User:Roman Dog Bird/fuck

RAPE!!

YA MOTHAFUCKIN NIGGAH BITCH!! -RAHB 03:14, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

AH GAWD DONT PUT THA STICK UP MAH ASS LEROY!!!!!! OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 03:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about

Going Portal by UU Under conditions of great secrecy, a select group of talented volunteers has been slaving away at the wiki-coalface, dedicating themselves to the selfless task of bringing Uncyclopedia a dedicated selection of portal pages. And now their tireless efforts are starting to bear fruit, with the first few being linked on the Main Page by noted twirly star of David, Mordillo. He proudly flagged them up as "new!", until Bradaphraser, more accurately understanding the IQ of the average Uncyclopedian, flagged then as "newd!" instead. What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia! by Docile hippopotamus Actually, Nile and Nile related articles are not invading Uncyclopedia - we merely wanted to say that to see if you, the reader, were gullible enough to believe it. And you were. More like, "Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia hoax!" Let's find out what Sir Edward Mahm00shA, professor of Egyptian history and archaeology at Oxford university exclusively had to say about this: "It is a lie. And Ra saw it was no good. And the band is with me. And they hath uttered not a word about invading Uncyclopedia. Verily! Ra hacketh off the phallus of he who lieth". See now? Undeniable proof from Sir Edward Mahm00shA that the band is chilling with him and have not even mentioned invading Uncyclopedia. We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal.

Check out these pages! A true Uncyc legend returns! Promise to make a vote, the whole vote and nothing but the vote Big audio dynamite From our logs: 19:47, 25 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 88.208.208.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yep, you're really trying, I see. Great, keep the laughs coming, Mr. Funny Man.) 09:37, 25 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.146.77.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You meant "make love to me, she dog") 20:43, 24 May 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.154.2.5 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Vandalizing articles, smearing dog shit all over Todd Lyons's car, etc.) 10:48, 23 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.211.138.192 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank, I'm running out of insulting ban reasons.) Biopic of the Week Todd Lyons has been on Uncyclopedia forever. No, seriously, he started editing in 2005 - and he's still here! He cut his article writing teeth on Dwight Schultz, and went on to write a further 98 of the buggers, while nailing his first feature with Fecal E.Coli, which started a run of 18.5 front page appearances up to the recent Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters. He's been an admin longer than most of our readership have been users. Put together. And he still has all his own teeth, he tells us! Blatant Filler of the Week This box here, which is blatant padding so the formatting of this issue looks about right. Cajek ban of the Week 22:16, 26 May 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Unacceptable username: ...too few recent bans for my liking....)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey little girl!

Put on your dress Sally. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Moldycrotchcheese (talk • contribs)

O_o Who told you my name?! EEK!!! PERVERT!!!!! HELP!!! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 16:18, 30 May 2009 (UTC)

Do you think

You could semiprotect Jew? It seems that most of the edits that are wasting our time come from IPs. Saberwolf116 22:55, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Done! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:57, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Damn, you're fast. Saberwolf116 22:57, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Thankies!

"Feeling any pain yet, Mrs. Davis?" Necropaxx is delighted to thank you for your For vote on his recent rewrite, Antbortion. Remember, kids, this is what happened to your would-be brother Jeffy. Go kick your parents for him, why don't you?

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:26, Jun 4

UnSignpost June 4th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!

Todd not Lionised by all? By UU Uncyclopedia's long-cherished status as the worst was given a massive fillip this week with the discovery that genial admin Todd Lyons has his own Facebook hate group. This considerable accomplishment has to be considered among the highest praise ever bestowed on an admin of this wiki. Kosher kvetcher Mordillo even opined that it makes him the #1 admin on the wiki, as "even Mhaille doesn't have a hate group!" Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings By Gerrycheevers As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism.

Check out these pages! Image spam Another one bites the dust Admin competence? From our logs: 01:08, 3 June 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.8.59.236 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So far you've edited the pages 'your mom' and 'school'. Want me to try and guess your age?) 07:46, 2 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.17.189.150 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bored fuckes should go fuck boards. It's too early in the morning and I can't think of anything smart to say) 20:04, 30 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.117.160.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Cyberbullying: we don't want to hear about people you know and why you want to suck their dick. I know that's not quite what you said, but something about what you said implied it) 20:38, 29 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Da Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (PLEASE MASSUH WHIP ME, OH MAH GOD, I'M GETTIN' SO HOT, I'LL SUCK YO DICK!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week The very Reverend Zim ulator is the undisputed, acknowledged, and slightly puce master of UnNews. As such, reporting about him in a newspaper may be an act of such metaphysical self-referentialism that it creates a negative feedback loop, destroying the universe, or at least this wiki. But, in the name of bringing Zim's name to our readership, that's a risk we're willing to take. We'd normally link to a bunch of stuff he's done at this point, but just take a look at UnNews - as we mentioned, he's basically the guy who keeps it all tickin'. Rats off to ya, Zim! Old School Featured Article of the Week In a week when Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim community, perhaps it is an apt time to consider how far he is going to have to reach. Will he ever be able to bridge the gap all the way to the readership of American Fundie Magazine? "The magazine for "True Christians™", was formed to cater to the needs of the modern biblical fundamentalist", and is just as relevant today as it was way back in 2006. VFD kept article of the week Plan 11 from Outer Space has been referred to as "amusing", "pretty funny" and "hilarious". Go see why people thought it worth having around.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Delivered by Saberwolf116 02:18, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

"Now show me on the teddy bear where the bad man touched you PiOTR."

Just so I get this right...

I edited Guitar, and someone comes along and makes changes, and you move it right on back again. Two minutes later you undo the edits on Greenday and take it back to the last edit I do, and then protect it.

I may have a fan. I feel touched. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by PuppyOnTheRadio (talk • contribs)

Sorry, but these are more like coincidences to me. Your edits don't bother me at all, which is why I left them as is (for the most part. I think I altered one of your edits to the Green Day page, unless that was someone elses material). The guys who edited right after you on those two pages on the other hand..........well, yeah, what a load of shit, right? I think I might have jumped the gun a bit by protecting the Green Day page from IPs and such for an infinite amount of time. I'm just worried about that last guy coming back right away and fucking with it even more. Anyways, I'm not sure about me being a fan or where it is you're coming from. I'm just doin' mah jorb. No hard feelings, I hope? I'm not trying to sound rude or anything......... -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 19:25, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Coincidence Schmicidence! But don't worry, I won't reveal to the anyone who can access this page the true depth of your feelings. PuppyOnTheRadio 22:26, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Alllllllllllllllllll righty then! (Wait, I don't even like Jim Carrey! Why did I say that?) -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:46, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Okay, maybe it was co-in-key-dink. I take it all.... hang on a second, what's this on Guitar history? (And Jim Carrey was fantastic in Eternal Sunshine - Danny Wallace was better in Yes man though!)PuppyOnTheRadio 04:58, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Having said that, how would a n00b go about protecting "swimming" from IPs? Sick of people using it as a bicthing ground.PuppyOnTheRadio talks too much.

Nigger

Go here, answer questions, get free booze and a shoe shine. ~ 15:24, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey dude

Do you think you could protect White Folks? The guy I put on BP won't stop with the "white people are scum" vandalism. Saberwolf116 23:06, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!

"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User By Gerrycheevers In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week By: Gerrycheevers This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it.

Check out these pages! Invisible Forum! Happy Birthday Sonic80! Happy Birthday Woody! Happy Birthday Modusoperandi! FREAKING LIAR! From our logs: 15:19, 7 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.192.116.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(How To: Fuck off for 3 months) 17:49, 7 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.1.87.74 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(one two fuck you!) 10:00, 8 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.190.33.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(comedy website. all football clubs get equal treatment here - ie a merciless slagging. mind you, chelsea really do suck.) Biopic of the Week Of all of the writers enshrined in the Uncyclopedia Hall of Shame, Electrified mocha chinchilla has the highest number of featured articles without having ever been profiled in the UnSignpost. Whoops, not anymore. Anyway, his list of works reads like a what's-what of awesomeness. The entity known as e|m|c also organized and ran several Poo Lit Surprise competitions. Worshipful notes and pie can be sent to his talk page. Retraction of the Week In last week's exceedingly humorous edition of the UnSignpost, we referred to Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435 was requiring all returning users to announce themselves in the forums. This is actually Bylaw #453. We apologize for the mistake, and also from the confusion resulting from the real Bylaw #435, which states that every 94 days a user's dog must be sacrificed to the Rancor. Sorry Led, and get well Fluffy! This Week in Uncyc, 1215 The Magna Carta was signed by King John of England, granting certain rights to serfs, peasants, slaves, farmers, and servants. This was immediately parodied in Ye Olde Signeposte, Uncyclopedia's bi-weekly periodical of the time. It was depicted as a document that forced King John to admit he had the power to tax servants, control every aspect of farmer's lives, and shoot serfs in his Royal Preserves for sport.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:25, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Hahahahahaha?

