This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:RAHB.
I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions:
First, read all of the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). Post your top 5 articles here. Hit me up on my talk page for questions, comments, or if these rules are not cognizant within you.
Thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise! ~Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:28, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
Because you helped me...
...you get a cookie! Thanks for the formatting help, RAHB, I needed that.
You get a COOKIE!
You have done something. It might be good, it probably was bad, but whatever it was, you deserve a cookie for it! So here's one now, from Velosi-T, who appreciates your efforts. Knock yourself out.
Damn, that's a lot bigger than the average cookie people give around here. I think people are gonna start doing nice things for you just to get one of those massive cookies....mmmmmm, cooooookiiiieees. -RAHB 02:08, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
muhahahaYay! my evil plan is working perfectly That was an unexpected consequence.... heh. heh....heh...... --Velosi-T 02:22, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Hey RAHB, you seem to be on the fast-track to adminhood. You know more about the PLS than I do, and I have some questions about my latest userspace article. Would you be willing to oblige me a few answers? Le Cejak•<5:40, 17 Jul 2008>
Ask away, I'll tell you whatever I can. -RAHB 06:01, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
There's no Polar Express article (as far as I can tell), so maybe it should go in the "mainspace" category. But it's written like a book, so many "alternate" namespace? Is this the kind of stuff that PLS accepts? (P.S., I hope you're doing okay, RAHB!) Le Cejak•<6:29, 17 Jul 2008>
It looks like 100% book to me. I'd put it in the alternate namespaces category. I can't imagine what a mainspace article for it would be like, but so far yours looks like it would fit right in the UnBooks namespace (interesting fact, UnBooks isn't technically a namespace at all, it's just a fake one made up in the mainspace, which you probably already know from your research on wikia numbers and all). So yeah, unless you change the format around, keep it in alternate, but I think I like it just how it is. (P.S. After PLS, can I audio it? I really want to do the jovial black guy and little kids voices. I was reading it like that the whole time.) (P.S.S. Don't worry about me, man. We all have to go through some shit sometime in our lives, better I get mine out of the way now. It's unfortunate, but "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do..." or something.) -RAHB 06:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Okay, it's in the alternate mainspace category now. And, yes, I was definitely thinking of you to do the audio. That would be really cool! By the way, did you notice I tricked out that car picture all by myself? I hope you enjoyed reading that stupid article, and thanks for the advice! (P.S.S. I think that, as long as you can laugh at your situation, you'll do good. And you? You've got a flexible, ha-ha, type of personality. Please don't become "hardened" by this experience, okay RAHB? You're too fun a guy.) Le Cejak•<6:43, 17 Jul 2008>
Haha, that's pretty good, but only if that light area around the lights is tape. If it isn't, well then, your MS Paint is showing. Either way, I totally didn't notice it was photoshopped. Also, consider the audio put on my to-do list then, right after that one for Burninator. (Parentheses: Don't worry man, if anything, I can come out of it with the knowledge that afterward I can progress and do things the way I want to. Nothing's gonna "harden" me, unless of course we're talking in strictly sexual terms....oooh yeah, looking for cheap houses gets me so turned on. Ahhhh yeeeeeeeah..) -RAHB 06:59, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
It's a TERRIBLE picture, and no, I used the Mac version of MS Paint called Appleworks, which you've probably never heard of. (Yeah, definitely use sexual jokes on whoever is selling their houses. It'll catch 'em off guard!) Okay, I'm goin' to bed! Le Cejak•<7:06, 17 Jul 2008>
Maybe I wasn't looking at it in the right light....I'll try to turn my monitor on its side next time I get the time...which will be never. Oh man, I can see it now: "Hey, this For Sale sign...can I buy special condoms for that at like, the grocery store or something? I'm just wondering, you know, not that I'm for contraception or anything, I just want to minimize the chance of splinters, and stuff....." -RAHB 07:11, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"For sale? This house would make a TERRIBLE xtra large, splinter flavored condom!" Le Cejak•<12:41, 17 Jul 2008>
"Exactly how many phallic appliances are there inside the house? Uh...more importantly, how large are they?" -RAHB 15:26, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"Could you point out the places where my dick would fit? It's for my cousin. Nah, I'm kidding, it's for me." Le Cejak•<15:47, 17 Jul 2008>
"What can you tell me about the whole 'indecent exposure' thing around here? Do people, like....care if I'm fucking the water meter in broad daylight? Or do I have to wait 'till night? What if I do it behind the tree in the front yard?" -RAHB 15:52, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"On an unrelated note, where is the animal shelter? Where, in this neighborhood, are the fuckable animals? Is there any ordinance regarding animal-fucking that I should know about?" Le Cejak•<15:58, 17 Jul 2008>
