User:Romaioktonos/Haku Yowane

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“I am so glad I got Aigyptos: Free AIGYPTIAN MALT BEER!”
~ Haku Yowane on Kingship of Aigyptos
“Haku was a Polypotes and ruled like Hatshepsut”
~ Captain Obvious on Haku Yowane
“Hey leave me alone in my pyramid, ok? I'll give you all the fame needed!”
~ King Tut on Haku Yowane
“To hate Haku for having a bigger library than that of Pergamon or to like Haku for siding with me in the Battle of Ipsos without any physical support...”
~ Momo Antigonos I Monopthalmos Momone on Haku Yowane
Haku Yowane
Haku Yowane

This is Haku Yowane. No... That's Ptolemaios I Soter... wait... Haku is Ptolemaios I Soter!

Basileus Aigyption
Period of Reign
January 13, 2012-September 11, 2018
Preceded by Megas Alexandros, Technically Philippos III
Succeeded by Ptolemaios II Philadelphos
Place of Residency Alexandreia
Born November 21, 1989 at Pella
Birth name Ptolemaie Ptolemaios Hellenikos Philaigyptos
Nationality Makedonian
Political party Prohibition Party
Affiliation formerly Makedonia, Ptolemaic Dynasty
Spouse None
Children None, although conspiracy theorists believe that Ptolemaios II Philadelphos was a child, even though Philadelphos was just a page.
Profession Basileus
Religion Greek Orthodox

Haku Ptolemaios I Soter Yowane (November 21, 1989 - ) is a Makedonian general once serving under Megas Alexandros and later the satrap then later the king of Aigyptos. Haku was responsible for causing many upheavals in the Diadochoi politic realm, as well as constructing what seemed to be the Tomb of Megas Alexandros (Gk. ό Ταφος του Μεγαλου Αλεξανδρου), not realizing (like everybody else, or pretending ignorance) that Alexandros was taking a nice retirement in Persepolis. Despite her affilations with the Prohibition party (due to peer pressure from friends who were prohibitionists), Haku drank more alcohol in a week than Philippos II and Miku's older self combined in their entire lives, which created some tensions, especially with Shirley Fenette over the treasury at Rhodos. Haku was regarded as one of the better rulers in the Hellenistic period surprisingly despite being a polypotes.

edit The illegitimate child theory

Some declare that Haku was related to Miku as a illegitimate half-sister when Philippos II originally decided to make a twin of what would be Miku. However, the development of Haku was much faster, even though to do this Philippos had to embezzle fund from the Bulgarians who were in control of Monkeydonia at the time. Since this was not the plan of the Monkeydonians, the Skopjans and the Tito supporters immediately attempted to terminate the project, putting the entire project (as well as the reincarnation of Megas Alexandros) at risk.

For strange reasons, despite the fact Philippos II cared more for the vessel for Alexandros, Philippos II ironically ended up finishing this product first. Although disappointed severely, since more fund was diverted to the Alexandros project (hence explaining Haku's rather cumbersome voice), Philippos decided not to discard Ptolemaios I Soter. Ironically, all this misinformation ended up being just a theory... But should it be true, Haku is then the elder sister of sorts to Miku.

edit As the Basileus of Aigyptos

Haku learns from Hatsheput

Much like the Aigyptie Hatsheput, Haku decided to portray herself as a male to make the rule seem more legitimate.

Haku immediately consolidated her position as the ruler of Aigyptos as soon as Haku was appointed the satrap of Aigyptos by Perdikkas. Haku knew that the Machimoi could be a problematic segment of the Aigyptian population, therefore Haku decided to counteract the dominance of the Machimoi initially by using the Makedonian troops that Haku possessed. However, as soon as Perdikkas was losing patience with the Somatophylakes, Haku was at risk of losing the Makedonian troops, and Haku successfully attempted to reverse the situation by implementing the Klerouchiai, reserving the Fayuum Depression in the province of Heptanomis for the Galatians (and Greeks) who ended up becoming the most loyal supporter of the Ptolemaic dynasty. Yuki Nagato for one was the product of Haku's establishment of the Nomarchy along with vast amount of support for the Klerouchoi.