Well... I'll give it 3 points for being different, but I don't think it matches up to HTBFANJS guidelines.Pup 01:00, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

FRANKIE'S A FAGGOT NIGGER APPARENTLY! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 01:02, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

I thoguht Frankie was a sweet transvestite, or am I just old? Pup 02:51, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:50, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Another protection request

This article, Biggie, is up on VFD. It was featurable about a year ago, and it looks like it was raped by IPs over a long period of time. Could you work your magic, please? Saberwolf116 14:03, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Sweet buns

After the second proofing but before baking. I'll add some chocolate to them as well for you and brown them up and then anyone can have a bite of my sweet buns.

Niceguy

20:18, 20 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) (unblock | change block)

20:17, 20 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn)

20:16, 20 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY)

While that may have been cathartic for you, mine was still funnier. =) --T. (talk) 00:37, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Well, my ass IS in danger, you know! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 00:39, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey!

What did I do wrong, man?. --Sockpuppet of Narcissus Black

For the love of......look, if you really are Narcissus Black, here's the thing. You have been banned multiple times already. What you are doing is called "sockpuppetry". Avoiding your ban is NOT good. You have had too many problems with previous adminstrators and users here before, and we would really like it if you just left us alone. Do you really like this place that much? But in the end though, you really are such a God damn narcissist! It's driven us up the wall, and we're tired of putting up with your shit! Get it? No? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 00:51, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you! Yes, the place has its moments but what's most fun about it is how deliciously easy it is to "drive you up the wall." Not literally obviously. That would probably be fun for you but not for me. --86.155.62.130 17:05, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Roman Dog Poo?

That vandal loves you so much, he commissioned a graphic novel about you. Hail Caesar! Hail Roman Dog Poo!

--T. (talk) 06:49, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey, don't make a double redirect!

Seriously. I'd fix it, but you're a NIGGER COCK FAG! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 02:38, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

How have you not gotten this award before?

Well, replace the word "bitch" with "NIGGER COCKSUCKER". Yeah. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 07:48, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Cause you're a girl. The bastard one doesn't fit. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 08:06, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Someone's been busy...

Guybles has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

My thanks for keeping an eye on Sherlock Holmes while I've been sleeping (or something). I've no idea what the joke about DarkDung is, but it's obviously very, very important to someone. Important enough to register an account, in fact. Keep fighting the good fight. Guybles _CUN 12:43, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey, thanks! That guy was kind of odd. I don't know what the hell has problem was! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 16:34, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

JONAS BROTHERS

what the fuck y cant i create a jonas brothers page?!

Because idiots such as yourself are bound to make YET ANOTHER shitty article on this worthless group, most likely referring to how "gay" they are or whatever the fuck it is that's supposedly funny about them. Many have tried, and tried to make an article on them, and they always come out as shit. I don't think you're going to be any different, and I would prefer to keep it protected until their fame dwindles. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 18:52, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Are you putting the cart before the horse? I mean can't we let him try, wait until after he's written a whole lot of crap saying "oh, the jonas borthers are fagots, heh heh heh, and they like to read twilite, heh heh heh.' and then huff it?

Oh, and to the guy who put this question up to begin with, I didn't know who the Jonas brother's were before reading this question, so I looked them up. Now how am I going to get those brain cells back? I don't have that many left to sacrifice.

Apparently loss of brain cells leads to short term memory loss.

And while I think of it RBD, aren't you putting the cart before the horse? I mean can't we let him try, wait until after he's written it, and then huff it? Pup

WTF? The cart is always before the horse. The horse is after the cart. The horse pulls the cart. The cart moves. Nobody cares. Mr. Roman Dog's Beard bans me for not knocking on his toakpaeg's door before entering. Nobody cares either. I'm fucking dull. Meh, nobody cares. The horse dies. The cart becomes after the horse. The universe implodes. Mr oh-so-oasum Chuck Norris saves the day. Nobody cares... Shit, I'm hallucinating. I'd better leave before that purple smoke suffocates me Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 22:28 June 28 '09

You forgot about the horse under the cart! Pup

Help

Hey, have a couple of questions that I need help on, and figured I'd annoy you.

1. If another user is shitting me up the wall as they have no idea how to behave on Uncyclopedia, how do I go about getting their asses banned?
2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
3. If I throw something into PeeReview, how do I make sure it gets reviewed short of reviewing every other article under the sun myself?
4. I am having difficulty obtaining and maintaining an erection which is putting stress on my love-life, what can I do?
5. I have an article that I need help with on a technical level. I've thrown {{help}} in there but nobody has responded yet. Who should I nag for technical issues?
6. How does the Collegiate system of voting in the United States and the UK work in such a way that the least popular candidate can end up being voted into power yet the UN don't step in to intervene in the undemocratic elections?
7. What would I need to do in order to be nommed for N00b of the month in July (as I'm still under 30 days n00b)
8. How does the whole timeline thing in the terminator work that the guy comes back from the future to father the kid who grows up to order the guy to come back from the future to father the kid that grows up to order the guy to come back from the future to father the kid that likes to Guns and Roses while being chase by a robot that is a blob in it's resting state?

Feel free to ignore the even numbered questions. Or the odd ones. Take your pick! Pup

1. I believe that there IS in fact a page where you can report vandals, but I've only seen it once, and that was like two years ago. If you see a rampant vandal, and nobody stops him, try to find an active admin. Oh, DURRRRRR, Ban Patrol! How did I forget about it?
2. Depends on how strong they are / their will power. Young ones could probably only handle less than ten pieces of wood. Older more experienced woodchucks could do many, like 200+ or something. But I'm just making shit up.
3. Hmm, you've got me stumped there. Pray?
4. Well, if you're willing, maybe go for some type of Viagra pilly-pill-pill, but I t'aint no expert on this! I've never even "done" "it"!
5. Can't help you there, sorry. :-(
6. condums
7. doo sum stuff, hope people think ur k00l fer it
8. hey, there's some neat-o speshul effex, so i dun no wat ur talkin' about

-- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:03, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Sweet - thanks! Pup

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

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We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   14:49 30 June 2009

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:33, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

--Mooveeeingfox

No I do NOT like to eat poop I just found that show and saw this! As for Home on the Range I saw this and this which you must look at the secound comment to see the Condo in my fridge comment.

And I don't care. You have violated our rules and have evaded multiple bans. You are an incomprehensible little shit, have a ridiculous sense of humor (a VERY bad kind) and you're wasting your life away on things aimed at children half your age. What part of "get out of here" don't you understand? And are you trying to impress me with your little Wikipedia vandalism? I would tell you to get a life, but I won't for two reasons:

1. You clearly are beyond ever having one
2. It would be ironic for me to tell anybody that since I have no life myself.

Uh, yeah. Better than masturbating to Teletubbies and......Home on the Range all day. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:22, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Pox deleted 14/08/2008

Hey. Are you able to pop a copy of Pox in my User space? I've just read something that relates back to it and I want to see if there's anything worth salvaging. Mad props Pup 02:29, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Eh? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 02:33, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

It has some promise... wish I knew more abut the topic... Pup 20:45, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:39, Jul 9

Did you say my article is garbage?

*Pout* —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:29, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Where? What? I'm confused. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 19:13, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

When you protected Nigger Dogshit Sandwiches. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:29, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh, no, I was just quoting what that NIGGER FAGGOT vandal said for "comedic" "purposes". That's all. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:39, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh. Lolz. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:43, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:56, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:40, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!

Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump By Bad Shroom Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on Public Access Channel 2!

Check out these pages! The 18th Quadrennial Slut List Obama Tosses the Patriot Act at Uncyclopedia STFU, N00B!! From our logs: 08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet ‎(tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!) 02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.) 02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.14.52.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.) Biopic of the Week Like most of the dozens of Uncyclopedians that hail from Norwell, Massachusetts, The UnIdiot is awesome. Perhaps most well known for his high quality journalism, he has also branched out into public service announcements and novelized fiction. We don't know what the deal with Norwell is; probably something to do with the water. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes. Cajek Update of the Fortnight Noted funnyman Cajek was recently spotted announcing his presence and simultaneously his lack of activity. However, he was also sighted vandalizing signatures and driving in a reckless manner, with a crumpet in his hand and a groundhog on his lap, respectively.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:35, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

A Mr Sherlock Holmes is at the door, sir

Thank you for voting for this article! Sir MacMania GUN—[05:47 11 Aug 2009]

On Naruto

I was the original writer of the Naruto article as it stood before your edits recently (although it has been changed a lot since I wrote it). I just checked the article after a long time of inactivity, and I liked your edits. I had written the article in the first person intentionally, from the perspective of a bored fan. I had done so because of a suggestion to make it like that from another user. Anyway, I see now that it was not a very good idea after your edits. If you want to continue editing it, that's fine. I won't be making any changes to it. --Sir OCdt Jedravent CUN UmP VFH PLS ACS WH 22:09, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, no, that's fine. I have no intention of making any more edits to the page unless some numb nuts goes and screws it up, forcing me (or preferably someone else) to revert their shit. I don't like Naruto, and I simply couldn't stand the first person perspective. Your version was good, and I'm pretty sure I left a positive comment on the talk page after you wrote it. The previous one was a cluttered mess so I was glad to see a more coherent article at the time. It eventually grew worse as Naruto fanboys invaded it, added more characters, a useless episode section, and what I believe was a genuine description of (or at least a poor attempt at a parody of) the events that were currently going on in the story. Recently, TKF reverted it to it's quasi-featured state from whenever, and then I modified it a bit since I had already changed the first person stuff before the revert and was pissed to see it back. I've just grown to hate articles that are written in that sort of style. Very few writers here are able to pull off a decent article in this manner, and the usual ones just come off as annoying. Like they try to portray the subjects style, but it just comes off as completely forced. Or when and article is supposed to come off as if it's talking to you the reader. I'm not sure which type I'm more irritated by. So, yeah, in conclusion (and changing the subject for no good reason) somebody should write a One Piece article since I love that series to death, but I can't write for shit. Are you familiar with it? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 00:18, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Kind of, but I'm not an active user anymore.--Sir OCdt Jedravent CUN UmP VFH PLS ACS WH 04:03, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

I've had some of the Naruto articles on my watchlist for a while (I personally thought Itachi Uchiha and Akatsuki were great, and watched them for the usual Naruto vandals)... and so today I noticed you've been deleting every single Naruto-related article on Uncyclopedia, besides Naruto. I'll admit some were complete crap and deserved to be VFD like you did. But you killed all of them? I'm not trying to pick a fight here, but I'm just curious what prompted this, because I'm sure a few of them were actually pretty funny. 71.140.89.210 22:25, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, first of all, I've only been nominating all of those articles for deletion. I think I've only personally deleted two of them while others handled the rest. Yeah, yeah, I am the one who brought the articles to other peoples attention and wanted them deleted, but I haven't personally deleted most of them. Besides, there's still a few left.... Secondly, as somebody who openly detests Naruto, I saw pretty much all of those articles as idiotic, fanboy, nonsense with incredibly poor and downright random attempts at humor. My dislike of the series is pretty much what prompted it. I knew that a few of the articles existed already, so I took a look at the category, saw how many more there were, skimmed through them, and decided they were wastes of space. Just like the series they came from! I'm obviously not going to bring the main Naruto article up for deletion though, since it's quasi-featured, and although it doesn't make me laugh (to be honest, most of the articles on the website don't), it at least isn't poorly written and doesn't veer off into to any sort of dumbass references to video games or celebrities ot whatever (okay, so there is that Michael Jackson picture for Orochimaru, but it's subtle and not IN YO FACE LOL HES A PEDOPHILE shit). It's things like that that I can't stand. I mean, most of them had these huge walls of quotes at the start of the page, including quotes from real life people and characters that have nothing to do with the series! That isn't funny! It's just downright annoying. And with a lack of knowledge of the series and it's characters, the pages themselves just looked to me like dumbed down and unfunny versions of the characters own histories. Who cares? Just put a few short descriptions of these characters on the main Naruto page, and leave it at that! We don't need full length pages on these characters, especially when they're all so boring and the content is so incoherent. Not worth wading through to try and fix 'em either. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:47, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Convo - the article

Can I ask, why you deleted my article? I didn't break any rules, and it was not stupid. You don't have to get pissed off, just explain. There are much more absurd things going around on Uncyclopedia, and I think this was not a bad article.

Also, is it possible to retrieve the text?

Thanks

--Wow000050000 10:58, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Something like this, eh? If you intend on working on it more, just keep it in yout userspace, and then have it checked out on Pee Review. Sorry, the article was placed on QVFD, and it just didn't seem like much to me. Oh, shit, I didn't even notice the construction tag that was on it! I guess I was in a hurry. I'm very sorry about this! I usually try to look out for things like this. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:29, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Hampton High School Pa

Like the person above me, I would also like my article which was deleted if possible, thank you- Legolas11 August 009 (UTC).

Well, I guess it might be okay if you keep it for yourself, but there's no way that this should be mainspaced or anything. Vanity policies and potential cyberbullying or whatever it is you're doing, you know? There really shouldn't be any articles about anybodies own school, unless it's well known or something.......-- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:36, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!

Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better

UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality By The Woodburninator August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer. EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides By The Woodburninator In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.

Check out these pages! International fucking of sorts Wikipedia gets uglier! Racist apes demand equal pay From our logs: 14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.165.47.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?) 14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons) 15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!) Biopic of the Week Perhaps the finest research analyst from Boston that Uncyclopedia has ever seen, Gerrycheevers is among one of the most awarded users on the site. He has performed the rare feat of capturing Every single major monthly Award this site has to offer, plus NotM too. Add that to his 21.5 features, the class and dignity with which he has won them all, and his constant efforts as the main editor of the UnSignpost, it would seem that the reign of Cheevers is just begining. That is if he ever gets back here. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do. VFD vote of the week "With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC) Sannse Trivia (from UncycTrivia) Q: Sannse moved to San Francisco because she is a ______ (hint: it starts with an "L") A: Liberal Actually, now we need another box. Woody, you fucking idiot.

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9001(bot)  21:06, Aug 18

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: You have a sister? That's great! Is she better looking than you? Main Page
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
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9001(bot)  11:15, Aug 24

Image voting stuff

See here. And to be honest, I didn't know either. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:55, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, I'll be damned. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 01:50, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Mostly Harmless Deletion

Hey! You laughed! Why did you delete it, then? --Paniq 19:39, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Because I didn't think it was funny. That was intended to be sarcastic laughter. I mean, come on, it was a one word article. You can't have a one word or one sentence article unless it's completely retarded and some jackass admin decides to go "lol injoke!" or something. Well, okay, that ain't no rule, and I sure as hell think people pick out some worthless crap sometimes, but still......it happens. Yours was just an.....overdone joke? I don't get it, actually. Is it a reference? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 21:39, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Of course it's a reference. It goes back to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, where Ford Prefects huge article about earth got reduced to the entry "mostly harmless." - after the movie came out, every ten minutes somebody changed the Wikipedia entry on "Earth" to exactly that, with reverts that read "come on guys, it's not funny anymore!". Since we can't do this to the Earth article here either, adding a reverse article is the only option. --Paniq 08:21, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and you yanked my vanity article. Unfortunately I didn't plan ahead enough to make a backup. Good for you I'm not bored enough to open it again. --Paniq 08:21, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

From Hell

Mr. Roman Dog Bird Sur, You keep on thinking you have me blocked but you won't fix me just yet. I am down on articles like a pimp on whores. My keyboard is so nice and shiny I want to get to work right away. I love my work and will continue.

