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NH token The

March-August-November 2010

CommieLeon trotsky E G A E D M

The Emmanuel
Goldstein Award
of Excellence in
the Distribution
of Misinformation


MicrophoneBadge Article
of the


I started writing UnNews releases in February 2010 and recording audio versions later in the same month. I recorded all 11 audio releases on UnNews in that month, which made me a lock for the Goldstein award. There is no better way to earn a Manny than for no one else to qualify.

I've done about 15 audios per month since then, while the rest of the Uncyclopedia community has obligingly left the field entirely. In June, Dexter, who had revived the lost art of narrating articles, suggested I could be Narrator of the Month if I'd crank out three of them, and that was habit-forming too.

In September, 2010, the Reverend Zim ulator abdicated as the Chief of UnNews over a call for a vote on his typographical affectations and a technical rewrite of the Front Page. Drama and dickery ensued and he is now a larger fish in a smaller pond. I have been laying out the Front Page in his absence.

This page lists all my UnNews contributions, and is the place to discuss the text and audio versions. New topics at the end, please.


August 4 UnNews:US closes all embassies in Arabia from terror "chatter"
May 6 UnNews:Baseballer detonates bomb in Boston but walks free
April 25 UnNews:UnNews wire hacked; President is unhurt (Audio)
March 6 UnNews:EU bitch-slaps Microsoft
UnNews:Quebec outlaws pasta with Simsilikesims
February 26 UnNews:Ikea corraled into horse-meat scandal
February 18 UnNews:WW3 averted as superpowers parlay missile strike into "meteor" hoax--rework Funnybony
February 3 UnNews:White House releases photo of Obama skeet-shooting (Audio)
January 20 UnNews:Obama dashes Republican hopes, takes oath of office
January 11 UnNews:America seeks closure after school massacre‎
January 9 UnNews:Al Roker to star in reality TV show on diarrhea (Audio)

November 24 UnNews:Boxer Camacho dead at 50
October 26 UnNews:Hurricane Sandy diverts attention from election
October 18 UnNews:Windows 8 baffles users; but, screw 'em! (Audio)
UnNews:Regulators seek to make air travel deadlier
October 14 UnNews:Prof sues law school for bias against conservatives
Featured 23-Oct-12
October 10 UnNews:U.S. State Department reverses opinion on Benghazi
October 8 UnNews:Democrats preemptively explain poor Biden debate
October 2 UnNews:Gunfire near Arizona border blamed on Univisión
September 19 UnNews:Romney campaign struggles to recover from "gaffe-filled" luncheon
September 17 UnNews:Spontaneous violence spreads to Kazakh embassy
September 14 UnNews:Riots spread across Arabia protesting American cinema (Audio)
August 30 UnNews:Romney/Ryan to re-institute Negro slavery
Featured 19-Sep-12
July 20 UnNews:Romney: "Obama-care is a ham sandwich"