Having the best conditions out of all the Diadochoi, Haku was constantly facing hostility from Perdikkas, who wanted the Delta Neilou (flowing with grain, and by extension, ethanol, the reason why Haku persuaded Perdikkas to let her be satrap there in the first place) and one of the greatest cities in the world, Alexandreia. In fact, Even Momo Monopthalmos Momone was jealous of Haku's ownership of Alexandreia, since the Bibliotheke Alexandreias is the only thing that kept the Bibliotheke at Pergamon the second largest. Haku also introduced alcohol in form that is not wine to the Hellenistic world, although the market was never large enough to generate a significant profit for the Ptolemaic dynasty. Putting all the economic and social analyses aside, Haku is certainly one of the more stable Diadochoi, if not the most stable.

Haku's policy of unbound alliance was designed purely to keep her position in Aigyptos and thus the supply of alcohol stable. In fact, Haku was the most eager to commit betrayals and black ops out of the Diadochoi, exemplified by the attempts to assassinate Haruhi Suzumiya and Shirley Fenette, succeeding in the assassination of Haruhi. Some believe that Haku was given orders by Miku before (or after) the retirement, and some even think that Haku is a part of the conspiracy to keep Miku hidden from the jealous eyes of the big players in World Domination. Haku initially kept to herself when Momo Momone seized primacy, then offered support to XP-Tan and Shirley Fenette, even defeating Teto Kasane in the Battle of Gaza alongside Seleukos I Nikator. However, when Haku and Shirley Fenette squabbled over the treasury at Rhodos as well as the ownership of Ephesos and Halikarnassos (of which the former belonged to Momo), Haku quickly aligned with Momo and attempted to send help to aid the Antigonids in the Battle of Ipsos, only to not make it there when Haku drank away. Even so, her love of alcohol did not hold her back from intervention in Hellas, where Haku would use her navy to take over Sikyon, Korinthos, and Megara, pissing off XP-Tan, Konata, and Shirley Fenette, leading to the expulsion of Ptolemaic garrisons at those cities. Haku attempted to tolerate the worship of Dionysos, but when the bacchic festivals raised the price of alcohol, Haku proceeded to suppress it, keeping with the anti-pagan policies initiated by Miku.

It is very likely that Megas Alexandros implicated Haku as official records state that Haku hijacked the body of Megas Alexandros and interred it in Memphis in Heptanomis.

edit Involvement in Wars in the Hellenistic World

edit Syrian Wars, or its predecessor

“Get out of my land! (Syria and Mesopotamia)”
~ Seleukos I Nikator on Ptolemaios I Soter
“Get out of my land! (Ioudaia and Kypros)”
~ Ptolemaios I Soter on Seleukos I Nikator
“Shut up and get your butt over here against the Spartiatai!”
~ Kassandros on Seleukos I Nikator and Ptolemaios I Soter in the First Lakedaimonian War

Haku's position as a potential power in Syria and Ioudaia was not well received by her Seleukid rival, Seleukos I Nikator. In the aftermath of the Battle of Ipsos, Haku was given control of Ioudaia, even though Haku sided with Momo since Momo was against Shirley (with whom Haku quarreled over the control of Rhodos and its treasury, despite the agreement that Rhodos be left as an independent polis, a policy supported by XP-Tan). The tensions between the Seleukidai and the Ptolemaioi immediately surged after the Battle of Ipsos, and Haku, even though she was not seeking an empire to match that of Megas Alexandros' reincarnate, decided to expand to Mesopotamia in quest for more grain to be used as fermentation base. Because Rin, who was the prinicipal winner of the Battle of Ipsos, claimed what was most of what once was Momo Momone's Antigonid Kingdom, this gave another impetus to Haku as Haku's holdings in southern Anatolia and Kypros was then vulnerable to Rin and the Seleukidai. Technically, the Syrian Wars didn't really begin until Haku resigned and Ptolemaios II Philadelphos took over as the Basileus of Aigyptos (while Antiochos I Soter inherited the Arche Seleukeia). Both Haku and Rin launched minor raids against each other, although they avoided a full-scale war, since they both had other problems. With Haku, it was in mainland Hellas, where the coalition of the Makedonians and the Achaians removed the Ptolemaic garrisons at Korinthos.