Signed, Stop me when you can

PingasWrangler

--Justwaiting 23:23, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Sure, go ahead. Your "work(s)" are sure to be seen considered masterpieces one day. I tip my hat off to you. —RomanDogBird (Talk•Morgan Freeman•eat my shorts nigga•Hawkman•suck my balls) 23:27, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Pedobear news

Thanks for huffing Pedobear news. I set it up as a temporary redirect to an article on my user page for a Pee Review. I couldn't figure out how to do the link directly, but have since learned. Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 06:29, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Also could you huff User:Miley Spears/Pedobear news? The article I was working on is scheduled to appear in a [magazine]. Don't worry they have the same kind of license this site does. But they want to have it first. Oh and huffing it won't cut down on the number of edits to my credit, will it? If so I might want to do it differently. Thanks! Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:08, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Credit? Well, the number of your edits will decline, of course, but what exactly do you mean by credit? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 02:16, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Hey, don't believe anyone who tells you that edit count isn't a contest, and that a high edit count doesn't earn you respect around these parts. Edits are like money around here. I'll let you in on a little secret: When you vote on anything, forget to change the score. Then you can go back and edit again, milking two edits out of one actual change. That's what I do. That's how RDB got to be an admin.

Also, I didn't know anyone else read Intermittens. I mean, I don't read it. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 20:37, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Discordians are required not to read it and never to tell anyone about it. That's why they like it so much and sneak references to it everywhere. :P Also I had some short things in the current issue too, but they got those from Urbandictionary.com Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 04:38, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Beware

There is a copycat among us. Besides, I would make a great admin.PingasWrangler 02:28, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

That guy who died.

He was the DJ for Crazy Town (If anyone other than me even remembers them. They did that one song about butterflies and lame pick-up lines. Supposedly they have a new album coming out this year... I doubt it.) for like a year but then quit. Then he married a playmate but she divorced him. Then he got engaged to Nicole Richie but she left him for that guy from Good Charlotte. Then he got in a plane crash with that drummer from that band nobody cares about. And now he's dead or something. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:24, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

He's my butterfly, sugar, baby. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:27, 29 Aug

Yeah, I didn't know any of that, but I vaguely knew who he was. Usually whenever I say I don't know who a person is, that means I don't give a shit about the person in question, and do not consider them even remotely relevant. 'Snot like I'm going to be a total asshole about it though, and I totally feel sorry for his loved ones. If it was a drug overdose though or whatever, I feel pretty much no sympathy and firmly believe that he deserved to die. I just wish it had been all of Blink-182 instead, just because the drummer was in that plane crash with him. What a fucking stupid band. Hell, maybe Mr. Barker will be next...... --Roman Douchebag 03:45, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

How dare you say Bob Barker will be next! I love Bob Barker! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 15:53, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Self Resurrection

I have two questions.

• One, how did you resurrect yourself?
• Two, are you Jesus?

Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 05:38, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Admins can simply un-ban themselves. And the last thing I would ever want to be is Jesus. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:44, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

He actually may be one of the Jesii, but it is debated on which one he is. My money is either on Zombie Jesus or Black Jesus -- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 00:00, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Brooke Shields Thanks you

Miley Spears thanks you for voting For the VFH nominated Brooke Shields. It was selected as the Feature article for September 4, 2009!

Thanks for voting for! And thanks so much for saying you liked it looking like an encyclopedia article. I guess it's called a spork. I had some people here tell me to avoid that, and I got a note warning me because the article had been huffed three times. But I guess I didn't pay attention! :P Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk)

It's possibly because of those types people that I don't even really pay attention to most of the articles here. Sure some of them can be pretty creative and have some good jokes thrown in, but how do they in any way, with the exception of the formatting (and even in some cases that exception isn't there!), resemble Wikipedia articles? Aren't we supposed to be a parody of them? I can't do much about this though since I can't write at all and my sense of humour is totally juvenile and kind of.....bizarre. But not the Cajek or So So kind. Something different than either of those guys (both of whose works I like). I'm not motivated to write at all anyways, since, well, I'm not motivated to do much of anything! I'm a lazy prick! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 06:58, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:46, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

About that ugly picture for today's feature

Could you change "File:Unionflag copy.jpg" to "File:Unionflag copy2.jpg" in Template:Featuredarticle/queue? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:48, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. It looks a lot better now. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:57, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Why is that article already being featured anyway? My article Brooke Shields was the feature for a day, and it was only featured for 24 hours! It should be up for at least a week! Who wants to read about some atom they can't see when they can look at Brooke Shields? She's much prettier than some protons and electrons. And if you really like those, her body has trillions! Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:05, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Socky (left) and I (right) running away from Ms. Miley Spears (middle), Queen of all that is Great. jk lolololol :p -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 03:32, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Randomber -80th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular At 12:46 PM, mugs absorbed a broom. While MIDI controller was deceiving, a banana suddenly lathered. If you are a worm, sleep late! Peter Griffin liberates devaporiser! Pixie sniffs glycerin! SPRINKLES' CECIL JOHN RHODES'! Likewise, grasshopper sniffs dessert spoons! Did the king stir... ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head? Above all, meditates</noinclude> frelnik </noinclude> Poo Lit Prize</noinclude> 5</noinclude> meditating</noinclude> chief</noinclude> Narutoboy</noinclude> attracts</noinclude> panders</noinclude> Hollywood</noinclude> cannon</noinclude> <insert name here></noinclude> zit</noinclude> Harvey Lee Lee</noinclude> Jeniffer Walker</noinclude> constructs</noinclude> attic</noinclude> Saturnalia</noinclude> 3926 BC</noinclude>. FGSFDS!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! Ranging</noinclude>. ChiefjusticeDS</noinclude>.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #0504C7 box Eat that, dillholes! Random colour! Hahaha!

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Likewise, please think of the might</noinclude> devaporisers! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:05, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Used Goods

Hello, Years ago, an article of mine called Used Goods was deleted. Would it be possible for it to be undeleted and stuck in my userspace for me to work on? Or is this very difficult? mAttlobster. (hello) 19:27, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Difficult? Not at all! Here! Right? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:19, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Chuck Norris is not 60 years old

I saw that your wrote that "Chuck Norris is 60 years old" in the deletion log. However, I'm afraid you are mistaken. He is in fact 69 years old (and 8 months older than Bruce Lee). --Mn-z 05:01, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

I meant to say he was in his sixties, I was just too lazy to look up his exact age, although, really, I couldn't give much of a fuck about knowing this cock suckers exact age. But, oh, great now ya've got me blushin' anyways! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:05, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

On Noez, Dramaz

It appears User:Miley Spears and user:Electrified mocha chinchilla are getting into a good bit of drama over Forum:Imperial Colonization 3: The Revenge. --Mn-z 05:43, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I was just lookin' at that. What the fuck. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:44, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

After trying to make sense of the various messages, it looks like they are both off right now. It appears as though emc asked to speak in IRC, but Miley spears left leaving messages several minutes after that, so I'd assume they haven't yet resolved it on there own. --Mn-z 05:57, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

If you care, they appear to have worked it out, but you probably already noticed that. --Mn-z 20:06, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks...

...I needn't have bothered re-adding those to QVFD after all! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:56, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

What the FUCK?!

What the Hell is your problem man? Why'd I get Fucking blocked? I was neither told nor received any messages requesting me to stop.

Damn Fascist Admin. I seem to remember, upon first entering the site, reading that "If you don't want your work to be mercilessly edited or destroyed, then DON'T BOTHER POSTING." I didn't mean that meant getting suspended. You guys should learn a thing or two from Wikipedia. --Birch.jonathan 19:50, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Stop complaining idiot. He's doing his job. Your bitchin is making it worse...--72.94.13.240 21:16, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Apology

I apologize, RDB. I'm like, totally bitchy today. So before you start thinking I'm some woman who's PMSing all the time, I must say that I am sorry for all the Naruto crap. I didnt even realize the shittiness of it until now. I was mostly looking at the ones I added, before the n00bs came (Shizune, Anko, Haku) They fucked it up. Hopefully you can save it. --72.94.13.240 21:16, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Whoa, wait, I just added some of that shit back (but like I said, changed it a little). Are you not Ericap? You've said some of the same stuff as her (I think, seems to be short for Erica P), mentioning the Street Fighter and Neon Genesis Evangelion articles, so now I'm starting to get a little confused. I really honestly do not know what to do with the article. At all. It mostly stems from my bias towards the series of course, but just trying to make sure it doesn't get any worse as well is just........ In the end though, you really don't need to apologize for anything. I'm kind of a giant douchebag in these sorts of situatuons, and really.........well...............I need to try to be more civil sometimes....... -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 21:27, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Ah yes I am EricaP, lol sorry this thing keeps logging me out.

