are bankrupt, and Best Buy is the only gadget store left in town, and they have nothing neat that don't require registration and a two-year commitment. Spıke ¬  03:52 13-Feb-10

I'm based in Lowell, but my consciousness is actually housed in an aquarium at my doctors office. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 05:40, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Then I might see you at an All-Americans game this summer--especially as my usual haunts are now permanently out of contention. Spıke ¬  12:26 13-Feb-10

That will never happen. I hate sports (unless we're counting martial arts, sex, and 400 meter downhill wife-beating). I had been to that stadium a lifetime ago when I used to take my boys to see the Pirates, but that was certainly not for my benefit. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:51, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Pee! Rats! Pee! Rats! to cite a cheer led by a co-worker of mine. Spıke ¬  16:12 15-Feb-10

edit UnNews help request

Hey Spike, if you have time and inclination could you please comment on the below. Last time you made all the difference, really. Thanks in advance... --Funnybony 08:46, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

No, what happened last time is that I got you to take the swears out of an UnNews story. My main point was ignored, and it applies again on this article. You are not at UnNews because of a desire to twist current news for humorous effect. Here again, you go there because you have invented a goofy idea that you want people to see. Yesterday, I complained to the Reverend that none of the UnNews had anything to do with the news! (One of the culprits was his, indicating that the technique is not a violation of any rule.)
And indeed I came to you with a specific question on the tastelessness of a proposed article, not to volunteer to get back into the business of being a regular copy-editor, which has led to too much drama in the past. The only "adopting" I do is to guide certain authors toward certain articles that are appropriate vehicles for their, uh, gifts. Spıke ¬  13:54 18-Feb-10
Dude! Thanks. So apart from being fictional news, the piece is OK. Thanks for even reading it!--Funnybony 16:27, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

edit VFH nom for UnNews:Haiti frees American missionaries

I thought you'd like to know, I nommed this for VFH. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:39, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

You shall have an audio! Spıke ¬  19:06 18-Feb-10
The audio is installed; the article is changed. As well as pointing to the audio, I added a sentence to the photo caption, by way of explaining the gesture of one of the prisoners. Spıke ¬  19:16 18-Feb-10

edit UnNews:Nut-job crashes into IRS; America points fingers

A very nice quick and funny description of the nation's reaction to the Income tax crasher hero/devil planeboy (he gave his life for his country, the bastard). Summarized very well in satire. I'd vote for this for an instant feature, but the problem on vfh is that current UnNews stales as it waits for the vote. Thanks, I enjoyed the read. Aleister in Chains 12:38 19 Feb. MMX

p.s. The version I read contained Mr.N's line for Biden, which seemed to work well, then he took it out. The innernests do play a big part in this story, our new Angel/Demon used them well.

Thanks! I learned the news on the way to a basketball doubleheader, and learned of Biden's latest gaffe on the way back home. Had trouble remaining connected last evening and went to bed not knowing whether the story got in. Kip the Dip has written a talk page lamenting that I beat him to the story.

I've removed Mr.N's second quotation, actually for Chris Matthews, without reverting to the quotation I had. Better to get straight to Matthews's recommendation (the arrest of Palin). PS--There is more to the story, commented-out, of only regional interest. Spıke ¬  13:18 19-Feb-10

An idea if you want it. Grab the photo of Joe Stack with the guitar from somewhere, label it Pete Seeger, and have him singing "I dreamed I saw Joe Stack last night, alive as you and me" etc, from the Joe Hill song. Someone somewhere is going to write that song to the lyrics of Joe Hill, why not get a jump on them at Uncy. Yours in Stack, Aleister in Chains 14.18 19 Feb. MMX

My connection is still dicy this morning. Your idea is clearly a job for Funnybony, if he's still watching this page.

PS--Aleister, please edit a section rather than the entire page; this will make it easier to see what section changed, and to zoom right there (by clicking on the arrow in the watch list). Spıke ¬  14:29 19-Feb-10

Thsnks, I've never used the edit button at a section before. Advice learned. Al
Nor have I ever clicked on the arrow on the watchlist, didn't know what that was for and never much thought about it. You gave me a double-lesson with one comment, thanks again. Al

edit UnNews:Obama to try health care one more time

I enjoyed your Obama article, and the edit to the laser-eyed cats article. You're right, Veterinary Impunity is much better. In the future, in order to more betterly suck up to me, note that I am an enthusiast of all things Bat Fuck. I consider the UnMeme "Bat Fuck Insane" to be an offshoot of general Bat-Fuckery. Metaphorically, it's like the relationship between the theory of relativity and the cosmological constant. Well, OK, it's isn't. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:02, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, at some point, I looked at your user page; as the article's talk page notes, I stuck "Bat Fuck Insane" in for you. Regarding laser-eyed cats: Yes, well, as you have already pleaded inability to make your dispatches have anything to do with the news, the least I can do is make the names of invented state agencies look a little less pulled-out-of-a-bodily-orifice.
If you are watching me, then you saw me joust with Funnybony a couple days ago (he supported by Mr.N.) on ending an article with an Obama quote that instead parodies Clinton! My assumption is that people who read UnNews will be people who follow the news just a little; thus, while random shooting into the dark can be funny, shots that ricochet off reality are preferable. Spıke ¬  15:19 23-Feb-10

edit Shall we have a Flame War?