"You guys do the whole Weekend Animal Fucking thing, right? My old neighborhood did that, before the accident I mean. That's not why I moved out, I loved those animals, you know. But I figured this place would have them too. You guys do have them, right?" -RAHB 16:00, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"Do you guys have an annual Animal Fucking Festival like they did in my old neighborhood? It wasn't official, but it gave my old neighborhood a certain charm. Do you have anything like that? Maybe a zoo or something? Seriously. You've gotta try it." Le Cejak•<16:04, 17 Jul 2008>
"Oh no, don't worry, it's cool if you guys aren't into that kind of thing, it's fine really. I know it takes some time to adjust to that sort of thing, especially when you're so far away from the zoo....so anyways, I'll set up the pigpen right over here. I figure after a few weeks I might rally up a few of the locals and try to get a public animal-human crossover kind of park going. Wouldn't that be so awesome?" - We totally need to write My Old Neighborhood. -RAHB 16:09, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
OMG, is there a collaboration section in PLS?? Le Cejak•<16:12, 17 Jul 2008>
No =( Collaborations used to be allowed, but they got rid of it this time because the rules for collabs were too complex and nobody ever did them. -RAHB 16:13, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Well, we don't have to do PLS to do a collab! Maybe we should give it a shot? Le Cejak•<16:46, 17 Jul 2008>
It sure sounds enticing. And we may have just written half of the content already. Or just the basic idea. Whatever. Anyways, we're both working on our PLS stuff, but I am moving later this month. Since I don't know whether I'll have internet or not, I guess I'll have to keep you updated by the day. But if we end up finishing our entries early (I plan on finishing my mainspace one today), I think we could probably go for it right away. If that's good with you. -RAHB 17:01, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
I'm doing my mainspace article right now (inspired by your observational humor one), and I have an essay to write (*gulp*) so maybe this evening? It's good we're both in the same time zone. And the same metaphorical neighborhood. The one with the Fuckable Animals. Le Cejak•<17:10, 17 Jul 2008>
I love inspiring things. If mine can't be good, at least somebody can get an idea out of it. And yeah, this evening sounds pretty good, I don't think I've got anything going on today (if today is, in fact, Thursday, I'm losing track of days). I'll meet you over by the "petting" zoo, at around...well, I'll probably be around most of the night, just look for me I guess. -RAHB 17:23, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
is brilliant. I wish I'd thought of it! Can't wait to see the finished product. -OptyCSucks! CUN17:35, 17 Jul
Wow, thanks man. I guarantee the finished product will be a lot nicer. Right now it's just me babbling for the most part, though I've been plotting it out for weeks. Glad you like it. -RAHB 17:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
I think you have told me to do this...
“If I don't have it done by Wednesday you can burn me at the stake.”
~ RAHB
Well, if you insist.
HE'S A WITCH!
You have obviously done something to wound me. I'm probably sitting at home crying right now. I could release my anger in a healthy, intelligent way..... NAH!
BURN 'IM!
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Not Really....
Honestly, I'm not in a rush, so this isn't a warning or anything. Just doing what you told me to do....maybe next time tell me to do something nice for you. It'll totally end up better for one of us. (Sorry about the 5th degree burns.) The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 21:59, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Man, I'd totally ask you for a blowjob next time too, but these 5th degree burns have scorched the nerve sensors off of my body. Ow. In other news, I'm sorry it's taken so long, I think I'll be having time tomorrow for it, I do want to make sure it's really good, so you need not worry about quality. But it will get done, thanks for reminding me (and for the shiny template). -RAHB 00:31, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
I do what I'm asked. But honestly, if you're writing stuff for PLS or something, I can wait. It's not a huge rush. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 03:07, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Oh, not at all. Well, I mean yes at all, I am writing for the PLS, but that has nothing to do with taking up my audio time. Mainly because I usually do audio in the mid-to-late afternoon, and I usually write in the very early-to-early mornings. But I've had some other things going on, as well as obvious laziness and occasional forgetfulness factoring in. Still, I think I can say it'll be done tomorrow. -RAHB 03:11, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Wow. Very very good sir. It sounds awesome. Thanks for the help. I feel like I should give you something, but I'm sure the earlier template will suffice. But, You Rock. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 06:11, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
Cool cool. I wanted to make it sound like a bathroom, but I couldn't get it to. So then I decided, elevator (which makes it funny because they're somehow on a seven minute elevator ride with no stops). Glad you like it man. -RAHB 06:35, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
I'm BACK!!!
Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.
Hey RAHB, I'm back! Sorry to scare you, I just took a break for a few days, or weeks. I made some edits on my article I had sex with your wife to add a new section, without taking any of your advice, but I'll get that in later, lol. :) thanks!
--Liz muffin 22:24, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Aw man, not more audio requests
Hey RAHB, I was looking at Riddle and I thought: There's RAHB. Especially since you nominated it, I think! If you're running out of audios, that would be cool. And THEN in AUGUST after PLS, you can do Polar Express! Meh, just throwing some ideas at you. Like rotten tomatoes.
Also, we should eventually write My Old Neighborhood once I get back to normal. This summer was crazy, so as soon as I feel more awake, we can get started. Alright, nice talking to you, RAHB! Hope everything's okay! Le Cejak•<17:05, 19 Jul 2008>
I can give it a shot when I'm a little more back to normal myself. After I get all my PLS entries in, I'm gonna be doing less in the way of contributions that aren't site maintenance until I get more of an idea of what all is gonna be happening with my housing situation. Other than that, I'll definitely be recording Polar Express, Riddle, and redoing the one for Serious eventually as well. And we're definitely writing My Old Neighborhood. I'm thinking something like mid-August for all of these, all depending on things, but I think it's a feasible goal. I'll be sure to keep you updated on everything. Thanks for always giving me things to do, ya crazy. -RAHB 17:20, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
HD,IB!
Meesa back now, what a long and boring trip. ~Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
Mataguay Scout Camp. That place sucks. ~Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
What?! NO FUCKING WAY! I used to go there every summer when I was in the Boy Scouts! That place does really suck though, but still. -RAHB 00:14, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Rahb was in the boy scouts? Jeez. NOW he's gonna teach us about how animal fucking festivals are immoral. Le Cejak•<0:21, 20 Jul 2008>
Oh no man, I was the worst Boy Scout ever. I half-assed everything, somehow still got promoted to Life Scout, was always fucking around or laying around being lazy. Never did any of the physical merit badges, except biking which was really fucking easy. I sucked at Boy Scouting. I was in Boy Scouts when I was a *shudder* Mormon, too. It was Boy Scouts led by the Mormons. That was something. But please, by all means Cajek, fuck the hell out of those animals. The festival wouldn't be the same without the 8 o'clock Cajek-Caribou Showdown! -RAHB 00:24, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
(we have to write that article) Le Cejak•<0:37, 20 Jul 2008>
It is our destiny ...to make babies -RAHB 00:47, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
I was always a fan ofchild developmentLe Cejak•<0:56, 20 Jul 2008>
I was always a fan of your penis.... -RAHB 02:44, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, I am star right now and have been in for 1 and a half years or some crap. The place is a classic, but a run-down peice-of-shit classic just the same. ~Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
Yeah. Good times there, but not the most sought after place to spend my summer vacation. -RAHB 00:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
I'd stick with Emerald Bay on Catalina. ~Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
Who wouldn't? Seriously. -RAHB 00:47, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
This boy scouts revelation definitely explains a number of things about RAHB's version of heterosexual living. Lets just say that the salute wasn't the only thing involving three fingers. --THINKER 05:01, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
The "merit badges" I "pin on people's chests" aren't exactly orthodox Boy Scout regulation either. -RAHB 02:34, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace.
Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something.
This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it.
At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them.
VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running
The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites.
Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently.
MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants.
Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...)
Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way.
RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way!
Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.
17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (This is a penis, this is you)
18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world )
23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (IN them?)
08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital)
Biopic of the Week
Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatestarticlesevercomposed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children?
Comeback of the Week
Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers?
Plea of the Week
Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?