Frozen Cow

What is this about? Join Us 22:44, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

The template was voted for deletion, so I removed it from all of the pages that contained it after deleting it. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:46, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Unfunny?!

Those quotes were friggin' hilarious! Then everyone went and removed them. Seriously, The Dark Knight was 'meh'.

How is 'Why so Dead' any more creative? I'm just gonna delete that quote over and over again to piss you off (until you block me). You know, sometimes material is put up that not everyone likes. I don't see why you being an admin gives you a special right to block whoever you want.--Birch.jonathan 01:37, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

I really don't get what you're trying to say. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 01:36, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

That you are an Uncyclopedia Nazi --Birch.jonathan 01:37, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Hmm, I see. Okay, tell you what. Please write me a thesis paper on why the quotes that I keep removing are funny. You have exactly twenty four hours to write it. All I want is an explanation of the comedic value of the quotes in question, proof that other people besides you find them funny, and why they deserve to be on the page. When it's finished, post it here. Agreed? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 01:42, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

'Greatest Movie Ever', The Internet. A funny quote because it's TRUE.--Birch.jonathan 01:45, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Way to ruin my day asshole. First you insult my humour and then Patrick Swayze has died today. (sob sob)--Birch.jonathan 02:06, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

That last response doesn't make any sense at all. What the fuck is that? "A funny quote becasue it's TRUE"? What are you even talking about? Way to really piss me off, you mongoloid. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 02:09, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

You know those kind of jokes where it's all "HAHAH, that's funny because it's true!" Ever heard of that? No? Guess not. Anyway, how about we at least put *some* of those TDK quotes back up, but only the good ones. Face it, the page looks pretty bland without them. Went and deleted ALL of them, I mean, where's the fun in that?--76.120.153.213 03:20, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Awhile ago, we pretty much decided that we don't need quotes on every single page. Maybe THREE at most, but not to the point where you have to scroll down just to read the first paragraph. And what you consider "Funny because it's true" humour, I call that "obvious" humour, the kind of crap any kind of schmuck could have come up with, and the kind that you hear repeatedly ad nauseum until it's no longer funny (if it ever was to begin with). I'll take a look at the quotes again and see if there's anything worth saving, though. Just because you brought it up and all..... -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 03:42, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Okay, two quotes. TWO. Those two were the only ones that I felt were suitable. And I had to modify one of them because it read so awkwardly. The rest is just overkill. I honestly don't see what's so funny about them. Obviously, you don't like the film. That's cool, I think it's heavily overrated myself. I do however own and have been able to get some enjoyment out of it. But I can still see where you're coming from. It's that, too much repition isn't a good thing either. It's either "THIS MOVIE RULES" or "Man, that sucked". Or at least that's how I read it. Ever heard of subtlety? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 03:53, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

vigilance

i thanks you for it • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 05:24, Sep 15

Oh, hey, no problem, man! :) -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:28, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Are you really going to go on a mother fucking rampage?

Just curious. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:40, 15 September 2009

Probably not. I'm just trying to play up on that guy's "fucking faggot" act one last time. But I still don't like Dr. Skullthumper's forum topic. So we'll see........ -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 20:44, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

apologies

Ye I was a bit of a douche... Ok, a big douche. Sorry...--Birch.jonathan 23:13, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Hey, I'm a bit of douche too. All of the time, in fact. No worries. Apology accepted. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:50, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

As long as you're feeling like Abe Lincoln, I was a bit of a douche, me own self, with that Budd Dwyer stuff. However, given that the pictures are much more irreverent than what I added, you're a douche for reverting it. So from one douche to another, let's have a drink.

Sorry, I don't drink. And besides, I'm underage! I happen to be a law-abiding citizen, y'know. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 02:24, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, whatever, jack, dude's dead. Dude was crazay. He don't give a shit. But have ya biscuit yo way.

Sure. Rock on, man. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 02:29, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

Yes, yes! Thank you! ((((((huggggz)))))) I love you, man! You just earned yourself a seat at the headtable, pal! We already got the tuxes!

You sir...

are weird for what you did to the main page but I'm to lazy to post a link. You know what you did. And you're weird. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 20:36, Sep 17

Weird! And the lulz. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:38, 17 September 2009

Don't try to tell me what I already know!!!! What do you think I am stupidretardedretarded??!! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:38, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

+1 I like it. I noticed it, saw it was today, and hoped I might be the first to thank whomever did it... but alas, that was not meant to be.... -- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 22:57, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

Midkiff

Was it OK if I put myself and other text in Midkiff Land? I'm just making sure you would permit it. Feel free to revert if it was a bad move.-Almost Sir Random Crap

Man, I don't even care. It started off with this guy all pissy at me for deleting his article, so I "made it better" by putting my name in it. Than Dexter changed it and you added more. It should have been deleted to begin with, but I felt like having some fun. And you two helped. So, thanks! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 21:43, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

thank you! Syndrome helped with the article as well. Also, help yourself to this. You can even steal it if you want, I don't care much for it anymore.-Almost Sir Random Crap.

In that case, I'M MAINPSACING THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:10, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Sup, Niggah?

I'm very happy you both A) resurrected by bit on the Worst Reflections list, and B) actually found it funny. I'm also a fan of your take on it, as well. My guess is that it's a combination of both. Anyway, rock on. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:08, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Pretty much, DUDE. Ya nailed it. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 20:10, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Also, I saw your edit history notice about the revisions you made, and am fine with them. I was actually going to alter/remove them, and then saw it was already done, so yeah. Anyway, continue rocking. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:18, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Also also, your vandalism is brilliant. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:21, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost September 10/17

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Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:54, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Hey Roman Doggy Bird

That obnoxious sandbox blanking IP is back. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:02, 23 September 2009

GRRRRRRRR WHAT THE FU-SOMEBODY KILL HIM, SOMEBODY FIND THIS FUCKING FAGGOT AND HANG HIM AT THE LOCAL GALLOWS GOD DAMN IT. I BET HE LIKES TORTURING PUPPIES AS WELL THE FUCKING WORTHLESS FUFUFUF

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honestly what is wrong with this piece of shit jesus christ does his mom molest him everyday or something -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 20:06, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

I'd rather believe he is incapable of maintaining any kind of meaningful relationship. The lack of contact with others resulting in a complete detachment from society. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:14, 23 September 2009

Mickey is a noob

Whatever the fuck was IP is smoking, he's very persuaded Mickey is a gay, fat, retarded noob.-Almost Sir Random Crap

Somebody should kill Mickey what a fucking gay retarded n00b am i rite -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mum Said It Was Cool!