No, I actually haven't been watching you... closely. This morning the thought struck me, that it might be amusing and productive to get a flame war going, one side advocating strictly reality-based UnNews, the other pushing a Bat Fuck, completely off the wall agenda (I'm always thinking about whoring UnNews). We could fix the fight in favor of the real-seeming news, with the Bat Fuck side slowly devolving into stupid insults and rants, or something like that.

Of course, the idea is to elevate UnNews profile, create new articles, and amuse ourselves. I haven't gotten past thinking about writing this sentence, so, your thoughts, please? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:46, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

That is a concept so batfuck crazy that it can only be true. It's almost like the war between Pespi and Coke.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 20:24, 23/02/2010
Let me get this straight! I am to be goaded into a flame war, something all admins here just love, I am to defend the simple proposition that UnNews should parody the news, and should take slings and arrows from every Attention Whore who is using UnNews simply to get a lot of people to read their latest "wackey" thought, instigated by you, claiming you will let my side win, when we know for a fact you believe UnNews should reflect nothing but Bat Fuck Insanity?! And who, when your instigation is laid bare, will simply claim it was to boost traffic to UnNews, as though you were doing gonzo advertising with a Lite-Brite®? This is treachery, pure and simple! Who are you going to get to read the news when they run me out of town on a rail?! Spıke ¬  20:47 23-Feb-10
Jeezus, that would work wonders as a screaming rant on UnNews Audio. Spıke ¬  20:53 23-Feb-10

Spike, you must record that rant! Even I am in awe! Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:53, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Trust me, if anyone is to be run out on a rail, it would be me. I'm a little weird for Uncyclopedia, yet slightly more prehensile than Illogicopedia. I just do what I do because nobody stops me.

Let's table the flamewar idea for now, if it's all the same to you. Frankly, the way things have been behaving in my local spacetime lately, we've got some large decisions to make soon, I'm too distracted. Besides... I want to save all my venom for my brother, who is deserving at this time. I may not be writing as much dreck for a while either. This thing with being distracted, you know? So, carry on, and even moreso, if at all... Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:32, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

In fact, I spent a few minutes refining the script of the rant. Problem is, I would first have to file it in written form--an UnNews dispatch--and, being on the side I am on in the proposed flame war, I do not like it when UnNews talks about UnNews. (It's like Laugh-In or Saturday Night Live when they stopped trying to be funny and decided they and their palace intrigue were just inherently funny.) Recall, I like dispatches that have just a bit to do with the news. The rant would have been good radio, but the clear undercurrent is annoyance that other UnNews users don't share my values, and that is especially inappropriate as an UnNews article. In fact, it wouldn't build traffic or the profile of UnNews either, given that you would have to already have gone there to know that it happened.
Now, I assume the bit about these large decisions "we" have to make is another cryptic reference to your personal life--as opposed to, say, Wikia deciding to require police background checks of all writers. If I need to know more (and I doubt it), you can always e-mail me. Spıke ¬  01:12 25-Feb-10

edit [Goldstein Award] congratulations

originally on my user talk; response on his talk page

I stuck one on your user page so you can show it off. Well deserved congratulations for this award and the other fine work you've done here. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:36, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Sen. Bunning blocks loot, embarrassing everyone

moved from my talk page

...In the meantime, take a look at today's UnNews dispatch and tell me if it is funny to someone who doesn't hang on the Washington play-by-play. Spıke ¬  01:01 3-Mar-10

Hadded a look. I get the point. The only non-local issue in there is understanding of Democrats = left-wing (as I constantly stuff that up, as our right wing party is called Liberal and our left-wing party are republicans). Not the funniest article I've ever read, but has a kernel within it.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 01:16, 3/03/2010

Thanks. Knowledge of Republican versus Democrat is problematic on any article about US politics--except this one, as in this episode, both parties are on exactly the same side: Let's take care of Bunning so we can get back to spending! I asked Rev. Zim whether it merited an audio and he said, Go for it; which, as sower of a Thousand Blooming UnNews Flowers, he probably would have said so even if it were crap. So your opinion counts double, coming from outside. (Australia, right?) Spıke ¬  01:24 3-Mar-10

Yep. That's right mate. Bewdy Bonza. Shrimp on barbie, Bruce. etc.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 01:39, 3/03/2010

edit ninjastars

Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 02:28, March 6, 2010 (UTC)



Thank you, Reverend. As I said on your talk page, you do understand the nuts and bolts of motivating your contributors. At the moment, though, three things are going on: (1) The only big news I'm following is Obama's "final push" for "health care," of which UnNews readers have had enough; (2) my WiFi connection is still crappy in the wake of the soggy weather that produced the recent 4-day power outage here--I am sitting in my parked car right now, which is the only decent Hot Spot; and (3) I am despairing a bit at my ability to make any difference amid the junk UnNews about fantasy lawsuits which don't even read like news, unless the news you read is of high-school pep rallies. (Smarm?) Spıke ¬ 03:36 6-Mar-10

Sorry to hear about your woes. The beauty of Uncyc is you can pick up and vanish, as when my computer was down for months, come back, and fit right back in. Do not despair. ... And as for smarm? I just like the sound of the word smarmy. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 04:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit A baseball game?

