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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Pi.

We are proud to say that we baked you a πe!

Pi is a transcendental number that really has nothing to do with the real world. It is simply one of the infinitely many roots of the sine function. It is often encountered as the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. The exact value of pi is shown below:

Failed to parse (lexing error): \pi = \sum_{k = 1}^{\infty} \frac{4 × -1^{k - 1}}{2k - 1} = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028842...

Actually, no. That was an overstatement caused by the fact that computers corrupted this text file. We will be back in 3... 2... 1... 0...

History of π

God simply created π to appeal to theoretical scientists such as Euclid, who reportedly estimated π using many-sided polygons as 22/7. This ratio was originally intended to be the square root of 10, but He made a mistake in writing the Laws of Physics and instead wrote the above infinite sum in His journal. He named it after the Greek word περιμητερ perimēter meaning "pizza" (in reference to the cognate "pie"), or in some dialects, "penis."

The Bible was since then corrupted by the ignorance of Man, who changed the given value to 3, although the fucking retard who did that hid something in the text saying to multiply by 111/107, giving the better estimate of 333/107.

“He made the Sea of cast metal, circular in shape, measuring ten cubits from rim to rim and five cubits high. It took a dick thirty cubits long to measure around it.”
~ The Bible (I Kings 7:23) on the value of π

Since then, π has been calculated using supercomputers to 5 trillion digits. But in A.D. 2101, CATS Emperor Jackie Chan calculated it to a whopping 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 digits using one of his old tricks. (He only published the approximate value of 355/113, along with the slogan "All your base are belong to us.")

Pythagoras' slogan, "All Things Are Numbers", means that all meaningful numbers are rational. Irrational numbers such as π have no fucking use in this universe and their utility is therefore an illusion.

“Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord in vain!”
~ God on What We Just Said

Sorry, Father!

Anyway, π was supposed to be The Answer to The Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything, but God decided to make it 42 instead. This is because π is so fucking hard to memorize, as compared to 42. It has been quoted that God had said while He was trying to figure out the circumference of a circle, "Hmm, C=π74.98. 72.98xπ... fuck this, im going back to sleeping with my bitches!" |The Bible (II Pi 8:12)|everyone hates π}}

Common uses of π

God realized that π could be used as a distraction to Earthlings, who were trying to comprehend the multiverse around which their pathetic lives revolved.

  • The number is important in quantum mechanics when determining the frequency of a wave.
  • God intentionally made π irrational. That is, it has a non-terminating, non-repeating decimal expansion. This was so that eighth-grade idiots could memorize it in order to sound smart.
  • The length of an erect penis is equal to its circumference, so it is π times its diameter.

Judgment Day

Judgment Day has been determined using the sine function. It is expected to happen once every 31.4 years, over two weeks before which gay people start fretting about it. Then, just one millisecond before its scheduled time, God almost always calls off the destruction to show mercy on the inhabitants of this region of the multiverse.

The likelihood of Judgment Day happening on a given day is calculated using the formula

\Omega = \int_{0}^{\infty}\sin{\frac{\zeta(42\sqrt{2\pi + t})}{te^{2\pi it}\pi^\pi}}dt

where ζ(42) is the Riemann zeta function of 42 and t is the astronomical time (the number of seconds since the Big Bang). This value rarely reaches 1, it only gets infinitesimally close to 1, which is when Judgment Day is called off. But if it were to exceed 1, a latitudinal wave would be emitted from the star Sol, interfering with internet connections and possibly (if the value exceeds e, equal to about 2.71828...) obliterating every proton, neutron, and other complex structure including DNA and any stars, in its path. (See our article on the future of the Earth for more details on this event.)

Note that this value was infinite at the time of the Big Bang. This is a special case of the formula and resulted in, by definition, the infinitely huge explosion that was the beginning of the Universe.

\Omega_0 = \int_{0}^{\infty}\sin{\frac{\zeta(42\sqrt{2\pi})}{0}}dt


Nobody reads the bibliography anyways. Why the hell should you?

See also

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