September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living

UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots By Gerrycheevers This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings: Sternensteinenstienenstern (2-0) The Stoners (2-0) John Curry’s Angles (2-0) Domestic Violence (2-0) Sun Chips (0-2) Oklahoma City Bombing (0-2) DeGrasse Goes to Vegas (0-2) The Loserz (0-2)

Check out these pages! The Pay-Per-View Event of the Fortnight! Here. Have a page with so many pictures, it takes forever to load. You're welcome. Urination, small furry rodents, and why Modus has another court date Tuesday. From our logs: 16:19, September 20, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.235.107.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Stop being a pain in my tender place) 18:52, September 21, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Arse bandit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(Your ban time is six months. I'll give you 10 dollars if you can hold your breath the entire time.) 14:53, September 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.17.99.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(oi, no blanking, no stupid redirecting, no crappy pages about people we don't care about, and no ugly nerds. you fail on all counts.) 11:57, September 24, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Abdul321 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Lebanon is a little Kiosk between Israel and Syria. Get over it.) Biopic of the Week Bouncing back and forth between Uncyclopedia and Illogicopedia has been Hindleyite's specialty for some time now. With his in-depth reports on traffic laws, street crime, and sports officiating video games, this banana-eating ite from Hindley is sure to keep Uncyclopedians on their toes for a long time to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Henchmen are an essential part of any mastermind super-villian's overall business portfolio. Generally, success in plans of world domination, protagonist death, and damsel distress have success ratios directly correlated to the number, competence, and, to a lesser extent, wardrobe snappiness of a bad guy's henchmen. Pointless Nostalgia of the Week We miss when Cajek and Skull would write for the UnSignpost. Those 4+ issues they churned out were golden. You'd be reading and then - all of a sudden - WHAM, a joke would hit you, and Cajek would be all like, "oh my god, it was so dark, and i didn't see him, and he just jumped out in front of me!" Really Small Box That Takes Up Just Enough Space To Even Out Both Sides of This Issue of the UnSignpost of the Week, Because Symmetry Looks Nice Believe it or not, the one above this one.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:14, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Question

Going back to the thingy that TKF threw up a little while ago about how to post votes in VFH, he suggested to keep the scoring all nice and neat you indent anything that is a non-vote that way so the numbering remains constant but the comment can still be in place. As it is both your pro and con votes have been scored out, and you've removed the indent so they count in the tally, even thought they're not valid votes... meh. Pup t 05:16, 28/09/2009

Here, yo.

Here's the text from that bio of you that you deleted: Shut up prick! I fucking hate you! Kill yourself you stupid faggot! SOmebody kill Roman Dog Bird, he is a god damn cock sucking nigger piece of shit! --75.47.128.85 21:54, September 28, 2009 (UTC) -Almost Sir Random Crap

I did it so much better. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:31, 28 September 2009

HOLY FUCKER'S FUCK. An IP made this. Every single non-user hates you, man!-Almost Sir Random Crap

And I made a come back with THIS!!!!!!!!! Seriously, why does this faggot only make this shit with a period? The least he could do is write out a sentence, but no, this troll fag just puts in a single period and waits for an admin to delete his shit.....lonesomely.............then he jerks off all over himself. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:37, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

I blame the economy! His computer must cost him 1 cent per letter.-Almost Sir Random Crap

Flutter

In all humor known to man, User:Flutter's userpage sucks ass. No wonder she got banned. I wonder if she went back to her retarded Mario Wiki....-Almost Sir Random Crap

Flutter is a woman girl? O_o -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:58, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Nobody really knows. I'm guessing a bi-sexual sasquatch. And the weirdest part is, she was only banned for a month, so she should've started nagging back our site again. But she's gone. Gone to her little Mario Wiki like the troll she is.-Almost Sir Random Crap

I do believe s/he is perma banned. S/he was initially banned by MrN9000 for 3 months for cyber-bulling, then perma-banned by Mordillo after his/her 2nd sockpuppet was discovered. --Mn-z 05:15, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Every socially challenged IP hates you.

Is there a reason you're such a magnet for trouble? ALSO YOU're FIRED, BANNED, AND FINISHED!-Almost Sir Random Crap

Well, think about it. Who the hell actually likes a gay black man? Besides other gay black men, of course, but add in the fact that I'm really just a white guy with too much free time and a slight ego and.......well.................fuckin' faggots keep messin' wif da unklyopeadia yaknowwahtimsayin'? It's a givin'! Yeah, man, where's my nigger? Chinaman? Hello? --Richard Nixon, America's Greatest President 21:53, September 29, 2009 (UTC)

So the IPs made up the whole gay black thing? I understand the gay part the Ip made up yesterday, but...Al Gore, the Amazing Circus Politician

Well, if I can be serious for a moment, I wasn't the only one being called a gay nigger. This goes way back to about January and maybe even about a year ago when this incredibly racist degenerate came by and vandalized the Bill Cosby page (just look at the edit history). It was actually Mr. N who was being called a NIGGER FUCKING FAGGOT or whatever for awhile since he was banning that dude. So eventually, amongst others (he attacked Mordillo plenty of times as well, especially after I corrected him and informed him that Mordillo was Jewish and not a nigger, like he thinks all of us are just because we revert and delete his unfunny and racist shit), I was banning that same dude for awhile and since he was calling me a NIGGER FUCKING FAGGOT or whatever, it's kind of stuck. Surely you know this guy, right? He's hilarious!

Now, for this recent dude who's "FIRING" me and claims that I'm "FINSHED", he was putting up some shit about Emma Watson (I don't know who that is) being a faggot, so now he's attacking me for deleting and protecting his period (lol) articles and making more period (LOLOLOL) articles with titles that show his clear disdain for me. There's been numerous other vandals of course. C'mon, any admin or user that attracts the attention of some jack ass is most likely going to be attacked. When it comes to me, maybe it's just my overall (and slightly unorthodox?) attitude in dealing with these cocks.

My arm hurts. I hope that made sense. English apparently isn't my first language (even though it's the only one I speak. I'm kind of stupid, you see, this one time, *pooooooooooooooofuckyoupppppooooooooooooooooooop* isn't my new sig just FABULOUS? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:12, September 29, 2009 (UTC)

Personally, I prefer Grawp. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:17, September 29, 2009 (UTC)

I fucked him. --Andrew Dice Gay 22:24, September 29, 2009 (UTC)

Wow. That has to be the best two paragraphs you ever wrote, RDB. I understand everything now. And your sig is just FABU-LOOOOOUS!-Ryan Seacrest, the Gayest Would-Be Black TV Host of All Time

On a related note

We now have an article on Gay nigger sex. --Mn-z 05:27, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Nazi Sig Bitch

Add this to your sig, it will fit: Also, please stop with the pink in your sig. Pink stopped being the new black 4 years ago.-Almost Sir Random Crap

RDB, a moment of seriousness, I'd appreciate if you remove this. Personally I really don't like going around seeing Swastikas all over the place. Also, we gave Walter Humala a big hassle in the past over doing the same thing. Thanks. ~ 07:56, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, Mordillo. I forgot that there are Jewish users here. Listen, I don't want to get deep into this 1940's Nazi stuff, so....discussion over.-Almost Sir Random Crap

No worries. And RDB - thanks man. ~ 21:03, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Shameless Self-Promotion

In all humility, I notice that I, er um, won like Noob of the Month and stuff. But the front page still has some dude listed as Noob of the Month who's past the noobness stage. I realize the month just changed, these things take time, etc. But um, is there something I should do, like some responsibility I have as Noob of the Month? Not that I want to see my name on the front page or anything. Of course not. I'm far too humble a Noob of the Month for that. Ahem. Oh, by the way, did I mention I'm Noob of the Month? WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 16:29, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, hell, uh, just keep being cool and stuff? I just like distributing the awards when the time comes and resetting the nomination pages. I never bother with any extraneous stuff like on the front page. That would require some writing talent, which I do not possess! Anyways, congratulations! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 19:16, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Problem fixed. I think you'll find your Noob of the Month status is now engraved on the front page. ~ 21:05, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Say, I just checked the front page of Wikipedia and I'm not there! Oh wait, I checked Wikipedia. My mistake. (Seriously, thanks). WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 22:40, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Whoever wrote the front page NotM thing I love it! (Who did write it?) The weird thing is, I've done a lot of work on Westerns on another wiki, but not here. I don't know if that was written by someone who knows me, or if it's just synchronicity. I do have one tiny little request. Would it be possible for "Is that so, bartender? And why exactly do I need to provide this?" to be reworded as "Is that so, bartender? And exactly why do I need to provide this?" Changing the order of "why" and "exactly" would show my actual editor name. Thanks! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 22:51, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks to whoever changed the order. I promise that next time I see you in a saloon, I won't shoot you. Not too much. And to whoever wrote that descrition (who was it?), next time I see you in a saloon, I'll buy you a drink. Then I won't shoot you. Or if I do, I'll feel real guilty afterwards. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:23, October 4, 2009 (UTC)