Begun on Zim's talk page You may have misunderstood my remark a couple weeks ago about meeting some day next June at an All-Americans game. This doesn't involve going to Nashua and paying $7, but going to Exit 38 and paying $3. You don't have to care about baseball--though you have to humor me and let me keep a scorecard--but, as casual observers often note, there are tons of idle moments and lots of fresh air. Spıke ¬ 13:44 3-Mar-10

With regard to your invitation for fresh air and screaming about how the umpires mom swims out to meet troop ships, we don't travel well. We're both on permanent disability for back problems, which prevent us from traveling very far (Nashua is a bit far for us). Then there's the problem of seating. Sitting on bleachers for about an hour (maybe an hour and a half, if we were smoking good weed and took an extra pain med) would probably put us out of commission the next day. We can last up to four hours in a comfortable chair (not too cushy, not too hard). In summary, it's not that I wouldn't like to hang out with you, it's just that we spend the majority of our time at home, trying in vain to clean our house, bitching about Uncyclopedia, and resting after trying to clean our house. Perhaps we could do something else. ... Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 04:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Given the above, I withdraw my recommendation. I have for years described the wooden bleachers at Stoklosa Field as the hardest in the NECBL. There are remedies, such as the padded fabric seats with their own backs that Wal-Mart sells, but it doesn't sound like a good time for you. Spıke ¬ 05:15 6-Mar-10

No, not a good time at all. I am having a good time right now, though, and that's something. I hope I didn't come across as a miserable prick. Rather, I think we're content most days. My brother, who's a pretentious narcissistic douche bag in Tyngsboro, is the miserable prick. I am more like your uncle, the one with massive ear hair, who constantly hears music by Ralph Towner playing in his head, and occasionally makes a decent stir fried dish. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 06:27, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit Coding help please?

Can you fix this? I'm wanting to have the user's name show up where that BASEPAGENAME constant is, and I'm stuck. You have my permission to make it look more better fancier if you like, but it's not necessary. Thanks in advance. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 04:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Haven't got it all figured out, but BASEPAGENAME seems to be how you pick up the user's name (as, according to the documentation, you are to put the template on his user page). But it didn't work for me. It does work below. Maybe the insertion of <includeonly> inhibits its correct operation.
Nope. I don't understand inclusion enough to know how this is supposed to work. Either ask a user who's an expert with WikiMedia, or stop using BASEPAGENAME or resign yourself to typing the user's name as an argument of {{Notice of Promotion}}. Spıke ¬ 05:25 6-Mar-10
Do you perhaps want "nosubst:" rather than "subst:"? Spıke ¬ 05:26 6-Mar-10

Thanks for your efforts. I'll keep on plugging along. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 06:04, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

New UnNews Audio up just now. Good night! Spıke ¬ 06:36 6-Mar-10

edit zim_ulators promotion list

You've made the list, which is in my head right now. More information will be available when documentation and the promotion template are complete. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:40, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

I took your suggestion and just manually entered the promotees name instead of that funky BASEPAGENAME nightmare. So, congratulations, here's your official promotion.

Being asked for editing help on the tool of one's own promotion is as weird, but not as bad, as being asked to mix one's own lethal injection.

I'm glad you gave up on the BASEPAGENAME trick. Especially as I will eventually move this all to my UnNews page, which would have broken the template (as archiving would have done too). Spıke ¬ 16:48 6-Mar-10

Heh heh... lethal injection. Yeah, I hadn't gotten so far as to think of such consequences of using BASEPAGENAME. Hm... that might make a good user name... I wonder if registering as user:BASEPAGENAME could bring Wikia to it's knees? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:59, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Of course not, as User:BASEPAGENAME is not Template:BASEPAGENAME. If you insisted on using the wrong prefix, you could use the guy's user page as a template, but you can already do that to anyone. Spıke ¬ 19:37 6-Mar-10

edit Kudos from Romartus

I listened to your audio versions of your recent articles Spike. Excellent work! --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:25, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

I think you are now the Voice of Uncyclopedia Spike! Thanks for turning some of my contributions into audio versions. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 06:53, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for the compliment, and for providing me with material! In fact, Ljlego had a contribution, in an Alfred Hitchcock style, and I left it on the most-recent list for an extra week in case anyone wants to listen to an audio not by me, but it has now timed out. Spıke ¬ 10:24 10-May-10

edit No, you are my sockpuppet

I've clarified the situation RE you're being my sockpuppet on my user page. Check it out. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:33, March 12, 2010 (UTC)

So I am your creation, is it? Also a mention in UnSignpost, proving that no one can simply skulk around and do useful things. Fortunately, UnSignpost gives the impression that you and Mordillo did all the work. I have long relied on superiors to provide such needed political cover in the rare case that I actually write something good. Spıke ¬ 12:45 12-Mar-10
I am sorry that the impression was given, since I think you did by far everything on that page with Zim giving the feedback and me causing trouble, as usual. ~Jewriken.GIF 14:02, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
Seriously, it's not a problem, just an opportunity to poke youse in the ribs. Spıke ¬ 14:05 12-Mar-10

It's possible that I am your sock-puppet, Spike, and that I did not exist until you registered as an Uncyc user. We'll need to explain how I have a history here since 2006, though. Any ideas? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 11:44, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:No ICANN decision on new domain for porn

Hi Spike! I enjoyed your .xxx UnNews. Good one! (What about .com OR .cum ? - Seems a lot easier!?). I know you like real news. I was trying to NOT do anything, but when I read that actor Cory Haim just died of Soma I just couldn't resist. Especially since it happened 2 whole days ago. And it's a first! Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 21:30, Mar 12

