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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about DragonForce.

MI60-8912, codenamed “Dragonforce,” is an English secret project that uses sonic forces to maintain a primitive sort of weather control. It has mostly been used to make sure that Scotland and Wales remain constantly shitty (so nobody will ever want to go outside and, I dunno, rebel?) but has also been used to tremendous effect in using energies of fire and lightning to destroy infrastructure, enemy military formations, and eardrums of all those unfortunate enough to be in the blast radius.

edit History

Dragonforce was created in 999 A.D. by Ethelred the Unready (he was actually so ready that he was 1500 years before his time). At the time, they mostly used arcane magicks, very small rocks, and good luck to wish foul weather onto the Minnesota Vikings rapidly approaching English shores. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any of those items, especially small rocks.

The project fell into disarray and disuse for quite a time, until the English learned how the Japanese had used such weather control to destroy Mongol fleets (despite the fact that the English had no contact with the Japanese until 2050). At this point, it was revived by the English Brigadier General Sean Connery.

edit Current Status

Dragonforce has been kept classified for quite some time, but it was known to have caused several major disturbances in the Mushroom Kingdom. In the so-called “Operation Ground and Pound,” millions of innocent Goomba and Koopa lost their lives.

Another incident that has been blamed on the English Dragonforce project is the utter incineration of a few thousand American Guitar Hero players. Though the investigation revealed nothing, it was rumored that some red octane canisters in the area suddenly burst into fire. Many people tried to run through the flames, but only a few survived.

Despite official claims that there is no such project, numerous internet legions have declared war on England, arguing that the Dragonforce project must be silenced once and for all, before it develops to the point that it will actually be able to kill people-a scientific hypothesis known as “the death metal.”

To this date, no evidence has been seen that this project exists. Nonetheless, we must remain ever vigilant.

edit Current Known Project Specialists

  • XP Theater: Former Microsoft Engineer, defected from American business, appearance confirmed during a sonic firestorm.(999-Present)
  • Hermione: Mysterious Asian hermaphrodite, reputedly lead engineer and operator of the system. (999-Present)
  • Some Toteman: An enigmatic former bellboy whose job is to "reap the whirlwind." (999-Present)
  • Steve Jobs Macintosh: Specializes in bringing down the thunder. Rumored to also be the Apple rpresentative to England. (2004-Present)
  • Frederick II of Prussia: Bass guitar & supporting vocals (1756-Present)
  • Vladimir Putin: Vocally backing YOU!! as well as Guitar Hero 5-Starring YOU!!(2001-Present)
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