From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| This page is a work in progress|
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
“This article's not for you, got it?”
|Kyouthydides, a.k.a. Kyou Fujibayashi|
|July 4, 2041|
|Place of Residency||Thessalonike|
|Born||September 9, 1991 near Byzantion|
|Nationality||Makedonian, Although Taiwanese and Chinese constantly say Koreans claim Kyouthydides|
|Affiliation||Makedonia, Keynesian side of the Force. |
|Profession||Stratarches Hellados Makedonias |
Kyouthydides (Gk. Κυουθυδιδης), later on Anaximandros of Pella and more affectionately known by the weeaboo as Kyouthighdides, is a politician and general of Greek Makedonia. Kyou, along with all the others of the Klerouchia, was born near Byzantion where the Klerouchia was located. However, Kyouthydides was known for being the general who conquered the entire perimeter of the Pontos Euxeinos, overthrowing Sailor Mars and reestablished the Antigonid Dynasty, and later on becoming the Prime Minister of Hellas as the founding member of the Panhellenic Socialist Movement. In fact, the Modern Hellenes call Kyouthydides Papandreou solely because of the establishment of the PASOK "dynasty" in Republican form of Hellas and Makedonia.
edit Once upon a time, there was a historian
Kyouthydides, true to the birth name, recorded history of the wars of the Pelopponesia and Attike before the rise of Makedon and Philippos II of Makedon. This shaped Kyouthydides' view of the political field, making Kyou favor military might over ideals and "fantasy" philosophies in general. This was in sharp contrast with the other members of the Klerouchia, including resistance from Tomoyo  who promoted idealism and wanted to save some trees in Byzantion , Kotomi, who ended up being the historian when Kyou took up a military career, and Nagisa, who wanted peace enough to consummate with some guy some more all while enjoying oversized "dango" . Kyou ended up growing ever more thirsty for war, stating that peace was only a wishful thinking and continuing to incite countries into war. Later on, it was found that Kyou also wanted peace, but didn't go openly due to what the Iaponikoi call the "Tsundere" personality build.
edit And came the Keynesian economics that led to the rise of a general.
Kyouthydides' support of militarism came as a boon to Megas Alexandros' predecessor Philippos II. Because Kyou was a Klerouchos by status, it made it difficult for Kyou to work up as position of Strategos (and even Taxiarchos at that) was largely reserved for the nobles and the royal family. However, Kyou was a secret disciple of Keynes, who rose from the dead and in vain attempted to stop corporate theft of wealth in Amerike. Keynes ended up teaching Kyou in the Keynesian side of the Economic force, allowing Kyou to use force Government Spending and force Consumer Infusion. Kyou in her career as a historian also read the ways of Adam Smith, which allowed Kyou to use force Anti-Business Legislation, all of which would allow Kyou to build up the wealth needed for admission to the nobility class. Kyou started off by making a small loan from Ryou, the twin sister who moved to Pantikapaion, and used it (and the good looks) to build a small business. Kyou then used the profit money to go after the nobles, who initially were repelled at Kyou's proselytism on the modern idea of government spending. But the nobles eventually caved in when a timely famine hit northern Greece and unrest skyrocketed. Kyou used that opportunity to strangle the big businesses, earning big money (all while paying Ryou 50 times the principal) and establishing a wealth base for her machination to admission into the nobility. However, Kyou had an epiphany when Kyou saw the seizure of power from the nobles by Philippos, and ended up serving as a government official, using the pictures of thighs to get Philippos to establish a civil service exam. Kyou took advantage of that and seized a position as a Taxiarchos, making room for a trail of military experience under the Diadochoi.
