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|Designer(s)||Will Wright (who else?)|
|Engine||Callous Greed and Megolomania|
|Release date(s)||Before Recorded History|
|Mode(s)||Massivly-Single Player Online Game?|
|Rating(s)||Kim Il Sung's Actual Approval Rating|
|Platform(s)||Linux for Nuclear Centrifuges: Saddam Hussein Edition|
|System requirements||Unbelievable Patience|
|Input||Shouting "Play, You P.O.S.!" Loudly; Banging Keyboard|
SimShitty (SS) is a real-time strategy / shitting computer game. The first instalment in award-winning[dubious] SimShitty series of games. It was published by Shithouse (SH) and developed by series creator Axis Studios, a wholly-owned subsidiary of SH.
You start with a fully functional, thriving, if somewhat fragile, metropolis with happy residents, and you take on the role as the governing body of said area. From then on, your main object is to make the residents' lives a living, breathing hell.
Game designer and future co-founder of Axis Studios Will Wright conceived of SimShitty back in the 80s at the height of the Iran-Iraq War, when he was still somewhat coherent. The inspiration for SimShitty came from a
little-known feature of the war that allowed participants to destroy their enemies' cities. Will Wright soon found he enjoyed envisioning the destruction of a whole city full of innocent people more than the thought of actually building a city, and SimShitty was born.
Drawing inspiration from the notion of mutually assured destruction and later the War on Terror, The game soon evolved into a sandbox to explore the flagrant desecration of human rights in every conceivable respect. Under this new paradigm of gaming, nothing could be won or lost; at most, the molecular landscape would undergo a slight rearrangement. This was not immediately recognized by the public, which could not foresee the possibility of successfully marketing and selling such an idea. Fortunately, the basic and inescapable nature of human beings dictated that the game would eventually grow to resonate with audiences around the world.
The game is played from a top-down perspective, with the player regarding themself as God incarnate and the citizens of the metropolis as below rodents. The player changes their city's course indirectly by issuing orders to his callous, unfeeling cabinet. If a cabinet member is caught engaging in fraud or, worse, sympathizing with the people the player is trying to oppress, the player has a choice of either paying the cabinet member to go into exile and erasing them from history or having the cabinet member drawn and quartered in the streets as an example to other.
Players can play as long as they like. The game--like the anxiety and dread surrounding life itself--never really ends.
edit Creative Taxing
This can be the most challenging and rewarding part of SimShitty if you're an accountant. Creative accounting like the name suggests is all about being creative, for example if you build a road with taxes you should think about taxing the road users. My personal favorite of all time is the GST. A tax that taxes itself, BRILLIANT!
edit Difficulty Settings
While playing the game you can change the difficulty settings at any time, it helps to keep the residents confused and fearful of your stupidity.
- Iraq - Jusk klick and you win
- Anchluss - Pointless
- Sudetenland - Easy
- Czechoslovakia - Lots of intercity affairs but still easy
- USA 1990 - Medium
- Battle of Britain - Tough But winnable
- Holocaust - Hard.
- Barbarossa - Suicidal
- USA 2010 - if you win, it is a miracle.
- $pringfield - WTF TAXES ACTUALLY SUCK UP MONEY!!!!
- The Cold War - WTF I CANT EVEN PUT NOTHING ON THE MAP
- British Empire - All i see is a Black screen
- South Park - dude, it is pretty f*cked up right here.
- Asia - The game is on arabic, what makes it hard to understand... or is it chinese...
- French Empire - Try to even move your cursor by one pixel, or hit a single key, and the game immediately "surrenders" itself.
- 9/11 - The game turns off, because Osama turned it off
- Sweden - the computer crashes.
- USA 2080 - The computer explodes.
- Mars - the computer explodes (two times).
- Angel Island - Rouge the Bat jumps out of your computer, kicks your head off and then Dr Eggman turns your body into a cyborg, and Finally Shadow the Hedgehog Chaos Controls your computer into a Black Hole.
- X-COM - aliens will come to you and destroy your house. then, X-COM will come and save the day!:D
Generally the worse you are to the people the more awards they will bestow upon you.
- UN Membership
- United Nations Security Council
- World Leader
- Time Person of the year
- One night stand with Monica Lewinsky award
- Dinner with Osama bin Laden
- a trip to the moon
- virtual blowjob
- giving you the chance to invade any country you want despite the fact that the UN prohitibs you and there are no WMDs there.
- Free kids meal at McDonalds
- one more round.
- get a car or smash a cop in the scrotum.
edit ActionsAs the leader of the world you can call on any of the following actions. This is generally where you get to inflict long term pain and suffering in the most malevolent of all methods. Statistics show that many gamers enjoy this part of the game most although you should never admit this in the game because you have to keep your population stupid and devoid of information. All of these actions are a pray or phone call away.
