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== WELCOME TO MY USER PAGE ==--18:36, August 29, 2010 (UTC) In the News Apple iExplode laptop sales explode in Dubai airport
Israel says extra Fighter Fuel for Aerobatics Display
Hamas fails to recognize Israel in Perp Line Up
Beck praises those serving with pride in McDonalds Uniforms
User:Phrage/Palestine for Physicists < User:Phrage Palestine is unique -the quickest shrinking country with the fastest growing religion. It has everything, sun, sea and the beaches and other areas are regularly bulldozed often at night so as not to disturb the tourists. It has a thriving rocket programme, Palestinian rocket scientists hope soon to reach far away civlisations and to enter hyperspace as they are bit short of space where they are. This is due to a local anomaly which has created what Stephen Hawking has dubbed "Settler Hard Cheese" where pockets of dense anti-everything are created and where no light shines. The SHCs can swallow up mountain tops and olive farms and water and they produce brown effluvia. Very little matter goes into or out of Palestine apart from rockets and a strange local force that Hawking calls IDF (Intercellar Dense Force). IDF surrounds the Palestine quadrant in a grand unified high energy scale interaction. Little is known about the mechanisms of this force but a lot of particles do collide. Hawking says that he hopes that the simple Lie group and the semisimple group can be brought together in to a grand unified group but many scientists and others from neighbouring Israel say they favour the two state theory. I hope others who are better qualified can give a fuller explanation of these phenomena. The fundamental interaction between these two states is unique ( An interaction is fundamental when it cannot be described in terms of other interactions) and as a consequence fundamentalism and mentalism abound.
DISCUSSION PAGE( WHERE YOU CAN LEAVE ABUSE, PRAISE, SUGGESTIONS, AND REQUESTS == IS THE NEXT TAB OVER ==) . This BELOW is my first UN news article(apart from a wobbly one about to commit suicide about a flight attendant) -feedback or criticism appreciated and welcomed and/or someone with the skill to tidy up and embed the photos and captions at the article's end.
My "Did you know' entries for today
edit Did You Know...
- that when Sarah Palin is President she will work at the Jehoval office at the Smite house?
- that secrets are best kept under wraps
- that your Mother has a secret.
- that Glenn Beck is not an American musician, singer-songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist known by the stage name Beck, but the Astronaut scion of the brewing dynasty.
- that Glenn Beck and the Roth brothers formed Van Palin ?
- that Glenn Beck gets erections watching card tricks.
- that Glenn, Beck, and Call is a law firm hired by Gary Glitter
- that Tracy Chapman is Joan Armatrading's secret love child by parthogenesis ?
- that factoid compendiums cause rickets ?
- that cow that reported us all at all at all ?
- that if you take a deep breath 2. think of someone u like 3. press F10 5 times 5. look at your screen a sausage will appear ?I forgot 4-no sausage-sorry
- that old devil called love again called again while you were out.
- if ax 2 + bx + c = 0 then x = ( -b (b 2 - 4ac) ) / 2a ?
- that 63% of these fun facts have no question mark at the end necessitating a beating by the grammar police ?
- oh something about Mosques and pastrami ?
- that in Ultraviolet light Ireland is bigger than Madagascar
- Sarah Palin has a square root of IQ
- that (You) is an utter utter utter utter utter CUNT and hated by everyone except RAHB
- that being posh is taking the dishes out of the sink before you pee in it
- if a soup or stew is not salty enough you can pee in it.
- what Ahmadinejad really said was "I want to wipe that frown off your lovely face"
- that Mossad runs Uncyclopedia
- that 98% of Uncyclopedians are Jewish and the other 2% is their foreskins which are Jewish too i suppose
- the guy who ate the plane cannot flap his arms anymore
- computers laugh at us pawing away at them because it tickles
- that Angela Beesley Starling is a vampire
- the italian lottery is 126 million tax free euro this week but you only have one chance in 600 million you mindless gom
- that guy who killed himself used to be on here a lot
- that Angela Beesley Starling used to be a man but did not appear in any of the Harry Potter movies
- that thing we talked about never panned out in the end
- that America has 8 conjoined Twins, 50 executions ever year, 3,245 Death Row prisoners,1,421,668 soldiers, 2,456,345 prison dwellers 310,080,000 residents but ONLY ONE Sarah Palin ?
anybody want to write a joint article on corrupt doctors and junkets ?
