User:Primeoffense/How To:Cut Your Head Off With a Wood Chipper

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“They're really not going to give out any more awards for this sort of thing.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Cutting your own head off with a wood chipper.

Lets get down to basics here. Two people have tried to pull of similar stunts to this one. They've fucked it up rather tragically. It's because people just don't take the necessary planning steps when using heavy machinery. It's like my father used to say: "Measure twice, cut once."

Taking Necessary Precautions

It's important that you first measure your neck. This is best done with a measuring tape. These can be found anywhere. Now, use your measurement to cut an sufficient length of rubber hose. This will serve as a tourniquette.

Getting Right Down to It

You've measured your neck. You have your rubber hose. Now lets start the radial arm saw and get ourselves ready. Tie the rubber hose tightly around your neck and take a few... deep... br.... ::THUMP-BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ::