User:S3ahawk/Why?:Punt Various Small Animals

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Why Why? 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?

Punting various small animals is a historical past-time, but is nowadays frowned upon due to its supposedly violent nature. However, history shows that critter kicking can be very therapeutic for those with emotional trauma. Perhaps serial killers such as Ted Bundy and Jeffery Dahmer would have likely steered away from murder had they been given a minute mammalian hackey-sack. Furthermore, many important discoveries have been stumbled upon by way of punting small creatures. Benjamin Franklin would not have flown his revolutionary kite without the help of his squirrel, Sir Fluffkins the Third; Albert Einstein would not have discovered the theory of relativity without the rabbit that he and a colleague found in a park.

edit Therapeutic benefits

edit Treatment of psychological disorders

  • Bipolar disorder: Bipolar patients may benefit from the punting of small animals due to the potential for it to balance out the extreme states of mind. While in mania, a bipolar individual would likely kick as many animals as possible. Such a physically strenuous activity would likely use up the energy that would otherwise go towards maintaining a manic state. Also, due to the amusement one can attain through this activity, boredom would be an unlikely result. The fun nature of punting various small animals can also benefit those who are in the depressive side of the bipolar spectrum. Rather than ruminate on why his or her life is meaningless, the individual can take out all negativity on the animal's posterior.
  • Schizophrenia: A schizophrenic patient (depending on the severity of the disorder) can be taught to visualize the voices in his or her head as a small critter. Upon mastering this visualization, the patient may find solace in sending a squirrel sky-high so as to symbolize triumph over the auditory hallucinations. Also, similar visualization can be used for patients suffering from visual hallucinations. The clinician overseeing the kitty kicking can use suggestion that the animal is actually a hallucinated being, and that punting it will forever distance the patient from such a vision.
  • Borderline personality disorder:

edit See also

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