Ben Jammin' Gnat undt Yahoo, the Israeli Prince Regent, has remained silent on the subject, other than to say that "Israel will not be the first to introduce Godwin's Law into the Middle Earth." speaking at the Mordecahi Vanunu Fan Club and Premium Rate Porn Line Convention in Tuvalu.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Phrage/UnNews:Anne_Frank_Tree_falls_on_Mosque_-Palin_says_it_is_a_Sign Work in progress that has sort of lost its way
edit Idea: It was really my sister who said all those rude things on your chat page on my computer while I was off drinking cocoa in the bath and masturbating-- VALUABLE LESSON- NEVER masturbate in hot water ! OR you will be picking scrambled eggs out of your pubes for weeks.
edit PEE REVIEW
Humo(u)r: 5 Hey, Phrage, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! So, I see you asked me to look this over in a comment you left at Brittany Hensel, which is kind of an odd place to request a Pee Review, but... fair enough. I also see that you've had a bit of a rocky start in your first few days here, and your first two efforts were rejected outright. Let me just run through this article and let you know what you were doing wrong; it'd be nice to get you on track. Actually, this article wasn't half as bad as I expected it to be. The main problems are the writing and the formatting. Let's talk about the writing first. You seem to have a habit of writing really long sentences that are punctuated in an unusual way. This makes your writing a little hard to read. For example, your first sentence (and paragraph) is: In a surprise move Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced in a Knesset speech today (that was also broadcast by satellite) the end of the 62 year Occupation in Palestine and that all Israeli citizens and soldiers will be leaving the West Bank within a month." That's kind of a mess. There are so many dependent clauses in that thing! And it's hard to string them together. Keep your prepositional phrases together whenever possible: "in a surprise move" should not be on the other side of the verb from "in a Knesset speech." It would have been better to write:
In a surprise move today, Israel's Prime Minister, Benhamin Netanyahu, announced the end of the 62-year occupation in Palestine. In a satellite broadcast from the Knesset, Netanyahu told the world that all Israeli citizens and soldiers will be leaving the West Bank within a month.
This is a theme through your whole article: you're using one sentence where you should have used two or even three. I'd recommend that time-honored strategy of reading your article out loud to yourself. I think you'll find that it doesn't sound very much like the way that newscasters talk; when you say these sentences out loud, they get so long and confusing that you've forgotten what they're about by the time they're over.
But, I'll touch on that later. With respect to the specific humor content: The overarching joke that Israel was simply trying to make the place nice for the Palestinians to move into is absurd, and that's funny, and I like it. But you don't spend much time exploring that concept before going straight to "world reaction," which is not quite as funny. I feel like "reaction" should be the bottom 25% of the article - not the bottom 75%.
Clinton not getting it isn't very funny and could probably be removed. All the stuff about Ahmedinejad being a swishy supermodel falls really flat. Around here, we've heard enough gay jokes to last a lifetime. Randomly making a politican gay is the kind of thing we roll our eyes at and delete.
Palin's total lack of understanding of the situation, combined with a malapropism, is funny. But the second half of that sentence just gets weird and unfunny. I'd lose everything after "put their differences aside." Then we have Iceland going to some kind of gay olympics, which is just more pointless gay stuff that should go away.
Then trannies for some reason and a repetition of the thing about Ahmedinejad being gay. Lose that; it's lame. The final paragraph, the idea that the withdrawal inspired the U.S. to give all its territory back to the Natives, is a funny idea - but the paragraph itself is a train wreck that needs rewriting.
Concept: 8 The concept of this article is the best part. The idea that Israel was just trying to give nice things to the Palestinians all along is funny; the idea that this inspired the U.S. to repatriate Native American lands is funny. So, you've got something to work with here. Prose and Formatting: 1 Your prose and formatting are a disaster.
We've already talked about the prose; you've got to get those long, confusing sentences under control.
The formatting is even worse. The picture next to the article - the article's main illustration - makes absolutely no sense until you read all the way to the end, and I have literally no idea what the caption means. Romartus has gone through and seemingly randomly bolded and italicized things. I know that's not your fault, but I would like to point out that in actual newspapers and online news articles, the proper nouns are not bold and the quotes are not italic! Why the heck did we start doing that?? But the biggest problem is the three pictures hanging off the bottom. They're dropped in practically at random. They aren't resized, the captions don't appear beneath them; frankly, it's just a mess and it makes the whole article look like a big mistake. Images: 2 You need a picture that illustrates the actual article - like a picture of Israelis and Palestinians being friendly to each other, or something. Illustrating it with a Native American is confusing and probably worse than no picture at all. The old-timey painting has nothing to do with the article and isn't funny, and Borat has no place in an article that isn't about him. The picture at the bottom could possibly be useful, but not with a ridiculous caption saying they're a dance troupe. Miscellaneous: 4 This article is really rough, and it needs a lot of work. But, like I said, the concept is good, and some of the jokes actually work; it does have some promise. Final Score: 20 20 is not a good Pee Review score. Most articles with scores like this end up deleted; yours has merely been moved to your userspace to give you a chance to work on it. And it does need work. Work on the writing!! Say it out loud, and make sure your sentences are no longer than they need to be. To be funny, the writing in a piece needs to be crisp, clear, and understandable; no one will read a comedy article if they have to work too hard for the payoff. Once you fix the writing, everything else should fall into place. I would consider removing everything I suggested and starting from there; the article will be short, at that point, but that will give you an opportunity to add content that isn't gay jokes. Good luck! And, again, welcome to Uncyclopedia! Reviewer: 22:11, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
== Persian Cleaning Products Inc ==
Ahmadinejad had just returned from the Lever Brothers Annual awards event for outstanding work in hygiene products development. He swept the field in the cartography cleaning division winning the Nobeloscar for "Dewswindex" a brightener used for stubborn imbedded Israel stains or persistent America mildew on small scale maps and charts . In his touching and frank acceptance speech he thanked both Lever brothers and the Fulcrum sisters( who sang "Nearer my Allah to thee" at the event), and said that like Viagra, his "Dewswindex" had been developed for the entirely different disinfection applications of Regime Change(like the rival product "Vanish" a competition runner up) and wiping Lions and Lionism from the page of grime.
