UnBooks:Keith Richards

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KEItH

Introduction

A stranger to everyone, and the Rolling Stones' aging one-man chemistry set, Sir Keith Richards (knighthood pending) is an enigma's enigma. The Kent born guitarist--who teamed up with Mick Jagger and Brian Jones to form the Rolling Stones almost 50 years ago in the “acid age”--has a hazy past, filled with drugs, poontang, drugs, booze, cigarettes, music, and drugs. What follows is his autobiography, dictated totally in his own words. It is a rare look at the brilliant life of one of the most important participants in the Rock and Roll scene of the 1960s and beyond, and is a historical document of the era. Although Richards remembers 'sod all' from his rock and roll past, and perhaps the memories of this giant of the British scene may be a tad blurred, access to those memories emerged at random times during the writing of this book.

Foreword by Keith

Cquote1 Yeah...er...have I started writing something? I said give me a suitcase of dollars and I'll start...Just need a fag and a bottle of Jack to get me started... It all happened..well..You see.. I can't have Mick saying the Stones was all his idea...because it wasn't...and...well there with these two birds, mormons apparently...we met....backstage at a little Jimi Hendrix gig. Ozzy was burning his pants on stage and singin' about hippies in Liverpool, then Mick turned round to me and said 'We can do better than those wankers Keef'...so we..just recorded some songs; became..fuckin' filthy rich ..and I've been completely out of me nutter ever since.... Cquote2

Acknowledgement

Cquote1 I would like say a big FUCK OFF! for all them bloody candy men and dolly birds who gave me bad gears over the years...Yeah I hope your cocks have dropped off... what...? Also to me mum and dad for thinking about making me all those years ago...yeah...got to say thank you for that... Cquote2

Only Chapter: The Autobiography of a Stone -- In me own words.

Keith-richards-baby1

Suckling baby Keith

Cquote1 Right, then! Lets see, hahaha! I was a bad fuckin' boy... ha! So was she! Cquote2
Cquote1 School was a drag! Said to me teacher, Go'n fook yaa granny! She went bloody bonkers! Cquote2
Cquote1 Met Mick outside of some pub. He was busking on the street with a harmonica. First time I heard live music. I asked 'im, what's that racket, then? He says, Its a fuckin' harp, mate! I says, harp? You mean they play these in 'eaven? Haha! Cquote2
Cquote1 Told the Old Man, I'll show you! And I bloody-well did! Cquote2
Cquote1 Years.. maybe months later.. hours.. met Mick on a train. I said. The Last Time I saw you, I sniffed all your paint thinner in art class... Cquote2
Cquote1 Learned me licks from that bloke, Alexis..!? Cquote2
Cquote1 What was her name? Some bird.. The Marquee, that's the place! Cquote2
Cquote1 Heard The Yardbirds; thought, that's how to play bloody guitar!? Told Alexis off! Cquote2
Cquote1 Something happened in 1963 Or it could have been 1964? A gig! Yeah!..The Last Time, what was that song..? Cquote2
Cquote1 Heard Hendrix; thought, that's how to play bloody guitar!? Told Beck off. Cquote2
Cquote1 Made a deal with some bloke, Lucifer, down on his luck - Wrote 'im a song. A hit is was! Cquote2
Cquote1 Brian, the poof, stole me Afghani gear, then fuckin' died. Serves 'em right.. Cquote2
Keith-richards-mid2

Little boy Keith

Cquote1 The States, Oh yeah, a lot happened, on the bloody road...fuckin' 'ell! Cquote2
Cquote1 Angels killed some fans over in, ah, over in Monaco...right by the casino. Cquote2
Cquote1 Mick said to me..do you like drugs? I said..does the pope fuck? Ha! And Mick says, don't know, mate! But I suppose he does shit in the woods! HAha! Cquote2
Cquote1 Got nicked! Thought, bugger this, I quit! Haven't been nicked since. Cquote2
Cquote1 Dropped acid with Mick. Ha! Always knew the wanker had the head of a pig. Cquote2
Cquote1 What was that tune? Something about Satisfaction.. bloody 'ell, I forgot the fuckin' name.. Cquote2
Cquote1 1970s...can't recall...when did Nixon die? He got drafted and was killed in the war? No, that was Kennedy! And I started taking Brown Sugar in me tea. Cquote2
Cquote1 About 1974, something, had blood change in Switzerland. Or was it twice!?. That's why I look so bleedin' young. Cquote2
Cquote1 Got blasted one night.. then we played somewhere. Did that a few times too many. Cquote2
Keith-richards-old3

Young man Keith

Cquote1 Met me idol, Chuck Berry, over in the colonies; I says to 'im, you're me idol! He looks me up and down and says, bugger off! - I fuckin' love the bloke! Cquote2
Cquote1 1980s...Same again. Roll me a joint and help yourself to the cabinet ..iced birds in the fridge...hahahah Cquote2
Cquote1 Got me a red belt in Ninjitsu – killed a horsefly - the bastard! Cquote2
Cquote1 I played naked in Buckingham Palace and got a medal from the Queen Cquote2
Cquote1 Snorted me Dad's ashes.. bloody waste! Cquote2
Cquote1 2003, no 2005, no three, Mick got Knighted, .. told the wanker off ..press even agreed! Cquote2
Cquote1 2005.. a boat somewhere.. fuckin' hot, it was.. Cquote2
Cquote1 2000 somethin'.. played Rio.. 6 billion bloody fans came. That's what it looked like to me, and I was there, mate! Cquote2
Cquote1 2007.. decided, the older I get, the older I want to get.. told somebody..!? Cquote2
Cquote1 2008.. a coconut tree.. busted me arse.. no, me 'ead.. Cquote2
Cquote1 2010...Johnny Depp says he ripped me off in the Pirates of the Caribbean. I says to 'em, who the fuck are you? Haha! Wanker! Cquote2
Cquote1 Today..Something that Bill mentioned that was funny. Said I'd been married and had children. Amazing...I was amazed ..like, when in the fuck did that happen??? Cquote2
Keith-richards-now

Keith Richards last night

Cquote1 Is that enough to start with? Yeah...hahaha...come back tomorrow and it'll all be different. Now...that suitcase I was promised....? Good gear don't grow on trees! Know what I mean? Cquote2

Epilogue

Cquote1 Yeah I know it's all a bit brief but look..after all the stuff I done with my organs over the years.. it all blends into together like when you vomit after drinkin' a skinful...I had me kicks everywhere and on Route 66...yeah...hahahah...it's only rock and...junk, booze, birds... I mean, look at me! I'm bloody Peter Pan! Cquote2

Index

  • Severe Memory Loss, page 1


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