April 27 UnNews:Pennsylvania city renames itself for cash (Audio)
April 26 UnNews:MLB tags Gadhafi to run Dodgers
April 25 Narration of Fantasy sports (Narration)
April 22 UnNews:US asks Microsoft exec to gum up tax code (Audio)
April 21 UnNews:Canada pulls a fast one with a snap election--Polish up Shabidoo
April 19 UnNews:Company cornering the market on 800 numbers (Audio)
April 18 UnNews:Gadhafi lays siege to mountain towns
April 16 UnNews:Numbers are in on US budget "cuts"
April 15 UnNews:Gadhafi's daughter gives defiant speech (Audio)
April 14 UnNews:FBI closes in on PC zombie gang--rework Kevillips
April 13 UnNews:Corpse of Reagan eyed for GOP nomination--rework Jokerman
UnNews:Everyone got rolled in the budget deal (Audio)
April 12 UnNews:Government shutdown averted; furloughs happen anyway
April 10 UnNews:Internet outage in Georgia explained
UnNews:Government shutdown averted (Audio)
April 8 UnNews:Romer: Inflation is good for America (Audio)
April 7 UnNews:Sal Fasano returns to work (Audio)
April 5 UnNews:Obama cites animal rights for Libya move (Audio)
April 3 UnNews:Charlie Sheen pleases Detroit crowd
April 2 UnNews:Afghan nut-jobs react to Florida nut-jobs; 12 dead
March 31 Angela Merkel lies down in a darkened room--by Romartus (Audio)
March 30 UnNews:Libyan rebels complete Obama's brackets
March 29 UnNews:Anti-union Wisconsin law published despite injunction (Audio)
March 27 UnNews:United States abandons handshakes (Audio)
March 26 UnNews:India cracks down on fake pilot licenses (Audio)
March 23 UnNews:NFL changes rules for safety (Audio)
March 19 UnNews:Wisconsin judge blocks anti-union law
March 18 UnNews:Obama goes strong to the hoop, scores on Libya (Audio)
March 14 UnNews:Senator has catchy new name for bonds
March 13 UnNews:US advances cyber-warfare
March 12 UnNews:US gives up NFL for Lent (Audio)
March 11 UnNews:France recognizes American rebels--rework Funnybony (Audio)
March 10 UnNews:Prankster hits NPR, heads roll (Audio)
March 6 UnNews:Huckabee steps in it again (Audio)
March 4 UnNews:Pork farmers pick new slogan (Audio)
March 3 UnNews:“Beam me up, Scotty” is possible with lasers, say scientists--rework Funnybony
March 2 Pittsburgh Pirates forfeit season--by TheHumbucker (Audio)
UnNews:US Army to toughen tests, ignore results (Audio)
February 28 UnNews:Taco Bell defends its beef (Audio)
February 27 Wainwright to undergo Tommy Gun surgery--by JackOfSpades (Audio)
UnNews:IMF calls for dollar alternative as oil spikes -- Concept by Funnybony (Audio)
February 24 UnNews:Libya descends into civil war
February 22 UnNews:Seven other state legislatures walk out (Audio)
February 20 UnNews:Chihuahua legislature calls for ban of video game
UnNews:Peruvians placed at risk at soccer match -- rework Funnybony (Audio)
UnNews:UK dumbs down reading test to fight "multiculturalism" -- rework Anon
February 19 Narration of Aurora (Narration)
February 17 UnNews talk:BoA demands brokers stop working
February 16 UnNews:Egypt looks ahead, doesn't see anything (Audio)
February 15 UnNews:Obama springs 2012 budget on Congress (Audio)
February 11 UnNews:US on top of turmoil in Egypt (Audio)
February 7 UnNews:AOL buys Huffington Post (Audio)
February 6 UnNews:Aguilera flubs National Anthem (Audio)
February 3 UnNews:New country secedes from The Sedan (Audio)
February 2 UnNews:Muslim Brotherhood set to govern Egypt (Audio)
February 1 UnNews:Barter deal: Mubarak takes Afghanistan, Karzai takes Egypt -- rework Anon
UnNews:Russian media study link between gaming and terrorists -- rework Putthatknifedown
January 31 Mummies vandalize Cairo museum--by Funnybony (Audio)
January 27 UnNews:Obama asks: "Can't we all just get along?" (VFH)
January 24 UnNews:US Northeast reacts to cold wave with nagging (Audio)
January 22 UnNews:US running out of lethal-injection drugs
January 21 UnNews:Reds pretend to land on Red Planet (Audio)
January 19 UnNews:Jobs' health is a trade secret (Audio)
January 17 UnNews:America warms up to Obama-care (Audio)
January 16 UnNews:Tunisian coups d'état back on schedule (Audio)
January 13 UnNews:Man ruled "not guilty by reason of Frenchness"--with help from Phrage
January 12 UnNews:GOP wants "Constitution-free zones" (Audio)
January 11 UnNews:Politicians move on after Arizona massacre (Audio)
January 10 UnNews:Hefner to take Playboy private--finished by e|m|c (Audio)
Congresswoman survives headshot (so far); Glock considers redesign--by e|m|c (Audio)
January 7 UnNews:Gay sports writer comes out
January 6 UnNews:Microsoft developing Windows for phone chips (Audio)
January 4 Greeks can't afford interest payments, leave keys in letterbox--by Username18 (Audio)
January 3 UnNews:Tea Party wave arrives at wrong capitol (VFH) (Audio)
January 2 UnNews:Governments might let up in 2011
Bin Laden captured after checking-in on Foursquare (FA)--by Username18 (Audio)

but wait--there's more!