edit Early Military Service under the Diadochoi
Kyou's position as Taxiarchos under Kassandros was largely kept intact, although Kyou had little interest in serving Kassandros or the early Antigonids. Ryou secretly helped Kyou's escape when Kassandros sensed Kyou's halfheartedness and wanted to remove Kyou for it, but the winds led Kyou not to Pantikapaion but to Pergamon still under Antigonos Monopthalmos. Antigonos almost killed Kyou, but Antigonos saw it as a useful opportunity to seize Kassandros' domains, and Kyou led the invasion of mainland Hellas, seizing Attike and the entirety of Pelopponesos away from Kassandros. There Kyou was promoted as Strategos and continue to wage war against Kassandros in Hellas, until Antigonos recalled Kyou to defend Anatolia. When the Battle of Ipsos came, Kyou was not able to take part in the battle because Kyou was so away from the Antigonid mainline and once the news of defeat came out, Kyou simply surrendered to Seleukos. Seleukos saw a need for Kyou's knowledge of geography of western Anatolia and commanding experience, but before Seleukos could firmly establish Kyou's allegiance, Seleukos was assassinated by Ptolemaios Keraunos, leaving Kyou as a petty warlord in Makedonia, then a land of anarchy.
edit Byzantinian Apricot Tree Crisis
“Hey, my name's Giorgos, not Georgos!”
“Hey, hey, hey! Stop burning my kind!”
“When did the Panathenaikos get involved in this mess?”
“Hey! Can I get the job?”
“Go represent your country in Podosphaire, not apricot trees!”
Kyou, who was then the left-hand general (the right hand being Parmenion) of Sailor Mars, noticed a decline in precipitation around the fertile regions of Makedonia as well as a rise in average temperature for 9001 minutes: Kyou deemed this a work of global warming and signed a petition to Sailor Mars to cut the production in the massive furnace complex in Pella. Sailor Mars declined such request due to the plans to invade Attike and Pelopponesos (including Lakonia), and Kyou responded by privately planting a forest of apricot trees. A socialist, Kyou used that to establish a town-fortress bordering Paionia. When Athenai fell to Sailor Mars, Kyou imported some clovers at discount prices from Panathenaikos (which had plenty of clovers) and "fortified" the forest region all while nationalizing the land occupied by the forest so that all citizen can benefit from the apricot trees. In Kyou's point of view, the Paionia town-fortress and its apricot forest is little more than a diversion for the real big project at that of Byzantion, right where the Klerouchia is.
Kyou's plans were delayed by her decision to hire Karagounis as the chief manager of the forests believing that his first name was Georgos. This led to a near disaster in which a quarter of the forests was struck by a mold that was removed by the competitors of the apricot trees, the cherry trees that Tomoyo protected all while taking care of the administration of Sparte as Agis II. However, Sailor Mars took Sparte and as a punishment to Tomoyo, cut most of the cherry trees near Byzantion to be used as fuel in the furnace complex of Pella. When the lumberers came in, it was only a matter of time before the lumberjacks would report Sailor Mars of an unusually dense cluster of apricot trees. That day Kyou was known to have said "Today my kind is doomed to be cut down in Byzantion," which was largely averted when the members of the Klerouchia were spared. The apricot trees were also inspected by Sailor Mars, who was already seeking additional source of combustibles for the furnaces. The other Hellenistic states supported the preservation of the Apricot trees due to global warming, and the African countries even signed an petition that was delivered to Kyou, but because the mainman was Japanese by some unknown circumstances, the mailman delivered it to the center of the apricot forest and thus the petition was never read.
Meanwhile, the Friedman Institute, von Mises Institute and Ayn Rand Institute wanted to prove global warming wrong, and offered Sailor Mars money to cut down the trees. However, this move became counterproductive as Sailor Mars was offended by what Sailor Mars saw as condescending attitude combined with an attempt to overthrow Sailor Mars' near-totalitarianism, and the forests were saved. The Libertarian institutions called Sailor Mars a wimp and an oppressor, and Sailor Mars left Kyou to retaliate, and Kyou called them money-worshippers and the helpers of the bloodsucking corporations, digging up dirt Progressive-era style, causing Libertarianism to decline in America as the conservatives viewed it as a cult of Mammon: in fact, conservatives sometimes renounced their belief in the "free" market, causing a huge shock to the corporations who in turn lobbied some more.
edit Hellenistic World War IV
edit Second Ramirez?
