User:Roman Dog Bird/Nirvana
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Congratulations, you've found Nirvana! |
You can help by meditating.
“Nirvana is the highest happiness.”
“That kid had a heart, until it all drained out.”
Nirvana is a hugely successful Pixies tribute band, lead by singer/songwriter Kurt Cobain, who famously attempted suicide in the early 1990s by marrying Courtney Love. Following the failed suicide attempt, the group bounced back with a string of successful singles in addition to providing the theme song for the hit NBC sitcom 2 And A Half Men. Nirvana is also a worldwide restaurant chain known for serving "heroinies" (secret ingredient is "love").
The group continues to tour, record and produce commercial jingles. Most recently, they appeared on Saturday Night Live mocking their previously anti-mainstream demeanor, having since changed their name to Snow Patrol.
edit Early Years
Nirvana performed under various monickers before settling on Marcy Playground, and later Nirvana. Past names include The Melvins, Mudhoney, Pearl Jam, Sonic Youth, Soundgarden, The Beatles, Dinosaur Jr., R.E.M. and briefly "Cheap Trick being molested by Black Flag and Black Sabbath while The Jam watches and fingers members of The Velvet Underground while they watch Jefferson Airplane have an oral sex orgy with the Grateful Dead".
While critics dismissed the band's early efforts as "kind of boring, turn it off.", opinion shifted when the band hired an actual producer, Butchy Wig, of Garbaged infamy. While the sound remained boring, it was now louder and on the radio more, prompting critics to declare Kurt Cobain the James Earl Jones of his Generation, having successfully maintained the Grunge tradition of using guitars with only half the normal number of strings. The band moved from cult (no one likes it) status to Corporate Sellout (your Mum likes it) status with the release of "Smells Like Bean Sprouts", a tribute to Seattle's Great Wall restaurant. The accompanying album "If You're Offended By the Baby's Penis, You Must Be a Closet Pedophile", offended many due to the presence of the infamous Pig Man, who was seen consuming a baby on the cover of the album. A censored version of the album cover was later released featuring Pig Man consuming then-President George H.W. Bush in place of the baby.
In 1995, lead drummer David J. Grohl left to pursue a career writing Frank Black songs. Sometimes, he would occasionally write a Kim Deal song.
edit Band members
- Kurt Cobain - screaming, moaning, complaining, heroin, shotgun (1987-present)
- Krist Novoselic - mute bass, imaginary friend (1987-1994)
- Dave Grohl - tambourine, glockenspiel, teeth (1990-1994)
edit Former or part-time members
- Charlie Chaplin - original drummer (1988-1990)
- A couple other guys - played drums before Chaplin (1987-1988)
- Dale Crover - temporarily drummed (1988, 1990)
- Jason Everman - holds the record for the shortest time of anyone being included in a band (he was the second guitarist for a total of 5 minutes) (1989)
- Dan Peters - played drums for like a day or something (1990)
- Pig Man - ate a brownie on November 5th, 1955 (the day Chaplin had an encounter with Marty McFly)
- Axl Rose - #1 fan (September 1991-September 1992)
- Frank Black - songwriter (all songs)
edit Touring members
- Mr. Hat - cigarette tech (1991-1994)
- That Guy - jumps around all over the stage like a retard (1992)
- Pat Smear - secondary guitarist (1993-1994)
- Kim Deal Gordon - upright double acoustic bassoon (1993-1994)
- Greg Brady - marimba (1993)
edit Studio albums
- Led Zeppelin IV (1971)
- Bleach (1989)
- If You're Offended By the Baby's Penis, You Must Be a Closet Pedophile (1991)
- In Udaho (1993)
- Everything Went Black (1992)
- The Beatles 1 (2001)
- Now I'm Mumblin' and I'm Screamin' (Box Set) (2004)
- Shiver: The Worst of The Box (2004)
edit Live albums
- MTV Who the Hell Unplugged All Our Amps? (1994)
- From the Bleached Banks of oh nevermind.... (1996)
- Here at Last...Nirvana...Live!!!!! (2009)