I'm thinking of writing a new article that may even be better than the last. How about Howto: Inject rats into your bloodstream? Help me if you think its worth it =)--Liz muffin 00:25, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
Wow, that sounds like a great one. I love absurd humor like that, if done properly it sounds like it could be pretty good. I say go for it, if you need any help, just ask. -RAHB 00:28, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
Another article to help with
RAHB, you can help with this UnNews if you want. I didn't really make it the funny type, but I think it is a great idea. ~Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
I may take a look at it. For the time being, I'm mainly just doing site maintenance for the next couple weeks until my whole housing situation clears up. I haven't had much time to write, or gotten much inspiration. -RAHB 04:56, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Monsieur RAHB
How would you like to become the deputy master of Unnews? Seeing as Zim is not on lately, we need someone to take care of Unnews - mainly with the lead articles update, categories and basically pushing that place back to its former glory. What do you think? ~ 11:25, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, sure I'll do it. I guess. Pffft. I guess. -CAJK 11:48, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Don't mind Cajek. But seriously, fuck yeah I'll do it. The only problem I have right now is that I'm not sure what my schedule is looking like until about the 31st. I'm moving sometime this month, but I should be ready to go again in August. But if you need some help with it right now, I can still offer my services until the time comes for me to move. -RAHB 11:55, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Thing is, I can't get around to do it at all with the general maintenance. And no other admin is looking after the place currently. I figured since you know Unnews very well you'll do a good job :) ~ 12:19, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, I think I'm pretty well versed in the goings on with it. I'd be glad to take on the job. So just clarify for me once more, exactly everything that I need to work on. Categories, Lead Article templates, welcoming to UnNews I suppose if Zim won't be doing that anymore either (I haven't bothered to check just now whether he still does). Anything else I should be looking after? -RAHB 12:30, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
On second thought, I can't. I'm too busy right now. Got a lotta stuff on my plate, like finding a new neighborhood. -CAJK 12:35, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Cajek, stop trying to confuse Mr. Dillo (and me). Now let the adults talk about their adult things. You can come back later and we'll....ahem..."play" with the animals...if you know what I mean...and I think you do...what I mean is that we're going to have wild animal sex with the animals...and apparently underage sex as well since I just inferred that you were a child in this hypothetical, role-playing-ish situation...and you very well might be because I don't know your actual age...but we'll still get to fuck the animals anyways....in the new neighborhood....if you know what I mean.... -RAHB 12:43, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
I'd love to write that article with you Cajek, but my house had a rat "problem". You see, they were running up and down "holes" in my "house" all willy-nilly, and now I have to move out. As far as animal fucking goes, it's all good in my book, so long as it has a spine. And none of those marsupials with their "pouches". It's too easy. -CAJK 13:06, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
I hope it all works out for you RAHB, in the meantime I'll be writing 74 articles a day with one hand while I fuck this kangaroo here with the other (marsupials rule man, what are you talking about?). We can write that article and have an animal fucking party and everything. Also, hopefully your new house doesn't have the rat problem. The problem of course being that the rats are not very fuckable. It's a pity. -~RAHB!
I'm too tired to try and figure out who do I need to ban here O_O. Anyway, RAHB, this seems right. Also maybe help pushing forward with the audio section. I wouldn't say Zim is away for good, it's probably just a hiatus. So generally - keep the place clean, update the lead articles on regular basis, maintain categories, help people around. That's it more or less. I'll leave Zim a message so he wouldn't freak out when he sees you sit around in his living room putting your feet on the brand new sofa. ~ 22:01, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Sounds good. Well I'll certainly be doing that then. Thanks for the consideration and all, I'll just go add a couple pages to my watchlist and all that other such. Cheers. -RAHB 00:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
Mordillo, ban RAHB. I MEAN CAJEK!! I mean RAHB. -CAJK 00:43, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
Clearly the one who needs to be banned here is Cajek. BAN!....BAN! BAN! BAN! -RH!B
Really?
RE the hiding edits thing for PLS... I knew users with oversight could remove edits from the history, but I did not know it was possible to stop changes appearing in RC. MrNFork you! 12:09, Jul 23
I think that's what I heard. From a totally reputable source...I think. I'd ask about it to be sure, I just thought of it on a hunch. -RAHB 12:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro.
The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project.
Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants."Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist."
Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream...
After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears.
When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"
23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!)
23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend)
21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT))
Biopic of the Week
Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight!
Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated.
For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.
We'll have milk and cookies, afterwards. SirModusoperandiBoinc! 08:22, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
Rocking, and it's relative merits
Yes, I named her "Evelyn The Modified Dog"... that's how reverend zim_ulator rolls. It's one of my favorite Zappa songs. Evie likes when I sing it to her, but ignores FZ when he's on the stereo. She also likes another song I made up called "(I have a) Cookie for the puppy, fuck the kitties!", soon to be release as an UnTune. My new PC fixin's are on their way, and I'm hoping to have a decent studio again. As it it, I can't even listen to music any more!