Ramirez!Kyou! X that Y with your Z!”
- Charge Laser
- Third World Army
- Irish Republican Army
- Ayn Rand Institute
- Somalian Pirates
- Northwestern Alliance
- Lamb on a spit
- Moe Moe Kyun
- Nuclear Submarine
- Marshmallow Hell
- Flat chest
Being the left-hand general next to Sailor Mars' right hand general
Cpl.Dunn Parmenion, Ramirez Kyouthydides is given quite an lot of orders: In fact, Sgt.Foley Sailor Mars believe that Kyouthydides is the right hand one because of the apparent uselessness of Parmenion (even after the decimation of Iaponia using the 'classified information'), creating huge amount of stress for Kyou. In fact, Kyou helped herself to the neural implants used by the Marines, often citing a quote common to the Marines in their first war.
“If it wasn't for that d**ned neural implants you'd be a smoking crater by now!”
“Resume with the X Y with your Z! I got the power of the fire!”
“O RLY? I GOT SPARTE!”
“Hands off: Sparte's mine!”
edit Destruction of Taiwan
Kyou could not stand the Taiwanese and Chinese mudslinging on Korea any longer, even though Kyou was not a Korean: that was because some people actually believed Taiwanese and Chinese-made claimes that the Koreans purportedly made, and Kyou issued an ultimatum to Taiwan to halt the mendacious claims against Korea. Taiwan stated that the Taiwanese claims does not constitute a libel in any means, and Kyou filed a lawsuit against Taiwan in the UN court. However, considering the fact that UN's negative view on Hellas ever since Megas Alexandros' campaigns, the UN handed Taiwan the victory. Incensed, Kyou demanded (and got) Sailor Mars to expel all UN diplomats and cut all ties with UN, allowing Sailor Mars to use flame weaponries otherwise inaccessible. Sailor Mars gladly demolished the UN embassies and used the combustible material as fuel at Pella, and the UN issued an embargo to Mainland Hellas. Sailor Mars personally ordered Kyou to raise experienced troops, and Kyou used that as an excuse to invade Taiwan, invited by the Koreans, the Japanese, and even the Chinese. Kyou agreed to invade Taiwan, extracting a promise from the Chinese not to intervene or to create any claims about fabricated claims by any ethnicity to herself, and prepared the invasion set to be launched at December 7, 2033. The Chinese used that as an opportunity to upgrade their contact level to embassy, and agreed to a cultural exchange, Chinese holding theirs at Pella, while the Hellenes holding theirs in Macau. Japanese saw this as an affront, and asked the Mainland Greeks to not form an alliance, but the Chinese never asked for an alliance and the Japanese government gave a huge sigh of relief. On December 1, 2033, Kyou set off from Ptolemais-Theron (then owned by Sailor Mars as Yuki Nagato's pocket of resistance was largely centered upon Heptanomis.) to Taiwan, deciding to resupply from Sri Lanka and South Korea. On December 6, 2033, the fleet nearly approached the 38th parallel, which would have caused a massive embarrassment, hadn't the North Korean artillery fired upon Yeonpyeongdo, diverting Kyou's fleet ironically towards Taiwan. On December 7, Taiwan is invaded, ans Taipei is razed to the ground, although the other cities of Taiwan went largely unscathed.
- ↑ Some say Kyou's a Trotskyist. Others say Kyou's an fascist.
- ↑ Vowed celibacy much like Tesla, and like Tesla has no difficulty attracting fanboys with CUTENESS SUPREME
- ↑ The title still kept even as a Prime Minister of Hellas
- ↑ later on Agis II, as Tomoyo was actually a Spartiates born to Spartan fugitives
- ↑ which fell to Sailor Mars and the massive furnace complex in Pella
- ↑ Of course, we know "dangos" are actually loukoumades. Yum!