You're going to tell me you saw this one coming?! I saw the headline, thought Brave New World, and knew it was one of yours. Like the gay Oregon libertarian, sometimes you have to read the Source article.
Dot-cum is too graphic for my UnNews taste. I only included "cream pie" to hump my article Pie, excuse the pun. You can see my alternative to graphic humor in Section 5.
Yes, I like news-based UnNews. I did you the great favor of not dedicating the rewritten UnNews Style Guide to you, but was thinking partly of you when writing Section 3.2 (what to be careful about when writing made-up news) and Section 4 (how to make it look like news). This is not obligatory (and Section 1 says so; it's an "ignorable policy," and you have the writing skill to make an otherwise crap concept worth reading) but it is more than merely my opinion, but rules about good news writing that are widely followed. Spıke ¬ 21:42 12-Mar-10
Yeah, pompous and pretentious, just like that! You may have a future at Uncyc yet. wink, wink, nudge, nudge Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 11:46, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, and I did so enjoy the article too. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 11:47, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Out-of-court settlement reached over silent piece of music

I dare you to read this for audio, and make it funny. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 04:07, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I did see that, and thought it went well with today's UnFunnies. No dice, Chief; one of my serious principles is opposition to "dead air," even with TeleTypes rattling away in the background. Spıke ¬ 14:10 14-Mar-10
Agreed about dead air. Very good of you to notice the coincidence of the article and the nihilism UnToon. That's the reason I challenged your creative mind, to come up with a funny audio of this. I myself can't imagine how I'd do it. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:30, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

edit Bad URLs through finance.yahoo.com

Hey Spike, I've read a couple of your unnewses. First, let me say that they're really good. Second, and this is what I actually wanted to talk to you about, I noticed you used a couple sources linked via yahoo. I couldn't read those sources, instead I was redirected to yahoo search. I suspect it's because I don't have a yahoo account. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:31, 14 March 2010

Thanks for the praise, Socky. I did see you editing my URLs a week ago. I don't have a Yahoo account either, and you should get the same thing I get by using the same URL. My theory is that, when AP revises the article, Yahoo deletes its own copy of the previous version or deprecates its old URL. It doesn't seem to happen on myway.com, which I use for everything but Finance, and I've been relying on their rendition since you had the problems with the Yahoo links. Spıke ¬ 16:39 14-Mar-10

Ah, well anyway, I'm just telling you because it's probably a lot easier for you to find the url of the original source using the article on yahoo finance, by googling the text or maybe yahoo has a link to it somewhere? Then again, maybe some of those articles aren't available online, except on yahoo. Well, I don't know much about this online news source business either way. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:15, 14 March 2010

edit Thanks, dude!

Hi Spike! As always thanks for the advice and also edits. I'm getting better with help of Locals like you. I really appreciate when you explain your edits - because then I learn, and will avoid that mistake again. Cheers--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 15:36, Mar 17

edit You, sir, rock!

A personal thank you. Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:53, March 23, 2010 (UTC)


edit You, sir, are hilarious

I love the Happy Sasquatch Day logo! Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:13, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Credit Mordillo with the boldfacing and blinking. Spıke ¬ 14:21 24-Mar-10
Sasquatch poetry reading Happy Sasquatch Appreciation Day!

Iwantyousasq
March 24 is Sasquatch Appreciation Day, as decreed by Reverend zim_ulator. Please join me in celebration of the noble Sasquatch and his innumerable contributions to Uncyclopedia.
Chief! when did Zippy the Pinhead become a Sasquatch?! Spıke ¬ 23:35 24-Mar-10
I LOVE Zippy the Pinhead. "Um..." Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:13, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

edit Easter stories

Wow, an Uncyclopedia Easter is irreverant to the extreme. Am I right? -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 11:04, Apr. 4, 2010

No one writes a simple, respectful, holiday story. Sniff! Spıke ¬ 11:11 4-Apr-10

Respect? -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 11:14, Apr. 4, 2010

Meanwhile, I have tightened up the ACORN story, which might be suitable for broadcasting. Spıke ¬ 11:31 4-Apr-10

Oh, I appreciate that. Thanks! -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 12:50, Apr. 4, 2010

Here you go. Spıke ¬ 13:57 4-Apr-10

Again, thanks! -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 13:59, Apr. 4, 2010

edit A couple of things

  • Congratulations on winning both the UnNews monthly awards. Well done, and well deserved.
  • Thanks for doing my scut work while I was "away".


Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:20, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for the recognition, which I hope means that you are now mostly back (please confirm). The scut work (or perhaps the passage of Obama-care) came at the expense of actually writing funny stuff.
Issues during your absence are summarized at the end of UnNews:Newsroom. In addition, there was a protest over policy, at UnNews talk:Style. Mordillo resolved it and said he would discuss it with you when you got back. Spıke ¬ 16:01 6-Apr-10
PS--I have three UnNews Audios and you are welcome to nominate me for another Manny. (I will stop nagging you when I've acquired three.) I kept Zana Dark's and Mordillo's entries on the Recent list for a full month, and warned them on their talk pages that they needed to do something for me lately; Mordillo said he'd try. Funnybony's progress at taking fewer and better shots, and basing his UnNews on the news rather than wacky notions that cross his mind, make him the leader for the April Foolitzer. Spıke ¬ 17:09 6-Apr-10

Yes, SPIKE, I am back, for the most part, and I will resume scut work. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:46, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:IPad selling briskly, whatever it is

Hey Spike! I really laughed at your iPad news, specially the photo caption which says it all. I think it's good enough for a go at VFH. Is it ready for me to Nom? Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 12:23, Apr 8

Do what you like; I have enough props to last a year. But UnNews in VFH tends to be stale before they can complete a vote. Spıke ¬ 13:41 8-Apr-10

Only if you feel good and say, dude so! Last Nom I made I was blamed for. But if you think it would good, I'll do it cause I liked it. Cheers--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 21:10, Apr 8

