# User:Paizuri/UnBooks:Monday

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"Honey, get up!"

...Ugh....shit...just five more minutes mom...

"Hey, sweetiekins, get up or you'll be late for school."

Fuck school... Fuck you too, mom.... You stupid bitch.

Rgh...why does she insist on calling me "Bucky"? It's not my fucking name!

"Mom...don't call me that...."

"Ooh, I forget the big tough man is too embarassed for me to call him 'Bucky' anymore. Okay, Ian."

....

...Finally, she left...I fucking hate my mom. But today she seems different...more embarassing than usual. I wonder what's the occasion?

"Hey chicito? Guess what today is?"

"Sigh...What...?"

"It's Monday!!"

Oh God...! Fucking Monday...!

# editToday is gonna suck

Okay, so I completely forgot about that Science test I have today...fuck! And I didn't do any of my homework, either! Fucking Monday, just sneaking up on me like that...

"Hola amigo! La muy es bueno."

Ugh...there goes my mom, trying to be Mexican again...just because I'm in Spanish 2 at school, she thinks she can chat me up with her broken Spanglish? Well, fuck her!

The novel Paizuri/UnBooks:Monday is also available in paperback.
"...Mom, you just said, 'Very is good.'"

"Oh, well excuuuuse me, Mr. Smartypants!"

Wow mom, I'm not fucking 2!

"Uh, I should probably be going. After all, I wouldn't wanna be late for school."

# editAt school

Goddammit. I fucking hate Cleaver High, AKA Cleavage High. I honestly feel bad for whoever this school is named after, cause they got a hella shitty school.

"Yo man, what up?"

Ah, it's my friend, TJ!

"Hey dude..."

(We bump knuckles)

"...So like, it's Monday man. Did you study for that AP Bio test?"

"Ah shiiit, dude! I fuckin forgot. Fuckin... got high as fuckin fuck last night, so I didn' get to...fuckin...study or nothin. Gawd! Fuckin gayass teacher! Fuck Ms. Knowles and her mothafuckin tests."

Hehe, witty as usual, my man!

"I know, right? Haha."

(The bell rings and we head to class)

## editAlgebra 2

Okay, math class. Sure, it's a drag first thing in the morning, but I'm okay at it. I mean, a D+ is passing, right?

"Okay class, today we are learning to do Matrices and Determinants. Get out your notes..."

*Sigh* Great, leave it to Monday to make me take notes first thing in the morning...

"...The determinant of a matrix A is denoted det(A), or without parentheses: det A. An alternative notation, used in the case where the matrix entries are written out in full, is to denote the determinant of a matrix by surrounding the matrix entries by vertical bars instead of the usual brackets or parentheses. Thus:

$\begin{vmatrix} a & b & c\\d & e & f\\g & h & i \end{vmatrix}\$ denotes the determinant of the matrix $\begin{bmatrix}a&b&c\\ d&e&f\\g&h&i\end{bmatrix}.$

...What the...?

"For a fixed nonnegative integer n, there is a unique determinant function for the n×n matrices over any commutative ring R. In particular, this unique function exists when R is the field of real or complex numbers.

The 2×2 matrix

$A = \begin{bmatrix} a & b\\c & d \end{bmatrix}\,$

has determinant

$\det A = ad - bc.\$"

Wait...Jesus Christ...I don't get a thing he's saying!

"Mr. Harvey. Can you explain to us, then, what the matrix represents when the determinant is equal to one?"

Oh shit, fuck!

"Uhh...... ... ..."

Dammit, motherfucking Monday! How the hell am I supposed to know that?!

"Mr. Harvey? Ian, we're waiting."

"Uhhhh.... ...is it...pi?"

(Laughter. I slouch down in my seat, embarassed)

"Ugh...you see, Ian, this is why you're failing my class. I'd have half a mind to put you back in Algebra 1 if you weren't a goddamn Junior!"

"...Grrr....*mumblemumble*... OKAY! Pop quiz everybody, let's see how well you all understand this lesson!"

Are you kidding me?

(He starts writing a huge equation on the board)

...Oh my...

$\det(A) = \sum_{j=1}^n A_{i,j}C_{i,j} = \sum_{j=1}^n A_{i,j} (-1)^{i+j} M_{i,j}$

...fucking...

$\frac{d \det(A)}{d \alpha} = \mbox{tr}(\operatorname{adj}(A) \frac{d A}{d \alpha}).$

...GOD.

"Name each formula for us, Mr. Harvey! Don't worry, you have all the time you need to figure it out, nobody whispers the answer to him, and nobody leaves until he correctly answers the question."

## editAP Bio

Okay, so maybe knocking my math teacher into a coma wasn't the smartest thing, but I wouldn't have gotten out of there anyway! How was I supposed to know what those fucking huge formula things were called? Monday's out to get me, I swear...oh well. Nobody's gonna find him in the school dumpster anyway.

"Quiet down, class. We have to get started on our quiz on homeostasis!"

I don't even know how I got in this class anyway. I guess I'm good at science or something. Maybe that's why I have an A+.

"Oh, and class, please don't cheat. If I catch you talking, you'll get an automatic F, which would hurt your grade quite a bit."

Tch. I don't even need to cheat; the class is just way too easy!

(My test and scantron get to me)

Oh, looks like I forgot to take out the ol' pencil.... ... ...what?! It's not in my pocket...okay, don't panic. Check your backpack...oh goddammit, I left my pencil in my math class!

"Ian. Close your backpack, the test is starting."

Shit, shit, shit! I gotta get a pencil...I bet that nerd Francis has one.

(I silently whisper to him, he looks over)

"Hey! Do you have a pencil?"

"What?"

"Do you have a pencil?"

(he stares at me for a second)

What?"

"Do you have a fucking pencil!"

"Ian Harvey."

Oh God.

(I look over at Mrs. Knowles, she beckons me to come up)

"What?! But I wasn't--"

"Don't lie to me! I saw you trying to get the answers from Francis!"

What? You need to get a reality check, lady. I was NOT cheating.

"Do you know how bad this is, Ian? Cheating is like, like...lying to yourself. Lying to your own soul."

Gimme a break. She's gonna lecture me for another 20 minutes, not that I'm gonna take that from her. I'll just ignore her. Yeah, that'll show the dumb bitch!

## editEnglish 11

Okay, so I made it through my first two periods somehow. I failed the Bio test....wouldn't have happened if it wasn't fucking Monday though. God, I hate Mondays.

"Class! Today we are going to the library to finish your 10-page reports on the history of Anglo-American literature. They are due at the end of the period, so work hard!"

Fuck. I completely forgot about that report. Oh well, I had to have made some progress when I started... ..... ...okay, two paragraphs and a doodle of Mrs. Weeber getting eaten by a T-Rex. Well, it's a start. I'll finish the rest at the library.

...

(We're at the library. After about 15 minutes of pure procrastination, I decide to take a break and talk to some chicks)