Also, thanks for all of your help around UnNews. I feel a bit like an evil godparent to UnNews, and I'm happy to see it lives through the herculean efforts of other gits like me... to wit, yourself. I delare you to rock awesomely. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 13:13, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
You sir, have excellent taste, as well as excellent awesome. As for UnNews, think nothing of it, I'm glad to help out anywhere I can, UnNews being a particularly worthy endeavor. I think I'll be starting to do some audios for it again myself, keep the spirit alive and all that. Best of luck to you on your computer fixing and your studio stuffs. We'll all be waiting with open arms, anticipating the return of Zim. -RAHB 13:32, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
So, you're just sitting around refreshing waiting for the maintenance stuff to pop up? :) ~ 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Oh dear, was I not supposed to do that? -RAHB 11:48, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
No, no, not at all - I just imagine you sitting there hitting F5 over and over and mumbling "damn, I need to huff something, damn I need to huff something". It looks so vivid because I've done the same bloody thing :) ~ 11:52, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Hahahaha. Well, I've got other things to keep me busy. I actually just keep juggling between QVFD, Ban Patrol, Maintenance, New Pages, RC. All the normal stuff I suppose. But yes...that's essentially exactly what I'm doing. -RAHB 11:54, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
the list of snitches, i can fix it, just give me a few minutes... i know there are some people who will like it. i just forgot how to do lists for a second, thats all...
A list of snitches isn't funny. Perhaps you'd like to flesh out a full article? Otherwise, it just looks like vanity to me. And we don't allow that here. -RAHB 21:49, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Hmmm, perhaps on second look, it isn't vanity. I'll restore it for you, but I'm putting a maintenance tag on it. -RAHB 21:51, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Corny!
OK, I'll stop, I'll try not to make anymore templates such as
We're sorry, We couldn't complete the article as dialed! Please get outta here, and try again!
I think the content of the article A candle for a sin movement was pretty good. I'm even proud of it. ;). What can I do to improve it? I am recently making a link for "Dr. Seigh Tunn" to Satan. I wantedt to add a picture of the hindenburg burning, but I'm not good at navigation in uncylco yet, so please help me out. —The preceding unsigned comment was added byChez Anthony (talk • contribs) --Chez Anthony 11:25, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
I know you're smart enough to look at my user talk, but I'm too dumb to post there, so here goes...
I'm not so sure about the picture stuff. I'm a contributor in a minor language wikipedia and I'm not as good there in navigation either. Can you post at least just one picture. just the hindenburg burning. please! i noticed the poo lit surprise writing competition notice above. I'm betting my ACFASM article for it. please! I need it posted on the mainspace as soon as possible. —The preceding unsigned comment was added byChez Anthony (talk • contribs)
So how do i post it there?--Chez Anthony 12:18, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
I meant the pee review. How do i post it there? as i've mentionted i'm not that good at navigating around. —The preceding unsigned comment was added byChez Anthony (talk • contribs)
I have posted it yesterday. But I don't see it there now. why?
Do me a solid, RAHB
Delete Dr. Skullthumper for 6 hours: He needs a time out after all the banning he's done. ...? I'm bored! Le Cejak•<20:38, 04 Aug 2008>
Hmmm. I dunno about six hours...how about the expiry time of....A TURNIP! -RAHB 21:37, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration.
While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article.
Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on."
So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following:
a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles
The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch.
an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis
blood in semen
General weak and tired feeling
The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum.
Other nasty stuff.
Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser.
And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.)
The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any.
Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...
21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.)
17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember)
02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!)
14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!)
21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France)
Biopic of the Week
The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some highquality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage...
Old-school featured article of the week
Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining.
Ok, you know html goatse, right? And you and Skull are being all userpagey vandally, right? Ok, well, here's the plan: Html Uncyclopedians. We get one for you, then maybe for me, and UnIdiot, then DrS...then the whole website! Muahahaha! - P.M., WotM, & GUN,Sir Led Balloon(Tick Tock)(Contribs) 02:10, Aug 6
Like....html pictures of ourselves, or what? -RAHB 02:27, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
And that's how it went. Totally 100% honest. Besides, you probably have plenty else to be mad at me about. ;) -RAHB 07:43, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
press
hey rahb, just wondering if you had any comment for the unsignpost as far as becoming an admin and your plans from this point onward. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:40, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
Well, I'll go with Woodburninator's response. In a stunning moment of actual seriousness, because I can't think of a funny way to answer it that isn't the cliched "world domination" response, I suppose I'll just keep going about my business, keeping it cool. Oh, and vandalizing Skullthumper's userpage on a regular basis. And banning Cajek of course, but I've left that mostly up to Skull. Oh, and one of these days, you won't expect it, because I'll wait for just the right moment; One of these days, I'm going to put {{:Main Page}} in the sitenotice. That'll be ultimate. -RAHB 19:55, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
Oi Scrote!