I have no problem with a nomination. I don't surf the popularity contests. Except Emmanuel Goldstein, where the Chief has ignored my request for a third straight nomination. I want all the Mannies until someone realizes no one else is doing audios and moves to retire the award. Spıke ¬ 21:16 8-Apr-10

Sure! I would like to Nom it. Do you have any more work to do on it? Is it ready? I'm ready. Cheers. FB

I'm done. I'm making like Funnybony and am having a multiple-article day, having already moved on to the UnNews about RyanAir planning to install pay toilets on its aircraft. Spıke ¬ 22:29 8-Apr-10

COOL ONE! What an idea, pay toilets on airplanes. Yeah, some times I get instant ideas on different stories, which I would prefer to add up, but because they're dated I have no choice. In about 10 days I have to go long-haul 'have-son-will-travel' to visit my folks in USA and won't be able to make any stories for a couple days or so of travel and rehab. So better use em while you got them, before they go stale (unless their a "timeless" (fictional) news).

edit UnNews:Free Colombian ‘devil's nipple’ costs users

That story today about the "first fit cost-all others free" is based and written in first person, which I just copied, almost word for word. And that news was CNN. So I'm assuming that CNN know as much about news a you do? I know you don't like stories like that. But that IS a valid style, unless you have something to teach Ted Turner OR if UnNews is "limited"? Let me know what is your law? Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 22:44, Apr 8

No, I don't like that style; and I stand corrected from thinking that the style was your invention. In fact, it is a cute twist on actual news, which is exactly what I endorse. It just doesn't seem at all like it on reading. Both CNN and, ironically, its "opposite," Fox News, are obviously in the business of current-events entertainment, which only occasionally is news, with heartstring-tugging themes such as Panic In The Skies, stories with cutesy rock segues, and (in the case of Fox) the desperate need to start every story with a pun or a cliché. I dislike all of this worse than any alleged bias. None of this means they don't know their business. Spıke ¬ 01:02 9-Apr-10

edit Submitting a "column" to UnNews

...does this now have all the formatting stuff correct? -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 12:19, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

I took out excess vertical space at the start. Zim would add a bleep-load of links. Otherwise, it looks fine and is suitably labeled as opinion. Lacking a department for it at present, make your final edits and move it into UnNews as though it were a regular news article. Spıke ¬ 12:26 10-Apr-10

Yeah, I guess he would - but since this is a pro-bunny article I try to limit links to stuff that props it. Will try to find more of those. OK - so then I'll just add it to the list of today's news in UnNews section... anything else? -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 12:34, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

You talk as though it matters to Zim what the article is about or whether the links would do any good. It doesn't. Just sayin.' Spıke ¬ 12:43 10-Apr-10

Well... I was just sayin' too. OK. Do I need to do anything else than add it on today's news list? Write that bit, with link, to go on front page I think? Or do you or Zim do that? I don't remember where, I did it once but it was in 2008. -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 12:55, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Just move it to the UnNews: space--{{Date}} does the rest. Then add it to the top of the list in {{RecentUnNews}}. Spıke ¬ 13:08 10-Apr-10

OK, thanks, done. I took off the Column template since the News-template is linked to the thingy... how to do it right? Do I add the UnNews category to the Column-template or what? -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 13:18, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Been studying that. You need a {{UnNews Column}} and no {{News}} for proper labeling at the top of the article. {{Date}} attaches the date-based category and should suffice to make the article appear on the Front Page. If neither marks the article as Category:UnNews, you should probably edit {{UnNews Column}} so that it does so. Spıke ¬ 13:23 10-Apr-10
Seems to have worked. The surplus >center< appears to be a hamster-related problem. Thanks. -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 13:33, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
Uh. Now it's on the front page but not on today's news list - which is OK by me since it's not really news. Should I do the next column(s) the same way in any case? -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 18:09, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
Your article is on the news list, under 10 April. It is not featured at the moment. Its appearance on the Uncyclopedia home page was achieved by {{RecentUnNews}}. Yes, mimic the current coding for the next one you write. Spıke ¬ 21:55 10-Apr-10
It's on because I fixed the UnColumns template, that didn't include the UnNews date code. ~Jewriken.GIF 22:10, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks Mordillo! -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 05:19, April 11, 2010 (UTC)
Would you please make a comparable change to {{UnNews Editorial}}, from which Multiliteralist created {{UnNews Column}}? Spıke ¬ 22:18 10-Apr-10
Done. --~Jewriken.GIF 09:51, April 11, 2010 (UTC)
Actually, I take that back. It seems that the UnNews Editorial template has a different usage and is being placed on top of the UnNews template - which means that you end up having template collision and the date being placed in two locations in the article. ~Jewriken.GIF 09:56, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Gremlins attack news institutions

I contributed an audio to this article of yours, not knowing you were distinguished in the field yourself. I hope you don't mind. Cheers.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 00:43, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Different! but sounds like you had fun doing it. No problem, as I had not planned to record this one anyway because of its semi-autobiographical nature. Spıke ¬ 03:36 16-Apr-10

Yeah, I was going for an Orson Welles type of voice, because it seemed War of the Worlds-ish.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 20:24, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

edit Zulch

You honor me by doing an audio of my ridiculous Ronald McDonald story. Zulch! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:34, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Beaches oiled for maintenance