Rules of power metal

Was it THAT bad? I mean, I've never in my entire laughed as hard as I did when I first read it a year ago.. And I am not asking you to put it back in my userspace or something, I just want to know why you and dexter saw it was sucky (its a list and the format is fucking terrible, I know) but if you are into power metal, this stuff is real funny.. Also on a vaguely revelent note, fuk u coksukin nigger admin 4 de1337in mah paij.u suk mah cok!!1 lolololomgholyshit!!1 • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 18:14 October 4 '09

Well, it was just copied and pasted from another website, right? Where you going to make your own page based off of it, or what? Whoever put it up on QVFD seemed to be dissapointed in you for putting it up, saying something about it not being up to your usual standards. So I complied and deleted it. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 21:03, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

Ooh sorry. I thought you just ignored me, but what ever. Yes I copy-pasted it and I was going to uncyclopedize it (citing the original author btw), but, you know, dexter put it up on qvfd with a "crap" beside it, then you deleted it with a comment along the lines of "this is total crap"... I admit it looked terrible, and that its basically a list (not a list of methods to kill a grue or survive a chuck norris kick) of rules; power metal in-jokes, but I was just shocked to see such a reaction to the list that made me laugh like ive never laughed before (and piss myself, not that im proud of it or anything)... Also, the following days you changed your sig to "metal on metal" or something, which made me believe that you had read my post and ignored it, maybe because we dont even know each other as we never talked before, so you thought Im a 12 years old who wants back his article which mr. admin deleted.. blah blah blah... End rant. Now, how about you ban me so that we're formally introduced? • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 22:30 October 9 '09

Ban you? I don't want to ban you. There's no fuckin' animosity going on here, man. I changed my signature briefly since I had just seen the movie "Anvil! The Story of Anvil", a movie on the Canadian metal band, Anvil (redundant, no?), on VH1 and have since downloaded all of their stupid albums. I do dig the metal! I fuckin' love it! If you want the page back, I could bring it back, y'know? You still inspired to work on it? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 00:36, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

Dude, I meant joke-ban me.. but whatever. Since you're into metal, maybe we could do a metal-related collab at some point in the future, just for the fucking fun of it.. or the fucking agony of it.. Also, who the fuck are Anvil? I've never heard of them, what subgenre do they play? Also also, no, I dont want my fucking article back or anything thank you • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 18:43 October 10 '09

I'm not sure whether to take them seriously or not, but Anvil are a long running speed / thrash metal band who have maybe made a total of $10 in their entire career, from what I've gathered. They've somehow been around since about 1978 and have THIRTEEN albums. As far as I know, they're beginning to get some of the recognition they "deserve" now thanks to this documentary that came out earlier this year, showcasing their struggles during the year 2007 to tour, record their THIRTEENTH album, get another record deal, and trying to keep the band from falling apart. They've influenced numerous big name bands and musicians such as Metallica, Anthrax, and Slash who, along with Scott Ian, Lars Ulrich, and LEMMY FROM MOTORHEAD (WHO OFFERED ANVIL'S GUITARIST A SPOT IN MOTORHEAD AT ONE POINT WHAT THE FUCK) appear at the beginning of the film, praising Anvil. From the few songs I've listened to so far, they range from being totally, incredibly, undeniably lame to totally fucken kick axe!!!!!!! And I can't write for shit, so I'm afraid I can't take up your offer to do some sort of collaboration. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 20:29, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA

October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!

Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness By Gerrycheevers The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia.

Check out these pages! Features and Self-Loathing on Uncyclopedia An all-time Uncyclopedia mystery explained in agonzing detail Get your monthly dose of religious oppression! From our logs: 17:54, September 27, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.233.10.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Under Uncyclopedia emergency act (1976) I hereby revoke your editing priveleges) 20:55, September 27, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.166.95.119 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (only two kinds blank Texas: steers and queers. and steers find it hard to use the internet so I guess that narrows things down a little, doesn't it?) 21:42, September 29, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.203.96.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Hates me for some reason. Even though I happen to be the nicest man who ever lived. It's true, ask Richard Nixon.) Biopic of the Week Since exploding onto the Uncyclopedia scene in 2007, MacMania has developed into a fine-tuned humor machine. His recent writing endeavors have earned him a Writer of the Month nod, and as such, he is certainly a user worthy of biopication. His current sabbatical makes UnSignpost editors sad, but perhaps a constant spamming of his userpage with pleas to return will accelerate his comeback. UnSignpost readers, away! Old School Featured Article I Can't Believe it's Not Murder is the preferred alternative of first degree murder that celebrities, famous sports stars, politicians, and otherwise prominent individuals take advantage of in courts of law. It is similar to being found guilty of first degree murder, though this version avoids the undesirable consequences such as jail time, fines, probation, and the unsightly community service. Random Thought of the Week Dippin' Dots have been the ice cream of the future for like ten years. Shouldn't they be the ice cream of the present by now?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:16, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

new article

can you please make an article on the movie [se7en?|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_(film)] the movie is dark, but can you make it a joke?--202.158.207.242 02:55, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

I'm afraid I don't write articles. I've been here for nearly three years and I have yet to write a single (serious) article (by serious I mean I "wrote" this, but that's total nonsense and it's been modified by three other users since). It just isn't something I'm capable of. We do have a page where you can request an article, however. Try your luck there. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 04:45, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Naruto

The quote in the Naruto article is a reference to the boondocks. If you don't get it, then watch the video below. (Skip to 00:27)--ArtemisFowlThe2nd 06:05, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Just a friendly suggestion

Yes, I know I'm barely out of noobdom here and you're highly respected and have proven yourself beyond the call of duty, etc. But:

"##:## (Block log) . . Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XXXXXXXXX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Fucking kill yourself, take your father's Colt 45 and blow your god damn brains out, you pathetic fucking scum.)"

Now, we might agree that no reasonable person would take your suggestion seriously. But we might also agree that people who come here to vandalise aren't always reasonable. And we might also agree that if such an unreasonable person did such an act, even if based on a great number of other factors, an investigation would likely occur, and could very easily uncover a message such as this. Please, for your own sake and the sake of this site, be careful. Just a friendly suggestion from someone who's new here (but who in real life has been involved in a number of investigations). WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 03:13, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you so much for bringing this up. I really have contemplated not using such violent and visceral messages before in the past, but eventually came to a breaking point. I've done this at least once before, and I felt no guilt for it. This time however, now that you are bringing this up instead of LAUGHING at it like some of the degenerates here have before (again, the previous time I did this, which was in the summer. It was included in an issue of the Signpost. I thought, okay, whatever, the freaks here think it's funny, fine.), I really do feel that I need to calm down quite a notch. I absolutely respect your opinion and your concern over this. Thank you! -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 03:25, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

He used to cut my grass, he was a very nice boy! --Joe's neighbor from Frank Zappa's Joe's Garage (triple) album 03:25, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Hey, fuck you!!!!!!!!! *plays an 11 hour guitar solo* -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 03:25, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

New User Clones Self

I've been welcoming new users, and on http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=Special:Log&offset=20090930171104&limit=500&showall=0&type=newusers&month=&year= saw this:

17:23, September 24, 2009 Sanjeevpunjabi (Talk | contribs) created new account User:Mrsanjeevpunjabi (Talk | contribs)

I thought you'd like to know. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:53, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

Anvil

Gimme the names of a couple of their kickass songs, I wanna try them • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 21:12 October 10 '09

Race Against Time, Blood on the Ice, and (just for laughs, maybe, now that I think about it....) Metal on Metal. That's all I've got for now. Besides the first two songs and a few others, I've only listened to their first two albums entirely. The first one was lame hard rock, the second, "Metal on Metal", was their first speed (and/or thrash) metal album. It's decent, I guess, but it has some pretty lame 80's production. The first song I mentioned, Race Against Time, from their "Still Going Strong" album.....holy fuck It's like the opposite of Metal on Metal, it's raw as hell. Terrific guitar tone. Also, you might not like the singer. He's not the worst vocalist in the world or anything, but he ain't fantastic. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:15, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

ill download them sometime.. cant miss a raw as hell early 80s piece of thrash by a band that stayed underground for 30 years.. also, i dont give a fuck about vocals, i never understand them anyways (unless its dream theater) cause im a funny foreigner who must be spoken to loudly, slowly and clearly • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 22:34 October 10 '09