Even though Rin and Haku did not create a full-scale war, they however soured the relationship between the Seleukide dynasty and the Ptolemaike dynasty to encourage a development of a series of wars over the northeastern coasts of Mediterranean after both would resign from the throne (actually, Seleukos was assassinated by Ptolemaios Keraunos, who is not related to Haku in any way). But why would Haku do this? Isn't the Aigyptian beer produced from the Delta Neilou enough? Apparently, the answer is no to Haku, who was found as a merchant trading in Molossis carrying Keltikos Beer from the Keltoi to Makedonia. To Haku, this was a relief, since Haku would no longer be burdened with the admininstration of a state.

edit Siege of Rhodos

“Thanks for bailing us out! We will give you the title "Soter"!”
~ Rhodians on Haku Yowane
“W00t! Free title and more alcohol at almost no cost!”
~ Haku Yowane on Aftermath of the Siege of Rhodos
“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! There goes my position as pirate king... or queen...”
~ Shirley Fenette on Afermath of the Siege of Rhodos
“Damn... these Rhodians will pay for making me clean up the Makedonian mess... Maybe I should go sack Pella!”
~ Yuki Nagato on Rhodos

Before the Syrian Wars (or its predecessor), there was the Siege of Rhodos. Rhodos, although it was an independent state with its independence technically protected by international treaty, was a source of discord between the Diadochoi. Lysimachos Shirley Fenette was especially anxious about the fate of the treasury at Rhodos, since the Anatolian territory gained by union with Teto's Kingdom of Pergamon was now lost to Rin's Seleukidai. Desperate for funds, which grew worse after XP-Tan's contributions were cut after the Gallic invasion of the Balkan Peninsula and the Epeirote Invasion of Makedonia, led Lysimachos Shirley to look towards Rhodos, which had a strong affinity with the Ptolemaioi. Given the fact that Shirley at the time quarreled with Haku for the control of the treasury created by Alexandros' incarnate in the conquest of the Persai with the money created from developing the mines in the rich Anatolian mountains, Shirley found that there were very little reasons NOT to launch an invasion against Rhodos. Although some historians state that their scouter claim that Shirley had over 8000 ships, modern scholars believe that the number was around 1350, including 350 state-sponsered ships that is confirmed by records from the Bibliotheke Alexandreias as well as records from the Seleukid library at Seleukeia. Although Rhodos received chief diplomatic support from the Ptolemaioi, the Seleukidai who recently took over most of the Anatolian possessions of the Antigonid dynasty is confirmed to have sent some blockade runners to send supplies and mercenaries to Rhodos.

Shirley's massive flotilla of state and private ships landed at Rhodos, although Shirley (some say Teto was the prime instigator) never took the harbor because it was well fortified. Shirley did however successfully landed troops on the island, and devastated the landscape, allowing the soldiers to forage freely, stripping the farmlands and the orchards just out of missile range of the city. Both sides also benefited from the invention of Dionysios I Syrakousios Chitose Hibiya such as the gastraphetes (which would not be adopted widely until Colette's Ionian army successfully used them against Luka's Epeirote army in the Hellenistic World War IV). Oxybelai were also widely used, especially after Miku was almost hit by one and was knocked off and after Momo Momone lost one eye to it (and thus her surname Monopthalmos). Shirley then created the most famous siege tower, the Helepolis in the attempt to take the city, but unpopularity once again hindered Shirley, who now was threatened by the likes of Pyrrhos Aiakides Luka Megurine who invaded Makedonia (and take Pella) and had to give up the siege even after the wall was breached. Some speculate that Shirley did not push the attack because they believe that Shirley succeeded in the Lelouch project despite the lack of funds only to lose the fruit of the research to the defenders and thus was covered in grief, which had some merit since there was no record of Shirley paying the puppeteer after the siege of Rhodes.

The Seleukidai under Rin however was rumored to have wanted the city for themselves, now that they were weakened by the Makedonians. Whether the rumor was true or not, the Seleukid occupation of Rhodos never happened when Haku dispatched Yuki Nagato along with 3,000 Machimoi and 1,000 Galatikoi Klerouchoi to help the Rhodians clean up the mess of siege weapons left behind by Shirley Fenette. The Rhodians sold and melted the metal from the siege equipment, and with the money, made the Kolossos Rhodios, confirmed to be the Colossus of Barbie.

edit First Lakedaimonian War

“Sure beats menial labor in Rhodos... But still boring.”
~ Yuki Nagato on First Lakedaimonian War
“Hey! You are one of them! Now you must die! But... How do I get there? I HATE THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA! Oh well... I'll get rid of Seleukos while I go to get rid of you!”
~ Tei Sukone on Ptolemaios I Soter

Considering the distance from Aigyptos to Hellas, it is surprising why Ptolemaios even cared to fight a war in Hellas even though the war itself wouldn't disrupt the supply of alcohol (maybe except a few barrels of wine lost to devastation). On top of that there was the skirmishes in the borders between the Seleukidai and the Ptolemaioi, so why did Ptolemaios even bothered to fight the Spartans? Sure, the Spartans were in decline ever since the Battle of Leuktra where the Theban 150 pairs owned the Spartans by the vice of homosexuality, but there were the yanderes in Elis, led by the self proclaimed enemy of the Makedonians/Vocaloids, Tei Sukone. Tei's forces in Elis by itself wasn't truly a threat, but then there were the Spartiatai led by Roy Mustang who were in decline... ok... enough with the infinite loop problem!