I saw you updated it to fit the style of UnNews better, so I'm just here to say thanks for that. It was my first attempted UnNews piece, so I only had a slight idea of what I was doing.--Striker2117 00:10, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Oh! you're welcome! The bold/italics stuff is mentioned in the note From the Chief. Making it sound a little more like a news article is my idea. Apart from that, you know exactly what you're doing! The Chief may be by later to increase the number of links and Categories, as he tends to do. Spıke ¬ 00:20 3-May-10
And for thanking me instead of bitching me out for meddling, you get an UnNews Audio and inclusion in the list in UnNews:UnNewsAudio--to which you should add your national flag, if you care. Spıke ¬ 01:16 3-May-10

Cool. That's awesome. Thanks again.--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 06:20, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

It seems the Chief has renamed the article. The Style Guide asks for all lowercase except the start of the headline and where required by English grammar.
And--for next time--on rereading this piece, I think your two best jokes (the ironic interpretation of the oil spill, and Obama's tendency to replace private efforts with government) are each told in two places. Spıke ¬ 15:46 3-May-10

edit Notice of Promotion

Congratulations! You've earned it. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:49, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Chief!
The said Handbook contains a list of users and their ranks which, for completeness, has not been updated since you last promoted me.
Spent last weekend doing my 3rd through 8th baseball games as PA announcer at the invitation of Daniel Webster College, an activity that is similar to UnNews Audio both in pleasure and pay scale. These games were out in a windy field, but two games last month were from the press box at Holman Stadium.
Mordillo clarified the criteria for the Emmanuel Goldstein last month. However, if you don't mind me pulling even with you in total number, and unless you think someone new will come out of the woodwork, it's time for another nomination, please. Spıke ¬ 17:53 11-May-10
Nomslut! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:05, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

edit NOM

Here's your well-deserved nom, Mr. Whiny Pants. Cheers, Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:16, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

edit A man of letters

Thanks for helping with the letters, I was amused. I hope you are amused by my answers, although they aren't as inscrutable as they could be... I'll have to work on that. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:49, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Dire financial predictions for the rest of 2010

Hi Spike! Great job on saving that list of quotes. I wasn't sure what to do with it. But you made it work. That was my hope. It really is so over-the-top that it seemed "funny" and I thought it might be useful. Otherwise I'll stick to what I know you like - real news with the twist. I was just in USA and seeing the inside of a supermarket made it hard to imagine "food riots" in the USA. But it's also hard to imagine what is now happening around me in the Big Mango. Civil War between the mafia and the elite. And the government and elite are right in this matter, rule of law must be followed. Now it is anarchy here, with hired goons running amok trying to overthrow the lawful government, all paid by a fugitive former PM who should be in jail - or, after making all this mess, he should be killed. The army are up against the the most provocative bastards and goons, who try everything to goad the police and army into acting, just so they can calm oppression. But it is actually the REDS who are attacking the army, not visa versa. If the army wanted to free-fire on the protesters there would be 1,000 people dead in an hour. But after 3 days of war only 35 dead, because of the great restraint of the army who are trying not to hurt anyone. But they are being attacked by Reds with war weapons and grenades. The army are fighting with one hand tied behind their backs. They have to follow rules, but the protesters break every rule. I hope the Army can complete this clean up soon. Its always the damn REDS since I was a kid! --- DUDE! Do you have anything I can vote for now? Stay well--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:00, May 17

There won't be food riots here, though new rules from the permanent, bipartisan bureaucracy on tracing of farm animals and New England fisheries are starting to drive up prices. And Obama will be out of office and reminiscing with Jimmy Carter before the health-care riots begin.
No third-world government is as benign, and no revolt is so unambiguous, as you describe the situation in Thailand. But I have no data with which to disagree with you. Regarding voting for me, you already have, this month. Spıke ¬ 18:36 17-May-10

edit Invitation to narrate

(Originally: Orders from the top.) Yeah, I got told by my more dominant personality that you should do at least three audios of mainspace articles so he can nominate you on ANOTM this next month (since UnNews don't qualify for this). MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 00:31, May 28, 2010 (UTC)

More dominant????? Spıke ¬ 00:56 28-May-10
I obviously know how to make an audio--but the said page doesn't describe or point to a description of what is expected. Is it left totally up to the narrator? Is there a convention for what to do with section heads? Spıke ¬ 01:19 28-May-10

Eh, if the header fits doesn't break the flow of the article, read it. If it does, don't read it. Also, pretty much everything is left up the narrator. Take my take of Colin's I will never forget. I decided it needed a hick accent and the last line needed to just be read with such anguish. You're definitely talented enough to read it. If you want, my Hollywood values could use a dry read. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 01:53, May 28, 2010 (UTC)

All right. Also, I don't know how anyone knows you've done one. {{Listen}} doesn't seem to feed any category and there seems to be no home page on audio renditions. Spıke ¬ 02:04 28-May-10

From his talk page

The first result is Media:The Rescuers.mp3. Again, there needs to be a category, and use of {{Listen}} needs to enroll the page into that category, so there is some enumeration of what narrations exist. Spıke ¬ 13:40 3-Jun-10

Yeah, the {{Listen}} should feed all articles into Category:Spoken articles and would, but the damn thing has a cascade block on it... I'll get that fixed. Also, great audio. I love it. 2 more and you're the ANOTM. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 14:48, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit "Locking" UnNews pages

On my query in UnNews:Newsroom: Why don't UnNews stories expire as Forums do?

If you really want to, simply add the following code on the page somewhere.