Almost all my UnNews releases key off an actual piece of news, typically taking an item from the Associated Press and either misinterpreting it or carrying it to its logical conclusion. I strongly think that is what UnNews should be--as opposed to someone with a wacky idea incompletely putting it into news-release form to flog it (and himself) on the UnNews audience. (The Reverend Zim says my opinion aligns with the original UnNews concept, but his valid opinion is, essentially, Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom.)



The ASR33 TeleType is a staple of any good newsroom. (Internet? What's that?) WINS 1010 KHz in New York City still uses the sound effect behind its news reporting.

My UnNews audio features use a mix of the British UnNews theme jingle that I fade into a TeleType sound effect. They end by repeating the British theme, truncated and with a faster fade-out. My sports features start with Pennant Fever, composed by James Newton Howard for the movie Major League.

Signature lines

My features begin by reading the headline and then adding, "Stay tuned--for UnNews!" which is a parody of radio commentator Paul Harvey. They end with the catch-line, "This has been UnNews, a service of Uncyclopedia. Straight talk from straight faces."

Other commentators can copy and use any of the above. They are not "official" UnNews Audio tag lines and no one is required to use them, nor to follow any rules except to be funny. The finale, "My name is Spike. No, seriously" is not adaptable to other news readers, unless your Uncyclopedia handle is also what people call you in real life, in which case I pity some of you. My first couple of audio features ended with the tag line used by The Reverend, "Thank you for suffering!" However, I regard this as his personal signature, and have ceased to steal it now that I have something equally good.

Running jokes

My UnNews features have repeated the following jokes:

  • The Republican Party is "the minority party, whose name could not be determined," or something similar; likewise the names of its leaders, to mock them for not standing up to Barack Obama during all of 2009, when he had Godlike popularity.
  • In audio features, "Washington D.C." becomes an adoring "Washington, the capital," recalling Jackson Browne's Lawyers in Love.

In early features, the audio anchor (perhaps like Ted Baxter on the Mary Tyler Moore Show) was inexplicably unable to pronounce "Massachusetts." I gave up on this because it merely seemed like a flub unless the listener knew the joke.

Audio setup

I record the audio features into WAV files using sound recording software on a Toshiba laptop. I read the UnNews page from the screen of another laptop, on which WinAmp plays the theme and sound effects. WinAmp and my voice are analog mixed, and my voice is given echo, by a Sansui stereo component. The finale (a repeat of the British UnNews theme with a voiceover) is canned. I digitally edit the result to remove stuttering, any excessive pauses, and flubs. Digital processing ensures that the files start and end in perfect silence, while the TeleType effect hides any background noise.

Audio--Technical details

Sound editor

An audio editor on Win98, showing (in green) the audio contents of a monaural (single-channel) WAV file at about the right volume level: The highest peaks and valleys just touch the edge of the window. You can see, at the start and end of the audio clip, portions without voice but only the UnNews theme.

WAV files

A wave file (the filename ends in .WAV) samples sound a certain number of times per second and stores the energy level at each sample as a 16-bit number (between plus and minus 32,767). Like graphics on an old printer, where curves turn into jagged lines, the copy isn't exact, but only concert violinists have any problems with CD-quality WAV files (44100 samples per second). Any audio editor program will show you your voice as a wave, like an oscilloscope.

Wave files are huge, but there is no need to send them between computers, and any computer made in the last ten years will handle them easily. Don't use 8-bit recording. These files are half as big, but store each sample as an 8-bit number (between plus and minus 127). You can make out voice and music, but fade-outs get very hissy.

Experiment with volume levels. Too loud, and your recorder will try to record values beyond 32,767. The wave will get an artificial flat top (the sound will be "clipped") and it will sound bad. Too soft, and the listener will have to crank up his set--but this means you aren't using the full range, and your voice will be recorded with less accuracy. Ideally, you should record a test, look at it with a sound editor, and ensure that the loudest point of your feature just touches the top and bottom of the graph area. If the sound only gets halfway to those edges, you are recording 10 decibels softer than you could, and using only half the available accuracy.

