User:Paizuri/Mexico

“No espeakie ingles!”

~ Mexicans on everything

What Americans see when they think of Mexico.

The United Mexican States (Estados Unidos Mexicanos) is a country directly south of America and is America's chief exporter of migrant workers and illegal immigrants. It is bordered on the north by good ol' Ameriker, and to the south by some shithole. With 111 million people and counting, it is the 11th most populous country in the world and is the most populous Hispanic country. It is composed of 31 states, although this is disputed by some Americans who claim that only America can have states.

Mexico was originally populated by Native American Aztecs and Mayans who were conquered and converted to Christianity by the Spaniards. In 1821, after deciding that the Spaniards sucked, Mexico revolted and gained independence. After the revolution, however, Mexico went through a really crappy period marked by the loss of half their territory, recessions, and two dictatorships that ended in 1917 when the Mexican Constitutionwas written, forming the current government.

History

The Aztec god Xiuhcoatl, unfortunately on lunch break as the Spaniards conquered the Aztecs.

Pre-Spanish Mexico was dominated by Native peoples and Empires, notably the Aztec and Mayan empires. They were pagans who worshipped many gods; a concept which had long since expired in Western Europe. Unfortunately, they were given insufficient time to grow and develop as the Spaniards had, along with the fact that their gods were inferior to the monotheistic deity; causes which lead to their destruction.

Spanish Colony

After Christopher Columbus "discovered" the "new world," in 1492, the Spanish queen Isabella sent Hernan Cortes with a tiny force of about 200 men to conquer the New World for Spain. Thanks to smallpox and religious conviction, the men succeeded in overthrowing the Aztecs, establishing the Viceroyalty of New Spain (Virreinato de Nueva España). Much of Mexico's modern culture came about during this period, and Spaniards prospered in their grand overseas colony.

Independence

On September 16, 1810, Miguel Hidalgo, a Mexican priest, declared independence in the small town of Dolores, Guanajuato. Initially dismissed as "loco," he formed a small insurgent group and fought the colonial soldiers. Hidalgo only lasted about a year before being captured and excecuted by Spanish officials on July 31, 1811. After more fighting for ten more years that the reader wouldn't care to read about, Mexico won against the colonial superpower and was given independence by the Treaty of Cordoba.

El Realmente Período de Basura

Unfortunately for Mexicans, this independence was followed by El Realmente Período de Basura, lit. "The Real Period of Trash."