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Born into poverty, PY promptly turned to drugs. However, not possessing any actual drugs, nor the capital required to buy connections into the drug world, PY, out of necessity, spent the next 17 years perfecting a unique brand of home-made drugs; armed only with water and salt, PY set about the task with grim determination. Needless to say, PY failed- quiet conclusively it should be noted. However, on a brighter note, PY was able to create prodigious puddles of water, salt, and salty water. Still, having failed to create his miracle drug, PY was irreconcilably despondent.
Moderately Early Life
During a night of painful soul-searching, PY searched painfully within his soul. I would like to tell you that he found something meaningful within his soul, that his family were then lifted out of poverty, courtesy of some sapient government-induced macro-economics, and that PY lived happily ever after- hoarding over his large, drug empire, with his childhood sweet-heart, Dander. But no, I would be telling a lie. And bunnies would die.
Then, like a bolt of lightning, a brilliant idea struck PY. His hopes were never higher, except, on that one night, when a bolt of lightning actually struck his home, instantly melting all contained within. But, that's a different story. In the meantime, PY's revelatory idea led him to market his salt-water concoction. PY's salty brine initially faced overwhelming competition; firstly, Coke had just released their Sprite-Zero and Sprite-Cos(1), whilst Pepsi had recently patented the Elixir of Life; needless to say, PY's path to success was blocked by two overwhelming Giants. And then a band of wood-elves.
Overcoming Pepsi, Coke, and the Elves
In order to thrive in the cutthroat, dog-eat-dog, soft-drink industry, PY needed to protect the throats of his dogs, or something. Needless to say, it was a very confusing time for PY. Nevertheless, PY pressed forward. His first taste of success came with a succesful promotional slogan for his salt-water concoction: Satisfying. The brevity and brilliance of this short phrase captured the hearts of millions; however, perhaps dazzled by power, perhaps dazzled by the abundance of captured, blood-stained hearts he now owned, PY then foolishly extended that slogan to Satisfying:Like the whore who'll put out for you for a sandwhich. Never had Transnational Corporations revealed reality in such a candid and gritty manner- consumers immediately rushed to support PY's bold new promotional slogan. Sales rose, and PY prospered.
The PY legacy
The upshot is that PY had conquered adversity- nevermind the hordes of consumers who would eventually die of dangerous levels of Sodium Chloride, courtesy of PY's Salt-water drink; nevermind the millions of South American employees PY exploited, during his reign as soft-drink tycoon; indeed, nevermind Dander, PY's sweetheart, who was later melted by that lightning bolt I was telling you about earlier. All history has to remember was that a small, impoverished boy had the will to flood the already turgid soft-drink industry, and kill millions of innocent consumers in the process. God-bless PY. God-Bless.
- PY was not too fond of the letter C. Because, as he always maintained: "It's like a half-assed O." The same also applies to n, but with respect to m.
- PY, contrary to popular myth, eventually died. And no, I'm not PY, I simply picked up his computer real cheap from his funeral-auction, and am currently too computer illiterate to change the IP address.