You don't need a recording studio, but plaster, tile, and hardwood surfaces may produce noticeable echo. If you care, you can reduce this with wall-hangings, which may be towels. Plug a real microphone into the PC's microphone jack instead of using a built-in microphone. Background noises won't interfere with your voice but may be detectable during moments of silence. Record a test and play it back at full volume, or look at it in an audio editor, to see what background noise you are recording.

MP3 files

Sounds are waves, and you can make a smaller file by describing the shape of the wave than by specifying every point on the curve. That's what MP3 files do. Playing MP3 files is an exact science, but translating a wave file into MP3 is an art that is done with differing quality. You specify how big, per unit of time, you want the MP3 file to be, and the encoder (or compressor) fills the space with as detailed a description of the wave as will fit.

The human mind doesn't hear sound so much as it senses things happening; you cannot hear a bell tinkling at the same time as an explosion; you cannot hear a soft C-sharp at the same time as a loud C. Your mind filters these sounds out as distractions. A good MP3 encoder omits from the file many sounds you are unlikely to be able to hear, freeing more space in the file to represent sounds of more relevance. Different minds perceive differently, and opinions differ about the quality of sound produced by various encoders. I have no preference.

Recommended settings
Microphone on stand

Using one of these helps your voice be heard.

I dial down audio clips from 44100 Hz 16-bit stereo to 22050 Hz 16-bit mono, which is adequate for voice. This produces WAV files 1/4 of the size of CD-quality files (2.646 Mb/min rather than 10.584 Mb/min). The common 128 Kbit/sec (kbps) setting reserves 0.96 Mb/min, and the encoder uses all that space for quality audio details that are not present or not important. Since March, I have specified 96 kbps, producing files of 0.72 Mb per minute without noticeable drop-off in sound quality. (A Mb is about one thousandth of a gigabyte.)

There are no volume settings when translating from WAV to MP3. On some old compressors that make assumptions rather than read the quality settings from the WAV file, you may have to tell it if you recorded your WAV file with less than CD-quality.


MP3 files can contain descriptions as well as music. Much MP3-playing software lets you type or edit these descriptions. My audio clips don't use ID3. For your information--

  • ID3v1 lets you add a few, fixed-length fields to the end of an MP3 file, such as artist, album name, song name, and comments.
  • ID3v2 is at the start of the MP3 file, so software can display it without searching to the end of the file. There are more fields, and they can be much longer, including multi-line comments.

Neither MP3 files nor WAV files contain computer code or any way for a virus to infect your computer. Even a file that claims to be an audio file, but isn't, can't damage your computer, if you deal with it through an audio player. (MP3 files with ID3v2 can contain a web link, and if your player gives you a button to click, and if you click it, this could take you to a web site that doesn't play by the rules.)

Talk page for UnNews and UnNews Audio

UnPreview of Dr Who

I am having trouble categorizing UnReviews:Dr Who series 6, I was going to put it in UnReviews, but since it was a made up preview review, nearly spoiler free. I just don't know what to do with it. I can rework it into a modified UnNews Format, if you think it is appropriate for the page. Please let me know what you think. If I don't hear back from you, I will post it as an UnReview, since that's where I was planning on putting it. Just the timeliness and excitement some people have for the countdown.--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:34, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews can contain commentary (see the Style Guide Sec. 2 on "Columns" and "Editorials"), and PF4Eva often writes (very caustic) reviews in the space. Unless you have a reason for picking UnNews other than a big ego, it does seem exactly like an UnReview to me.
A bigger problem with the article is that its emphasis is not constant. At times, you are saying that:
  1. The movie is demented. A valid comedy theme.
  2. The reviewer is demented. Writing a review that showcases the reviewer's incompetence is one way to be funny. But you're not doing that; and given that you aren't, I would get most of the first person out of the article. Nobody cares whether you are or aren't a fantard, or that something is or isn't your chief concern. (Except that you do love to spend time explaining yourself to people; perhaps some day we will do a parody "user page" on you.)
  3. The movie is grr-r-r-eat! Your intro reads like an advertisement and not humor at all.
So, pick a comedy strategy and stick to it.
The standard way to write an UnNews Column is to pick a person who is "doing the talking," say, Ebert, and consciously put the review in his style of speaking. Spıke Ѧ 17:49 19-Apr-11
PS--Kill "Make that UnPreview". People write "reviews" all the time about shows and movies that haven't quite premiered, so that isn't even funny. Spıke Ѧ 17:50 19-Apr-11

