User:Rifting/HowTo:Spot a Terrorist

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Hello there, may I start out by welcoming you to the Terrorist Protection program! This session, hosted by our sponsors over at M15, have enlisted us because we provide the best terrorism protection in the known world. What did you say? You signed up for a self defense class? Well, a terrorist is the only thing you need to protect yourself from.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

Over the course of today, you will be taught the national standard in Terrorism Watching. Today, you will learn Where to look for hide from terrorists, what they wear, and what they do. We are going to break it down into where you will find them, and what they will be wearing and doing in that place.

edit Common Terrorist Atributes

Terrorists are all the same, and they are everywhere. Because they are all the same, they all make the same mistake in dressing and doing what they see terrorists doing on TV. These things are:

  • Forgetting their bomb bags in public places: usually these bags dont even have the bombs
  • Wearing a turban: while this is almost a sure sign of terrorism, but a quick check for wires leading from the turban to their back should get rid of doubts
  • Wearing a bomber jacket: If someone wears a bomber jacket, said person is either a terrorist or at least s/he is trying to be one
  • Hiding in corners: Not to be confused with a homeless person

If any individual is viewed with the listed attributes, s/he should be reported to the local authorities

edit Airport

Many terrorists are known to hang out in airports. These are the main reasons they travel to this normally serene place. These include:

  1. Lighting his/her underwear on fire
  2. Blowing up a plane
  3. Doing both of the above at the same time
  4. Just bombing the airport

Look for flaming pants.


If you see someone trying to light their underwear on fire on fire outside of an airport, they just want attention.



Experts teach that if you are actively looking for a terrorist, you may or may not be correct in the finding

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