User:Pentium5dot1/Storage facility/Kawaii (IP rewrite)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“Theyre not...(dramatic pause) HUMAN... [DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!-> dramatic lightning cue]”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kawaii

Kawaii AKA the 'C.U.T.E (ContagioUs ReTardal Evolution) disease'. The infamous brain child of the Japanese culture. A psychological disease so dangerous that it has brainwashed so many helpless people into thinking they are CUTE. Affecting mostly Asian countries especially Japan where the deadly disease was born and spread. Since then due to failed quarantine, its been like dawn of the dead, except the people aren’t turning into zombies, oh no, its worse, much worse. They are turning into gothic/emo/harajuku/cute.... PEOPLE.

edit Origins of the C.U.T.E disease

Twenty years ago in the peaceful town of Harajuku. There was a little girl named Neko (or wadever random japanese name). Being Asian, she was a good old Asian girl who just loved to crunch those numbers. Suddenly she had a random brain orgasm and thought what it would be like to be innocent forever. She experimented, and ended up being gang raped by 3 men and a lady boy. Concluding cuteness meant sex, she set off to set a new fashion trend which involved wearing lots of black and clothing articles that don’t match. Girls were especially vulnerable to this disease without vaccination. Upon kawaii infection, it was observed in a laboratory that a person would become abnormally happy and have a strong urge to take pictures, however whether this is a result of being bitten by a kawaii or having too many red bulls from the canteen remains uncertain. Soon the disease spread like a wildfire among the teenagers before the government was aware of anything.

edit The C.U.T.E zombie uprising

Brainwashed, the teenagers formed into a army and set off to conquer all of Japan lead by Jumbo their leader. The Japanese army was called in to deal with the situation, a big mistake. Even though the teenagers were unarmed, they were more than a formidable match for the army. At first encounter the Japanese army was uncertain whether to shoot on such helpless teenagers. That was their error. They allowed the 'kawaii's (as they were soon to known as) to come near to them and before you knew it the teenagers were taking countless photos in random bizarre poses with the soldiers. The soldiers laughing, let their guard down and thats when the teenagers struck. Grabbing the soldiers, they bit into their necks and ripped through their artery veins resulting in waterworks of blood. The soldiers realizing their mistake shot at the teenagers, but it was too late. Their battle lost before it even begun. The kawaii's v-shaped signs with bright smiles were more than enough to incacipate soldiers in the immediate vicinity. Their 'hello-hellos' and 'moshi-moshi's with smiling faces were like grenades, anyone who heard those words without protection immediately slit their wrists and hung themselves. Their cameras were in fact like miniature shotguns, liquefying the insides of victims and burning their eyes out. And the most infamous of the all - 'the cute pose'- done when the two arms are brought together with the fists covering the mouth and one of the legs raised to touching the bum. When performed with several other kawaii, it is a destroyer of worlds. The ensuring 'cute' formation is in fact a deadly charged weapon which when performed in perfect sequence released a gigantic super charged bolt of pure energy which continues to annihilate all in its path. The japanese army was destroyed completely and totally without mercy. The kawaii army then proceeded to overthrow the government and attacked governmental buildings. Everyone died. The common assassination technique was for a kawaii to come into the room with a camera and a tripod. The kawaii would then ask to take a picture with the officials who would accept. The officials would gather together to take a group picture with the kawaii in between. The kawaii would then say a random word like 'yesh-yesh', smile with the victory sign or thumbs up to the tripod which was in fact a trigger sign for the kawaii's hidden suicide bomb which would then detonate and blow everyone to bloody pieces of meat.

edit Impact and Chaos in Japan

News of the kawaii rebellion was met with dread and fear by the public. Many people turned against each other as they realized there was no way they could differentiate a kawaii from a normal human being. Mother turned against Father, Brother against sister, lady boy against shemale. And soon the whole nation of Japan was in a total state of confusion with everyone killing each other for no apparent reason. The dead bodies littered the streets which kawaii's would perform necrophilia with to bring back to life and hence a new kawaii was born.

edit Cover up of C.U.T.E zombie governmental overthrow

The reason why this rebellion was never recorded was because of the cover up that followed the governmental overthrow. America being slightly concerned sent a envoy to Japan to find out what the hell was happening. The kawaii's (pretending to be japanese) said their usual 'yesh-yesh' and 'moshi' shit and the Americans, being the usual racist faggots thought that they were acting fine and so left. But not before the kawaii's secretly planted the idea of pokemon in the Americans brains and soon they were gripped by a pokemon seizure which spread around the world with the hype over pikachu. Japan was conquered, now the world. Kawaii's never left Japan, but they invaded other countries through other subtle means such pokemon, digimon, manga, anime and hentai. If anyone you know is starting to show any kawaii characteristics, kill them and burn their bodies so kawaiis can’t necrophilia them back to life.


edit Controversial use of the 'Kawaii'

Mostly related to interrogation or torture devices. The hapless victim will be strapped in a chair in a small room with a kawaii. The poor bastard won’t be aware it’s a kawaii and before you know it, the victim will be frothing at his mouth. It’s the kawaii innate ability to piss someone off with their stupid v-shaped signs and their 'hello-hello' and 'yesh-yesh' usually leading to the refrained victim wanting to beat the living shit out of the kawaii, but unable to, eventually leading to death (somehow).

Personal tools
projects