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The Short Bus is the bus I ride to school. It is a shorter bus then the big buses that other kids ride. The big bus is too big for special people like me. That's why we get to ride the short bus. It makes us feel special.
The short bus is yellow and black like the real bus. It has a real bus door that our driver Mr. Penny can open and close from his seat. Its really cool. The short bus only holds special children from my school. Like me. Special kids like me. We all get tied down to our seats so we don't get hurt if Mr. Penny does something he shouldn't. Like when he drinks a lot. I drink a lot of water and I don't get silly like Mr. Penny when he drinks a lot. One time he flipped our old bus and my friend Chucky ended upside down and vommited his lunch all over his wheelchair. It was funny. Chuckie didn't think so. I did. But he didn't.
Sometimes I get to ride the real bus. Like when our class goes on field trips to places like the place where they make hot dogs or to the laundromat. But I can't ride the big bus unless a teacher goes with us. Because I have special needs and someone has to change my diaper.
One of the rules on the bus is that we can't open the windows. Someone has to do it for us. Open the windows. Someone has to open the windows for us. If you sit next to the window you can look out of it. You can smear your face across it. You can leave you hand print on it too, and no one will yell at you. But if you aren't next to the window you can't look out it, because that is the rule.
Sometimes when you look out the window people will wave. One time a man waved with one finger! That was funny. One time a woman lifted up her blouse and showed me her chest. I don't know why. But I liked it. I liked it when she lifted up her shirt.
One of the rules is that you have to get off the short bus at the place where you live. This is a rule because one of the kids who was really retarded got off the bus when Mr. Penny stopped for cigarettes. Mr. Penny drove off without the kid. He left him there. No one knows were he is but I got his seat over the wheel and when the bus goes over a bump it is fun.
I am lucky to get to ride the short bus. Other kids have names for it. The other buses can't have names like our bus. The mean kids call it the “Tard Train” or the “Tard Cart”. They were being mean. They were making fun of us. Don't make fun of us!
I used to think that they were being mean.
But then our school got a Nut-Free Bus.
Some of the mean kids ended up on the Nut-Free Bus because they can't eat nuts. They make them sick. The nuts make them sick. They can't eat nuts. They are special like us. But we can eat nuts. They can't. Eat nuts. I can smoosh your peanut butter and jelly sandwich into their faces because then they are the losers. I get to laugh at them when they get rushed to the emergency room.