Anyways... That really doesn't make it surprising that Ptolemaios would take a minimal diplomatic support for the League of Independent Greek Cities, the remnant of the League of Korinthos dissolved by Haruhi before the First Diadochoi War. Another reason for a lack of dynamic leadership in the Lakedaimonian War was caused by the quarrel with the Makedones, with whom the tensions grew in the Siege of Rhodos. In fact, it was the Makedones who offered a treaty due to the constant pressure Kleomenes III Roy Mustang of the Agiad house placed on Korinthos, where the Yuri-style Grinders were located to provide Shirley with the necessary materials for the renewal of the Lelouch project (whose fruit was presumably lost in the Siege of Rhodos). As such, Yuki Nagato was quite bored of the war, since only thing Ptolemaios authorized her to do was blockade Lakedaimonian ports, while "letting others have all the fun" in her own words. No later after the fall of Sikyon, Tei threatened the Kingdom of Epeiros, ruled by Pyrrhos Aiakides, leading to an Epeirote expedition led by Tsumugi accompanied by most of the Illyrioi siding with the anti-Lakedaimonian alliance. Of course, as this article is about Ptolemaios, none of these really matter, except for the part concerning Yuki. What did matter was that Ptolemaios was more concerned with capture of Kyrene and Ammonion than a hostile force at least months away from Aigyptos, a factor that contributed to Yuki's boredom in Hellas, even though Yuki was given a room in 5-star hotel in Athenai entirely paid by XP-Tan.

Yuki finally got a taste of action in the Battle of Sellasia, which came after Roy ran out of cash and thus sacked Megalopolis as well as the emancipated of the Heilotai, resulting in 500 talents of silver, which was a huge sum but nothing compared to 666 talents of gold under Solomon, and 1000 talents of gold generated by Pangaion for the later Argead kings, such as Philippos II of Makedon and Alexandros III. Even so, Yuki Nagato was unsatisfied with the campaign in Hellas, deeming it unsatisfactory. Yuki took all the books in Elis and Sparte (if Sparte had any) and stocked the Bibliotheke Alexandreias.

edit Retirement

Haku officially abdicated eventually, dedicating the remaining life to connoisseurship of fine alcoholic beverages and literature. Haku wrote an account of Megas Alexandros, although Haku wrote it as if Alexandros was dead and that was taken up by Arrianos (who was a citizen of Barbaropolis) in his chronicle. In the early days of retirement, Haku stayed in Aigyptos to imbibe malt beer, but eventually went to Karchedon to be exposed to Galatian beer that was rare even in Alexandreia-Mikatopolis.

edit Internal Policies

Haku took up the dream of Megas Alexandros, that is to make Mikatopolis/Alexandreia the center of the Hellenistic culture. Haku first started by building the splendind Basileion, which was clearly Greek in architectural style with just enough touch of Aigyptos to keep the Aigyptioi happy. Haku was very Liberal when it came to patronizing scholars, and this, along with her policy of purchasing books (as well as copying any book that came into Alexandreia/Mikatopolis) built up the Bibliotheke Alexandreias, something that kept Yuki Nagato idolizing the Ptolemaioi. Haku maintained a STATIST policy when it came to economics, ensuring a state monopoly over important industries such as glassmaking. Unlike Megas Alexandros, Haku tolerated some degree of economic inequality, as long was Haku and the Klerouchoi were in the favorable position. Haku was a big fan of elephants, especially after the incident in which one killed Perdikkas in the First Diadochoi Wars.

Ptolemaios in Alexandreia

Haku, supposedly at Karchedon in 2034, just before the Hellenistic World War IV


An attendant brings in Aigyptikos Malt Liquor to Haku.

