From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This user plays the accordion, but has never met Weird Al Yankovic; but he knows someone who met him after a concert in which he threw his boxer shorts at her. Or something like that. (And no, the after-concert meeting did not involve the aforementioned boxer shorts. Get your mind out of the gutter).This user prefers to play croquet in the snow. He never set the world record for endurance croquet when he was 19 years old because it would have meant staying up FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT; and it seems unfair you Guinness Book by doing something, well, a little less strenuous. If you could, I bet a lot more people would be willing to set world records and they would sell a lot more books.
Speaking of world records, I once ate at a restaurant in Takamatsu, Japan, which at the time held the record for plate-spinning. I spent three months in Japan teaching English, though I learned little Japanese, other than a few useful sayings such as "I love you but I can't marry you," and "if you really love me, you'll stop asking me to eat raw fish."
I recently completed my MFA in creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Don't hold the quality of my articles against the UBC Creative Writing program.
Commander of the Order
I have written almost 0.1% of all Uncyclopedia articles (a whole 22) and over 0.1% of all UnNews articles (11).
|In recognition of your contribution toward maintaining a humourous atmosphere on Uncyclopedia.
Thank you for keeping Uncyclopedia cool.
I proudly announce that this article has been translated into Portugese.
Bipolar Bears Rule!!
BIG MOTHER AND BIG FATHER ARE WATCHING YOU!
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep, dark night
They can see a Pair of Dice by the Dashboard Light
|Do you like my picture? May I take yours? Let me pick out something for you to pose in from my box of photos of you that I keep under my bed.
You don't think that's creepy, do you?
|You voted to make H1N1 a front-page story!
Exposing millions to fear and spreading paranoia! And now the story has mutated! Misinformation everywhere! ...thanks a lot!!!
- - also made the UnNews front page November 10, 2009
- Backmasking - July 8, 2011
.segassem nataS wollof lanimilbus yna dragersid esaelP !sdrawkcab ti daer uoy ,yeH !sdrawkcab egassem siht daer ton oD !sdrawkcab egassem siht daer ton oD
Other articles I wrote:
- UnNews:Prince Harry to duel bin Laden
- UnNews:Duceppe promotes unity
- UnNews:Paris Hilton Released Using "Get Out of Jail Free" Card
- UnNews:Kennedy Declares Candidacy for '08
- UnNews:Testosterone-fuelled Vehicles Linked to Aggressive Driving
- UnNews:Uncyclopedia Celebrates 23,000th 23,000th Article
- - made the UnNews front page January 18, 2008
- UnNews:Photo of Clinton Wearing a Burqa Creates a Stir
- UnNews:Opening Ceremonies Fixed
- UnNews:Swayze's Ghost Communicates Via Medium
- UnNews:Harper Relieved at Narrow Escapes
- UnNews:Senate to investigate Punxsutawney Phil
- - made the UnNews front page February 4, 2011
Articles I re-wrote:
Articles I contributed significantly to:
- Worst 100 Self-Help Books (numbers 1-18)
- Canadian Military
- Tim Hortons (RRRoll up the brews to lose)
- Game:Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle/superhero (change clothes)
- UnNews:Team Canada on Track to Acheive Olympic Goal of 0 Medals (2nd half)
- Iqaluit, Nunavut
|Rejoice, Rogpyvbc! You have been entitled to the |
Golden Shower Award
|For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.|
Articles I have received the Golden Shower Award for reviewing:
- Laura Secord
- Soul Market (quasi-quasi-featured)
- Did I really move to LA? (quasi-featured, later featured)
And I got this for reviewing Obsessive-compulsive rhyming disorder (featured):
Other articles I've reviewed:
- Ljlego also awarded me one of these for helping put templates on articles nominated for deletion.
Favourite Articles I Didn't Write
|Herr Doktor has awarded you a pumpkin pie!|
|For voting on Gallows Humor|
"With your stamina refilled, time to work!"
| A tall, dark man pushes a note into your hand; it reads:
The man turns away, muttering he has an appointent with someone's mom...
|THEY TRIED TO PREVENT THIS ARTICLE FROM BEING FEATURED|
|Pelsae aeccpt tihs etxrmely ltae tnkah you tmepltae for yuor|
vtoe for taht wierd atrcile taht porblaby hrut yuor eeys. Yuor wsiodm and gnersotiy are ellquad olny
by yuor bearth, wihch is as fersh as a smmuer ham.
Link to Recent UnNews
The powers that UnBe seem intent on hiding from us the place to get our news stories on the main page. So here it is: Template:RecentUnNews. Ha!