I totally understand. Thanks. I agree it is all over the place - I was hoping to meld them into an incoherent stream of consciousness. I will let it simmer and come back to it this evening, and in any case, I will put it in UnReviews. I so rarely pick "hot topics" is why I wanted to run it by Lou Grant (lol). I very much appreciate your frankness. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:55, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

User:Jokerman/UnNews Sandbox

Sorry to bug you, but what do you think of the idea?--User:Jokerman/sig 13:41, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

Make it read like news. Problems from the beginning: Obama "went on a local station"? Which one? Read UnNews:Style: we want to know Who? What? Where? When? Why? WTF?
Be sure you know what the article is trying to achieve. Then write a lead sentence that claims something newsworthy--new and different--just happened. Obama going on a TV program is not news!
Global reminder: If you cover politics, religion, or race, be sure to make it playful. Not because we're prudes, but because portraying Obama as extreme will look too much like things the Tea Party would say in complete seriousness. The reader will wonder what's funny, and I will wonder whether you are using UnNews to grind an axe.
One funny thing about the real-life interview, carried on conservative radio, was when the interviewer corrected Obama--he didn't lose by "a couple" points but by 10--and Obama scolded him to "let me finish my response, next time." Also whether there was a political reason Houston didn't get one of the retired Space Shuttles--Do you have a funny theory?
Reading your Source: Your UnNews lead might be: "The Obama campaign, in an abrupt change of strategy, is focusing on winning Texas, a state that it lost in 2008 by 10 percentage points." That's news! Then come up with some outrageous (and probably futile) ways he's planning to do it, as in Jam Jesus.

Second piece is an amusing misinterpretation, but of course needs much more. Take some Sarah Palin speeches and imagine Palin addressing the Sleepover Risk as she does Obama-care. Bring in HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius and have her tell us how we will all be free to opt-out. What are Boehner and Reid doing about this new crisis? Spıke Ѧ 18:01 21-Apr-11

PS--I did nothing with your little "Schools cracking down" UnNews, because I didn't see it. When creating a new story, especially from your Sandbox, actually create a new page and paste in the text. Only then will it appear at the top of Recent news. Spıke Ѧ 18:03 21-Apr-11

JelloMold on the filing date for an UnNews

Greetings Sir Spikealot...Long time no speak...anyway I have an unnews fresh and ready to go but it's nearing the end of the day over here in England (just over an hour left) so I'm wondering should I wait until it's tomorrow to create the article? I don't want it to be today's news for only a few minutes :( Shrooms Jello Shrooms 21:42, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

The date on an UnNews is less important as it used to be, when Recent news had headings with the date of the filing. The order now is no longer based on the {{Date}} in the story but on the creation date of the page. So see just above about copy-pasting your text into a new article rather than moveing it to the UnNews space.
The bigger problem is that my fair-weather, drizzle-related Internet outages have begun. Don't know why I am on-line right now or for how long it will last. Spıke Ѧ 23:33 25-Apr-11
Perhaps the string needs new wax, and if you have some spare change, spring for a new Dixie cup. That's what I have to do when I am in my northwoods forest camp. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:38, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
If this craps out for good, I'll have lunch tomorrow in the parking lot of a nearby public library. For now, it's holding up. Spıke Ѧ 00:46 26-Apr-11

