User:Qzekrom/The Universe Is a Giant Computer

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Yeah, God controls the Universe from that piece o' shit right there.

You ever heard of quantum information? Comes in "qubits"? Yeah, that kind of information. Well, I heard in the news last night that even space-time might be quantized and not a continuum. And they were gonna test if that's right.

Well, I had a feeling after reading that article that the Universe might be just a giant black box operated by God. After all, information lives in computers, right? And so the world is a hologram created by that computer.

History of the Universe, according to this theory

In the beginning God wrote a program in C++, Java or something else entirely. Whatever. It was an object-oriented programming language, and it was a really powerful one, too. After all, all particles and waves and stuff are just packets of information that physicists and computer programmers alike call objects, aren't they?

The Universe started with a Big Bang. Well, maybe it did. It's hard to tell, with all these theories coming out every microsecond. The bang might have been just the sound the computer made when it first booted up. Then it started to expand like YouTube's vast database of pornography and copyright infringement. It also cooled, because God forgot to leave the computer on while expansion was in progress. (That's also why inflation ended so early.) (In case you don't already know, inflation was the only time anything traveled faster-than-light.


A recent edition of UnScientific American explores a new theory of quantum gravity, which basically links General Relativity and quantum mechanics, explaining how the laws of gravity would differ if the Universe was 2-D. However, it is not necessary to represent the Universe as a 3-D entity or even a 2-D one. We can represent everything in the Universe as 1s and 0s on a 1-D line that are read by a black hole so they appear as matter. Just like the Java Virtual Machine works, but you know, it's even better because it's real!

So, what happens if the Universe crashes

Well, we don't exactly know. We do know there's a lot of exception handling that goes on, but it's very exceptional... right? However, this image demonstrates the predicted effects of trying to handle an exception in the Space-time Virtual Machine, specifically when the machine attempts to divide by zero:


Just kidding. It actually yields infinity - that's how decimal math works!

See also

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