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"Yea, they sure as hell got some."
~ Bill Gates on the amount of vagina Pantera got
"You may fire when ready."
~ General Veers on the Battle of Hoth
"There is nothing to fear but Pantera it self."
~ Oscar Wilde on Pantera and presidential speeches
"I was indeed listening to The Great Southern Trendkill whilst enjoying a Skoal chew when I wrote this!"
~ Richard Indhand on being having a slight case of ADD
Formed in 1980 A.D.D by brothers Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul, Pantera (aka "Hell Yeah Man, I Need Some Beer") were sent directly back through time to kill John Conner. The band's first gig was in 1985 at an all-you-can-eat vagina buffet. However they were to good for the women and there were no survivors of this incident.
Spontaneously combusted from the ashes of the Genre Wars, Pantera was sent back in time to kill John Conner with Dimbag Darrell's signature harmonic whammy dive. When the band came to they found that Conner was really only a movie character but proceeded to kill the actor anyway. With their mission accomplished they no longer had any purpose. Instead of shutting down they decided to stay and try to prevent the Emos from gaining power. Through a steady stream of Curb Stomping campaigns, Pantera forged an empire that would go unrivaled throughout time, including but not limited to the time of the Big Bang.
However, Kaiser Anselmo had eventually acquired too much power(such power!), and had become paranoid. Kaiser Anselmo then turned to drugs and Kitten Huffing. After a steady spiral down, Anselmo was seduced by Aunt Jemima and was then controlled. When Kaiser Anselmo learned about the Emo Underground Railroad his first reaction was to curb stomp Mohandas Ghandi. However, Aunt Jemima whispered sweet nothings in Anselmo's ear and the Emo Underground went unchecked.
edit The Fall of Pantera
The Emo Underground Movement went unchecked for some time despite attempts by Slayer to crush the rebel scum. Long time Pantera fan General Veers joined in their cause and launched a successful campaign against the Emo HQ of Hoth. Slayer guitarist Kerry "King Pin" King played the sickest solo while plugged into Veer's AT-AT and destroyed the base in one shot. The shot is also known as the JFK incident when the laser kept going and took out the president.
The resulting chaos led to increased Rebel aggression and the resulting attack on the Death Star. Rebel forces attacked and Luke "Bitch Tits" Skywalker managed to severly injure Kaiser Anselmo. While under attack the Band managed to escape, but lost Anselmo and Rex in the Great San Francisco fire.
Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul managed to gather what forces they had left and decided on a last effort attack to crush the Underground. The underground learned of Dimebag's battle plan and had all their members cut their wrists as to over crowd hospitals. The battle went well until Emo leader Nathan "I love men" Gale managed to get a headshot on Dimebag in Unreal Tournament III. With the hospitals full, Dimebag was forced to go into hibernation until one day when someone can actually learn his style and revive him using a phoenix down. This scattered Pantera to the wind and led to the Election of Princess Obama, which sealed Emos grip on Sesame Street.
Princess Obama now controls Disney Land. While Vinnie Paul still leads the Remnant forces, there is still hope for the downfall of emos. Eventually Dimebag will decide to come back to life, and will pull a highlander and eat Les Claypool to form Optimus Primus and enter God mode. The resulting ass fisting will eradicate all life except those deemed manly and a select breed of women that will obey when men tell them to make them a sandwich.
All in all... Nathan Gale is a fagbag. In 06/6/6666 Dimebag Darrel will come back from Hell, and will kill World Empress Obama, and lead a war to Destroy the evil Obama's Emo attack squad!
edit Album Discography
edit As Glamtera
- "Glamtera" (1983)
- Ride My Cock
- It'll Be All Night
- Tell Me If You Wanna Get Fucked
- First Lover
- The Biggest Part Of Me Is My Dick
- Metallicly Tragic
- Nothin' Off But The Radio (Fix It!)
- Happy Fucker
- Jack Off
- "Rapes in the Bed" (1984)
- She's All Over My Cock
- Out of Blood (Please Donate)
- Blue Light Staying Blue
- Like Water
- Bucket Over My Head
- Rapes in the Bed
- Heavy Metal Rules! Grunge Music Sucks!
- Only A Flaming Moe Away
- Takin' My Sex
- "I Am The Afternoon" (1985)
- Hot 'n' Sexy
- I Am The Fright (Pissed Pants)
- Onward I Rock My Girlfriend
- F*I*N*A*T*W*C*R*A*A*A*S*A*T*O* (Fuck, I Never Actually Thought We Could Record An Album As Shitty As This One)
- Daughters and Queens Love My Cock
- She Likes To Blow Me
- Come-On Eyes (Watch Some Porn)
- Right In Ihe Fridge
- Vanilla (Ice Cream)
- Forever in Bed
- "Power Disco" (1988)
- Rock The Bed
- Power Tin-Tin
- We'll Meet On A Phone Dating Service
- Over Me and Out Of Here
- Some-what Proud To Be Loud
- She Likes To Blow Me
- Death Rap
- Slow Ride (Foghat cover)
- P.S.T. 88 (Penis, Sex, Titties)
edit As Pantera
- "Cowboys from Hello Kitty" (1990)
- "Vulgar Display of Penis" (1992)
- "Far Beyond Shitting" (1994)
- "The Great Southern Buzz Kill" (1996)
- "Official Live: 101 Dalmations" (1997)
- "Reinventing the Wheel" (2001)
- "Overheating Hell" (2003)
- "Cowboys from Hello Kitty " (Cowboys from Hello Kitty)
- "National Lampoon's Psycho Holiday" (Cowboys from Hello Kitty)
- "Dominatrix" (Cowboys from Hello Kitty)
- "Im not fully functional" (Far Beyond Shitting)
- "Fucking pissed and shit" (Far Beyond Shitting)
- "Mouth for Scabies" ( Vulgar Display of Penis)
- "This Louvre" ( Vulgar Display of Penis)
- "Jog at a Brisk Pace" ( Vulgar Display of Penis)
- "5 Minutes Alone (Masturbating to Porn)" (Far Beyond Shitting)
- "I'm Broken just like my shitty Ford" (Far Beyond Shitting)
- "Criminally Insane" (Reign In Poo: A Tribute to Kerry King, with my lips pressed gently over his balls)
- "Trailer Trash Planet" (Far Beyond Shitting) (Black Sabbath cover)
- "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" ("The Great Southern Buzz Kill")
- "Phil is My Name-o" (Reinventing the Wheel)
- "A New Level of Erectile Dysfunction"(Vulgar Display of Penis)
- "The Art of Shredding Cheese"(Cowboys from Hello Kitty)
- "Propane Funeral" (A Shitty Tribute to Black Sabbath) (Black Sabbath cover)
edit Band Members
- Phil Anselmo - Should be dead instead of Dimebaggus Maximus
- Dimebag Darrell - Axes
- Vinnie Paul - Sonic Blasts
- Rex Brown - Has a porn star name