User:Qzekrom/The Universe Is a Giant Computer
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|2 people have +1'd this page.
Good for them, because Uncyclopedia likes when people help make their articles popular. Every +1 counts!
“In Soviet Russia, website +1's YOU!!”
You ever heard of quantum information? Comes in "qubits"? Yeah, that kind of information. Well, I heard in the news last night that even space-time might be quantized and not a continuum. And they were gonna test if that's right.
Well, I had a feeling after reading that article that the Universe might be just a giant black box operated by God. After all, information lives in computers, right? And so the world is a hologram created by that computer.
History of the Universe, according to this theory
In the beginning God wrote a program in C++, Java or something else entirely. Whatever. It was an object-oriented programming language, and it was a really powerful one, too. After all, all particles and waves and stuff are just packets of information that physicists and computer programmers alike call objects, aren't they?
The Universe started with a Big Bang. Well, maybe it did. It's hard to tell, with all these theories coming out every microsecond. The bang might have been just the sound the computer made when it first booted up. Then it started to expand like YouTube's vast database of pornography and copyright infringement. It also cooled, because God forgot to leave the computer on while expansion was in progress. (That's also why inflation ended so early.) (In case you don't already know, inflation was the only time anything traveled faster-than-light.
A recent edition of UnScientific American explores a new theory of quantum gravity, which basically links General Relativity and quantum mechanics, explaining how the laws of gravity would differ if the Universe was 2-D. However, it is not necessary to represent the Universe as a 3-D entity or even a 2-D one. We can represent everything in the Universe as 1s and 0s on a 1-D line that are read by a black hole so they appear as matter. Just like the Java Virtual Machine works, but you know, it's even better because it's real!
So, what happens if the Universe crashes
Well, we don't exactly know. We do know there's a lot of exception handling that goes on, but it's very exceptional... right? However, this image demonstrates the predicted effects of trying to handle an exception in the Space-time Virtual Machine, specifically when the machine attempts to divide by zero:
|This article needs to be expanded.
This article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been drinking too much cider at the fancy party last night . You can help Uncyclopedia by bringing the body into the hospital.
| This is a subpage in Qzekrom's userspace.|
But let's give it a chance. Please don't place an ICU tag on this page, as I will probably finish it later.
If you think this article could use help, then make whatever changes you see necessary, or tell me on my main talk page.