User:Rachel/Bank Of Idiot
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Bank of Idiot would like to say:
For those of you who have ever lost a large amount of money/had money stolen/pissed away more money than you would like to remember, regard the fact that in one life time the average person finds £743.36 in the street.
However, the average person also spends £801.20 on the lottery.
(Bank of Idiot is not to be confused with the *Bank of Faith, which is actually a much wittier, clevererer and better way of losing money.)
Welcome to the Bank of Idiot
Unwittingly, you are already a member of Bank of Idiot. This is a good thing. If you haven't lost any money lately, ask your friends.
History Of Bank of Idiot
It began in New Amsterdam in the year of 2053, when a drunken fool thought they had lost a large amount of money. To compensate they stole a large amount of money from their friend, who later on found some more money in the street. They then spent that money on a unicycle from ebay, which turned out to be a picture of a unicycle. The seller then bought themselves a large bag of pistachios and used the rest of the money to by a pig farm in Siberia. Once he arrived there with his empty pistachio bag, he realized that the farm had been built upon a Radioactive Indian burial ground. All the pigs had been killed by the effects of the accursed ground and had taken up permanent residence in heck. The Radioactive Indian who had sold him the farm took a trip to Canada, bought a Q-Ray Ionized Bracelet and gave the rest of the money to a charity.
Meanwhile, the drunkard in New Amsterdam realized that the money was in the back pocket of his freshly ironed pants. The charity turned out to really be a gang of blood thirsty clinja-pirate hybrids, which were so inbred that they were unable to process the value of money, and instead wrote death threat letters on it. Said letters were sent to people who didn't like pink mustaches. The drunkard, his friend, the seller, the Radioactive Indian, Mr. Q-Ray, and the gang leader of the blood thirsty clinja-pirate hybrids and the Pink Mustache Czar were all sent complimentary free membership to the Bank of Idiot.
Reasons for belonging to the Bank of Idiot
- To us, currency is all the same. 1№₵₳$Ħ, our officially endorsed currency, is equal to £1GBP and $1AUS, which is also exactly the value of 1 Turkish Lire, 1 Mexican Hat Dance or 1 Italian Breadstick, and 1 Canadian.
- No other currency actually exists.
- In fact because we can't be trusted with real money, all our currency is in lentils.
- We have no credit cards, just extremely annoying and unhelpful mottoes like 'What goes around, comes around' or 'C'est la vie'. The latter has been banned due to a break down in French relations with the rest of the world.
- We here at Bank of Idiot can make you feel better for having been a stupid dumbass prick by losing hard earned, real, soul-soothing, great-smelling, yacht-buying, life-improving money.
- Please disregard last bullet
- Bank of Idiot has locations all over the world. Our latest even has a working toilet and everything!
- Half of our hoard resides in the Nigeria Finance Ministry, because they send us such nice emails!
- Chuck Norris once did something that wasn't amazing in a Bank of Idiot
- We can sell short at any time!
- The Bank of Idiot has no connection to that well-known idiot. No not Tom Cruise, the other one. Yeah yeah he is an idiot too but we're not referring to him. What? Ok, fair point.