- Natural Disaster
- Sit on your hands
- Water Suppy parts blockades
- Mass media Manipulate (aka FoxNews)
With a little taxing of everything you too can afford (and that other guy over there) to build any of these great items. Now for a limited time only, buy one get one free, yes that's right, buy one get one free. Call Now!!
- Hundred thousand bombs
- Nuclear bomb
- Invasion Force
- Massive freak'in concrete wall
- Death Camps
- Corrupt Police
- Douche bag delights
- Anthrax Llamas
- Roads...just roads...so many roads...so little purpose
- Anti (anti-fire, anti-anti-shit, anti-matter, anti-plasma, anti-electric and many mores
- George Dubya Bush - Nucular weapons advisor
- Doctor Strangelove - Nuclear weapons advisor (that's a little different...)
- Teresa Green - Environmental advisor
- Rupert Murdoch - Utilities advisor (power, water, electricity)
- Hitler - Military advisor
- Nelson Mandela - Health and education advisor
- $Donald Trump$ - Finance advisor
- Jim Jones - Suicide advisor
- Osama bin Ladin - Terror advisor
- O.J. Simpson - Excuse advisor
- Oscar Wilde - Religion advisor (most unusual)
- raising population
- Aliens come to the city, rebuild it, and colonize it, what making the city suddenly grow faster, and harder to destroy.
- a clone factory explode, and tousands of clones and freaks is running out and raise the population extremely fast in very short time.
- twins appear more often, and double the raising off the population.
- decrease population
- the city was attacked by dinosaurs what fled from a genetic facility, what killed thousands.
- Aliens come to the city, destroy it, and decoloniza it, what make the city shrink, and easier to destroy
- an epedemic kills thousands of the city's population. the question is if it was AIDS, SARS or ADD (now you know we know the alphabet).
edit Regions / Citys
When you first start you get to choose your area to play on.
- Stockholm (you cant win because it is always 110% clean an holds it, no more... no less...
- New Orleans(This one is hard as hell, since it has always been a shit hole)
- Random African Region
- Johannesburg (this one is very hard as it already is a shit hole)
- Glace Bay
- * Beijing
- Meat Cove
- Derby (very hard not to do as it is already a shit hole, see Alvaston)
- Club Penguin
edit Unlockable Cites
- Culture City (the games version of London, where tower bridge is a tower.)
- Harbour City (the games version of San Fransisco, wher Golden Gate Bridge is Blue)
- Earth-Capitol City 1 (the games version of Washington DC, where the white house is black)
- Earth-Capitol City 2 (the games version of moscow. here is it only red buildings)
- Electric City (the games version of Paris. here is it a parabole next to the Eiffel Tower.)
- Phnom Penh, April 1970 -- Tutorial
- Kabul, October 2001 -- Easy
- New York, September 2001 -- Medium-Easy
- Stalingrad, August 1942 -- Medium-Easy
- Beijing, April 1989 -- Medium
- Warsaw, 1939
- Belgrade, March 1999
- Montpellier, June 1998
- Oklahoma City, April 1995
- Kobe, January 1995
- Mount Carmel, April 1993
- Miami, August 1992
- Los Angeles, April 1992
- San Francisco, October 1989
- Beijing, April 1989
- Mt. St. Helens, May 1980
- New York, February 1979
- Somewhere in Tasmania, October 1978
- Saigon, April 1975
- Santiago, September 1973
- Kent, May 1970
- Detroit, July 1967
- Los Angeles, August 1965
- Anchorage, April 1964
- Havana, January 1959
- Wall Street, New York, October 1929
- Toronto, October 1954
- Connecticut, 1946
- Hiroshima, August 1945
- Dresden, February 1945
- Pearl Harbour, December 1941
- Leningrad, September 1941
- Berlin, April 1945
- London, September 1940
- Halifax, December 1917
- St. Petersburg, October 1917
- Somewhere out in the middle of the Atlantic, April 1912
- San Francisco, April 1906
- Chicago, 1885
- London, 1885
- Paris, July 1789
- Boston, July 1776
- London, 1666
- Lisbon, November 1775
- Tenochtitlan, May 1521
- Jerusalem, 1099
- Pompeii, August 79
- Masada, 73
- Jerusalem, March 70
- Darwin IV, 2077
- Vice City, 1986
- Sodom and Gomorrah, 1000BC
- Mexico, 65000000BC
- Cuba, 1970
- Hong Kong, July 1997
- Western Isles, December 1900
- London, September 1666
- Mexico, 1930
- Montevideo, July 1930
- Oakland, 1991 (this one is the hardest because its already a Shithole at this time)
- Liberty City, 2001
- Mexico city, September 1985
- Marzipan City, October 2007
- Gulf of Mexico, 1942
- Volcano- either lava or a pyroclastic flow buries your city. May also produce earthquakes.