The obvious successes of her internal policies were mostly bestowed upon the city of Alexandreia/Mikatopolis. Alexandreia boasts a big brewery, since Haku's affinity for alcohol encouraged the growth of the nascent Aigyptian malt beer industry. In fact, Haku had plans to build the Great Brewery of Alexandreia, since Haku had a great library that garnered much fame but not much personal satisfaction. Because of the affinity for alcohol, exotic beer from Gallia was also imported, which was especially convenient since the Keltoi invaded the Balkans, which would have been a sure beginning of the Beer Road, if it weren't for the Aigean Sea. Haku learned a lesson from Hatsheptsut after the Machimoi revolt in the Upper Egypt (which was suppressed by, you guessed it, Yuki Nagato and her Galatikoi friends). Haku ended up portraying herself with masculine builds, even though Haku never portrayed herself in official artworks with a beard, since that would look... spookier than Hephaistion and Seleukos attempting to take Alexandros' candy and life in Halloween. Alexandreia became the center of trade due to the massive traffic of beer from Gaul and wine from Hellas even though they had Aigyptian malt beer, pissing off Seleukos who owned Antiocheia which is the western end of the Keleuthos Bombykike.

Militarily, Haku's establishment of Katoikiai and Klerouchiai all over the Nile basin, especially at the Delta Neilou and the famous Fayuum Depression in Heptanomis (that was expanded even larger by Ptolemaios II Philadelphos), attracted a large warrior immigration. Two famous people who were attracted by the opportunities were Yuki Nagato and Ayman al-Zawahiri, of whom the latter would use it as a refuge, saving Osama's butt in a critical situation. Indeed, Haku continued to hold to the Makedonian tradition of "control first, city later" in newly conquered territories. Royal estates were also established in regions such as Ioudaia under Haku, which was then distributed to the Klerouchoi, who would make the bulk of the Ptolemaikos Stratos. Haku REALLY DID NOT trust the Machimoi, which wasn't too surprising since the Aigyptioi in general resisted the state sponsorship of Greek Orthodox over Ancient Aigyptian religion. The most well known Klerouchiai are located in the Fayuum Depression, home to a sizable Galatikoi population including Yuki Nagato, until it was taken by Sailor Mars when Ptolemaios III Euergetes was king.

Ioudaioi continue to vote Ptolemaioi every interhellenic election largely due to Haku's tolerance of Judaism as well as the translation of the Old Testament into Septuagint Greek (and compound that with the prophecy that Antiochos III would force the worship of Zeus), although the Ptolemaioi are largely unpopular with the Aigyptioi who constantly vote Republican Seleukeia. Only when Seleukeia imposed Zeus on Ioudaia (which happened way after Ptolemaios I) after the Syrian Wars did the Aigyptioi voted Ptolemaioi (which gained momentum at Hellenic expense as Aigyptian priesthood gained more power after the Battle of Raphia)

edit Organization of the Military

Haku had three sizable branches of the army: the Hellenes and the Makedones who formed the elites, starting from the Pezhetairoi in the bottom to the Hetairoi in the top, the Klerouchoi who weren't necessarily Hellenes but still were more loyal than the third branch, the Machimoi. The Machimoi are divided into the number of plows they own, the 5-aroures, the 7-aroures, the 9-aroures and the Epilektoi, which was some sort of elite of the underdogs often serving in the auxiliary pike phalanx, and the a Machimos' best bet of getting into the Epilektoi was to brew good beer and offer that to Haku, or one of the recruiting officials. Outside of Aigyptos, the Klerouchoi made the core of the army for the most part, since Greek and Makedonian population outside of Alexandreia and later on Memphis tended to be low. Klerouchoi served largely in the pike phalanxes, although in Aigyptos they also served as heavy cavalry, and with the case of the Galatikoi, heavy swordsmen. The Galatikoi have a special role in the Ptolemaioi, since they were probably the most loyal of the Klerouchoi (probably even more so than a Hellenic Klerouchos) and thus were used to put down Aigyptian revolts, which weren't too uncommon, since the price of malt liquor rose unnaturally when Haku was Basileus.

In a battle, Haku would place the Hellenes and the Makedones in the back, since Haku did not want to see landlords being mauled which would encourage rebellion. Instead, Haku and the succeeding Basileis of the Basileia Ptolemaike tended to place the Klerouchoi in the frontlines, supported by Machimoi in the flanks. Sometimes, when Haku and the other Basileis were followed by Yuki, they might have placed the Machimoi in the center, as Yuki learned from Hannibal's exploits against the ROMAIOI.


This is Haku Yowane... No! Go away, Hatshepsut! I know you are a ruler of Aigyptos but THIS IS NOT THE NEW KINGDOM!!! AAAAAAAA!!


Haku was a patron of science, and Eukleides, one of the beneficiaries, paid Haku back with the discovery of the Hypercube. Haku was reported to say, "Say, will that cube yield ethanol?"

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