What's this "Thinker and Me Haz A Blog" thing? I'm not pulling my weight so I don't get a mention? -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
Shit man, I'm sorry. I'll go ahead and put your name in, I guess when my mind started typing "Thinker and Me" just flowed out better. But hey, not to say I wouldn't be happy to see your next post ;) -RAHB 20:35, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
No worries. I'm hoping to get my inspiration flowing again. Managed one or two new articles on Uncyclopedia recently, so maybe my muse has returned. :) Have kept up with yours and Thinkers additions though...think its expanding into something really good. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
Yeah, it's coming along. Thinker's been looking into hosting and things like that, to see if we can pull it from Wordpress and turn it into a full-on website. Says something about offering a letter of friendship to the nation of New Zealand =/ -RAHB 20:43, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
Something
Yes pleas I would like people to add on to it! Sorry about the gay bashing, it just seemed that thats what most people where doing here, I'm really not homophobic, I'd post it on your user talk page but I can't! So sorry. If no one has added onto it in like a week I guess delete it —The preceding unsigned comment was added byTruthiness899 (talk • contribs)
Illegal words
Hello RAHB. I'm quite new in uncyclopedia, as in i only did my first article last night. This article was called Illegal words, I wasn't sure why the article was huffed (or what huffed means for that manner). I created that article because I thought people would laugh, and people did, I showed it to two people without telling them that I wrote it and they both found it funny, so I was confused when this morning I decided to work on it some more, and found it to be huffed. True, some of it was kind of tacky, but it had a 100% success rate. I wasn't sure on how to do some of the more fancy stuff like giving it a big title thing, or how to say it wasn't complete. If it was given more time and careful editing, I think it could be a popular article. So please reconsider the huff on it. Thank you in advance. Babyblaster 13:20, 9 August 2008
NiggaHomeGirl
Hey RAHB! What's Up! Hey I was wondering if you say the opening ceremony to the Olympics Last Night? n_n
Nah, I didn't. I don't actually watch TV that much. But the olympics just sort of slipped my mind. -RAHB 22:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
Oh! Samething with me. I only saw a little bit of it last Night. Heh-Heh! :D --70.161.7.58 22:35, 9 August 2008 (UTC)NiggaHomeGirl
Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dumptopic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet.
According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit."
Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales.
Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!"
Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet."
If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome".
The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch".
The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power."Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed severalearlyaccomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.
01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.)
02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE)
20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia)
14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.)
15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.)
Biopic of the Week
SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writingawesomestuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.)
Old-school featured article of the week
Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it.
First off, thank you for kind vote for The Last Bachelor Party on VFP. Critique was on the money and the image fixed, some light shadowing, per Modus, et. al. was added and Saint Mathew was given a crisp twenty to stuff into her thong as well. I don't think that the picture is going to cause me to go to Hell, but if I had been able to pull off The Last Lap Dance, then the mear mention of that idea would have certainly sealed my fate. Hugs! Dame GUNPotYWotM2xPotM17xVFHVFPPooPMS•YAP• 18:08, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
Beautiful. Great job on it, I'll look forward to seeing it on the front page soon. -RAHB 19:15, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
Will you adopt me?
Hey RAHB, will you adopt me? I need to know how to be t3h funneh. Thanks. (oh, and if it's worth anything to ya, there might be another cookie for ya, wink wink, nudge nudge, grin grin, hummingbird). --Velosi-T 00:12, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
Awesome, you actually adopted me, you win another cookie! --Velosi-T 02:26, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
You get a COOKIE!
You have done something. It might be good, it probably was bad, but whatever it was, you deserve a cookie for it! So here's one now, from Velosi-T, who appreciates your efforts. Knock yourself out.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA! ANOTHER COOKIE TO ADD TO MY- er......right.... -RAHB 02:29, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
oh, more audios/articles
Hey RAHB, you still wantin' to do the audio for UnBooks:Polar Express? I think also maybe there was another one you liked, maybe Riddle? That's a lot, so you tell me what, if any, you have time to do. We also need to write My Neighborhood, with all the fuckable plants and fuckable Animals. Tell me what yer schedule is, I guess! Le Cejak•<6:33, 14 Aug 2008>
Ah, well right now I'm working on moving out, packing, all that good stuff. I'm probably going to put off the bigger things until September begins, and just do normal maintenance in the meantime. But I may be taking a short wiki-break within the coming weeks as well. So I'll let you know about all of them at the beginning of September I suppose, then I'll be situated and such. I still do want to do the audios and My Old Neighborhood still sounds good to do. So I guess I'll have to let you know when I found out about all the new setup and stuff. -RAHB 07:09, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
The Page you huffed I meant to be a Sandbox but I forgot to put the username in front - User:Bloroninblorchspit
Sorry...