UnNews:U.S. enforces "Green-Hill Zone" over Libya

I accidentally made two unnewses, I made the first one as an article then realised I should have gone to the unnews section and created it from there...I'm not sure how to delete the first one but it's called 'U.S. ENFORCES Green Hill zone over Libya', whereas the one I created in UnNews (i.e. the proper one) is called 'U.S. DECLARES Green Hill Zone over Libya'...I personally prefer the title of the first one but as I can't delete the article I'm stuck with 'declares' for now :( Shrooms Jello Shrooms 14:05, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Add the one you want to get rid of to list on UN:QVFD, another thing to do would have been change the text of the one you did not want to #REDIRECT [[file name of article you want to point to]]--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 14:36, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
Jello, your grammar, spelling, and use of UnNews style was atrocious. I even had to capitalize Libya in the headline. (I apologize for the accusation if this was K-Lips doing you a "favor.") In the future, would you please print your draft out, submit it to your teacher the next time a paper is due, and wait for the corrections to come back? 17:53 26-Apr-11
Oh, well, I guess it gets the top spot on the Front Page. Spıke Ѧ 18:06 26-Apr-11
Yea it was me, I should have left well enough alone - but fortunately no electrons were damaged nor .... --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:30, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
Spelling? What was spelt wrong? You changed newtrons to neutrons but newtron is the actual name of a badnik in the game. Look it up ;) Shrooms Jello Shrooms 18:46, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
I'm not sure about the cquotes thing...they seem to big. This is the first article in which I've used them Shrooms Jello Shrooms 19:06, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
Reverted. Good thing I didn't follow my skepticism over "badnik."
{{Cquote}} is rather big, but several authors use it. {{Q}} is the smaller one, as at the start of an Uncyclopedia article. I use ordinary quotes, like a regular news release. You can do whichever you like, and italics are still an author option (debated again recently in the Forum).
What was misspelled? How about "it's"? How about rolling dice to decide where to put the hyphens? Lips, that move button is major--got to get it right. "To big" is to wrong. You both need Remedial UnJournalism. Spıke Ѧ 19:10 26-Apr-11
No offence Spike, but who gives a shit - about the its? :D and before you flame me, that's an Ernest Hemingway quote Shrooms Jello Shrooms 19:53, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
In your sandbox: No one. On the Front Page: I, and God. Spıke Ѧ 20:01 26-Apr-11
Just me and Hemingway then :) I am aware of how to use 'it' I'm sure you can't have caught that many strays, I think you're being a little bit harsh on ol' jello tonight. Btw is your internet still being temperamental? You usually get stuck into my articles sooner.. Shrooms Jello Shrooms 21:13, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
How many UnNews articles can be listed that have not been tweaked by Spike? How many Spike penned main space articles have been edited only to have Spike revert and condemn? My count 0:1. The point is no one lives up to the perfection that is Spike. Spike you do a great job, and all writers should humble themselves to your superiority. But if its not one thing its another. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 19:55, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
[sic] Spıke Ѧ 20:01 26-Apr-11
mistake on the front page 'But the move baffles coalition partners, especially those reared on Sega Genesis' doesn't make sense, those raised on sega genesis aren't the ones baffled, it's the former army officials who are baffled...I'm sure you can succinctly reword that Shrooms Jello Shrooms 19:59, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Well, SPIKE, here I am again, alive and not so well. I would like to simply state that though I've been experimenting with other namespaces and haven't been on the UnNews front for a while, this Jello guy did a good job and his piece reminded me of a favorite part of my childhood, namely doing a half-assed job on my homework to play Sega. For that reason alone, I am a fan of the piece. Now, you're complaining him for his spelling and grammar? You should read a galley from one of these things and then tell me his spelling and grammar was atrocious. You do good work, but please tone down the criticism a bit. I'm sure Jello is a well-intentioned UnJournalist and typoes do happen, even on professional news sites. I will be back with a new piece soon. I promise. But, please, give this guy a break. It's a good piece. And if you are going to be an arse about proofreading and correcting spelling and grammar, I'm sure there are people who would be more willing to do it. I would too, when I get an offbeat chance to visit. Many thanks.--User:Jokerman/sig 13:36, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Riots spread across Arabia protesting American cinema‎

[Up with you, man!] Thank you, Mr. Spike, for expertly demonstrating that UnNews' only bias is satire. Excellent work. --Globaltourniquet GlobalTourniquetUnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 00:31, September 15, 2012 (UTC)

And thank you, Chief, for running it Above the Fold. There has been so much news and commentary, from so many different angles, half of it begging for satire. The F-Troop-style defense of the diplomatic fort lends itself to some vintage Pollyanna reporting (actual bullets for their guns, some day?). It's mostly a ridicule of the Democratic administration, so I managed to work in Romney and even Todd Akin.
In contrast, the best other direction to take this was the double standard between the criticism-ends-at-the-water's-edge view of Romney's remarks and the rhetoric of those same critics when they were Speaking Truth to Bush. Limbaugh and Boston's Howie Carr made sport of this, with file audio, but as I wrote in Forum:Political advocacy, again, I could do nothing with this theme without making it seem as though it could have come from Limbaugh himself. The reader can't laugh when you make him wonder which side you are trying to sell him. Spıke Ѧ 09:45 15-Sep-12