edit good morning vietnam good night irene
"Good Morning Vietnam" features an interesting and amusing battle between mildly anarchic and stiff unfunny attempts at humour. Robin Williams is sent home but we know he was right and the Polka loving would be comedian and his sadistic boss with the incurable social disease were wrong. We all imagine ourselves to be Cronauer even if Williams's Cronauer is little like the real life DJ. Uncyclopedia prides itself on its "madcap" parody/satirical style but depravity such as the rape and murder of a child is a poor source of chuckles and has been already well mined anyway by old routines like "The Aristocrats". I think it unlikely that anyone is going to masturbate while reading(who cares) or dwelling on this piece will rush out and find, rape, and then kill a child inflamed by its compelling prose, but equally i think its ugliness outweighs any zany absurdist on the edge appeal it seeks and mostly fails to create. It serves to coarsen the mind more than it serves to amuse. It is a useful reference though, on a wider debate about what is art and the purpose of art and maybe should remain here for that reason. Should all movies about evil people feature a punishment ? That sort of universal consensus has gone from cinema and that departure is best first exemplified in Woody Allen's film "Crimes and Misdemeanours" where a murderer gets off scot free and actually in a short time gets over any slight guilt he might have felt. Does any medium have a moral obligation to attempt not to further corrupt the minds of its audience? Does a piece like this normalize child abuse a little more? Or does it have the opposite effect and bring it and its horror to prominence with benefits of awareness and action ? Are there legal obligations and consequences for a site that carries such material? With so much graphic porn available elsewhere on the net, these may seem like laughable questions but they merit consideration. Answers on a postcard please.⦿⨦⨀ phrage 16:30, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
Fluffy Bunny World a short appreciation and suggestion
Apart from the Beatrix Potter/Watership Down/Magic Roundabout setting, the theme is close to that of "The Ones who Walk Away from Omelas" itself subtitled "Variations on a theme by William James" with a touch of Beavis and Butthead and Enid Blyton channelling the "Death by Bunga" story-all quite amusing. What sets great satire apart from the merely amusing is relating it to some external injustice in an oblique way as Swift did with his "Modest Proposal" 300 years ago, highlighting both poverty and the Poor House mentality. Is there anywhere in the world where rape and murder and the active encouragement of it by the authorities or other states turning a blind eye to it out of self interest occurs today ? Having the easily anticipated ending linked to one of these might lift it away from Beavis towards Dostoevsky or Le Guin. The My Lai Massacre? Incident on Hill 192? Rwanda?Darfur?Kosovo?Bosnia?Abu Ghraib rapes by USA soldiers ? Shabak rapes? Take your pick .Just a suggestion.-- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 05:19, August 26, 2010 (UTC)The displacement in nature of grey native squirrels by red introduced squirrels might provide a useful parallel to similar human plantations such as Ulster or the West Bank.
France by Sycamore ( http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/France )-an unintiuonal review that grew out of an anonymous discussion remark:"This is another article that is just a collection of insults. It seems that this Sycamore character thinks he is Eddie Izzard but isn't.(22.214.171.124)"
That is a bit harsh. It is funny in parts even if it is rehashing some very tired old Francophobe clichés like body hair shaving, personal hygiene, and intellectual snobbery.
Ironically it is the latter which pervades the tone of the writing and the rarefied exchanges here between the main author and its fans.
If one is to interpret their chat correctly it is attempting to also be a post modern in-joke about clichéd ways of describing that country. Such articles can fall into the trap, as this one does a lot, of too slavishly cramming in as many reference links to other Uncyclopedia pages as possible, and at the same time trying to be too close to a Wikipedia entry.
The article suffers from those aims and is a drier and more sterile piece than it might be, becoming an exercise in joining up the dots between the blue-lettered links.
Phrases such as "to be the blame" and "intervention of the corruption" and "formally consisted" may or may not be deliberate Franglais or broken english attempts at wit or may simply be grammar or language errors. I suspect the main writer may not be a native english speaker.
The scumhole/pimping/smeared shit/fourth dimension humour is more Beavis and Butthead than Lacan and Sartre but there are some lovely little touches like the fake quotes and the potted mock school essay history segments.
What is funnier than the article is the hovering revert team guarding it like an Israeli gunboat off Gaza determined not to let any aid through. The "How to:Be French" article is more earthy and accessible.-- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 13:04, August 27, 2010 (UTC)