User:PurpleCasket/Netflix

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“FOR LAZY PEOPLE (Like me (or you, <insert name here>))”
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Netflix refers to the highly popular movie program that put Blockbuster out of business(and in the museum) and delivers dvd or blue-ray discs to your mailbox or instantly on your TV/PC. Thus saving you time and energy from getting up and driving to the nearest rental store. No wonder it's so popular in the US, amirite?

edit History

Communist Redbox

You'll notice that Redbox is more frequently used by your pro-Marxist neighbors

Netflix started off as a video company whose business of operation was online. Now at the time this was a radical and unheard of idea, but as technology grew and people grew fatter and lazier Netflix grew in popularity and then became charged with 3 counts of murder.

edit Services

Netflix will deliver anything you order online directly to your house or another house of your choosing. Rather than getting up and driving to the local video store, which more likely than not is 3 minutes away from your house, you can order your DVD and have it shipped to your house in 1-2 business days. Netflix not only delivers DVD's but it also deliver High Quality and High Definition Porn and Video games right to your front door.

edit Reasons why it's better than your local video stores

  1. It's anonymous. No longer will you have to face the embarrassment of buying porn in front of that []
  2. No more searching. Didn't you hate looking through aisles of DVD's that were almost never in the correct order.
  3. No more walking/wasting gas. They come to you! You do nothing but pay your good money for these DVD's.
  4. No more late fees. I don't know how they managed that one...
  5. No more waiting in lines. Lines suck. People who wait in line stink. I do not stink nor do I wait in lines. Therefore I am awesome.
  6. No chance of rape.Always a good thing.
  7. No Chance of seeing me.
  8. No chance of any one seeing your small ass dick.
  9. You don't have to talk to the old douch that you know.

edit Prices

Netflix Guy

Wanna watch a moviee? The first thing he'll ask you before you end up getting raped

Okay, so the prices start out as "Order now, and get your first three months free" right? WRONG. Prices start out as:

  • $7 for first month
  • $24 for second month
  • $200 for third month
  • $530 for fourth month
  • (Months five through 11)
  • $9001 for 12th month

...and so on... You can't resist our offerz, you are too lazy to get off ur ass and cancel ur membership. You are so screwed! lololololololol -Netflix

edit How to Start Your Membership

    Once you go Netflix, there is no going back.
    
    Plz signs here,
    X_________<insert name here>_________________
    
    -----------------------------------------------
    (Now hold Ctrl+P and and deliver this document in
    an envelope and drop off at nearest Post Office.)
    P.S. We know your Credit card number

edit Subliminal Advertising

edit Recommended Movie List

Harry potter naked

A very memorable scene from the movie: Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Gay Elves

  1. Saving Private Parts and Ryan
  2. Titty-tanic
  3. Iron Woman
  4. The weirdo with a huge hunch on his back from France
  5. Jaws:The Revenge of Bigger Jaws
  6. T.V. the Extraterrestrial
  7. The War in the Stars
  8. Blue Space Monkey People
  9. Ass-Kicked
  10. Dude, Where's My Toilet?
  11. Two guys one cup
  12. Justin Beiber fucks for money
  13. Shut up bitch
  14. Machete kills again
  15. John Handcock vs. Bill Footpenis
  16. I'm not that gay or retarded
  17. Retards, the inside story
  18. Penis enhancement
  19. Please don't cut my dick
  20. Bill St. Emo
  21. Dora the Explorer: Crossing the Border
  22. Burn the Nigers
  23. Hang the Chinks
  24. Rape and murder the whites
  25. Dog fucks girl
  26. iCarly sex video
  27. Fuck Jonathan Putnam

edit Unrecommended Movie List

All the ones "you" like.

edit Customer Feedback

<Anonymous> Netflix delivers DVD and Blue-ray movies!
<Chuck Norris> I demand you add more of my movies, or 
I'll go over there and convince you myself.
<cOmMiE4016> Netflix sux
<WiiFanboy32> U guys should put a netflix channel for the wii
<Darth Maul> I want teh ORIGINAL starwars trilogy, not the 
f***ing 2004 version >:(
<That old woman next door> WHERES MAH PEANUT BRITTLE???
<xXTrollFaygotXx> IM DOIN UR MOM!
<IamTotallyOver18> Needs moar nudie moviez
<Workaholic & Movieholic> I WILL NEVER LEAVE MY OFFICE AGAIN TO GET MORE MOVIES!
<Local Video Store> You killed us!
<Local Fat People without cars> We love you!
<Local lazy (possibly fat too) person with cars> We also love you!
<Captain Oblivious> What's a Netflix?

edit Multiple Counts of Murder

Netflix can proudly say that it has killed Block Buster, West Coast Videos, as well as other prominent video stores. This proves that Lazy people do run the economy, also proving Neil Pita's theory that if stores had a better online catalog the recession would not exist. Netflix has become America's leading source of legally obtaining videos, but in general falls behind to the free market of pirating (not that anyone on Uncylopedia supports pirating, or do we?).

edit Our Marketing Goal

Redbox World

At Netflix, we cover roughly 99% of the world. The other 1% is the ocean

edit See also

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