UnNews:Romney campaign struggles to recover from "gaffe-filled" luncheon

On the subject of the reader wondering which side one is trying to sell the reader, the only thing we are selling is satire. I know you are just referring to within the context of a single story - the story ought to skewer from a consistent angle - and generally I agree. At least the degree of difficulty is much higher if you are trying to skewer from opposing sides within a single piece, though I don't think it's utterly impossible. But, as I have just affected on the lead articles template, I love the opposing sides next to each other there like that. As I indicated, I think it strengthens our overall presentation - that our bias is satire only - with you here skewering so well from a right-leaning side and the rest of us obamazombies (you know, the smart ones) from the left-leaning. --Globaltourniquet GlobalTourniquetUnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 16:14, September 19, 2012 (UTC)

Point/counterpoint is a technique that I often used on the Front Page. But you must make clear what you are doing by putting them side-by-side, regardless of relative quality or time already spent on the page. While I do come from the (libertarian) right--and am fed up of listening to endless media analysis about whether Romney is an ogre to admit that welfare recipients won't vote for him--this new UnNews of mine is not defending Romney but ridiculing the press. I was moved to write it after reading your UnNews:Mitt Romney struggling to find more elegant ways to say he is a pandering, mendacious ass. Good of you to make the bias such a caricature that the reader won't view it as advocacy, but bad of you to make it look so little like an actual news story. Spıke Ѧ 16:26 19-Sep-12

Obviously I am not as married to the "looks like actual news" principle as you are, though I do like the approach. But I don't think we need to use it to the exclusion of other approaches. Funny is funny, and satire can come from many equally effective methods. To exclude UnNews to this "must look like actual news" principle, I feel, is too limiting. Not that we need to copy The Onion, but just by way of supporting example, they are well-known for not adhering to the "looks like real news" concept. They often use the exact format I used in that article - in fact, I was thinking Onion when I wrote it to be honest. They often use outlandish, charged phrases as though they were fact, the way I tried to here. It brings a point home very effectively I think. --Globaltourniquet GlobalTourniquetUnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 16:36, September 19, 2012 (UTC)

You're the Chief. But do put them side-by-side, please. Spıke Ѧ 16:39 19-Sep-12

You're right, side-by-side will be much better. I just put them where they are to replace the most stale stories, but it sure looks like I was favoring mine that way, doesn't it? Obviously compensating for my low self-image... --Globaltourniquet GlobalTourniquetUnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 16:52, September 19, 2012 (UTC)

I didn't think you were favoring yours, and don't mind that you do. You should probably put mine "on the right," even though that continues the impression. Spıke Ѧ 16:57 19-Sep-12


On the topic of UnNews, who was running the UnNews podcast, and why did it die back in March?                               Puppy's talk page10:01 15 Sep

Zimulator used to; over a year ago, he tweaked it to make it work right again, apparently assuming that files were named according to rule. I noted that my old stuff was making it onto the podcast but never actually used it to retrieve anything. Spıke Ѧ 16:51 15-Sep-12

UnNews and how it is running

Since my recent return, I have tried to figure out who is running UnNews at the moment. Unfortunately, noone seems to know who is in charge of what. I believe your still active with UnNews, correct? --Mn-z 19:01, January 7, 2013 (UTC)

Right now, I don't know as that is one of the issues to be decided this week. As you can see, Aleister and the others are posting stories on both wikis so it is really only a question about who organises the template. For now, I will oversee it. I will updating the UnNews template page today. Thanks. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 19:10, January 7, 2013 (UTC)
My main concern was that someone was updating it here. Also, are you guys updating the featured article too? Because of the possible decrease in membership, keeping VFH running might get difficult. --Mn-z 19:13, January 7, 2013 (UTC)
Welcome back, Mnbvcxz! Mattsnow and GlobalTourniquet, in that order, were the last two to step up for full-service Editor-in-Chiefing, until their respective schedules changed. More recently, Matt lobster has juggled the feature lists. I was sporadically active this fall but the news has not gripped me with mirth since, say, last November 6. Spıke Ѧ 19:20 7-Jan-13
I will do the juggling in the meantime until we decide who wants to look after that page in the next few days. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 19:25, January 7, 2013 (UTC)
And there is a new featured article for Tuesday. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 19:26, January 7, 2013 (UTC)