- Hurricane- bash your city up a bit with a category 1 or 2 or break the levees and destroy it with a category 5. Produces flooding as a byproduct. (If playing as George Dubya Bush your citizens will declare that you don't care about black people)
- Tornado- More destructive than a hurricane but more localized. Good for clearing out clogged up roads.
- Terrorist Attack- involves planes crashing into buildings or subway and bus bombings.
- Tsunami- Have whiny citizens? Shut them up with a wall of water.
- Starbucks-85% of your buildings become Starbucks outlets. Your citizens have nowhere to live and move away to rural areas.
- Locusts- Not good for your farms.
- Mass Murder- Similar to a Terrorist Attack but results in more destruction and involves usually only one person possibly named Tommy Vercetti.
- Earthquake- Shake things up with a 9 pointer, produces fires and tsunamis as a by-product.
- Bombing- Done to civilian infrastructure overseas when their governments are out of line, different then terrorist attacks because these are done by the Americans and we all know Americans can't be terrorists.
- Atomic Bomb- Wipes out the whole city leaving radioactive waste in its wake. This leads to a whole load of scientists locking themselves in vaults and making gay comments to their own children about individuality. This is where Fallout's 1st level gets ALL of it's basics!
- Catastrophic Asteroid Impact- Not satisfied with an Atomic Bomb, wipe out the whole region (and possibly humanity) with an asteroid collision.
- Viking Raid- Vikings rape and pillage your citizens.
- Fire and Brimstone- God gets revenge on humanity for being such fuck-ups by razing the cities to the ground by raining down fire on to it.
- Riots- Whether protesting the local government (more then likely the case), celebrating a sports victory, or last minute Christmas shopping, riots are a destructive disaster that can destroy large parts of the city if not contained. Best to deploy the army and blow away all protesters before they start rioting.
- Floods- Give your city a bath with floods. They are also the byproduct of hurricanes and tsunamis.
- Shipwreck- Going down, sink your citizens with a shipwreck, can also destroy bridges or coastal buildings if they are nearby.
- Plane Crash- The accidental variety. A plane crashes somewhere in your city (yet kills all 983 on board?).
- Alien Attack- UFOs bomb the shit out of your city, Will Smith flies in too.
- Jehovah's Witness Visit- a group of Jehovah's Witnesses set up a Kingdom Hall in your city and proceed to go door to dooor and infiltrate the minds of your innocent citizens, prompting the citizens to run amok in the streets and riot out of annoyance.
- Hiding Weapons of Mass Destruction - (Can only be declared when playing as George Dubya Bush) Fuck up your city by having the army bomb the hell out of the buildings and local areas, much to the bewilderment of the local population.
- Chavs - Gangs of 15 year old chavs attack civilians and rape old women in an attempt to take over the city.*
- Grue attack- A mass of Grues attack your city and eat it bit by bit.
- Norris Attack - Chuck Norris flattens your city with a roundhouse kick.
- Sneak Atack* - Two persons named Sam Fisher and Solid Snake destroys
airportsvery, very kombust'ive stuff (wtf) and power plants
- H4XX0R ATK!* - 1337 H4XX0RZ converts buildings into battle mechs and wreck havoc on your cities.
- German Raid - German ships or stukas come to destroy your city. Or even Wehrmacht battlewalkers!!!
- Gangster Attack - Gangsters start riots and steal shit and kill peoples Niggas!!!
- LOST - All your people board a plane but the plane crashes on an island in the Pacific full of monsters and weird stuff where they mostly die.
- Hoth Attack - Imperial Walkers come and destroy your city(first they destroy the power generator)
- Eventual Homosexuality - Your people slowly start to become gay and they stop reproducing and as time passes by your people die out.
As the game developers at Shithouse had calculated, it would be far too expensive and take too long time to create a computer game that really worked. They decided to publish the game in any event. Soon after the release, fans reported a multitude of bugs in the game to Shithouse. Since the programming of the original game was so bad and the key programming personnel had been fired, the people at Shithouse could not patch the game as one would consider customary. Instead, they released a total of three Java "patches" on the official SimShitty website, each of which consisted of the following: after the user hits a large, shiny-looking download button, a "Preparing Download..." page is loaded while a two-minute timer counts down, after which the page displays a pre-programmed "Server Connection Lost--Try Again Later" message.