Sorry for causing much trouble... Hetelllies 02:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
I don't know who caused what, and I'm not going to point any fingers at anyone. I do know that the guy who was impersonating you was being disruptive, and has now been silenced. I hope this whole mess hasn't discouraged you as far as editing Uncyclopedia goes. -RAHB 02:52, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Don't worry... I'll do a take on a Japanese phenomenon called Enjo Kosai. Hmm, I wonder if I should reinvent myself.Hetelllies 03:21, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Huffed lean
Errm I see you Huffed Lean manufacturing - because "Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia". You do realise that none of it was true? Henry Ford, Charlie Chaplin - Charles Dickens. Oh and it wasn't created by German industrialists in the 1920s :-)
Okay I'm just a noob but looking at "Uncyclopedia's Five Pliers" - one of them is "Uncyclopedia is an anti-encyclopaedia" and "incorporating elements of general encyclopaedias, specialised encyclopaedias, and almanacs and generally turning them on their head." I thought the article qualified as bona fide nonsense. Oh well ..... Plain Peasant 03:46, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
I can restore it for you if you'd like. It all looked pretty straight to me. Either way though, it didn't seem to be very satirical or anything like that. From what I see, it's just, as you say, a bunch of lies. While lies can be funny, they're not funny in and of themselves, they usually need some sort of angle on them to make them funny. Just saying something like "Bill Gates is a fisherman from New Zealand who likes horses" is not grounds for an article. And Uncyclopedia's purpose isn't to produce complete nonsense, so I'm very sorry if you were misinformed. But anyways, like I said, say the word and I'll restore it for you, though probably with a maintenance tag on it, since it was rather short. Also, if you'd like to, check out Illogicopedia, one of our sister projects. That site specializes more in "bona fide nonsense" if that is in fact what you're more interested in. That's in no way a "go away to this dump on the side for people like you" sort of thing. But the sites do serve two different purposes, and Illogicopedia tends to be more focused towards outright lies and such like that. Well, there's me rambling, but yeah, if you'd like, I'll restore it. -RAHB 03:57, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Okay - tell you what, if you could restore and tag it with whatever and I'll look at making it more satirical :-) Plain Peasant 04:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Okie dokie. It's back, and I've put the construction template on it. I'll keep an eye on your progress here and there I suppose. Good luck with it =) -RAHB 04:25, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
hey rahb, i've been trying to keep track of images in VFD articles that are only linked to in said article, to QVFD them if the article gets deleted. then i took a look at the unused image catalog - and there are over 1000 (i think) images there. is it worth it for me to QVFD the images, will they eventually get deleted in some sort of monthly unused images purge, or does nobody care? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:13, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Well, you'll notice unused images don't get QVFD'd much. I'm not sure what happens to them, but I've heard of admins going through them at times and deleting large amounts. I think we keep them around for a while just in case anybody ends up needing them or something, though if you'd like to QVFD duplicates, I think those are fine when you find them (just make sure you relink the pages they're on to the other version, if they're on other pages). But yeah, last time I started QVFDing unused images, they told me it's alright, they're all on the unused images list and that I didn't have to put them up. So I can only assume there's some way we get rid of them or put them to use, one or the other. -RAHB 01:26, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
okay, that's what i imagined happening. i could almost see zombiebaron wading through a river of unused images, about to unleash his wrath, a hellishly gleeful smirk on his face... SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 06:29, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, that's always what comes to my mind when I think about it. I'll have to ask some other admins about it and see if they need anybody to do like a sort of monthly cleanup or something. Might be something I could add to my maintenance schedule. -RAHB 06:34, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
Congratulations!
You are the recipient of the Mhaille Award For Excellence for the month of July 2008.
I know its not "up there" with the great awards of Uncyclopedia, but its a way for me to show my own support and appreciation for what people are doing out there to make this place better. For all of the hard work that you have put in, which looks to increase now you have the added burden of "sysophood". :) -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
Many thanks Mhaille. It may not be "up there" as it were, but it still means a lot to be awarded something like it from someone as prestigious as yourself, and whose opinion I can say I find to be sound and educated. It'll hold a special place in my trophy cabinet...well, actually it'll probably just sit next to the other ones, but each place is "special" in itself I suppose. I consider it just as good as any "official" award on the site. And don't worry, with my adminhood I plan to do so many great things. For example, one day I plan on putting {{:Main Page}} in the sitenotice, and seeing how long it takes before anybody finds out why every page looks like the main page. It will be excellent. =) -RAHB 01:31, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to placesunknown, never to return.
Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back.
This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him.
Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do."
So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics.
Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that?
We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!
13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.)
19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.)
19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.)
Biopic of the Week
RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser.
Old-school featured article of the week
Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades.
Uh, no thanks man, I don't really do this kind of stuff. Truth be told, it looks pretty pointless to me. -RAHB 04:39, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
So Fine
Could you please help me research the actual GNR song so I could add some more content besides a music video description? --Ryanasaurus0077 16:48, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
It looks like you've found all there really already is to find. Might I suggest just not writing an article about a relatively obscure song? Unless of course you would plan on putting some sort of satirical slant on it. But it seems to be purely informational, which makes me cringe, but I've resolved not to take action in the case of Remington Steelers articles. -RAHB 21:31, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
It's not obscure per se; it's on the Guns N Roses album "Use Your Illusion II" as the 10th track and is one of few GNR songs, written or covered by the band, sung by Duff McKagan. But seriously, how do you suppose I put a satirical slant on it (besides Emma Watson singing the cover from a lesbian perspective despite being straight)? --Ryanasaurus0077 21:36, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
Oh yeah, I mean the album is well-known, it's just there's not really any particular well-known story or anything about that particular song. As for a satirical slant, I'd say that would be up to you, but a suggestion may be writing from the point of view of a Guns N Roses who's pissed off that nobody gave the track enough credit or something. However, that would disrupt the continuity you've got going on with the series. But the idea should be when you start an article, that you know you're going to have enough to write a full article out of it. As far as this series goes, perhaps put the song descriptions on the same page as the discography, like Wikipedia does for their individual albums pages. -RAHB 21:42, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
ICU Question
Sorry, I'm not sure how else to contact you. I'm still working on improving my new DragonLance article. Is there a way to get some feedback? I'll continue to add more, but I'm curious if what I have added is enough to keep it from deletion.
I know now that I can (and should) use the construction tag... but I'm curious nevertheless. -—The preceding unsigned comment was added byThetrainer (talk • contribs)
Oh certainly, it's long enough now to take the tag off, I'll go ahead and do it. And you contacted me the right way, talk pages are how we talk around here. Good job on being one of the few ICU tags that actually gets responded to. Thanks for expanding it. -RAHB 05:34, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
Wikia
What's your Wikia username? --Ryanasaurus0077 10:48, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
Same as my Uncyc username. -RAHB 10:50, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
Welcome to the Remington Steelers Wiki. --Ryanasaurus0077 11:02, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
As of today, and guess what? I'm an admin there, so why don'tcha help me out there? Oh, and bring your friends along, since word-of-mouth is the best way to make my new Wiki a success. --Ryanasaurus0077 20:25, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
What, is he antisocial or something? (No offense, RAHB, someone here was shocked by my last post.) --Ryanasaurus0077 20:49, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
Heh, I think Mhaille is just jealous, due to his own tremendous lack of friends. Maybe one day he'll write some features or something and people will want to talk to him =) -RAHB 21:53, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
Did you join my new Wiki yet? --Ryanasaurus0077 23:00, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
What's it called? URL? -RAHB 23:01, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
remingtonsteelers.wikia.com. (And no, that third period is NOT part of the URL.) --Ryanasaurus0077 23:02, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
explanation
You see, gunwiththefun was going to be another account i would use. Is was not intended to be a sockpuppet. it's just, one day, i lost the password and never thought about it again. then i made icyhotpuppet. And promptly lost the password, so i had to run back to readmesoon. Those were there as new accounts to cover up Readmesoon, thanks to my puppets before and the vote rigging, but since i had lost the passwords quickly, i decided to just stay with readmesoon. This may sound like total BS to you, but I swear, it's the truth. ~ Readmesoon
Nah, it makes sense to me. They haven't been active since July anyways. And now they're banned. So whatever, I'm just making sure. -RAHB 00:04, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
ACCOUNTS ARE FREE??!??!?
How do we rectify this situation? How do I make money using Uncyclopedia, RAHB? Le Cejak•<4:05, 19 Aug 2008>
But what if I don't qualify? Le Cejak•<4:27, 19 Aug 2008>
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I'm also the king of the dance. But that's entirely unrelated. -RAHB 23:08, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
Thanks
Thanks for the nice comment RAHB. Hmm... 30 days, yes, I seem to have gone over that. Not to worry. I really don't know how I didn't know about Uncyclopedia sooner, where have I been?
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks! Aliceinwonderland 08:31, 20 August 2008 (UTC)