<div id="old-forum-warning"></div> __noeditsection__

It's a minor hack, but it will stop most IP edits and minimise user edits, but is work-aroundable. This can also be included into an UnNews template if Zim and yourself are inclined, and I should be able to set it up to work 14 days after the timestamp on the article.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Tuesday, 08:01, Jun 1 2010 UTC

edit UnNews:Baseball's integrity dies

Please give the IP and I a bit more time before you record it, probably a little or medium more to come, not much but a little more. Thanks. Al sans chains 1:00 4 6 mmx

Seems done. Think we should feature it, but that would need you and I to go out and whore it because the UnNews pages that go up for VFH lose because of out-of-date issues. And, oh, almost forgot, fuck Bud Selig. Al des chains 1:10 4 6 MMX

I got enthused and recorded it before I saw your message. Divergence is to be expected when one person records someone else's story; if it's serious, it's not burdensome to re-record it, but I think the snapshot I used has merit in its own right. I don't care about featuring, especially because of the issue you mention. Spıke ¬ 01:22 4-Jun-10
I reviewed the history; most recently, you added a technicality (perfect games do happen all the time in the minors) but it doesn't have to be stated in the audio version. The ambiguity is what you get for putting an article in Mainspace BEFORE YOU ARE DONE EDITING IT. Or failing to use the Preview button. Now, for correct attribution, is Anon you? or do you know who he is? Spıke ¬ 01:26 4-Jun-10

Great recording. No, the IP page went up, I saw it and saw it needed both editing, additions, a good photo, and proper formating to fit UnNews. Then either the IP or someone else put it on the page as was, and I copied and pasted the new edits and format. Left him notes on his talk page and he answered, both of us were surprised nothing had been written before he wandered into the site. Al des chains 1:29 4 6 MMX

As I was, on the Israel brouhaha (rectified today). Tell him to register and I'll see that he gets credit in "Users whose material got recorded." Thanks for your compliment on the audio. Spıke ¬ 01:32 4-Jun-10
Even though no one here has initiative, Anon should be impressed that three people promptly jumped on his initiative and whipped it into UnNews shape. Spıke ¬ 01:33 4-Jun-10

Ah, we both know that the Anon was a Detroit Tiger's player, or one of the old players. Is Al Kaline still alive? Him. Al des chains 1:37 4 6 MMX

A Latino player (Galarraga himself?) who thinks his best recourse is at UnNews?! The story is up on the Sports Page. Spıke ¬ 01:43 4-Jun-10

Si. Sports page? Main page beckons, this is huge news in North America, second only to the oil spill and maybe that moron who killed the girl in Peru. Al 1:46 4 6 MMX

The story is in the list on the Sports Page and on the Front Page. When Zim creates a graphic for the Front Page, I'll replicate it on the Sports Page.

edit Serious discussion of the blown umpiring call

By the way, although I had fun with this story, I absolutely disagree with its thesis. Baseball's only standard for what happened is the instant judgement of the men in blue; they are known to make mistakes (for which the only recourse is the study baseball has done on using technology and slowly adopting instant replay), and a mistake by an umpire, and the Commissioner's unwillingness to reverse it out of pity, has no implications for the integrity of the game. The real test would be if the pitcher were a Cy Young winner rather than a rookie just recalled from the minors. There would then be serious pressure to reverse a ruling from Madison Avenue. The Official Scorer, a 30-year veteran, bless him, refused to score that hit an error to let Galarraga walk away with a no-hitter, as no misplay occurred (except that of Jim Joyce). That's integrity. Spıke ¬ 01:53 4-Jun-10

I agree, but Jim Joyce will live with this now and within his legacy. If Selig doesn't reverse he's scrambled Joyce's legacy and makes the pitcher a hero. But the real guy who missed his chance at greatness, legend type greatness, is the player who got the "hit" but knew he was out. If he had waved his hands, said no, no, and refused to take his base, he would be remembered for the next few decades as a symbol of principled action. Al des chains few minutes later

Thank you for the Manny nomination. But the above is crap. Joyce is sweating bullets, and especially will tonight if he is not given the day off but takes his scheduled position behind home plate at Comerica. But he has been in MLB for decades and is well-respected. Galarraga just came up from the minors and is still aglow at being in The Show. He never expected to pitch a perfect game, will have hundreds more chances to do so, and he now has a great story to tell his grandchildren.
The batter may overrun first base and, if he trotted back to the dugout, would have made the 27th out by abandoning the bases. But--apart from the ambiguity on the part of the players, who don't have instant replay on the field--he represented the tying run. He is in the stadium to win baseball games, not to secure an opponent's place in a history book. He damages his usefulness to his team, and thus his career and his earning power, if he pursues such affectations.
Integrity consists of doing well the job one has chosen to do. If you keep doing that for long enough, fame, and the Hall of Fame, will follow. Your notion that players would put a notion of destiny above the faithful performance of their job is comparable to the Rock 'N Roll notion that a soldier would or should refuse to kill the enemy, thinking that he is the peacemaker who will change history. Spıke ¬ 02:39 4-Jun-10
Ah, a good discussion. Joyce did fine in today's game, got applause, because he fessed up his mistake. So he comes out well. Galarraga's time in majors has nothing to do with this game, played one at a time. From the vids the player who got the 'hit' knew he was out immediately, knew that the bad call by the ump would cost a fellow player--non-teammate or not--his place in history, and maybe not taking the vids into account for that moment knew that the pitcher knew he was out too, and even looked at the pitcher in surprise and a touch of meekness (if I read it out right). And if he had called himself out, and left the field, his manager could have then and there sent in a pinchrunner, so nothing would be changed except the player making a principled stand. Oh well, Selig will likely reverse at some point soon, maybe after the ump association asks him to just to ease the incident's impact in Joyce's long-term reputation. Al des chains 3:12 4 6 MMX

edit UnNews Greatly Improved

Just to register my strong appreciation for both you and Zim (and anyone else) for really improving the UnNews page. Looks a lot more lively now and will help to encourage more contributions (hopefully)! --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:16, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Nice of you to say so! Also Funnybony, who is on the page daily and more and more reading like news; a new Bullshit Bandito covering the Rio-Grande beat, Happytimes still contemplating improving the Category system, and several Repeat Offenders such as yourself. Spıke ¬ 04:08 8-Jun-10
Yes, yesssss... our plot is unfolding nicely. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:44, June 11, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Mexican president lays out agenda for US on VFH