UnNews:Facebook introduces ‘Nookie’

Hey mate! I have pretty good one here. But if you can see any way to improve the first para or any part then please go for it. .... BTW: I really hope you're going to be Unnews editor again (like you were before the dickweeds created Prickipedia). Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 16:07, Jan 16

For some reason, I jumped on this the moment it came up. The first paragraph did not read like news (Who? What? Where? When? How?) but as a sales brochure, a problem that persists in the use of the second person throughout. I have been over it with small tweaks and now a second Source regarding what the "Anal ysts" [sic] say about it.
Now back to you: Your fake name Nookie is based on nothing. A better parody of "Graph Search", given your take on the news, would be "Grope Search". If you agree, do a global-replace and rename the article. Spıke Ѧ 16:34 16-Jan-13

Hey, good work! On the name, I like Nookie, because of the play on Siri (who will never answer simple questions like "How big are your nipples?"). Lets keep the Nookie name. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:00, Jan 16

You are the author, and thus I did not "be italic" on such a major change. But "Nookie" is a play on a related, incidental concept, whereas "Grope Search" would be a play on the news itself, which is preferable. Spıke Ѧ 17:12 16-Jan-13
You did a good job with the edit. But we're not going to mess it up with a name change. This is as much a play on Siri (a girl's name and voice) as it is on Facebook. Facebook introduces grope?---fuck that dry impersonal BS! My concept is Nookie. If you want to write another news with Grope - well, be my guest, that's all yours. Cheers--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:35, Jan 16

Sourcing UnNews

In reference to what you said on Kevillips talk page, I don't think uncited sources are necessarily bad. Anonymous sources appear all the time in news stories, aka "sources close to John Doe" or "someone not authorized to speak to the press." --Mn-z 22:53, February 4, 2013 (UTC)

It used to be part of the instructions that if it wasn't based on an actual story to cite locally or not cite. You should always cite though.                               Puppy's talk page10:57 04 Feb
The phrasings Mnbvcxz uses are sometimes seen in the real news. The passives that Kevillips has in his UnNews are not. The assertion that "It was reported today" does not read like news at all. If "it was reported" by UnNews itself, it works out to, "We insist, without telling you the basis, that...." If someone reported something to us, it damages the superficial resemblance to news not to disclose (or make up) the name of the source. Spıke Ѧ 23:02 4-Feb-13
PS--As always, the goal is not to adhere to a style or to be Good Journalists. The goal is to maintain a superficial resemblance, so the reader is sucked in by the impression that he is reading real news, and so that you can screw with his mind with the details. Spıke Ѧ 23:03 4-Feb-13
I would be flexible regards UnNews style since I see it can stretch from a piece you would see in the WSJ to a tabloid like the Daily Mail. I also like parody news in the style of Private Eye , i.e. using an old fable etc to make a modern news point. Perhaps a revision of UnNews house style could be looked at to encourage a broad range of writers to try their hand. UnNews to me is a way of encouraging writers to stay with a site like this. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 09:45, February 7, 2013 (UTC)
If an author wants to parody a tabloid or the Enquirer, no problem. What I sensed here is lazy inattention to detail. (Not meaning from laziness but perhaps just not getting around to it.) As this detracted from the superficial resemblance to news, it's worth commenting on, and easy to correct (and the author has). Spıke Ѧ 10:40 7-Feb-13
Speaking of which, it's around 11 months since I started the last Pee Buddy awards. Maybe something to revive, given we have the best and most prolific UnNews writer, the most featured writer, one of the most featured rewriters, and one of the two most prolific UnNews narrators still on site. It probably won't run on the fork, given Lyrithya hated me running it last year, and it's something we're in the prime position to run. Any thoughts?                               Puppy's talk page10:16 07 Feb
It is a month since I apprised the Rev. Zim ulator of our status and he has not seen fit to visit. Spıke Ѧ 10:40 7-Feb-13
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