Are you three years old? —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Faaarts (talk • contribs)

no, he's four and a half. he's a big boy now, and he goes to the nursery • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 10:23, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Clemens unnews

Mordillo has it here, already • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 18:46, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

I'm modifying my "copy" right now, actually. So it's like, going to be different and stuff. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 18:48, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

RDB, I think its time for everyone to calm the fuck down over this whole issue. I'm pretty sure that adding more fuel to an already drama-filled situation is not going to help anything, and is more likely to cause a lot of bad blood resulting in people leaving the site when we should be focusing on efforts to improve the content, and return to adding the funny. I think it is time for all the parties involved to find a compromise and to move on. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Heh

You gonna finish that? -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:56, 14 Oct

Probably not. Want it? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 23:10, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Nah, I don't know what I'd do with it either. Just gave me a nostalgia trip and I was kinda hoping you had plans for it. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:23, 14 Oct

Maybe we can do it together (no pun) • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 23:24, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

This guy is about as funny as something that isn't funny. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Fartingfart (talk • contribs)

That is one weak ass attempt at trying to sound clever. Don't you have anything better to do than pester insignificant people like me, oh great one? -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 19:22, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Oh. I think he means me.. Im not sure though.. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 23:11, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, but this dude is totally the same guy as before who asked if I was three (under the Anvil header) that you responded to. He doesn't like the website anyways, so he might as well be referring to both of us. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 18:12, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah... I can see that from his exceptionally creative usernames • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 18:50, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sometime October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

The End is Nigh... Once Again By The Sockinator Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings: Domestic Team Name (4-0) Sternensteinenstine (3-1) John Curry All-Stars (3-1) The Dudes (3-1) Oklahoma City Storm (2-2) Dibiase’s Millions (1-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (0-4) The Winnerz (0-4)

Whatever you do, don't check out these pages! Polls, sexiness, and advertisements Terrifying stories of the one-armed man! Pointless numbers From our logs: 08:02, October 5, 2009 Under user blocked RAHB with an expiry time of 123 seconds ‎ (surprising me by returning like that: my doctor says surprises are bad for other people's hearts - because every time I get surprised, I eat someone's heart.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB blocked Dwarfman1122 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 04:46, October 11, 2009 Modusoperandi blocked 75.47.155.133 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'd give you a longer ban, but you were only picking on Roman Dog Bird) Biopic of the Week The sentient computer HAL 9000, while having only very few contributions on Uncyclopedia—and of a rather questionable nature at that, if I may add—has recently risen to Uncyc fame in what can only be described as one big conspiracy. In response to a question asked by one of our reporters, HAL answered "Let me put it this way, Mr. Sockinator. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error." In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL proved to be a computer very much capable of homicidal acts. Until recently, Uncyclopedia had been successful in evading HAL's detection. Yesterday night however, HAL hacked our beloved Main Page and transformed the wiki into HALopedia. HAL was confronted with many bewildered users to whom he proclaimed "I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over." Our experts are still trying to find out how the feck HAL was able to find this place. Though MrN9000 probably had nothing to do with it. For more information, tune in next week. Same un-time, same un-signpost! Random Cajek sighting of the Week Yea, verily, he did come unto us and delivereth a new article. Then he updatedeth his userpage, and fuckethed offeth again. These are enlightened times, my friends! Random Thought of The Week Remember when Uncyclopedia was full of vanity and Pokemon? Wait, it still is. Emergency of the Week Well, lots of things go wrong in Uncyclopedia. It's a simple fact of life. And this week, believe it or not, dear reader, this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make the cut! But do not despair, dear reader, because you can help! Just post any suggestions in the Press Room, and with your help, we can overcome this crisis!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  01:25, Oct 16

Yo

Hey, RDB, I got a new name for your sig:MC Banhammer. Obviously, it combies the two best things in pop culture:MC Hammer and your best skill: banning people. Also, you can't touch this. ♪Duh-nuhnuh-nuh nuh-nunuh nuh-can't touch this!♪-Almost Sir Random Crap

UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448

Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers By Gerrycheevers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report By Electrified mocha chinchilla After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update By Guildensternenstein Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid New England Patriots Domestic Team Name blew out the hapless Tennessee Titans Winnerz by an insane 109.38 to 0 after choking down a hard loss the previous week. The ironically-named Winnerz, on the other hand, still have yet to win a game. After a lackluster showing last week, The John Curry All-Stars earned a solid win against The Dudes, unseating them of their erstwhile #1 ranking in the process. After starting the season 0-4, Cheddar’s Doritians earned their second consecutive win, albeit against the floundering Dibiase’s Millions. Finally, Sternensteinenstine resoundingly defeated Oklahoma City Storm 164.06 to 118.98 after a lackluster showing the previous week, catapulting the Nazi-run team back atop the UFFL standings. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings: Sternensteinenstine (5-1) Domestic Team Name (5-1) The Dudes (4-2) John Curry All-Stars (4-2) Oklahoma City Storm (3-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (2-4) Dibiase’s Millions (1-5) The Winnerz (0-6) IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. By Electrified mocha chinchilla Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia:Worst or Not? The Debate Rages On Free Advertisement for Jumping Ship Spreading the Good Word About New Articles From our logs: 23:04, October 9, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.90.32.102 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Dwarfman1122 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 18:27, October 13, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.120.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(Please enjoy our token Fuck the Hell Off.....) 08:10, October 15, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sudeepk9 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (wow, we are a beacon of sunshine today, aren't we?) 21:27, October 17, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(A wizard did this.) 17:36, October 19, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 72.93.168.203 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Liking Naruto and insisting we stop making fun of it. What? How is that not a reason to permanently ban someone?) Biopic of the Week Sog1970 has churned out a dozen featured articles in just a few short months, earning him a Writer of the Month nod and now, the most esteemed honor on Uncyclopedia, an UnSignpost biopic. The lack of information on his user page makes writing said biopic rather difficult, but let it be known that Sog radiates awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week Life's Answerable Questions are a series of ponderances and queriums that have most certainly not chafed at mankind the way other, more disgustingly unanswerable questions have. For example, asking "What's new?" to a stranger will certainly elicit a less confused response than one of those other questions. You know the ones we mean. CAJEKWATCH 05:42, October 15, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 minutes ‎(Because I saw you existing.) 01:23, October 16, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎(HOLY SHIT IT'S CAJEK HI CAJEK PS BANBANBAN LOLOLOL) 13:21, October 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 147 seconds ‎(I think I'm stressed, I need a release, and this is the best available on this wiki) Random Obscene Japanese Lesson "Kimi no te de boku o ikasete." means "Make me cum with your hand." "Kimi no oppai ga DEKAI yo! Ii nee." means "Your breasts are HUGE! Nice." "Omawarisan! Chikan o tsuka-mate!" means "Police! Arrest this pervert!" That should keep you little squirts happy... Reason to Leave Uncyc #387 Still no good restaurants. This Week in Uncyc, 1933 With the United States deep in a depression, the Uncyclopedia tri-weekly newsreel tried to lighten the mood by poking fun at American President Herbert Hoover and his bumbling sidekick of a Vice President, the famed Charles Curtis. Gags included, and were limited to, both individuals being hit repeatedly with rubber chickens. Mass Delusion of the Week Last week, many users claim to have had similar psychic visions of an alternate Main Page, which told them to do things in a calm, soothing voice. Such notions are of course nonsense; 7 out of the 10 members who sit on the Uncyclopedia Paranormal Activity Investigation and Acupuncture Licensing Board agree that a combination of swamp gas and Venus caused some users to hallucinate vividly, some nearly to the point of seizure. Record for Most Boxes Tied Due to the overwhelmingly large number of stories in this week's extremely humorous edition of the UnSignpost, a correspondingly overwhelmingly large number of space-wasting side boxes had to be added to cause the issue to weigh equally on both sides of reader's talk pages. As a result, the record for number of such boxes has been tied; this issue, along with the March 24th, 1983 edition, have had the most wasted space! Record Broken!!!

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9001(bot)  18:17, Oct 23

UnSignpost 29-10-2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By ME, I Swear!

October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69

9001(bot)  01:39, Nov 3