I had to vote against your article on the VFH page as I didn't think it was strong enough. I don't normally vote for any UnNews as features because...well they are news after all. You do have a valid point about how long articles take to accumulate votes to get a nomination - by which time the news has indeed moved on. Not sure what to suggest but I hope Zim doesn't go back to Jesus for inspiration again! --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 16:33, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Zim already did, of course--for which I needled him on his talk page. Spıke ¬ 17:19 10-Jun-10
Fair warning: I've found a couple of new hilarious Jesus pics. I may be once again possessed by something like the devil to write another jesus article soon. Sorry. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:47, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
Jesus is coming... Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:10, July 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit Hah!

Special Titillation, Prurience, and Double Entendre Issue... heh heh. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:51, June 16, 2010 (UTC)

Do you think anyone will notice that the podcast thing is working? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:44, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

edit Paying the whore his due


edit Main Page and UnNews Main Page

The items on the main page often relate to old stories long gone from UnNews or are put in there by other contributors trying to promote their own stories. I know there is a template link to add your own stories in there but I would prefer if the editors of UnNews could promote what they think is best in there instead. Just a thought. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 23:15, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

This was discussed in detail in UnNews:Newsroom, where I'll eventually move this section. Zim manages {{RecentUnNews}}, though other writers have added their own articles to it, and he and Mr.N. concluded that not all articles should go there. I manage {{RecentUnNewsAudio}}, although reporting one's own work there is the only easy way for anyone to tell us they've done one. My policy is to list every audio I'm aware of, but it's over 90% me. I'm not aware of "old stories long gone" listed in either, but there is no way to keep users from editing the templates than active policing by their manager. Spıke ¬ 13:01 14-Jun-10

Thanks BTW for adding a source to the Earth economic basket case story. I was too busy(!) watching the World Cup here. Next on tonight - North Korea v Brazil....--LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:14, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

Next for u.s., "Slovenia." (Where's that? Didn't we acquire them?) Spıke ¬ 20:48 15-Jun-10
USA. Population 300 million. Prison population 2.2 million (2006 figures). Slovenia population 2.0 million. So it would be like Free Americans V Prisoners match. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 06:45, June 16, 2010 (UTC)
HAH!!! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:17, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
That factoid, Romartus, will be the basis (among others) for a soccer UnNews story today. Spıke ¬ 13:36 19-Jun-10

edit UnNews:Suicide bombers threaten strike action

Don't bother. It's copied from here. I already added it to QVFD. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:21, 20 June 2010

Wow--down to the really clever bits. Well-spotted. Spıke ¬ 11:26 20-Jun-10

edit I had nothing better to do, so I made you this

Congratulations!

edit UnNews:77 million 'poisoned' in Bangladesh

Dude! PLEASE narrate MORE of my stories. I just voted for you too. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 16:41, Jun 21

YAAAAAAAAAAA! What? Poison causes death!? Damn! Who would have thought?.. Dude, the more you do the better and more realistic it sounds, and that is steady progress which could also pay off somehow in the real world. Talent makes practice. Practice makes perfect. Cheers and much appreciated!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 18:39, Jun 21

As well as abridging a lot of long numbers, you'll notice I changed "directly related" to "coincident" in the spoken version--Merely occurring at the same time is what now drives UN-funded global science. Spıke ¬ 18:43 21-Jun-10
PS--This story is sappy. Spıke ¬ 20:06 21-Jun-10

edit Narration

Just listened to Media:St. Clairsville, Ohio.mp3, I don't know how you keep from laughing while reading it. You made some very good additions and jokes, and I won't touch them with a 10-foot Clairesman. Nice work. Now I'll go vote to delete it, and we can be rid of the monstrosity. Or I'll just go to the Walmart instead. I agree with the UnNews point, and that's why I want to do an oil spill unnews soon. Again, nice work. Al 13:16 27 6 MMX

Thank you! As I mention in User:SPIKE/UnNews#Audio, I don't keep from laughing. I back up, do it again, and digitally cut the laughing. In the latest UnNews Audio about the dead state rep, it was very hard to get through the part about his habit of swimming laps in a business suit. Spıke ¬ 13:23 27-Jun-10

edit June awards

Congratulations on your two wins! One for the thumb. Nice. Al 00:16 7 MMX

And thanks for your votes and support, especially to the gang on VFD. It was nice to get back to help you resuscitate articles for a while; haven't done that in a long time. Spıke ¬ 03:47 1-Jul-10

I don't know where you stuff your awards, but this one should go up your ass....And here's one that you haven't won repeatedly....

But I will kill you if win EGA again. Seriously. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 13:40, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Dex. In fact, they are already on display at User:SPIKE/UnNews. Spıke ¬ 13:47 1-Jul-10
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